Somewhere over the pond... far away from the Human's who were totally annihilating the Orcs who a surprise attack, the Scourge where having there own problems in Lorderon, Sylvanas had made a new Undead power in Lorderon, and the world of Undead politics had never been more alive (no pun intended). With promises of new low taxes, even the mindless ghouls where tempted. But this was bad news for the scourge, as they firmly believed in a good old fashioned, iron fisted dictatorship, claiming it was the only language anyone understood, and although the Scourge's minions were bound to the Lich king, Sylvanas had been secretly using powerful psychotherapy (re: Charm) to convert them to her ranks.

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Kel'thuzad downed another shot of whisky at the local tavern. Having been promoted by Arthas who had to take a quick business trip abroad, he decided to take advantage of his power and give himself a raise, along with a weeks vacation leave. Unfortunately, during his absence, Sylvanas and Varimathos decided to take over Lorderon, and make a new Undead force; the Forsaken. While the tavern was bustling with neutral heroes, no one was really listening

Kel'thuzad: "It's not that I'm scared of a Dark Ranger or a Dread lord-"

He was cut off by a Beast master lunging at a Pit lord

Beast Master: "Damn it man! She's mine!"

He growled as he threw an axe at the Pit lord, which just skimmed over the top of his head.

Pit Lord: "Bah!-"

Before continuing, the Pit lord checked his scalp for blood, fortunately, it only scathed some skin. He secretly sighed with relief before continuing his taunt;

Pit Lord: "*Ahem* you're puny attacks don't hurt me! For I am an immortal demon of the burning demon! Pathetic creature, feel my fury!"

He used howl of terror, but because he was only level 1, it wasn't very effective. The Pit Lord looked on nervously

Pit Lord: "Hmm... looks like I'm screwed. Oh well, take her, I'll just be on my merry way to do some creepin'. Toodles."

Beast Master: "Ha-ha! You won't get away that easily! Now feel my...Beastly... wrath!"

Naga Sea Witch: "Now Chris, I can understand you fighting to woo me, but I will not tolerate cheesy puns. Goodbye forever"

The Naga Sea Witch promptly finished off her white wine, picked up her purse and slithered out of the tavern.

The Beast Master summoned a bear who began to brutally maul the Pit Lord. The Pit Lord began screaming in pain, before turning to the Panderan Brew Master for support, who was currently manning the bar;

Pit Lord: "Please...help... me. I'm dieing here...gkk...gack!"

Panderan Brew Master: "What do you think I am; a zoo keeper?"

Fortunately for the Pit Lord, Kel'thuzad was getting annoyed that no one was listening. So he promptly cast Frost nova on the bear, which promptly ricocheted onto the Pit Lord;

Pit Lord: "S...so c-c-cold!

Kel'thuzad: "Quit whining, I saved your life."

Pit Lord: "Pitiful... mortal... I am not whining.

Before long, the Pit managed to warm himself up again, but the Beast Master was none too happy;

Beast Master: "Roar! My Beastliness shall not be interrupted! I'll kill you!"

But before he could react, Kel'thuzard interrupted him;

Kel'thuzad: "Enough of your cheesy puns! Anyway, I wouldn't recommend hurting me, I'm hiring."

Suddenly, all of the heroes in the room stood to attention, their eyes gleaming with the prospect of a hoard of gold.

Kel'thuzard: Ah that's better. Now what are my choices?

Panderan Brew Master: "Well, Sylvanas brought the last Dark Ranger, the Naga Sea Witch left in a huff; the Beast Master and Pit Lord suck melons; so...I'm the only one available."

Kel'thuzad: "Nice try, but I need something evil and undead. Now, since that whore Sylvanas took the last Dark ranger... bitch."

The Pit Lord began too plead with the Lich;

Pit Lord: "Please pick me! After all we've been through!"

Kel'thuzad: "What the hell are you talking about?" Pit Lord: "You saved my life! From now, I'm the sidekick who talks big, is largely useless and provides light comic relief!"

Kel'thuzad: "Dear God, OK, since you're the closest thing to evil and Undead, I guess I'll take you. But since you're in the burning legion, Arthas won't be pleased, so we best keep this to ourselves, okay?"

Pit Lord: "You follow that puff Arthas and the "dick" king!? Bah, let's make an empire of blasphemous evil!"

-Meanwhile, in Northrend-

Lich King: "Arthas, someone is dissing us you must deal with them immediately! Obey!"

Arthas: "Hmm... Oh it's a sodding Pit Lord. I'll kick his arse. Not literally of course, because then I'd have to go all the way back to Lorderon. So I'll just give him high cholesterol."

-Back to the Tavern-

Pit Lord: "Hmm... I'm having chest pains, I'm sure it's nothing. Let us go forth and do evil!"

Kel'thuzad: "Right...anyway, what's your name?"

Pit Lord: "It's...Fool! My name is of none of your concern; I am the supreme lord of terror!"

Kel'thuzad: "Yes, but I'm not going to call you that"

Pit Lord: "Okay fine! It's...Bob."

Kel'thuzad: "Bob, what kind of name is that!?"

Bob: "...Shut up. I can instil all the supreme terror I want, without having a somewhat terror less name."

Kel'thuzard sighed, and travelled out of the door, after a warning from an angry Beast Master that he wasn't welcome 'round these parts no more

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After two hours, in a nearby Scourge base, two acolytes where commentating on Kel'thuzard absence;

Acolyte 1: "Kel'th's been drinking too much lately. He promised he'd be here three hours ago."

Acolyte 2: "Maybe, but last time he said he was going for a drink, we didn't hear from him from a week. Anyway, he doesn't like us calling him Kel'th."

Acolyte 1: "I'll call the old, drunken fool what I want. Anyway, he's not here at the moment."

Kel'thuzad: "*ahem* Kel'th? Old drunken fool, am I?"

Acolyte 1: "Crap."

Acolyte 2: "You're on your own pal!"

As the second Acolyte ran for the hills, the first Acolyte was about to let loose another profanity, but was cut short by a frost nova. Unfortunately for Bob the Pit Lord, it hit him again.

Bob: "Damn... Are you trying to kill me or something!?"

Kel'thuzad ignored the agitated Pit Lord, and headed for the Necropolis. Inside, he sat in his office, and inspected his filing cabinet. He was quickly reunited with Bob who stormed into his office;

Bob: "What are you doing in this crappy office: We need to start creeping!"

Kel'thuzard leaned back arrogantly;

Kel'thuzad: "YOU need to go creeping. I'm level 10."

Bob: "Really? Damn. I'm only level 1. So...I'll be off then. I'll get back in touch if I need you then?"

Kel'thuzad: "Sure, whatever."

-Five minutes later-

Acolyte: "Sir Kel'thuzard! We bring a message from the Pit Lord you hired!"

Kel'thuzad: "Damn it, what now?"

Kel'thuzad received a letter from the loyal Acolyte, and began to read it.

Letter: "Hey, it's Bob here, I'm writing this letter to tell you I'm dieing. I just spilt some blood, so don't worry about that. Please revive me at alter. Losing lots blood can't write much screw grammar."

Kel'thuzad sighed, and ordered Bob to be revived. While Bob was being reborn, Kel'thuzad was going through the Scourge's plans to win the position as rulers of Lorderon. He thought of playing fair, but then remembered that Arthas, and the Lich King would not approve. He got his mobile phone out (even the rotting undead need to keep up with the times) and began txting the Lich King;

-Back to the Frozen Throne-

Lich King: "Arthas; my mobile is ringing. Answer it immediately! Obey!"

Arthas: "Do you always have to say obey?"

Lich King: "Obey!"

Arthas: "*Sigh* Oh it's from Kel. Hmm; "lo grt lch kng + kng Arths. Whn u awy Slvns md nw undd grp nd nw we nd to fght thm of. So wht we do?"... I thought he was smart! This is total garbage! Anub'arak could talk clearer!""

Lich King: "That is txt speak! It reads; "Greetings most exalted Lich king, and King Arthas. While Arthas was on leave in Northrend; Sylvanas betrayed our very name, and founded a new unholy order. Now we need to gather our forces, and cleanse their pitiful presence from the Scourge's lands. Please my lord, give me your wisdom and enlighten us!"

Arthas: "Really? Damn. Anyway, I'm a real King, so I know my politics. Lower taxes, and throw blatant abstract patriotism. That'll keep them happy!"

Lich King: "Arthas, your naivety with the Scourge is amusing, but I know how to rule the Scourge. And I shall do so as I see fit! Obey!"

Arthas: "But you didn't give a command"

Lich King: "...Silence!"

-Back to Lorderon-

Kel'thuzad checked his phone; he received his orders from the Lich King. He thought they were a little tyrannical, to say the least, but he was indebted to the Lich King.

Bob: "What did he say!?"

Kel'thuzad: "Oh, you're back. He kind of wants us to screw everyone over."

Bob: "Aha. I may not like the guy, but he's made by the burning legion, and he has burning legion qualities! I'm voting for the Scourge, I mean, they might not stand for the burning legion anymore and possibly may be plotting to destroy our last few members, but when they paved they way for a demonic invasion, they did a damned good job!"

Kel'thuzad: "Great, that's really going to make a difference."

Bob: "Thanks! Oh wait, I almost forgot! Guess whose level 2! "

Kel'thuzad: "I don't know and trust me, I don't care anymore." Bob: Well, it's only me, and I've only just learnt -wait for it- Rain of fire- Now all mortals will flee in terror from my demonic wrath, bmwahahaha!"

Kel'thuzad sighed and began to organise a political speech, within hours he went out to broadcast it on the balcony;

Kel'thuzad: "*Ahem* my fellow Undead, um- I hate you all. We are raising every possible tax, and anyone who disagrees will (dear god...) die. Well... then. Oh dear, it gets even worse... Screw you all and if you even think of going to Sylvanas' forces; kiss your arse goodbye."

Miscellaneous Acolyte 1: "You fucking fag!"

Miscellaneous Acolyte 2: "We're not standing this shit. Let's leave this damned hell hole!"

Kel'thuzad: "Well how about, lowered taxes then?"

Miscellaneous Acolyte: 1: "Screw you! We're leaving, to Kalimdor!"

Kel'thuzad: "...Ha! You can't! The Lich King has total control. Over you!

Miscellaneous Acolyte 2: "Piss off, we're not buying that anymore!"

Suddenly, all of the nearby Acolytes headed off to the local undead shipyard, manning transport ships, and using battleships and frigates to fight off the Abominations and Gargoyles that were fighting them in the name of the Scourge. One cheeky Acolyte stayed to un-summon the Necropolis before leaving however, but was killed before getting hacked to death by a swab of ghouls.

Bob "That speech kicked arse! You could tell they didn't like it!"

Kel'thuzad: "Hmm...Yes, say if we for some reason find the floor we're standing on vanishing into another world, can you angle yourself so I'll fall on you?"

Bob: "Okay, why?"

Suddenly, the floor began to fade below them.

Bob: "Aha, the floors been un-summoned. Damned Acolytes, I ought to-"

Before the enraged Pit Lord could finish his damming sentence, the Necropolis vanished into thin air. Unfortunately for Kel'thuzard, he found himself hitting the ground first, with a large shadow covering him

Kel'thuzad: Damn it, I'm screwed.

With a mighty thud, Bob crushed Kel'thuzard, sending the Lich several feet under the earth. After a couple of minutes, Bob managed to fish Kel'thuzard out and pull him back up. Kel'thuzard: You need to lose weight. There's no way anyone should be able to make a hole that big in the floor.

Bob: Fool! Bob doesn't lose weight for anyone! Bob curses anyone who mocks his size.

Kel'thuzad: Yes, I better watch out for Rain of fire.

Bob: Not exactly, but just wait until I learn doom!

Kel'thuzad: Right, anyway we need to get some more Acolytes.

Bob: We could use our ghouls. Then our Acolytes would be feared by all other worker units, bwahahaa!

Kel'thuzad: No, they're too dumb. I'll have to go to the Lich King.

Bob: "Phone him again fool."

Kel'thuzad: "No chance, that did a fat deal of good last time, no I'll have to see him personally, for the meantime, and I know I could regret this, you're in charge of the Scourge. And-"

Bob was quick to cut him off in a fit of power madness;

Bob: "Bwahahaa! Now I'll summon a hoard of demons and damn this land forever."

Kel'thuzad: "-No demon summoning"

Bob: Phooey.

End of chapter 2

Orc Grunt: Wait!

Narrator: What?

Orc Grunt: What happened to us!?

Narrator: You're in next chapter

Orc Grunt: Why weren't we in the second?

Narrator: Because the Undead were in the second

Orc Grunt: But We should have been after the humans, the Undead weren't mentioned in the first, but we were!

Narrator: Quit complaining.

Orc Grunt: Bah

The real end of chapter too is here. Yes indeed.