Rating: G disclaimer: the characters don't belong to me, they belong to Bright Kauffmann and Crane, this is only meant for entertainment purposes.. to say so much as that.
I can't tell you why
But read it in my pain. The pain from you.
She shook her head to get out the sacrilegious thought.
No. It's just me. My heart feels differently. It's just my mind playing tricks.
But one always tends to believe what they think. Very few have faith, enough faith to meet the requirements of a relationship. Faith that there is love, thought you can't see love, as Faith is believing in what you cannot see. You feel love, and so it's very easy to forget love, and to not know it when it's actually there.
Spite rose, threatening to take the placid place of reason and what little faith she had.
He betrayed me. He could never give me what I wanted. Everything is his fault.
She wasn't sure anymore about what she felt, because if you think hard enough about something you start to feel it, with all her heart. Which made her think again that maybe she was just so desperate for love when she first found him that she kept telling herself he was the one, and so he became the one. When actually that beach in Montauk had told her the answer straight – They're not meant to be together? – but she refused to heed good, orthodox, Reason's advice, and went running to heed Irony's instead.
Well, now you see what comes of the faithless. They pack their bags and skive from the from the Love that proves too intangible for them so they begin to question.
His bloody sperm. What could she have that in return? He knew she always wanted to be pregnant.
No that wasn't how she felt, that would never be how she felt… might it? But suddenly she realized that when she knew she couldn't have a child with him her love some how dissipated with it as well.. She saw somehow the future with him cut off, as if their love was only for the meagre aim of procreation. As if she was shallow enough to see it that way. As if… as if it finally proved to her that maybe she had made herself believe she loved him only out of her childish necessity to be pregnant and buy a baby mobile.
Stop running away, child…
But she didn't know what to do. She had begun to doubt their love, and the doubt was dangerously festering in hells it shouldn't be in. She wished that maybe at that moment Chandler might come in and hug her and tell her he loved her, maybe redirect the argument in his favour, but as long as he wasn't here the devil was helping to speak in his stead and defy any love he might have. All she thought to herself was, Our love was never real. The sure thing that remained was the suitcase lying open on their bed, and her hand recklessly throwing in overalls and trousers.
She tore a piece from a sheet of paper, and on it drew a face with a tear and said 'I can do without that canned food after all.'