I should've known! Who is it? Someone I know? Oh, come on, Hermione, you can tell me. I promise, I promise I won't tell Ron. Who do you like? Who's kept you so preoccupied that you can't find time to come see my new apartment, hmmm? If you don't tell me, I will be forced to stalk you down and do the tickle-torture! Don't you remember how horrifying it was? In our last year, remember that time you came out of the shower and I jumped out to tickle you but you screamed and almost dropped your towel? So, very, very, very funny.
-Harry
That was so! Not! Funny! Harry, you know you scared the hell out of me that time. And as I recall, you weren't laughing when I hit you over with Crookshanks when we got back to the common room. In fact, I remember a certain person apologizing profusely later on and asking the heal charm for that bruise on your neck and head. God, Crookshank's claws were sharp. It's a shame she's runaway. I've been frantic, searching for her in room to room, but she always goes on these 'little trips'. I find it immensely frightening sometimes, because there was that one night that you had an Apparation problem and you had to stay over, remember? And then I woke you up because Crookshanks suddenly appeared to be suffocating my face? You screamed like Draco Malfoy. As in, you screamed as high-pitched as a girl when you saw that cat on my face.
So, very, very, very amusing.
-Hermione
Hey! You seem to have forgotten that I was the one that HELPED you get Crookshanks off your face. And then I remember saying very cool-like afterwards, "Remind me never to stay over ever again."
-Harry
Ah, yes. I remember that as well. And after you said that cool-like suave, swift remark, you turned around and hit your face on the wall.
And since I refused to give you the ointment for that little scar that magically formed on your chin, I am guessing you still have a red blemish spreading out on your skin?
-Hermione
Ah, fond memories. Seriously, though, Hermione. We went off track here. I asked you, who was it that you were 'keen on'? Eh? Eh? Answer me, woman!
-Harry
I will ignore that last sexist remark and proceed to your actual question. The person I like - well, I am not ready to say yet. But I'll know when it's time. By the way - 'keen on'? What the hell is with you, Harry?
-Hermione
Yes, I still have that red blemish on my skin, thank you very much. And why aren't you ready to tell? I mean, it's me, Hermione! It's ME! I won't tell anybody, I swear. I need some news, something great! The only company I've had this week is Hedwig, and she doesn't particularly enjoy playing chess with me. I think she ate one of the pieces. I can see it in her eyes, that beady, guilty look she gives me.
-Harry
Harry, that's probably a 'I am hungry' look. I am also guessing you forgot to feed her again? Harry, Harry, Harry. I am sorry it took so long to reply (two days) but I had a little coffee thing with a certain Irishman/former Gryffindor. Guess who? I am just glad his mother wasn't there, it turns out he still lives with her.
-Hermione
Coffee thing? You mean, like a date? With Seamus? You're crazy, Hermione. You can do better than that. Unless that was the guy you were 'feasting after'? I guess Seamus just hasn't settled down yet. And I was starting to worry. Two days? I mean - what were you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?
-Harry
Sorry, Harry 'dearest'. And 'feasting after'? Dear God, Harry. Something must be wrong. No, no, it was just a coffee-chat-about-the-memories-I-forgot thing. Not a date thing. Why? Would a date 'bother you'?
-Hermione
Of course not! Why would - why would it bother me? I am just looking out for you, after all. And, no, I did not feed Hedwig, and I was very distraught when I discovered that all chess pieces were missing. Let's just say Hedwig's feathers are sort of out of place - by the cause of my hands wringing on his frail, feathery -!! Body.
-Harry
Calm down, Harry. Soothing breaths, scar-boy. Ron came over today and we had a meaningful conversation. But I am going to tell you something personal, and you have to promise not to pass it on to Ron, okay? I just - I didn't feel anything 'loving' between us. I mean, there's still that tingling, that familiar lurch in my stomach, and the clench in my heart, but I didn't feel nervous or snappish or anything. It was like we were first years and we were just talking. Just talking. It's weird. I've never been in a room with Ron without thinking how good he smells or something like that. Anyways, here's some of the 'news' and 'great' you were waiting for. I've managed to clear my schedule a bit for Thursday, so I'll drop by then with Ron. I haven't seen you in weeks. Can't wait to visit.
P.S. did you fully imply that you killed Hedwig? Where'd you dump the body?
-Hermione
It'll be our little secret. Ron doesn't know yet. I've already had a quiet funeral for Hedwig. His friends Errol, Hermes and Pig came by secretly. Can't wait for Thursday either. You should've made the 'appointment' sooner. See? No weird sentences. Well, excluding about the false funeral. When you come over, don't be surprised if I don't talk to you.
Why? Because you called me scar-boy.
-Harry