Me and my sister (username: Claire_bear) made this up a while ago but it
was so stupid so I decided to fix it up a tad. ChEeRz!
Disclaimer: I own... The stupid plot... Professor Lopez... Sooth-Juice Potion.... And many more that I cant think of so YEAH TAKE THAT JK ROWLING!!! :
Potheads Experience
Chapter one-
*******
'Ding Dong'
Vernon Dursley got up from the breakfast table a little more annoyed than usual.
"I suppose I'll get the door then," he muttered under his breath forgetting that he couldn't call on Harry anytime he needed.
"I'm sorry to bother you sir," the young boy at the door said, realising he had interuppted this old man's breakkie. "But I have a telegraph here, from a mister Harry Potter..."
Vernon snatched the letter off the boy and slammed the door shut.
"Who is it dear?" Questioned the nosy Petunia.
"Never you mind Petunia," Snarled Vernon through gritted teeth.
"It has something to do with that no good ex-step son of ours doesn't it?" Continued Petunia ignoring Vernon's attempts to stop the subject.
"I don't know why he keeps sending us letters when he knoes we don't want anything too do with him! Ever since he left for the Hogwarts, Witches and Wizards school we are having nothing to do with him. Isn't that right, Vernon?"
"Petunia!! I know the story, I was there!" Roared Vernon thoroughly frustrated.
"And thank god he decided to stay at that school, this is his last year and he is not welcome back in this household! No matter what the stupid letter says" Said Vernon, his face slowly turning a gorgeous shade of purple.
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"He's awake," whispered Petunia into her coffee.
You can almost hear beethoven's 9th as the huge 17 year old boy clobbers down the stairs.
"Whats for breakfast?! Where is my breakfast?!?" Cries Dudley, looking on the verge of tears.
"Hold on Dudley! I'm not Harry ya know, I'm not used to making our own breakfast. Dudley- sweetums take that top off it has pizza stains on it," asked Petunia quietly.
"I can do what-ever the hell I want!" Replied Dudley harshly.
"O-Okay I sorry sweetie,"
******
As Petunia is trying to figure out what an oven is, Harry is blissfully unaware of their probelms. As a matter-of-fact he is having his own problems.
"Ron, Ron? Have you seen my favourite cape anywhere? Ya know the one that makes me looks more heroic than I am? It's the last year of Hogwarts and I wanna make a good impression. Besides my mum hand-sewed it before she died," Harry asked quietly.
"Nope, sorry Harry haven't seen your cape anywhere and your mum didn't sew it, you bought it from Movie World, in Diagon Alley, from the Batman shop! Remeber, and you bought the mask as well."
"Oh yeah, I just wanted to be cool," Harry said casting his eyes down.
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry, I-I'll pretend your mum sewed it," Ron loyaly said.
"Will you? Thanks, but say I did, I always wanted to sew but I-I..." Harry stopped not being able to continue and broke down.
"Oh, there there, it's alright, everybody has their problems," Ron reassured Harry.
"But at the moment, I have a bigger problem, Scabbers has gone missing again," Ron told Harry his bottom lip trembling.
"Ron, you dumb-ass, Scabbers turned out to be Wormtail, remeber, and he escaped into hiding!" Harry told his idiotic friend.
"He what?! Hiding? Now I'll never be able to find him...Wait, you knew about this and you never told me? I'll kill you!"
Ron jumped on top off Harry and they started rolling around.
'Knock, Knock' Hermione popped her head in.
"Aren't you boys ready yet? I've been ready since 6am and now its 8! Come on! Breakfast is being served." Hermione said matter-o-factly.
All three of them hurried down the corridors and into the Main Hall where they stood frozen.
Draco Malfoy stood there, grinning from ear-to-ear as he held a rat by his tail above Goyle's hungry mouth.
"Scabbers!" Ron cried out in agony, "Nooo please don't!"
"Ron thats not Scabbers that's a mouse not a rat" Hermione said.
Ron formed his mouth into an 'oh' sort of shape and shutted up.
Draco seemed surprised...
"This isn't your mouse?Bah!"
He dropped the small mouse and both Goyle and Crabbe jumped up for the kill but goyle got there first. He chewed on the mouse and swallowed. (A/N: Sorry I hate animal cruelty but this is probably the kinda thing Goyle would do for food...)
"Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts," Boomed Dumbledore's vioce, magically risen. "And a special welcome to all our first year students. Just one reminder though, you just stay out of the potions lab storerooms if you wish to keep all your fingers. Also, no-one is to go into the forrbidden forest, blah blah blah..." Dumbledore trailed off.
"Oh also there is a new DADA teacher...Ms. Lopez" Announced the Headmaster.
"Umm yeah so enjoy the feast!"
"I wonder why Dumbledore's so edgy about that Potion storeroom," Wondered Harry out loud.
"Hmmm, yeah quidditch is fascinating," Hermione said clearly not listening. Her eyes wondered over to the Slytherin's table where they stopped on Malfoy.
Malfoy noticed this and raised his glass as if announcing a toast.
Ron also noticed the connection they seemed to be having and decided to deal with it later.
After dinner, Ron followed Malfoy out and shoved him against a wall when no- body was around.
"Malfoy, whats with you and Herms? Huh?! You never liked her and your not our friends so stay away!" Threatened Ron.
"Weasley! Get your hands off me! I may have realations with whom-ever I please! So go back to your pathetic friends and them to enjoy every minute with her because you wont be together much longer," Draco replied flashing ron his famous smirk.
After this, Ron punched him right in the nose making him collapse to the floor.
A few teachers turned the corner and faced them but didn't even notice what was happening. The professors ( Snape, Lopez) didn't even turn their heads in their direction when Draco called out for Snape.
"You'll pay for this Weasley!" Yelled Draco and stormed off in the other direction holding his nose.
During their first class, History of Magic, all Ron could think about was Draco and Hermione and it drove him crazy!
Harry notcied his behaviour and questioned.." Ron, do you like Hermione?"
Ron's head snapped up from the desk and barked (A/N: Woof woof?) " No Pothead! Leave me aloooooooone!" He said while having his face to the ceiling.
'How did he know I smoked pot? He must have saw me' Thought Harry.
******
"Minerva, what shall we do when a student asks whats in the Potions storeroom thats so dangerous?" Questioned Dumbledore to McGonagall.
"I'm not sure Albus, damn it! We should have destroyed it when we had the chance."
"Minerva, be resonable, we didn't know that the love potion we were trying to form turned out to be a Sooth-Juice Potion."
"Oh, Albus I know I'm just so scared. Hold me,"
And he did.
A/N: OMG! Thats gotta be the stupidest story I've ever writen...Oh well I'm bored you cant blame me can you? Just Review so I know how ya'll felt. It's supposed to be humourous but I dunno....I dont care....JUST REVIEW!!! pretty please wif sugar on top?...umm sugar...
Disclaimer: I own... The stupid plot... Professor Lopez... Sooth-Juice Potion.... And many more that I cant think of so YEAH TAKE THAT JK ROWLING!!! :
Potheads Experience
Chapter one-
*******
'Ding Dong'
Vernon Dursley got up from the breakfast table a little more annoyed than usual.
"I suppose I'll get the door then," he muttered under his breath forgetting that he couldn't call on Harry anytime he needed.
"I'm sorry to bother you sir," the young boy at the door said, realising he had interuppted this old man's breakkie. "But I have a telegraph here, from a mister Harry Potter..."
Vernon snatched the letter off the boy and slammed the door shut.
"Who is it dear?" Questioned the nosy Petunia.
"Never you mind Petunia," Snarled Vernon through gritted teeth.
"It has something to do with that no good ex-step son of ours doesn't it?" Continued Petunia ignoring Vernon's attempts to stop the subject.
"I don't know why he keeps sending us letters when he knoes we don't want anything too do with him! Ever since he left for the Hogwarts, Witches and Wizards school we are having nothing to do with him. Isn't that right, Vernon?"
"Petunia!! I know the story, I was there!" Roared Vernon thoroughly frustrated.
"And thank god he decided to stay at that school, this is his last year and he is not welcome back in this household! No matter what the stupid letter says" Said Vernon, his face slowly turning a gorgeous shade of purple.
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"He's awake," whispered Petunia into her coffee.
You can almost hear beethoven's 9th as the huge 17 year old boy clobbers down the stairs.
"Whats for breakfast?! Where is my breakfast?!?" Cries Dudley, looking on the verge of tears.
"Hold on Dudley! I'm not Harry ya know, I'm not used to making our own breakfast. Dudley- sweetums take that top off it has pizza stains on it," asked Petunia quietly.
"I can do what-ever the hell I want!" Replied Dudley harshly.
"O-Okay I sorry sweetie,"
******
As Petunia is trying to figure out what an oven is, Harry is blissfully unaware of their probelms. As a matter-of-fact he is having his own problems.
"Ron, Ron? Have you seen my favourite cape anywhere? Ya know the one that makes me looks more heroic than I am? It's the last year of Hogwarts and I wanna make a good impression. Besides my mum hand-sewed it before she died," Harry asked quietly.
"Nope, sorry Harry haven't seen your cape anywhere and your mum didn't sew it, you bought it from Movie World, in Diagon Alley, from the Batman shop! Remeber, and you bought the mask as well."
"Oh yeah, I just wanted to be cool," Harry said casting his eyes down.
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry, I-I'll pretend your mum sewed it," Ron loyaly said.
"Will you? Thanks, but say I did, I always wanted to sew but I-I..." Harry stopped not being able to continue and broke down.
"Oh, there there, it's alright, everybody has their problems," Ron reassured Harry.
"But at the moment, I have a bigger problem, Scabbers has gone missing again," Ron told Harry his bottom lip trembling.
"Ron, you dumb-ass, Scabbers turned out to be Wormtail, remeber, and he escaped into hiding!" Harry told his idiotic friend.
"He what?! Hiding? Now I'll never be able to find him...Wait, you knew about this and you never told me? I'll kill you!"
Ron jumped on top off Harry and they started rolling around.
'Knock, Knock' Hermione popped her head in.
"Aren't you boys ready yet? I've been ready since 6am and now its 8! Come on! Breakfast is being served." Hermione said matter-o-factly.
All three of them hurried down the corridors and into the Main Hall where they stood frozen.
Draco Malfoy stood there, grinning from ear-to-ear as he held a rat by his tail above Goyle's hungry mouth.
"Scabbers!" Ron cried out in agony, "Nooo please don't!"
"Ron thats not Scabbers that's a mouse not a rat" Hermione said.
Ron formed his mouth into an 'oh' sort of shape and shutted up.
Draco seemed surprised...
"This isn't your mouse?Bah!"
He dropped the small mouse and both Goyle and Crabbe jumped up for the kill but goyle got there first. He chewed on the mouse and swallowed. (A/N: Sorry I hate animal cruelty but this is probably the kinda thing Goyle would do for food...)
"Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts," Boomed Dumbledore's vioce, magically risen. "And a special welcome to all our first year students. Just one reminder though, you just stay out of the potions lab storerooms if you wish to keep all your fingers. Also, no-one is to go into the forrbidden forest, blah blah blah..." Dumbledore trailed off.
"Oh also there is a new DADA teacher...Ms. Lopez" Announced the Headmaster.
"Umm yeah so enjoy the feast!"
"I wonder why Dumbledore's so edgy about that Potion storeroom," Wondered Harry out loud.
"Hmmm, yeah quidditch is fascinating," Hermione said clearly not listening. Her eyes wondered over to the Slytherin's table where they stopped on Malfoy.
Malfoy noticed this and raised his glass as if announcing a toast.
Ron also noticed the connection they seemed to be having and decided to deal with it later.
After dinner, Ron followed Malfoy out and shoved him against a wall when no- body was around.
"Malfoy, whats with you and Herms? Huh?! You never liked her and your not our friends so stay away!" Threatened Ron.
"Weasley! Get your hands off me! I may have realations with whom-ever I please! So go back to your pathetic friends and them to enjoy every minute with her because you wont be together much longer," Draco replied flashing ron his famous smirk.
After this, Ron punched him right in the nose making him collapse to the floor.
A few teachers turned the corner and faced them but didn't even notice what was happening. The professors ( Snape, Lopez) didn't even turn their heads in their direction when Draco called out for Snape.
"You'll pay for this Weasley!" Yelled Draco and stormed off in the other direction holding his nose.
During their first class, History of Magic, all Ron could think about was Draco and Hermione and it drove him crazy!
Harry notcied his behaviour and questioned.." Ron, do you like Hermione?"
Ron's head snapped up from the desk and barked (A/N: Woof woof?) " No Pothead! Leave me aloooooooone!" He said while having his face to the ceiling.
'How did he know I smoked pot? He must have saw me' Thought Harry.
******
"Minerva, what shall we do when a student asks whats in the Potions storeroom thats so dangerous?" Questioned Dumbledore to McGonagall.
"I'm not sure Albus, damn it! We should have destroyed it when we had the chance."
"Minerva, be resonable, we didn't know that the love potion we were trying to form turned out to be a Sooth-Juice Potion."
"Oh, Albus I know I'm just so scared. Hold me,"
And he did.
A/N: OMG! Thats gotta be the stupidest story I've ever writen...Oh well I'm bored you cant blame me can you? Just Review so I know how ya'll felt. It's supposed to be humourous but I dunno....I dont care....JUST REVIEW!!! pretty please wif sugar on top?...umm sugar...