Neko-Heero; Part Five
By Lady AngelFiren
Duo sped away from the house as fast as he could push his car to go, he was barely able to see the road ahead of him through his tears and his face was twisted in a painful, sorrow-filled expression of hurt. He wanted Heero back already.but he KNEW he couldn't go back. he knew that he could never go back, despite what he had told the cat-boy about maybe visiting in the future. Heero wasn't the person he'd been before..Duo argued with himself that he had seen so many people he loved die before. he should be glad that nothing had managed to kill the perfect soldier yet. Now all Duo was worried about was that Heero might kill himself. He knew that the boy was feeble of mind now, and that his thought processes were simply not what they had once been. However he doubted that feeblemindedness would stop Heero from trying to take his own life, if anything it would only make the decision to do so easier. That's why Duo had told Heero he might one day return. Heero wouldn't kill himself if he thought there was some chance he could see Duo again, he was sure of it.
The twisted sense of what he was doing to his dependant friend wrapped around Duo's guts relentlessly. It made him feel sick inside and out, like he was leaving a small helpless child to live on his own rather than a boy or man. There was simply nothing that could be done, Duo needed to work things out with himself. He rubbed his eyes fervently and grit his teeth together to help him focus on the road that stretched ahead of him. It led him ever further away from Heero, but it also brought him closer to what he hoped was sanity. Relief. The sense of a heavy weight being lifted slightly from his shoulders came over him as he drove completely away from the little house he had shared for a year with the strange creature his former co-pilot had become.
The sun that kissed the earth before him glowed dully in the advancing twilight. Silence filled Duo's ears. The only sounds he detected were the gentle rumbles of the vehicle's motor and the faint noise of wind breezing around the car as it slipped over the hills and further away from everyday life. Duo drove along, stopping only for gas, a burger, and a pee- break. Finally, when his eyes were drooping and his concentration was wavering, he pulled into a highway rest stop and crawled into the back seat of the car. He pulled his jacket over him and yawned, curling up with his arms beneath his face as a makeshift pillow.
Duo was immediately met with a sense of loneliness because the familiar furry warmth of his nighttime companion was simply nowhere to be found. The warm scent of clean dry fur and the light brush of soft whiskers on his face were absent. Duo's mind filled with doubts, but he knew there was nothing he could do. all he needed was to remind himself of each time he'd come home to Heero's figure perched on the table or on a chair, waiting hopefully for him. When he pictured this, he was further reminded of how miserable he'd been for so long. These were the lonely thoughts that tugged him into a fitful sleep in the backseat of his car. What was more unsettling was the fact that he knew Heero would likely be in much worse condition.
~*~*~*~*~
Far away from Duo's lonely form, Heero was certainly as miserable as could be expected. He shivered in a small ball, his fur sticking out all over the place, his tail clutched in his hands like a lifeline. His eyes were glazed and glassy. He appeared a delinquent, staring sightlessly at the door where Duo would normally enter the bedroom. His mind had no way to cope with what was going on around him. If Duo was with him then everything was ok, that had already been established. However, without this, Heero was left only with a small sense of hope. Unfortunately for him, even this hope was tiny and weak now, for he knew perfectly well that Duo was never coming back. Duo didn't lie; he prided himself on telling the truth. Of course, if he said he was never coming back, then he meant he was never coming back. Never. No matter what.
Tears welled in the furred boy's large gold eyes, not for the first time since Duo's departure. He hid his face, shivering, desperately trying to grasp at something that might bring him strength or comfort. Heero noticed one of Duo's t-shirts lying on the floor, something he'd obviously forgotten. He got up onto his hands and knees and crawled to the edge of the bed he was laying on. He snatched the garment from the floor with his claws and brought it close to him. It was a dirty t-shirt with a metal band logo on it. Heero sniffled and emitted a quiet, sad 'mew' sound. He hugged the scrap of cloth against himself desperately.
Heero crawled beneath the covers in the spot where Duo normally slept and hugged the shirt. He felt very cold and ashamed, but he did manage to fall asleep, however unhappy he was. He was exhausted from crying and being tense, scared, and anxious. He managed to sleep well and deeply for the whole of the night.
As sunlight crawled into the room through the windows, Heero's fur twitched at its warm caress. A purr rumbled in his chest. Mornings were Heero's favorite time of day, he felt fresh and happy and alive in the morning. However, upon searching out Duo's form in the bed beside himself and coming up empty-handed, yesterday's events settled into the pit of his stomach with the weight of a boulder. He let his enthusiastic purrs die down in his chest and he laid still.
Slowly the feline boy opened one eye, then the other, looking around with a sort of hope that Duo would be somewhere in the room. He found himself alone, as was to be expected. Life seemed to immediately dim and turn dull for the former Wing pilot. He stretched himself out and took to a morning bath, licking his paws and running them over his fur. Things were less complicated inside his head than one would think. He knew Duo was gone and nothing could be done about it. He also knew that he would simply have to carry on, living in the best way that he could, despite his sorrow. Heero resolved within himself to live out the life Duo had instructed him to live. He was alone. He couldn't leave this property for fear of being discovered, because he wasn't human and he wasn't an animal, rather he was a twisted mix of something in between the two. He walked out of the bedroom after his bath and entered the bathroom to retrieve his toothbrush.
Heero came upon his image in the mirror, two bright gold eyes catching his attention. He stared at himself with minimal recognition, finally turning his face away from the image in the mirror. He found his toothbrush in its rightful place and squeezed toothpaste onto it. He set to brushing his teeth without much thought in his actions. They were merely automatic.
After he finished his teeth he went to finding himself something for breakfast. He ate in silence, the food being tasteless and the house seeming empty and ominous around him. He cleaned himself again after breakfast, then crawled into the window seat in the front room of the house, staring absently at the driveway as if Duo might come back. He sat like that for an hour or so, not even realizing that there were fat tears dripping down his cheeks almost the entire time. His tail hung limply floor- ward, and his ears drooped. He was the picture of depression, a paw even rising to press to the glass at one point. Finally Heero shuddered violently and let out a scream of frustrated sorrow, smashing his fist through the window and running back to the bedroom to hide under the blankets, sobbing heartily into Duo's t-shirt. He remained there for the rest of the day.
Days came and went, and little changed for the depressed cat-boy. He spent the majority of them lying in the bed he had once shared with his lover and best friend. His heart and soul ached incessantly for Duo. His body trembled with the need he felt; his tears couldn't hope to satisfy his hurt. The thought of pleasure revolted Heero; he abhorred the bright sunny days and the fresh crisp mornings that he had once adored wholly.
The days grew steadily colder, and at some point, though he could not really recall it clearly, he did put a sheet of plastic over the broken window to keep the cold out. Food kept being delivered, though most of it ended up thrown out or prepared and never eaten. Heero fell into the deepest depression of his existence, and the thought to take his own life became ever more appealing. He also considered searching for Duo, but he ruled the possibility out shortly after coming up with the idea, because Duo clearly wanted nothing to do with him, and following after him like some kind of. animal. well. he had too much pride to do anything of the sort.
Heero did not make any attempt to take his own life for a very, very long time. He had stopped bothering to count the days; his existence was detached from the rest of the world so completely that weeks, months, even the time of day really didn't matter. He cleaned himself when he realized he was filthy, he tended to wounds he had not realized were there whenever he noticed that they were painful, he ate whenever the growling of his stomach alerted him to the fact hat he was starving himself. The bed sheets were never once changed, they were filthy, and bloody, and hopelessly stained with tears by this point, and he didn't care. Not about anything, least of all himself. In a way, he wanted to deprive himself completely from anything good, as punishment for his failures. And still, he did not even know what he had done, why Duo hated him, why he'd gone away without warning or provocation. Even if he did come back someday. what would be the point? He would be returning to a pathetic shell of a pathetic shell of the soldier Heero'd known himself to be so long ago, and because he saw himself as worthless, he truly believed that Duo's face would curl in disgust if he so much as laid eyes on him.
This self-loathing was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, and Heero finally decided to plan out his suicide. He knew the simplest way to take one's own life was to shoot oneself in the head. And so, without any delay, Heero decided to carry out his plan. There was no reason to wait, no reason to let another throbbing string of awful memories circle his mind. No point in waiting to see if Duo would return. He didn't know if it had been months or years since the Deathscythe pilot had gone. It didn't matter, anything he learned now would only stay with him for a few more minutes, as he knew his gun was always in the same place, tucked safely in the back of his nightstand, with extra ammo hidden in three different places in the room, though he always kept it loaded and ready, because that was the way he had been taught.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dorothy Catalonia stroked the soft fur around Relena's ears affectionately. The girl was snuggled against her, purring contentedly, and conveniently naked. Dorothy was naked herself; a silk sheet draped thoughtlessly over her lower half. She smiled, letting her eyes pass over her partner approvingly. Though the day was gray outside their tall French windows, things were bright and pleasant inside the bedroom. Dorothy had taken over in Relena's place shortly after her untimely 'demise.' At least that is what all the papers said. They worked together, though of course Relena wasn't allowed outside of the house any longer, as she was not exactly human. She was happy, however, and that is what counts.
The sudden crash of the huge windowpane caused both Dorothy and Relena to scream in shock and fear. Dorothy immediately pulled a gun from beneath the bed and she veritably threw Relena on the floor on the other side of the bed, to keep her out of harm's way. Dorothy struggled to identify her assailant, but all she could see was a blur of scattering glass shards and the billowing of a black cape. What the hell? A cape? Who the hell was in her room . . . Batman?
"Show yourself." She ordered angrily, cocking the gun and wondering if she should just kill whoever it was now and save herself anymore possible grief and danger. She didn't need to say it twice; the intruder tossed the cape to the floor, revealing himself. Duo Maxwell stood before her with an unhappy look in his eyes, a gun pointed right back at her.
"I didn't come here to shoot you unless I have to Dorothy." Duo said in a stern tone. He'd grown since she'd last seen him, almost six inches in height and he'd filled out a little in the chest and shoulders, giving him an older look. His voice was a touch deeper too, obviously he was growing up. It struck Dorothy as amusing that he could look so awkward and so serious all at once. She lowered her weapon and crossed her arms, spreading her legs slightly apart to give herself a more intimidating stance.
"Well, get on with it, I'm in the middle of something, if you haven't noticed. Feeling a little overdramatic, are we? What's this all about? You could have just knocked at the front like any normal person you know."
"That's not my style, I have a reputation to uphold, and if I have to kill you, then I'd like to do it without Smithers or whatever his name is at the front door knowing I was here. I need a vial of that stuff."
"What stuff? Do I look like a methadone clinic to you? Get out of here you idiot!"
"Shut up and listen! I need the stuff that turned her into that. the shit that made Heero like he is."
Relena flinched when Duo gestured to her with the hand that was holding the gun. She was peeking over the bed; terrified that something would happen to Dorothy. The longhaired, strangely eyebrowed woman gave Duo a nasty glare and stepped in between the path of the gun and Relena.
"Why. I thought you took him home and you two lived happily ever after? Now what, you want kittens or something?"
"No, stupid, we haven't been living happily ever after. I haven't seen Heero for a year or so. I left."
Dorothy's eyes grew large with her surprise and disapproval. "You.left? But. I explained this stuff to you Maxwell. Heero can't live by himself. just like Relena couldn't if I were to leave, you can't do that!"
"Well I did, and it took me this long to figure out my mistake, just hand it over already, I don't have time to waste on this. And put a shirt on or something. Jesus."
Dorothy gave Duo a curious, calculating look. "Why should I . . . you're only going to make someone else very unhappy and probably leave them too. Not that I really care."
"No I'm not, it's for me, duh. I'm going to be one too, one of those cat- people. I was before; I'll just force it on myself again. Then I'll turn into the same thing Heero is and I'll go back to him and make him happy. There isn't any other way. I can't live with him if I'm like this. It doesn't work, I don't want a pet, I want an equal. If that means sinking a little that's fine, I'll sacrifice some smarts for happiness. I sure as hell ain't gonna find it by myself. Now hand it over."
Dorothy wrapped herself in a robe and glared at Duo, heading over to Relena to pat her on the head and assure her that everything was all right. She tucked the gun in her pocket and headed out of the room, giving Duo a glance to make sure he was following. She led him downwards, to the same laboratory that she had taken him to before. There was a whole team of scientists and various other people hard at work there, obviously laboring to carry out Dorothy's latest desires. She spoke to one of them briefly and he got up, heading to another room and disappearing into it. Dorothy returned to Duo's side.
"He'll go make some up for you, He's the one who made the stuff the first time around. now you remember, if you scratch anyone, they'll turn too. Same if you bite them or whatever, which I guess you figured out already, the first time around. You are more trouble than you're worth Duo Maxwell. *glare* what do you plan to do now?"
"Well I'm gonna go back and apologize, fuck you're stupid. How long is this going to take, anyway?"
"Only ten minutes or so, sit tight. Do you want the antidote too?"
"No, I've made my mind up, I'm not going to need any stupid antidote." Duo said this as he crossed his arms over himself and glared at the floor.
Dorothy ran her eyes over him curiously, wondering where he'd been for a year, and how he even knew that Heero was still alive. She figured that someone as messed up as the former Wing Zero pilot would be more likely to take their own life than anybody else she knew. Maybe that was because she didn't know very much about Heero or Duo to begin with. She really just wanted to go back upstairs and give Relena a little quality time to help her calm down from the stress and confusion of the scene that had just arisen in the bedroom.
Duo spent his ten minutes worrying over Heero. A year is a long time, he knew Heero would not kill himself, he had made sure of that before he left, but he did worry about Heero caring for himself. He wondered what they would do, where they would go. Staying in the area could be dangerous, and the possibility of getting apprehended by random scientists and being studied made Duo tremble inside; he knew such a thing might break Heero's spirit, rob him of any chance at happiness in the future.
Duo hated what he had done, but he knew it was important, it was for the best. He had made progress in his year away from Heero. He'd secured himself a place to live and a new car, he had money left from wartime to last him his whole life, and he was finally getting over Maxwell Church. It had been so long ago that the church had burned to the ground with all his friends and all the nuns as well as Father Maxwell inside, but now that he had avenged them by helping to win the war between earth and the colonies, He felt more at peace, he was more able to accept that he had lived and they had died, and that that is how it had to be. Also, during his year of repose, Duo had taken the time to make peace inside himself. He was calmer, older, and better able to accept the things he'd done in his lifetime that he felt were wrong. He was better able to accept his mistakes.
Duo lost himself so completely in his thoughts and anticipation that he didn't even notice when Dorothy came to stand in front of him with two little vials. She gave him a poke on the shoulder and pushed the vials into his hands. One of them said antidote on it, and the other said nothing at all. He held one in each hand and let his eyes crawl up to meet hers.
"Arigato, Dorothy. I doubt we'll meet again."
Duo gave Dorothy a smile and let his eyes lower as he turned, his braid swinging behind him, and marched out of the mansion through the front door. He headed to his car, which he'd parked about a block down the street from the Peacecraft-Catalonia residence, and tucked the little vials into a case, so they wouldn't break while he was transporting them. A calm look was displayed on the former Shinigami's face. His back was straight and his chest puffed out with his pride as he took in the gravity of what he intended to do. He looked at the world around him with interest, fearing the possibility that he may never be able to appreciate its beauty and complexity again in the human way. He knew that he would find other things to love about his new life, but he was still sort of frightened deep inside himself.
Clear tears shone on his cheeks, making his vision a little blurry for driving, but he didn't stop or even bother to slow down, his place was with Heero now, and he knew it, finally, after entirely too long.
The tears didn't last; a smile broke over the cloudy upset and Duo's mood brightened. He had accepted his fate with open arms, because he knew now that he loved Heero more than he loved anything else in his life. In all the success and peace and serenity that he'd achieved, he knew that there was something vital missing, something that he would give up that peace to have again. Besides, there was no reason why he and Heero couldn't make their own world of peace together in their new life.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Heero's furry fingers were steady as he pulled his nightstand open and retrieved the weapon he sought. He opened he barrel and checked to make sure it was loaded, which, as he'd expected, it was. Heero looked around himself, unsure of where to do it. Did it matter? Was anybody even going to come and find his corpse when he was through? Of course not.
Heero sat on the bed, thin, hurting, starving, and very much alone.
'I've been alone since the day I was born.' He thought to himself, as tears brimmed in his eyes. 'And now I'm going to die that way too.'
Heero flicked the safety off and raised the barrel of the gun to his face, pushing it into his mouth. It was cold, hard, and strong. It would do for him what he didn't think he had the strength to do for himself any longer. He pictured Duo in his mind, more tears racing down his face. He felt his hand shudder, his fingers growing moist on the trigger with sudden sweating.
'Duo. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I love you Duo.'
Heero pulled the trigger.
BAM!
Outside the house, the tires to Duo's car crawled over the gravel as he parked. He leaned back in the seat, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to relax when he heard a gunshot from inside. His eyes got huge and worried and he dashed out of the vehicle, running into the house, kicking down the front door in his hurry.
Smoke wisped out of Heero's mouth from the barrel of the pistol, blood leaking from the corners of his lips and down his face and throat. His eyes rolled up in his head and remained open; as he fell limply into the pillows, blood leaking around him to stain them red. His ears were flat, his tail hung limply from the edge of the bed, still twitching.
Duo used a shoulder to smash through the bedroom door, his eyes never even touching on the ghastly disarray of their former home. He took a shocked step back in horror as he saw Heero's body laying there, smoke still rising from his nostrils, the gun lodged his mouth as if it had been placed there after Heero had laid down on the bed.
"Heero! NO!"
There was nobody around to hear the sorrow in Duo's voice.
~*~*~*~*~
To be.. Completed!
~*~*~*~*~
Muahahahha.. Any of you who are readers of my work must know by now that there's no way I'm gonna just let something nice and wonderful happen to Heero and Duo, come on, A little Russian Roulette is good for the heart.attack. Heh. Er, I know you were all expecting the very end, but I still need to write the epilogue, which I already have planned, and then you will all know what happens for REAL instead of another fake ending.again. *sweatdrop* I swear to the Duo and Heero Yaoi gods this time.
C&C please!! I love you all, I would like to know if you love me too! Well. at least my writing.
~*~*~*~*~ ~*~*~*~*~
Duo sped away from the house as fast as he could push his car to go, he was barely able to see the road ahead of him through his tears and his face was twisted in a painful, sorrow-filled expression of hurt. He wanted Heero back already.but he KNEW he couldn't go back. he knew that he could never go back, despite what he had told the cat-boy about maybe visiting in the future. Heero wasn't the person he'd been before..Duo argued with himself that he had seen so many people he loved die before. he should be glad that nothing had managed to kill the perfect soldier yet. Now all Duo was worried about was that Heero might kill himself. He knew that the boy was feeble of mind now, and that his thought processes were simply not what they had once been. However he doubted that feeblemindedness would stop Heero from trying to take his own life, if anything it would only make the decision to do so easier. That's why Duo had told Heero he might one day return. Heero wouldn't kill himself if he thought there was some chance he could see Duo again, he was sure of it.
The twisted sense of what he was doing to his dependant friend wrapped around Duo's guts relentlessly. It made him feel sick inside and out, like he was leaving a small helpless child to live on his own rather than a boy or man. There was simply nothing that could be done, Duo needed to work things out with himself. He rubbed his eyes fervently and grit his teeth together to help him focus on the road that stretched ahead of him. It led him ever further away from Heero, but it also brought him closer to what he hoped was sanity. Relief. The sense of a heavy weight being lifted slightly from his shoulders came over him as he drove completely away from the little house he had shared for a year with the strange creature his former co-pilot had become.
The sun that kissed the earth before him glowed dully in the advancing twilight. Silence filled Duo's ears. The only sounds he detected were the gentle rumbles of the vehicle's motor and the faint noise of wind breezing around the car as it slipped over the hills and further away from everyday life. Duo drove along, stopping only for gas, a burger, and a pee- break. Finally, when his eyes were drooping and his concentration was wavering, he pulled into a highway rest stop and crawled into the back seat of the car. He pulled his jacket over him and yawned, curling up with his arms beneath his face as a makeshift pillow.
Duo was immediately met with a sense of loneliness because the familiar furry warmth of his nighttime companion was simply nowhere to be found. The warm scent of clean dry fur and the light brush of soft whiskers on his face were absent. Duo's mind filled with doubts, but he knew there was nothing he could do. all he needed was to remind himself of each time he'd come home to Heero's figure perched on the table or on a chair, waiting hopefully for him. When he pictured this, he was further reminded of how miserable he'd been for so long. These were the lonely thoughts that tugged him into a fitful sleep in the backseat of his car. What was more unsettling was the fact that he knew Heero would likely be in much worse condition.
~*~*~*~*~
Far away from Duo's lonely form, Heero was certainly as miserable as could be expected. He shivered in a small ball, his fur sticking out all over the place, his tail clutched in his hands like a lifeline. His eyes were glazed and glassy. He appeared a delinquent, staring sightlessly at the door where Duo would normally enter the bedroom. His mind had no way to cope with what was going on around him. If Duo was with him then everything was ok, that had already been established. However, without this, Heero was left only with a small sense of hope. Unfortunately for him, even this hope was tiny and weak now, for he knew perfectly well that Duo was never coming back. Duo didn't lie; he prided himself on telling the truth. Of course, if he said he was never coming back, then he meant he was never coming back. Never. No matter what.
Tears welled in the furred boy's large gold eyes, not for the first time since Duo's departure. He hid his face, shivering, desperately trying to grasp at something that might bring him strength or comfort. Heero noticed one of Duo's t-shirts lying on the floor, something he'd obviously forgotten. He got up onto his hands and knees and crawled to the edge of the bed he was laying on. He snatched the garment from the floor with his claws and brought it close to him. It was a dirty t-shirt with a metal band logo on it. Heero sniffled and emitted a quiet, sad 'mew' sound. He hugged the scrap of cloth against himself desperately.
Heero crawled beneath the covers in the spot where Duo normally slept and hugged the shirt. He felt very cold and ashamed, but he did manage to fall asleep, however unhappy he was. He was exhausted from crying and being tense, scared, and anxious. He managed to sleep well and deeply for the whole of the night.
As sunlight crawled into the room through the windows, Heero's fur twitched at its warm caress. A purr rumbled in his chest. Mornings were Heero's favorite time of day, he felt fresh and happy and alive in the morning. However, upon searching out Duo's form in the bed beside himself and coming up empty-handed, yesterday's events settled into the pit of his stomach with the weight of a boulder. He let his enthusiastic purrs die down in his chest and he laid still.
Slowly the feline boy opened one eye, then the other, looking around with a sort of hope that Duo would be somewhere in the room. He found himself alone, as was to be expected. Life seemed to immediately dim and turn dull for the former Wing pilot. He stretched himself out and took to a morning bath, licking his paws and running them over his fur. Things were less complicated inside his head than one would think. He knew Duo was gone and nothing could be done about it. He also knew that he would simply have to carry on, living in the best way that he could, despite his sorrow. Heero resolved within himself to live out the life Duo had instructed him to live. He was alone. He couldn't leave this property for fear of being discovered, because he wasn't human and he wasn't an animal, rather he was a twisted mix of something in between the two. He walked out of the bedroom after his bath and entered the bathroom to retrieve his toothbrush.
Heero came upon his image in the mirror, two bright gold eyes catching his attention. He stared at himself with minimal recognition, finally turning his face away from the image in the mirror. He found his toothbrush in its rightful place and squeezed toothpaste onto it. He set to brushing his teeth without much thought in his actions. They were merely automatic.
After he finished his teeth he went to finding himself something for breakfast. He ate in silence, the food being tasteless and the house seeming empty and ominous around him. He cleaned himself again after breakfast, then crawled into the window seat in the front room of the house, staring absently at the driveway as if Duo might come back. He sat like that for an hour or so, not even realizing that there were fat tears dripping down his cheeks almost the entire time. His tail hung limply floor- ward, and his ears drooped. He was the picture of depression, a paw even rising to press to the glass at one point. Finally Heero shuddered violently and let out a scream of frustrated sorrow, smashing his fist through the window and running back to the bedroom to hide under the blankets, sobbing heartily into Duo's t-shirt. He remained there for the rest of the day.
Days came and went, and little changed for the depressed cat-boy. He spent the majority of them lying in the bed he had once shared with his lover and best friend. His heart and soul ached incessantly for Duo. His body trembled with the need he felt; his tears couldn't hope to satisfy his hurt. The thought of pleasure revolted Heero; he abhorred the bright sunny days and the fresh crisp mornings that he had once adored wholly.
The days grew steadily colder, and at some point, though he could not really recall it clearly, he did put a sheet of plastic over the broken window to keep the cold out. Food kept being delivered, though most of it ended up thrown out or prepared and never eaten. Heero fell into the deepest depression of his existence, and the thought to take his own life became ever more appealing. He also considered searching for Duo, but he ruled the possibility out shortly after coming up with the idea, because Duo clearly wanted nothing to do with him, and following after him like some kind of. animal. well. he had too much pride to do anything of the sort.
Heero did not make any attempt to take his own life for a very, very long time. He had stopped bothering to count the days; his existence was detached from the rest of the world so completely that weeks, months, even the time of day really didn't matter. He cleaned himself when he realized he was filthy, he tended to wounds he had not realized were there whenever he noticed that they were painful, he ate whenever the growling of his stomach alerted him to the fact hat he was starving himself. The bed sheets were never once changed, they were filthy, and bloody, and hopelessly stained with tears by this point, and he didn't care. Not about anything, least of all himself. In a way, he wanted to deprive himself completely from anything good, as punishment for his failures. And still, he did not even know what he had done, why Duo hated him, why he'd gone away without warning or provocation. Even if he did come back someday. what would be the point? He would be returning to a pathetic shell of a pathetic shell of the soldier Heero'd known himself to be so long ago, and because he saw himself as worthless, he truly believed that Duo's face would curl in disgust if he so much as laid eyes on him.
This self-loathing was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, and Heero finally decided to plan out his suicide. He knew the simplest way to take one's own life was to shoot oneself in the head. And so, without any delay, Heero decided to carry out his plan. There was no reason to wait, no reason to let another throbbing string of awful memories circle his mind. No point in waiting to see if Duo would return. He didn't know if it had been months or years since the Deathscythe pilot had gone. It didn't matter, anything he learned now would only stay with him for a few more minutes, as he knew his gun was always in the same place, tucked safely in the back of his nightstand, with extra ammo hidden in three different places in the room, though he always kept it loaded and ready, because that was the way he had been taught.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dorothy Catalonia stroked the soft fur around Relena's ears affectionately. The girl was snuggled against her, purring contentedly, and conveniently naked. Dorothy was naked herself; a silk sheet draped thoughtlessly over her lower half. She smiled, letting her eyes pass over her partner approvingly. Though the day was gray outside their tall French windows, things were bright and pleasant inside the bedroom. Dorothy had taken over in Relena's place shortly after her untimely 'demise.' At least that is what all the papers said. They worked together, though of course Relena wasn't allowed outside of the house any longer, as she was not exactly human. She was happy, however, and that is what counts.
The sudden crash of the huge windowpane caused both Dorothy and Relena to scream in shock and fear. Dorothy immediately pulled a gun from beneath the bed and she veritably threw Relena on the floor on the other side of the bed, to keep her out of harm's way. Dorothy struggled to identify her assailant, but all she could see was a blur of scattering glass shards and the billowing of a black cape. What the hell? A cape? Who the hell was in her room . . . Batman?
"Show yourself." She ordered angrily, cocking the gun and wondering if she should just kill whoever it was now and save herself anymore possible grief and danger. She didn't need to say it twice; the intruder tossed the cape to the floor, revealing himself. Duo Maxwell stood before her with an unhappy look in his eyes, a gun pointed right back at her.
"I didn't come here to shoot you unless I have to Dorothy." Duo said in a stern tone. He'd grown since she'd last seen him, almost six inches in height and he'd filled out a little in the chest and shoulders, giving him an older look. His voice was a touch deeper too, obviously he was growing up. It struck Dorothy as amusing that he could look so awkward and so serious all at once. She lowered her weapon and crossed her arms, spreading her legs slightly apart to give herself a more intimidating stance.
"Well, get on with it, I'm in the middle of something, if you haven't noticed. Feeling a little overdramatic, are we? What's this all about? You could have just knocked at the front like any normal person you know."
"That's not my style, I have a reputation to uphold, and if I have to kill you, then I'd like to do it without Smithers or whatever his name is at the front door knowing I was here. I need a vial of that stuff."
"What stuff? Do I look like a methadone clinic to you? Get out of here you idiot!"
"Shut up and listen! I need the stuff that turned her into that. the shit that made Heero like he is."
Relena flinched when Duo gestured to her with the hand that was holding the gun. She was peeking over the bed; terrified that something would happen to Dorothy. The longhaired, strangely eyebrowed woman gave Duo a nasty glare and stepped in between the path of the gun and Relena.
"Why. I thought you took him home and you two lived happily ever after? Now what, you want kittens or something?"
"No, stupid, we haven't been living happily ever after. I haven't seen Heero for a year or so. I left."
Dorothy's eyes grew large with her surprise and disapproval. "You.left? But. I explained this stuff to you Maxwell. Heero can't live by himself. just like Relena couldn't if I were to leave, you can't do that!"
"Well I did, and it took me this long to figure out my mistake, just hand it over already, I don't have time to waste on this. And put a shirt on or something. Jesus."
Dorothy gave Duo a curious, calculating look. "Why should I . . . you're only going to make someone else very unhappy and probably leave them too. Not that I really care."
"No I'm not, it's for me, duh. I'm going to be one too, one of those cat- people. I was before; I'll just force it on myself again. Then I'll turn into the same thing Heero is and I'll go back to him and make him happy. There isn't any other way. I can't live with him if I'm like this. It doesn't work, I don't want a pet, I want an equal. If that means sinking a little that's fine, I'll sacrifice some smarts for happiness. I sure as hell ain't gonna find it by myself. Now hand it over."
Dorothy wrapped herself in a robe and glared at Duo, heading over to Relena to pat her on the head and assure her that everything was all right. She tucked the gun in her pocket and headed out of the room, giving Duo a glance to make sure he was following. She led him downwards, to the same laboratory that she had taken him to before. There was a whole team of scientists and various other people hard at work there, obviously laboring to carry out Dorothy's latest desires. She spoke to one of them briefly and he got up, heading to another room and disappearing into it. Dorothy returned to Duo's side.
"He'll go make some up for you, He's the one who made the stuff the first time around. now you remember, if you scratch anyone, they'll turn too. Same if you bite them or whatever, which I guess you figured out already, the first time around. You are more trouble than you're worth Duo Maxwell. *glare* what do you plan to do now?"
"Well I'm gonna go back and apologize, fuck you're stupid. How long is this going to take, anyway?"
"Only ten minutes or so, sit tight. Do you want the antidote too?"
"No, I've made my mind up, I'm not going to need any stupid antidote." Duo said this as he crossed his arms over himself and glared at the floor.
Dorothy ran her eyes over him curiously, wondering where he'd been for a year, and how he even knew that Heero was still alive. She figured that someone as messed up as the former Wing Zero pilot would be more likely to take their own life than anybody else she knew. Maybe that was because she didn't know very much about Heero or Duo to begin with. She really just wanted to go back upstairs and give Relena a little quality time to help her calm down from the stress and confusion of the scene that had just arisen in the bedroom.
Duo spent his ten minutes worrying over Heero. A year is a long time, he knew Heero would not kill himself, he had made sure of that before he left, but he did worry about Heero caring for himself. He wondered what they would do, where they would go. Staying in the area could be dangerous, and the possibility of getting apprehended by random scientists and being studied made Duo tremble inside; he knew such a thing might break Heero's spirit, rob him of any chance at happiness in the future.
Duo hated what he had done, but he knew it was important, it was for the best. He had made progress in his year away from Heero. He'd secured himself a place to live and a new car, he had money left from wartime to last him his whole life, and he was finally getting over Maxwell Church. It had been so long ago that the church had burned to the ground with all his friends and all the nuns as well as Father Maxwell inside, but now that he had avenged them by helping to win the war between earth and the colonies, He felt more at peace, he was more able to accept that he had lived and they had died, and that that is how it had to be. Also, during his year of repose, Duo had taken the time to make peace inside himself. He was calmer, older, and better able to accept the things he'd done in his lifetime that he felt were wrong. He was better able to accept his mistakes.
Duo lost himself so completely in his thoughts and anticipation that he didn't even notice when Dorothy came to stand in front of him with two little vials. She gave him a poke on the shoulder and pushed the vials into his hands. One of them said antidote on it, and the other said nothing at all. He held one in each hand and let his eyes crawl up to meet hers.
"Arigato, Dorothy. I doubt we'll meet again."
Duo gave Dorothy a smile and let his eyes lower as he turned, his braid swinging behind him, and marched out of the mansion through the front door. He headed to his car, which he'd parked about a block down the street from the Peacecraft-Catalonia residence, and tucked the little vials into a case, so they wouldn't break while he was transporting them. A calm look was displayed on the former Shinigami's face. His back was straight and his chest puffed out with his pride as he took in the gravity of what he intended to do. He looked at the world around him with interest, fearing the possibility that he may never be able to appreciate its beauty and complexity again in the human way. He knew that he would find other things to love about his new life, but he was still sort of frightened deep inside himself.
Clear tears shone on his cheeks, making his vision a little blurry for driving, but he didn't stop or even bother to slow down, his place was with Heero now, and he knew it, finally, after entirely too long.
The tears didn't last; a smile broke over the cloudy upset and Duo's mood brightened. He had accepted his fate with open arms, because he knew now that he loved Heero more than he loved anything else in his life. In all the success and peace and serenity that he'd achieved, he knew that there was something vital missing, something that he would give up that peace to have again. Besides, there was no reason why he and Heero couldn't make their own world of peace together in their new life.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Heero's furry fingers were steady as he pulled his nightstand open and retrieved the weapon he sought. He opened he barrel and checked to make sure it was loaded, which, as he'd expected, it was. Heero looked around himself, unsure of where to do it. Did it matter? Was anybody even going to come and find his corpse when he was through? Of course not.
Heero sat on the bed, thin, hurting, starving, and very much alone.
'I've been alone since the day I was born.' He thought to himself, as tears brimmed in his eyes. 'And now I'm going to die that way too.'
Heero flicked the safety off and raised the barrel of the gun to his face, pushing it into his mouth. It was cold, hard, and strong. It would do for him what he didn't think he had the strength to do for himself any longer. He pictured Duo in his mind, more tears racing down his face. He felt his hand shudder, his fingers growing moist on the trigger with sudden sweating.
'Duo. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I love you Duo.'
Heero pulled the trigger.
BAM!
Outside the house, the tires to Duo's car crawled over the gravel as he parked. He leaned back in the seat, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to relax when he heard a gunshot from inside. His eyes got huge and worried and he dashed out of the vehicle, running into the house, kicking down the front door in his hurry.
Smoke wisped out of Heero's mouth from the barrel of the pistol, blood leaking from the corners of his lips and down his face and throat. His eyes rolled up in his head and remained open; as he fell limply into the pillows, blood leaking around him to stain them red. His ears were flat, his tail hung limply from the edge of the bed, still twitching.
Duo used a shoulder to smash through the bedroom door, his eyes never even touching on the ghastly disarray of their former home. He took a shocked step back in horror as he saw Heero's body laying there, smoke still rising from his nostrils, the gun lodged his mouth as if it had been placed there after Heero had laid down on the bed.
"Heero! NO!"
There was nobody around to hear the sorrow in Duo's voice.
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To be.. Completed!
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Muahahahha.. Any of you who are readers of my work must know by now that there's no way I'm gonna just let something nice and wonderful happen to Heero and Duo, come on, A little Russian Roulette is good for the heart.attack. Heh. Er, I know you were all expecting the very end, but I still need to write the epilogue, which I already have planned, and then you will all know what happens for REAL instead of another fake ending.again. *sweatdrop* I swear to the Duo and Heero Yaoi gods this time.
C&C please!! I love you all, I would like to know if you love me too! Well. at least my writing.
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