A Week in the Life of Final Fantasy IX – Chapter Two

Me: Welcome to "A Week in the Life of Final Fantasy IX!" Freya, our lovely Dragon Knight, has something to tell you all, very important.

Freya: I believe that Final Fantasy IX does not belong to Eiko-Chan1, but belongs to Squaresoft instead. She does have a plan to eliminate Squareso-…. Oops… (mumbles) Can't reveal Eiko-Chan1's master plan….

Me: No, you can't, can you, Freya, dear? (grumpy) Anyway, I'd like to thank the (sniff) one reviewer for reviewing the last chapter. It is funny and wicked, I can't believe Zidane got so gross either. 0_o He's fine now… we think. Onto the next chapter of A Week in the Life of Final Fantasy IX!

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(pan in on Dagger falling off the tower)

Eiko: DAGGER!

Dagger: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIEEEEEE! (falls and falls, until she hits something solid and bounces back up)

Zidane: Dagger?

Dagger: Hi Zidane! (falls down again, giggling wildly. She lands on her dead mother's fat belly and bounces back up Her mother's body is being escorted to a burial place in Lindblum)

Cid: Dagger, Dagger, are you alright?

Dagger: Uncle Cid, you should make this a new attractiooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! (falls)

Eiko: You know what? That looks like fun! (jumps off the side of the building and falls on top of Dagger, whom is still falling down. Dagger is squashed on her mother's dead body.)

Cid: FUN! (jumps off too, landing on top of Eiko, who is on top of Dagger, who is on top of her mother's dead body, who is on top of the ground… phew)

Zidane: Eh… what can I lose? (jumps off too) A/N: Maybe your life, you nincompoop! (Zidane misses the target and looks quite similar to a pancake)

Cid: Ouch… that's got to hurt…

Dagger: ZIDANE! HE'S DEAD! (a remote magically appears, which she picks up and presses the rewind button on. Dagger watches as Zidane is sucked off the ground and flies back up to the telescope)

Eiko: No he's not. He was revived….

Zidane: (from the top of the tower) You could've just Phoenix Down'ed me, ya know. (places hand behind his head and laughs at their ignorance)

Dagger: -_-;;; Right. Um… so Uncle Cid, when exactly is the Festival of Hunt going to start?

Cid: Uh… in about one hour, I'll say. Are you all participating?

Dagger: I'm not. I don't want for Mister Artania to wrench me off the ground with a spatula.

Eiko: I am! I have a secret plan! (grins mysteriously)

Zidane: Yeah, I guess I will. (pulls out Ultima Weapon from thin air and twirls it around, but it hits something solid)

Something Solid: OWWWWWWIEEE!

Zidane: (turns around and sees Something Solid) Hey…. It's Vivi!

Vivi: (cocks head to the side) What's up Ziddane?

Zidane: Vivi, it's spelt Z-I-D-A-N-E!

Vivi: Alrighty!

Zidane: Ehehe….

Vivi: Are you participating? I am.

Eiko: (jumps) We all are! Except Dags over here.

Dagger: 0_o

Cid: Okay. Everyone. What will you take for prizes if you win?

Zidane: Gil, of course.

Eiko: I'll take an add-on…

Vivi: Card.

Cid: Okay… gil, an add-on and a…. card. Zidane, you will start in the Business District, Vivi the Theatre and Eiko will start at the Industrial District. Get equipped now, while you can. A new rule, items have been forbidden to use. Too many people are using items. If you are a White Mage, you are lucky. Your White Magic has not been forbidden.

Eiko: YESSSSSS!

Cid: Black Magic has not been forbidden either. You are available to use it against enemies. But I am warning you, this year's Festival of Hunt won't be so easy. We have a new and improved super enemy for the strong.

(fade out on Cid grinning devilishly)

(pan in on Dagger cheering for the gang)

Dagger: YOU CAN DO IT VIVI! NO! NOT THAT WAY! YESSSSS! THAT'S IT! GO ZIDANE! EIKO! GREAT MATCH!

Mysterious Person: (joins Dagger) MASTER VIVI! A STRONG OFFENSE IS A GOOD DEFENSE!

Dagger: Steiner! What are you doing here?

Steiner: My wife, Beatrix and I, are having a vacation. We're travelling around the world with our three little kids. Beatrix, Beatrix and Beatrix. They're triplets.

Dagger: (mumbles) Beatrix has really changed him.

Steiner: Princess, who are you here with?

Dagger: Queen.

Steiner: Queen whom?

Dagger: (shakes head) I am QUEEN Dagger, not princess. I am here with Regent Cid, Eiko, Vivi and…. (heart eyes) Zidane…

Steiner: That scoundrel! (jumps up and down) I remember how he abducted you! Grrr… (Shakes fists in that infuriating way he does)

Dagger: (not paying any attention) Ouch! Zidane! (watches as he spits out blood and what looks like a tooth)

Steiner: Yes! That's it!

Regent Cid: (over a megaphone) Look! One of our contestants, Eiko, is up against the new and improved enemy for the strong! The enemy is….

Eiko: BARNEY?!

Barney: I love you, you love me, let's go and have a cookie. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say I love you too?

(fade out on Eiko dancing and prancing around with Barney)

(Pan in on Zidane, throws sticks at it)

Zidane: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! IT WON'T STOP SINGING! (Stabs it with a dagger)

Eiko: Tee hee hee! (gives Barney a cookie and a bright light surrounds Barney)

Barney: NOOOOO! SHE DISCOVERED MY WEAK SPOT! (dissolves into a chocolate chip cookie)

(Message comes across the screen: Eiko can now summon Barney.)

Zidane: GAH! I DON'T KNOW YOU! (runs around in a circle, flapping his arms like a headless chicken)

Vivi: (casts Flare on the cookie but the cookie remains unharmed) EIKO! @_@

5 4 3 2 1

Cid: The winner of this year's contest is Eiko, with a total score of 300000000! She wins an add-on, which she has received…. The Barney Cookie.

Dagger: (pukes)

Amarant: (down below, puke lands on his head, he licks it) Yum…..

Dagger: (covers mouth)

(fade out on Dagger covering her mouth)

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(pan in on Cid awarding Eiko with the cookie)

Eiko: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (tries to eat it, but Mister Artania runs into her from behind and she swallows it)

Dagger/Vivi/Zidane/Steiner/Amarant/Cid/Artania: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (watch as Eiko transforms into a loveable purple dinosaur: Barney)

A/N: What will happen? Will Eiko be the next Barney? Will Amarant ever stop liking puke? Find out on the next time of A Week in the Life of Final Fantasy IX! Read and review!