Anya knows the feeling of being scared. She has a number of
things that make her scared. Like growing old and looking wrinkly, death and bunnies. Now she has another to add to her what-makes-me-afraid-list; not being loved.
By Xander.
ANYA: Why did he say no?
OBSERVER: I'm sorry Anya. I did what I'm suppose to do. He made his decision.
ANYA: Doesn't he love me? Doesn't he want to be with me?
OBSERVER: Of course he does. He said he loves you and that he wants you to be happy.
ANYA: But I'm not happy! I mean I'm happy at where I am now but I won't be satisfied till I say goodbye to him. Can't you do anything?
The observer went towards Anya and made her sit on one of the chairs. He then sat down in front of her.
OBSERVER: I'm only here to give him the proposal. Nothing else.
ANYA: There must be something you can do. Please, I beg of you. I need to see him.
The observer ran his hand through his hair and sighed in defeat.
OBSERVER: Well there is something I can do. Well, not me but someone else. I'm not the person for this job.
ANYA: Tell me!
OBSERVER: Right. I will. You see, there are many people dying a sudden or an unexpected death without saying goodbye to their loves one. Deaths like yours. And the dead never rests in peace. They keep travelling the ghost roads hoping for an opportunity to see their love ones. So the keeper of the ghost roads came out with this proposition. Those who want to see their love ones to say goodbye will have to go through a test. To make sure they really are sincere.
ANYA: What's the test?
OBSERVER: I can't give you the test. Only the keeper can.
ANYA: Well send him here. I want to do this test!
OBSERVER: Are you sure you want to do this?
ANYA: How long do I get to see Xander if I pass this test?
OBSERVER: A moment.
ANYA: That's enough for me. I'll do it.
Xander shuffled through the street that led back to his apartment. His mind was still reeling from the events that just happened. He couldn't believe that he turned down an offer to bring Anya back. For some reason he couldn't remember why he did it in the first place.
He glanced at his watch and saw that only ten minutes had past since he left Spring Garden Apartments. He stopped in his tracks. I can't go on like this. I need to see her one last time. I'm sure the observer is still back in the apartment. Unless of course he ascended up to heaven as soon as I left. But I'm going to take my chances. He turned and ran back the way he came.
Spring Gardens Apartment loomed before him a few minutes later. He impatiently jabbed at the elevator's button. Come on, come on. The elevator's doors finally opened and he rushed in, hoping against hope that the observer was still there.
############################################################################ #################
A good-looking, middle-aged man in all white appeared before Anya. He smiled kindly at Anya, showing off perfect white teeth.
OBSERVER: Anya, this is the keeper. He will give you the test.
KEEPER: Hello Anya.
Anya stood up and went to him.
ANYA: I want to see Xander now! I want to say goodbye to him.
The keeper chuckled and turned to the observer.
KEEPER: She's a feisty one, isn't she. I like her.
OBSERVER: She can be stubborn at times, though.
KEEPER: I'll keep that in mind.
ANYA: Hey! Can you please stop talking to each other like I'm not here!
KEEPER: Of course. I'm sorry about that. Let's get on with the test shall we.
The keeper sat down on the leather seat behind the study table and motioned Anya to sit down. Anya obeyed, playing with her fingers in anticipation.
KEEPER: Now this test is based on your fears. You overcome your fear, you pass this test.
ANYA: That's all? I don't have to walk through fire or be tortured or do math?
KEEPER: Nope.
ANYA: (to the observer) Is he for real?
OBSERVER: You should listen to what he says, Anya. It's the only way you can see Xander again.
As long as there's no fire walking.....
ANYA: (to keeper) Bring it on.
KEEPER: Very well.
The keeper clasped his hands together and then opened them up. Sitting comfortably in his palms was a little bunny. Anya screamed, leaped from her seat and took a step back. The observer started stroking the bunny, a amused smile on his lips
ANYA: Holy moly! Why did you do that? I thought you were one of the good guys!
KEEPER: I am. This is the fear you have to overcome.
ANYA: What?
OBSERVER: (walks towards her) Anya, you have...
ANYA: (interrupts him) Don't you come near me with those hands! You touched the bunny! I trusted you!
Without warning, she fled out of the apartment. The observer ran after her.
OBSERVER: Anya! Stop! You can't leave this building!
Watch me.
Anya ran toward the elevators and waited impatiently for it. The observer caught up to her and grabbed her arm.
OBSERVER: Anya, you can't leave this building. The building keeps you in this plane. If you leave, you would go back and you won't be able to see Xander again.
ANYA: I'm not going to do that test! Can't you ask Xander to come back and just see me?
OBSERVER: It doesn't work that way. If he sees you without you taking the test or without him saying yes to the proposal, you will also go back.
Then the elevator's doors opened. Inside stood Xander. The three of them stared at each other for a second before the observer rushed into the elevator and closed the doors behind him.
OBSERVER: What are you doing here?
Xander stared at the closed doors. Anya. That was Anya! He grabbed the observer by the collar and slammed him against the wall. You may look like me but that doesn't mean I won't rearrange your handsome face.
XANDER: Hey, look. I can touch you. That makes what I'm about to do a lot more easier. Now explain to me why Anya was standing beside you.
OBSERVER: That wasn't Anya. That's her spirit.
XANDER: I saw her. Flesh, skin and bones.
OBSEREVE: I know, Alexander. But she has demon blood in her. That makes her spirit form look different from a human spirit.
XANDER: Don't lie to me!
OBSERVER: I'm not. But tell me. Did you make eye contact with her?
Xander let the observer go and frowned at him.
Huh?
XANDER: I don't think so. Maybe for a second.
OBSERVER: Well, I'm sorry Alexander but seeing her sends her back. Your hope - and hers - of saying goodbye to each other is gone. You did come here to ask for another chance right?
XANDER: (shocked) Yeah..yeah I did. I sent her back?
OBSERVER: I'm afraid so.
XANDER: But why is she here in the first place?
OBSERVER: She wanted to see how the proposal would go.
XANDER: So she was in the apartment the whole time.
OBSERVER: She only came in towards the end of our meeting.
ANYA: Xander?
############################################################################ #################
Xander and the observer faced the elevator's door.
XANDER: You heard that right?
OBSERVER: Guess you didn't make the eye contact.
Xander took a step towards the door.
XANDER: Anya?
ANYA: Oh my God! Xander it's you!
XANDER: It's me hun.
ANYA: I can't believe this! I thought I was dreaming. I wanted so badly to see you.
XANDER: You know you can't right?
ANYA: I know. Higher beings and their crappy rules.
Xander laughed. She's still the same.
XANDER: I missed you.
ANYA: Me too. So bad. And I'm scared too. And when I'm scared I think of bunnies and that makes me even more scared and I think of even more bunnies. Then I enter this zone where the word fear is replaced with the word bunnies. Like if you ask me 'what my fears are', in my brain I hear 'what my bunnies are'. It's very.....
XANDER: (interrupts her) Anya, you're rambling.
ANYA: I know! See how scared I am. Oh no! Bunnies!
XANDER: Well, I'm sure wherever you are, you don't have to be afraid of bunnies. (he looks at the observer) Right?
OBSERVER: Of course. No bunnies.
XANDER: (to Anya) Then what are you afraid of. (laughs) What's your bunny?
ANYA: Not funny Xan.
XANDER: I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I should tell him. That's why I'm here right? No, I'm here to say goodbye to him but telling him my fears won't hurt.
ANYA: I'm afraid that you would forget about me. That you would fall in love with another girl and won't love me anymore.
XANDER: Of course I won't forget you! Anya, that's a stupid thing to be afraid of. I will always love you and will remember you cause you are the love of my life.
Anya smiled at the words 'love of my life'. He never said that when she was alive. I'm not sure whether it's more romantic.
XANDER: But I will move on and fall in love with another girl. But I won't love her as much as I love you. I don't think I can.
ANYA: Really?
XANDER: Really really. Every time I see a bunny I will always be reminded of you.
Anya took a step towards the elevator's door and leaned her forehead against it. She felt much better. Then she realized what he said.
ANYA: Xander! That's so mean! How could you compare me to a bunny? I'm not that scary!
XANDER: I meant it in a good way. Ok, maybe I phrase it wrongly. (pause) Every time I see a bunny I'll remember you because of your fear of bunnies. That better?
ANYA: Much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They both fell into a comfortable silence. A minute later, Xander spoke.
XANDER: I got bunnies too.
ANYA: You do?
XANDER: (laughs) All this time you were with me, you never seen me once cower in fear?
ANYA: Well.....
XANDER: So it's not unusual for me to have fears.
ANYA: So what's your fear?
XANDER: That you would not be happy wherever you are right now. That you regretted what you did.
ANYA: I'm happy Xander. Where I am, they don't treat me like I'm a demon or something. And I don't regret what I did. I saved Andrew cause it was the right thing to do.
XANDER: It was. Though I don't approve of it cause, you know, you are dead and all. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you.
Xander leaned his forehead against the door. For some reason, he was so sure he felt Anya at the same spot.
XANDER: (softly) I'm very proud.
The observe approached him and placed a hand on Xander's shoulder.
OBSERVER: Alexander. It's time for her to go. She's been here too long.
Xander nodded, his forehead not breaking contact with the door. This was the closest he'll ever get to touch Anya again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anya felt a tingling sensation, like a warning that something was going to happen. Her eyes caught movement to her right. She turned and looked at the keeper. What now? The keeper came up to her and gave her a comforting smile.
KEEPER: It's time to go Anya.
Anya swallowed.
ANYA: You don't have that bunny anymore, do you? Cause I am so not in the mood to see it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
XANDER: Anya? I'm going to open the door. You have to go back now. I'll open the door, we'll make eye contact and you'll go ok?
ANYA: Ok.
XANDER: You ready?
ANYA: No, but what can I do about it.
Xander went to the control panel and placed a finger on the door open button. Ok, here goes. He gently pressed the button and a second later the elevator's door whooshed opened.
Anya held her breath as the doors of the elevator opened. Inside, she saw the observer, leaning against the wall. Then her eyes landed on Xander's legs. Her eyes traveled up his body slowly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander kept his eyes on the ground as the doors opened. He first saw Anya's feet when the doors opened. Reluctantly, he moved his eyes upwards.
Then their eyes locked onto each other's. A second later, Anya began to glow.
ANYA: (smiles sadly) Goodbye Xander.
The light coming from Anya's body became brighter, making her hard to been seen.
XANDER: (starts crying) Goodbye Anya.
Instinctively, they both reached out to touch each other. Their fingertips were only inches apart when the white light from Anya grew brighter.
Then she disappeared.
XANDER: (softly) No.
OBSERVER: She's happy now. There's nothing to worry about Alexander.
Xander stumbled back against the elevator's wall and slid to the fall, weeping. The observer turned towards the keeper and nodded. The keeper smiled before shimmering away.
The observer crouched down in front of Xander and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
OBSERVER: I've been doing this for many, many years and I have never seen anything like this happen before. Not only did you both get to see each other without any proposals or tests but you also overcame your fears. Fears that stop you both from letting each other go.
Xander looked at the observer. At himself.
OBSERVER: I must go now. Take care of yourself, Alexander. It'll we meet again.
The observer stood up and turned to go.
OBSERVER: And try not to tell others of what happened.
With that, the observer vanished, leaving Xander alone in the elevator.
Yes. They both overcame their fears. They can move on now. Anya would rest in peace. He would finally have a good night's sleep without tossing and turning, thinking of what it could have been. She would accept that Xander would fall in love with another girl. He would finally accept that Anya's gone.
Yes. He overcame his fears.
He overcame his bunnies.
@END@
things that make her scared. Like growing old and looking wrinkly, death and bunnies. Now she has another to add to her what-makes-me-afraid-list; not being loved.
By Xander.
ANYA: Why did he say no?
OBSERVER: I'm sorry Anya. I did what I'm suppose to do. He made his decision.
ANYA: Doesn't he love me? Doesn't he want to be with me?
OBSERVER: Of course he does. He said he loves you and that he wants you to be happy.
ANYA: But I'm not happy! I mean I'm happy at where I am now but I won't be satisfied till I say goodbye to him. Can't you do anything?
The observer went towards Anya and made her sit on one of the chairs. He then sat down in front of her.
OBSERVER: I'm only here to give him the proposal. Nothing else.
ANYA: There must be something you can do. Please, I beg of you. I need to see him.
The observer ran his hand through his hair and sighed in defeat.
OBSERVER: Well there is something I can do. Well, not me but someone else. I'm not the person for this job.
ANYA: Tell me!
OBSERVER: Right. I will. You see, there are many people dying a sudden or an unexpected death without saying goodbye to their loves one. Deaths like yours. And the dead never rests in peace. They keep travelling the ghost roads hoping for an opportunity to see their love ones. So the keeper of the ghost roads came out with this proposition. Those who want to see their love ones to say goodbye will have to go through a test. To make sure they really are sincere.
ANYA: What's the test?
OBSERVER: I can't give you the test. Only the keeper can.
ANYA: Well send him here. I want to do this test!
OBSERVER: Are you sure you want to do this?
ANYA: How long do I get to see Xander if I pass this test?
OBSERVER: A moment.
ANYA: That's enough for me. I'll do it.
Xander shuffled through the street that led back to his apartment. His mind was still reeling from the events that just happened. He couldn't believe that he turned down an offer to bring Anya back. For some reason he couldn't remember why he did it in the first place.
He glanced at his watch and saw that only ten minutes had past since he left Spring Garden Apartments. He stopped in his tracks. I can't go on like this. I need to see her one last time. I'm sure the observer is still back in the apartment. Unless of course he ascended up to heaven as soon as I left. But I'm going to take my chances. He turned and ran back the way he came.
Spring Gardens Apartment loomed before him a few minutes later. He impatiently jabbed at the elevator's button. Come on, come on. The elevator's doors finally opened and he rushed in, hoping against hope that the observer was still there.
############################################################################ #################
A good-looking, middle-aged man in all white appeared before Anya. He smiled kindly at Anya, showing off perfect white teeth.
OBSERVER: Anya, this is the keeper. He will give you the test.
KEEPER: Hello Anya.
Anya stood up and went to him.
ANYA: I want to see Xander now! I want to say goodbye to him.
The keeper chuckled and turned to the observer.
KEEPER: She's a feisty one, isn't she. I like her.
OBSERVER: She can be stubborn at times, though.
KEEPER: I'll keep that in mind.
ANYA: Hey! Can you please stop talking to each other like I'm not here!
KEEPER: Of course. I'm sorry about that. Let's get on with the test shall we.
The keeper sat down on the leather seat behind the study table and motioned Anya to sit down. Anya obeyed, playing with her fingers in anticipation.
KEEPER: Now this test is based on your fears. You overcome your fear, you pass this test.
ANYA: That's all? I don't have to walk through fire or be tortured or do math?
KEEPER: Nope.
ANYA: (to the observer) Is he for real?
OBSERVER: You should listen to what he says, Anya. It's the only way you can see Xander again.
As long as there's no fire walking.....
ANYA: (to keeper) Bring it on.
KEEPER: Very well.
The keeper clasped his hands together and then opened them up. Sitting comfortably in his palms was a little bunny. Anya screamed, leaped from her seat and took a step back. The observer started stroking the bunny, a amused smile on his lips
ANYA: Holy moly! Why did you do that? I thought you were one of the good guys!
KEEPER: I am. This is the fear you have to overcome.
ANYA: What?
OBSERVER: (walks towards her) Anya, you have...
ANYA: (interrupts him) Don't you come near me with those hands! You touched the bunny! I trusted you!
Without warning, she fled out of the apartment. The observer ran after her.
OBSERVER: Anya! Stop! You can't leave this building!
Watch me.
Anya ran toward the elevators and waited impatiently for it. The observer caught up to her and grabbed her arm.
OBSERVER: Anya, you can't leave this building. The building keeps you in this plane. If you leave, you would go back and you won't be able to see Xander again.
ANYA: I'm not going to do that test! Can't you ask Xander to come back and just see me?
OBSERVER: It doesn't work that way. If he sees you without you taking the test or without him saying yes to the proposal, you will also go back.
Then the elevator's doors opened. Inside stood Xander. The three of them stared at each other for a second before the observer rushed into the elevator and closed the doors behind him.
OBSERVER: What are you doing here?
Xander stared at the closed doors. Anya. That was Anya! He grabbed the observer by the collar and slammed him against the wall. You may look like me but that doesn't mean I won't rearrange your handsome face.
XANDER: Hey, look. I can touch you. That makes what I'm about to do a lot more easier. Now explain to me why Anya was standing beside you.
OBSERVER: That wasn't Anya. That's her spirit.
XANDER: I saw her. Flesh, skin and bones.
OBSEREVE: I know, Alexander. But she has demon blood in her. That makes her spirit form look different from a human spirit.
XANDER: Don't lie to me!
OBSERVER: I'm not. But tell me. Did you make eye contact with her?
Xander let the observer go and frowned at him.
Huh?
XANDER: I don't think so. Maybe for a second.
OBSERVER: Well, I'm sorry Alexander but seeing her sends her back. Your hope - and hers - of saying goodbye to each other is gone. You did come here to ask for another chance right?
XANDER: (shocked) Yeah..yeah I did. I sent her back?
OBSERVER: I'm afraid so.
XANDER: But why is she here in the first place?
OBSERVER: She wanted to see how the proposal would go.
XANDER: So she was in the apartment the whole time.
OBSERVER: She only came in towards the end of our meeting.
ANYA: Xander?
############################################################################ #################
Xander and the observer faced the elevator's door.
XANDER: You heard that right?
OBSERVER: Guess you didn't make the eye contact.
Xander took a step towards the door.
XANDER: Anya?
ANYA: Oh my God! Xander it's you!
XANDER: It's me hun.
ANYA: I can't believe this! I thought I was dreaming. I wanted so badly to see you.
XANDER: You know you can't right?
ANYA: I know. Higher beings and their crappy rules.
Xander laughed. She's still the same.
XANDER: I missed you.
ANYA: Me too. So bad. And I'm scared too. And when I'm scared I think of bunnies and that makes me even more scared and I think of even more bunnies. Then I enter this zone where the word fear is replaced with the word bunnies. Like if you ask me 'what my fears are', in my brain I hear 'what my bunnies are'. It's very.....
XANDER: (interrupts her) Anya, you're rambling.
ANYA: I know! See how scared I am. Oh no! Bunnies!
XANDER: Well, I'm sure wherever you are, you don't have to be afraid of bunnies. (he looks at the observer) Right?
OBSERVER: Of course. No bunnies.
XANDER: (to Anya) Then what are you afraid of. (laughs) What's your bunny?
ANYA: Not funny Xan.
XANDER: I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I should tell him. That's why I'm here right? No, I'm here to say goodbye to him but telling him my fears won't hurt.
ANYA: I'm afraid that you would forget about me. That you would fall in love with another girl and won't love me anymore.
XANDER: Of course I won't forget you! Anya, that's a stupid thing to be afraid of. I will always love you and will remember you cause you are the love of my life.
Anya smiled at the words 'love of my life'. He never said that when she was alive. I'm not sure whether it's more romantic.
XANDER: But I will move on and fall in love with another girl. But I won't love her as much as I love you. I don't think I can.
ANYA: Really?
XANDER: Really really. Every time I see a bunny I will always be reminded of you.
Anya took a step towards the elevator's door and leaned her forehead against it. She felt much better. Then she realized what he said.
ANYA: Xander! That's so mean! How could you compare me to a bunny? I'm not that scary!
XANDER: I meant it in a good way. Ok, maybe I phrase it wrongly. (pause) Every time I see a bunny I'll remember you because of your fear of bunnies. That better?
ANYA: Much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They both fell into a comfortable silence. A minute later, Xander spoke.
XANDER: I got bunnies too.
ANYA: You do?
XANDER: (laughs) All this time you were with me, you never seen me once cower in fear?
ANYA: Well.....
XANDER: So it's not unusual for me to have fears.
ANYA: So what's your fear?
XANDER: That you would not be happy wherever you are right now. That you regretted what you did.
ANYA: I'm happy Xander. Where I am, they don't treat me like I'm a demon or something. And I don't regret what I did. I saved Andrew cause it was the right thing to do.
XANDER: It was. Though I don't approve of it cause, you know, you are dead and all. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you.
Xander leaned his forehead against the door. For some reason, he was so sure he felt Anya at the same spot.
XANDER: (softly) I'm very proud.
The observe approached him and placed a hand on Xander's shoulder.
OBSERVER: Alexander. It's time for her to go. She's been here too long.
Xander nodded, his forehead not breaking contact with the door. This was the closest he'll ever get to touch Anya again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anya felt a tingling sensation, like a warning that something was going to happen. Her eyes caught movement to her right. She turned and looked at the keeper. What now? The keeper came up to her and gave her a comforting smile.
KEEPER: It's time to go Anya.
Anya swallowed.
ANYA: You don't have that bunny anymore, do you? Cause I am so not in the mood to see it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
XANDER: Anya? I'm going to open the door. You have to go back now. I'll open the door, we'll make eye contact and you'll go ok?
ANYA: Ok.
XANDER: You ready?
ANYA: No, but what can I do about it.
Xander went to the control panel and placed a finger on the door open button. Ok, here goes. He gently pressed the button and a second later the elevator's door whooshed opened.
Anya held her breath as the doors of the elevator opened. Inside, she saw the observer, leaning against the wall. Then her eyes landed on Xander's legs. Her eyes traveled up his body slowly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander kept his eyes on the ground as the doors opened. He first saw Anya's feet when the doors opened. Reluctantly, he moved his eyes upwards.
Then their eyes locked onto each other's. A second later, Anya began to glow.
ANYA: (smiles sadly) Goodbye Xander.
The light coming from Anya's body became brighter, making her hard to been seen.
XANDER: (starts crying) Goodbye Anya.
Instinctively, they both reached out to touch each other. Their fingertips were only inches apart when the white light from Anya grew brighter.
Then she disappeared.
XANDER: (softly) No.
OBSERVER: She's happy now. There's nothing to worry about Alexander.
Xander stumbled back against the elevator's wall and slid to the fall, weeping. The observer turned towards the keeper and nodded. The keeper smiled before shimmering away.
The observer crouched down in front of Xander and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
OBSERVER: I've been doing this for many, many years and I have never seen anything like this happen before. Not only did you both get to see each other without any proposals or tests but you also overcame your fears. Fears that stop you both from letting each other go.
Xander looked at the observer. At himself.
OBSERVER: I must go now. Take care of yourself, Alexander. It'll we meet again.
The observer stood up and turned to go.
OBSERVER: And try not to tell others of what happened.
With that, the observer vanished, leaving Xander alone in the elevator.
Yes. They both overcame their fears. They can move on now. Anya would rest in peace. He would finally have a good night's sleep without tossing and turning, thinking of what it could have been. She would accept that Xander would fall in love with another girl. He would finally accept that Anya's gone.
Yes. He overcame his fears.
He overcame his bunnies.
@END@