Faded Dreams, Falling Like Rain
A Final Fantasy VII Fan Fiction by Sarah Digna Yudlowitz
Dream . . .
Dream of death . . .
Dream of moonlight . . .
Legal Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all of its characters belong to the company of Squaresoft. I do not claim these characters or the concept of the game for my own. This work is not to be distributed, sold, or posted anywhere without the consent of its author. Comments and encouragements are always welcomed, as they are a part of the enjoyment of writing Fan fiction. Please take this into consideration while you read the following fiction.
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Brief summary: With the death of Sephiroth, something in Cloud dies, almost bringing him to the brink of a madman. Vincent attempts to console him, telling him that he and Cloud are very much alike in the respect that they mourn for the shell of a man that died not at the hands of Cloud, but back in Nibelheim when lies penetrated him. He was a man who was supposed to be the perfect soldier . . .
Chapter Five
"Cloud," Zack whispered, and it seemed to take all of my strength to open my eyes, just to be frightened by the glowing blue eyes that appeared before me through all of the hazy numbness, but knowing they belonged to Zack made my fear subside. I had known Zack for a while then, and although Zack treated me as if I were a still a child, he cared about me. I considered him the only friend I had ever had that wasn't some sort of an illusion or lie. Knowing that he had gone through the same thing as I had in the Shinra Mansion kept me going. It kept me struggling to just be able to open my eyes. It had taken just as long to realize that Zack had drained the makou from the tank and was now leading me out of it. I nearly stumbled, but Zack gave me a reassuring look and, holding me by the hand, led me to some clothes he had gathered.
"Here, put this on," he said, throwing the uniform of a first class soldier to me. "It smells a little, though, so don't complain." Zack was fitted in the same attire, which was nothing new, as I had never seen Zack wearing anything different. I realized I was shaking. The numbness had faded, and the cold and ancient musty air of the mansion had some kind of ominous affect on me. A cold, odd feeling was in the back of my mind, making it harder for me to focus. I had to lean on Zack, not trusting my legs to work. I knew they wouldn't. I was overcome by weakness. I stuggled in vain to dress, and watched dejectedly as Zack waved my hands away and pulled on the shirt I had been trying to put on over my head, and helped me into the pants and boots. I turned my head to find a scientist -- one of professor Hojo's lackeys -- lying in a heap by one of the makou tanks. I looked at Zack, who smirked and shrugged as if to say that that was what the bastard had coming to him, and then abruptly put a more serious look on his face when he realized that I was still shivering, and I began to feel in full, the sickness that had spread throughout me for a long time while being down here. "Are you okay?" he asked, growing more concerned, and when all I could do was shake my head, Zack held me up for support and smiled sadly down at me. "Let's get the fuck away from Shinra, okay?"
We had fled from Nibelheim, Zack cursing and muttering about how it had burned down. I didn't catch what he was saying, my eyes vacant and unblinking as he dragged me from my hometown. After a few hours of being carried by Zack who both looked and sounded exhausted, I realized the sun was setting. I had desperately tried to tell him to rest, but it seemed like he understood without me having to say so. He smiled sadly at me and ruffled my hair.
"You look like shit, Cloud," he said after propping me against a rock. He began to pace, his brow furrowed in concern. "I'll get those bastards for what they did to us, Cloud." His voice sounded shaky and as he paced around more, I started to feel very guilty. Zack didn't look well himself, and it probably didn't help him to have to carry me around everywhere. When he looked back at me, his shoulders were shaking and he was crying. It was the first time I saw him do that . . .
"Z-Zack?" I forced myself to say. My throat felt terribly raw, and my head hurt so much that my vision was impared considerably. It was so hard to focus, and every time I started to almost give in to unconciousness, the cold feeling of something foreign began to return, searching through my mind.
"Shh," Zack said, stopping to sit by me. He wiped at his eyes, and managed to stop shaking. It was evident that rage had far overcome him. One solitary tear streaked down his face as Zack shut his eyes and squeezed my hand reassuringly. It fell from his chin and splattered down onto the hand he held, and I remember starting to sob then myself. "Shh," Zack said opening his eyes. "We'll get you a doctor . . . and we'll start a new life . . . far away from Shinra, together. We're friends, right Cloud?" I nodded. "We'll always be friends. I'm not gonna leave you. . ."
In the early morning, we were able to hitch a ride on a truck that was headed for the Costa Del Sol port. The man driving it had stocked up quite a few things from Costa Del Sol on his truck, including a bundle of fish. He had been going back to Nibelheim, but he was offering to drive us once he saw what kind of condition I was in. Zack explained to me that from there they would take a boat to the Kalm port where they would walk the rest of the way to Midgar.
"What date is it old man?" Zack asked after pacing around a bit in the back of the pick-up nervously. Along with the affects of makou poisoning, a queasy feeling was fluttering in my stomach and it made my head reel and swim. I had tried in vain to fall asleep on the truck for the past hour, and had now given up. Instead, I listened to Zack babble and ask the driver questions.
"I reckon it's a Tuesday, but no one really keeps track of the year anymore, young man," the driver responded. "Not since the Shinra started to raise the taxes again, anyway. But I can tell you it's been about five years since the war ended."
"Five, huh?" Zack said, his voice getting a bit lower, more dejected. He turned to Cloud. "That means we've been in that damn lab for two yers, Cloud." I opened my eyes, as sick as I was, to peer at Zack. He began to pace again as soon as I did. "Once we get to Midgar, Cloud, what are we going to do? How are we going to make a living?" I couldn't answer that question even if I wanted to. "Hey, old man, what job do you think I could get?" Zack asked abruptly.
"Young folks like you should try to do just about everything until you find something you really like and setlle down," the driver answered. Zack paced more.
"Hey, I know what we could do, Cloud!" Zack said happily, giving one of his infamous crooked grins. He came to sit next to me on the floor of the pick-up and turned my head so that I was facing him. "We could become mercenaries! Thank about that, Cloud! You an' me. It's about as good as anything else, aye?"
"Are you listenin' to me, young man?" the driver admonished, as if Zack didn't understand his previous words of encouragement. He just sighed.
"Yeah! How's that sound, old man? Me and my friend here as mercenaries!"
"Midgar's a dangerous city," the driver said. "The Shinra're there and . . ."
"Heh, it doesn't matter. I'm not afraid of anything. That's what we'll do, okay Cloud? We'll be mercenaries," Zack said, smiling. I wasn't thrilled about the idea, but I couldn't think of anything better than that. I felt terrible that Zack had to take care of me this way. It made me think of my mom, and I blinked back tears. I could still imagine her sobbing as I left for Midgar to fulfil my dream of making it to SOLDIER. My mother hated the Shinra, and she hated the idea of me being amongst the likes of them, but I didn't care. Growing up in Nibelheim had made me cold and isolated, and I hated it there. If I was going to become anything at all, I figured I would join SOLDIER. I was powered by the hope of someday meeting Sephiroth then. I wished I had run from that dream. Then, knowing that Zack had the same protective hold over me that my mom had, I felt somewhat relieved, but for the most part scared that I would lose Zack too.
"Not that bright, that fellow," the driver shook his head, muttering. Zack looked in the direction of the driver, giving him a faint snort and began pacing again. Zack remained quiet for the rest of that night, which both surprised and worried me. When he finally settled down and started to fall asleep, I heard him say things about a girl who could make flowers grow in Midgar. I think he had mentioned her before, calling her Aerith. I had heard about the city being an extremely infertile place, and dwelling on that thought while also watching Zack toss and turn in a nightmare made me feel more ill. I was frightened by the idea of being left alone if anything happened to Zack.
I had finally gotten to fall asleep in the late hours of the night, although the odd icy feeling returned in my mind. I fell asleep feeling more hopeless than I had when being trapped in the Shinra Mansion.
"Are you going to be all right for the rest of the way?" the old man that had driven them asked. I focused my eyes to find the man looking at me strangely, as if I were foreign to him.
"Yeah, old man. Thanks for driving us all this way," Zack replied, carrying me off the truck after he asked me how I was doing. He told me that I was starting to look better, but I still couldn't even feel my legs. Somehow though, I did feel better. My head didn't hurt quite as much and for now, the foreign voices and probing feeling in my head had stopped. He was smiling, and I had managed to smile back.
At Costa Del Sol, we had a meal and headed for the port, where a boat was just leaving for Kalm. It was the best both of us had eaten in so long. I wondered how different I appeared to Zack both physically and mentally. I knew that I probably looked too thin. Zack was thinner now, too, almost painfully so. But he still managed to look strong. His hair was longer, and his eyes glowed more from the treatments he had undergone, but for the most part, he was still the Zack I had met on the Junon Harbor mission. From that point Zack had let me stay at his living quarters whenever he was on particular missions, most of which were led by Sephiroth. He requested me on a lot of missions, and I guess that's how I started to move up in rank as a grunt, but I had never made SOLDIER because of the mission to Nibelheim, and in some way, I felt glad something stopped me from it. I had never quite got along with anyone. Even at Shinra I was constantly harrassed and made fun of. I guess that's another thing that made Zack so special. He actually cared.
"We're here, Cloud," Zack said, shaking me gently and bringing me back into conciousness. I looked around. The air seemed more polluted and before the ship was the town of Kalm, standing there humbly before the scene of a large city. We were almost there. I started to almost feel giddy, but I was still very weak, and my head was starting to hurt very badly. Zack helped me off the ship and let me sit by the port for a while. At one point I swore I heard laughter in my mind, which disturbed me greatly. I started to a very bad feeling about going to Midgar.
"Z-Zack?" I asked. He looked at me questioningly, fiddling with the materia that was in his sword."I think . . . I think maybe we should stay in Kalm for a while." I started to tremble. I heard laughter in my head again, and felt an overwhelming desire to tell Zack about these foreign feelings, to let him know that Hojo had ended up winning anyway, even if he had escaped. The cold feeling started to feel warm then, reassuringly encouraging him to feel better. Zack looked worried and told Cloud they would stay in Kalm overnight. Zack had spent the day reassuring me that things would be better once we were at Midgar and stocking up on weapons, armor, and a few other items. I had gotten sleep that night, but it was very empty and I woke up more tense than I had been when I had fallen asleep. Zack tried the best he could to cheer me up, promising me that as soon as I got better we would train together and find work. He said it would be exciting, and I wanted to believe that everything would be fine, so I forced myself to take that at face value.
We had been traveling for a little bit when we reached a cliff that overlooked the city of Midgar. It wasn't long there that we had begun to hear gunshots being fired. I was in a daze, and didn't realize what the sounds were until Zack looked around worriedly and sat me down behind a rock, telling me to wait there so that he could investigate. When he returned, his sword was bloody, and he looked very troubled.
"They attacked me," Zack said dazzedly, but it wasn't long before more gunfire was heard. I crawled over to Zack, who admonished me for doing so and in the process, was thrown back by a fire that hit his arm. I fell forward onto the ground, an odd vacant feeling overcoming me, and blinding light filled my eyes along with ringing in my ears that made me retch. I heard, very clearly though, when Zack screamed. I struggled to know what was going on. I saw a few Shinra soldiers being led by an officer. One soldier kicked me.
"What will we do with this one, sir?" he asked.
"Leave him there. He's as good as dead anyway," the officer said. When they left, I looked ahead of me, seeing Zack stetched out at the edge of the cliff. His eyes were wide, and as I crawled to him, I saw that the makou had almost lost it's glow in his eyes. I stared dumbly at him, failing to see all of the blood that he was surrounded in. His fingers still protectively gripped his sword. He coughed up more blood and rolled his eyes toward mine. They looked so vacant. I continued to stare dumbly as he picked up a hand and ruffled my hair for the last time.
"I-I . . . tried . . . C-Cloud. I'm . . . n-not abandoning y-you. I guess . . . Shinra had the last . . .l-laugh," he said and looked up. He blinked a few times and then he lay still, his eyes wide and lifeless, dull. I continued to believe this wasn't happening and looked up at Midgar. It started to rain, and all I thought then was that I was dreaming. Again, I refused to face this, but then it began to sink in when I looked back down at Zack. I closed his eyes and began to tremble, strength returning to me in confused angry adrenaline. I picked up his sword, attempting to end all of the pain that Shinra brought right there, but what hurt the most is that I couldn't do it, and I ended up sobbing, clutching at Zack's body and screaming at him to wake up until I was exhausted from my rage, fear and sadness until I fell asleep . . .
"Do you want to continue this?" Vincent asked Cloud, noticing that now he was crying. Cloud looked defiantly at Vincent and nodded.
"I have to. I have to Vincent. I owed saving the Planet and getting rid of Shinra to Zack, myself, and everyone else. And I don't want Zack to feel he was forgotten. I owe it to him to be strong, too." Cloud had stopped pacing now and was now sitting opposite the raven-haired man. Vincent felt terrible seeing Cloud like this. Shinra had done some terrible things, and being part of Shinra, Vincent himself was forced to do terrible things as well, but there were things that were too terrible to bear and for someone like Cloud, who was forced to grow up too quickly and loose innocent ignorance so fast . . . it was too terrible. The people of the world who were put under the influence of Shinra would never get their innocence back, but Vincent sighed then and looked at Cloud.
"I swear to you that whatever mission you feel you need to accomplish to put Shinra and the memories that it produced away, it will be done. I will help you, Cloud. Now please, if you feel up to it . . . continue your story."