The Simple yet Effective Death of Harry Potter!

Now, I'm sure a bunch of you out there, after reading the title, are like, "Oh no, you can't kill Harry Potter.  Not Harry Potter.  No one can kill him.  Oh please, not Harry Potter.  Oh don't!  You can't kill Harry Potter.  You just can't!"  Listen, you keep that up and you'll die a lot sooner than him.  Think about this though:  Harry Potter is human, right?  "But he's a Wizard!" you say.  WHO CARES!!!  He's still human.  He can be killed just like every other human.  It just might be a more difficult task to kill a wizard.  Maybe not Harry Potter because he's a little $Θ!+, but wizards in general.  Now, since Harry Potter hasn't died yet, and deserves to so very, very much, I've written this little story to show people a way that not even Potter could escape.  So, if this somehow, I haven't the faintest idea how, but if this somehow reaches J. K. Rowling, I hope she takes careful notes!

"I have it!  I've come up with my new plan to kill Harry Potter!" Voldemort yelled out.  "I'll kill him!  Why didn't I think of this before? It's so simple it might actually work.  I would have never thought of it if it weren't for...  Well, I'm on a rant now and my jaw is getting tired.  I think I should get on with the plan now!"  Voldemort lets out a long evil laugh so evil that even Harry Pecker, excuse me, Potter would be frightened of beyond belief.  Oh, wait.  That's not saying very much.  Well, it was evil nonetheless.

Voldemort puts on a trench coat and walks out of his evil lair.  This isn't as evil as his laugh, though.  He wouldn't want to scare Harry Potter off before he even got a chance to kill him.  So, anyway, a man with a trench coat walks into a gun shop.  That man eventually walks out, (because who would want to spend the rest of his life in a gun shop?) and when he does so, Voldemort kills him in the exact way that he hadn't yet done to Harry Potter.  Voldemort steals everything that the guy had and ran back off to Hogwarts.  There he kills Dumbledore in the exact way that he hadn't yet done to Harry Potter.

Later that day Harry Potter gets a note saying "Harry, meet me in my office!  NOW!!!  Dumbledore.  PS. Bring your little friends Roger and Herman, too."  Even though Harry found it odd that Dumledore had forgotten Ron's and Hermoine's names, he still gathered them up and started to walk down toward the office.

"That letter was a little odd.  It could be a trap.  Be cautious," warned Hermoine.

"Yeah, yeah," said Ron as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, Hermoine, I was thinking the same thing," said the overly cocky Harry Potter.

Then Hermoine asked, "What I said, or what Ron said?"

"Yes," Harry answered.

As the threesome neared the office, they cautiously looked in the window.  They saw a chair turned around so that they couldn't see who was in it.  So they cautiously opened the door.  Then they cautiously proceeded inside.  When Harry Potter cautiously looked up, he found himself cautiously looking up into a double barrel shotgun.  Harry Potter tried to quickly cautiously reach for his wand, but before any of them could move....

BLAM!

CHK, CHK!

BLAM!

CHK, CHK!

BLAM!

CHK, CHK!

"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals," said Voldemort even though he knew, just like everyone else, that it was the middle of July.  Voldemort then let out his evil laugh once again.  A laugh so evil that it could wake the dead.  Except for Harry Potter, because he was deader than Jesus on the cross.

Well, I hope you took careful notes!  Happy Valentines Day, ya filthy Harry Potter lovers!