Chapter 2: Not Hungry
Rogue sat down at the dinner table, keeping her distance from Bella Donna who was sitting at one end of the table completely. Sitting where she was meant being in between Jamie – who not always but sometimes she could find annoying – and Amara, who she definitely did find annoying even at the best of times.
Rogue noted, for the fourth time that week, Remy was not present at dinner. She didn't say anything, she kept her thoughts to herself and spooned herself a tiny dollop of mashed potatoes, and tried to tune out of the excited chatter around her of all the kids.
"Where's Remy?" Hank asked, looking around, then directly at Rogue, as if she were the only person in the mansion who should have even known where he was.
"I don't know," Rogue gave a nonchalant shrug.
"He hasn't been at dinner four nights in a row," Ray remarked, munching on mouthful of cabbage, "he's probably up in his room."
"It's tragic," Amara stated firmly, "He never spends time with us, he's so anti-social."
"Will someone go get him, please?" Professor Xavier asked.
"I'll do it," Bella Donna stood.
Rogue didn't know why she shot up, "I'll do it, sit back down," she warned Bella Donna. Suddenly she felt as if Bella Donna were the enemy once again, trying to steal her man – and the fact was she wasn't even with Remy.
Everyone looked at Rogue with a surprise at the harshness of her tone.
"You're pregnant, you shouldn't have to go up all those stairs," Rogue quickly added, feigning a smile with clenched teeth, then she rushed off without another word.
She had to admit, Remy was the last person she needed to see right now. But the thought of Bella Donna in Remy's room – in a pregnant condition or no pregnant condition – didn't sit easy with her. She walked slowly up the stairs, taking her time, and along the boys dorm hallway, to where Remy's door was. She knocked. "Remy?" she tried the handle, it was locked.
She felt a little shunned by that, he'd never locked her out of his room before, why now? But then she realised it didn't necessarily mean he'd locked her out, maybe perhaps someone else he'd locked out.
The door open, Remy stood there, he was topless, and slightly muddy, "what?" he asked, his voice more tired than aggravated.
"Professor Xavier wants you downstairs for dinner," Rogue leaned against the wall outside the door.
"I'm not hungry…" Remy remarked, he walked away from the door, leaving it open, heading over to the bed, he threw himself down, "why didn't he come up himself?"
"He's in a wheelchair for Christ sake," Rogue stepped in, examining the mess of Remy's room, it usually was in pretty good order, but lately, he hadn't been taking care of it – or himself. He looked as if he hadn't shaved for three days, or combed his long brown hair. "Nice to see you're keeping things clean…" Rogue picked up a few pairs of jeans from the floor, they were muddy and stained with oil and a number of other things. "Haven't you done any laundry this week?"
"Been too busy," he shrugged, he looked up at the ceiling.
Rogue picked up a few dirty t-shirts from the floor, draping them over her arm, "you haven't been down to dinner in four days…"
"I'll eat when I'm ready," Remy sighed, he closed his eyes, seemingly intent on sleep.
Rogue sighed and picked up some dirty socks and underwear from the floor, he certainly had been ignoring his own personal hygiene lately by the looks of it, she made a face, she didn't say anything else, instead, she left the room, and went downstairs, carrying a pile of his dirty clothes. She didn't go back to the kitchen, she headed into the laundry room and tossed the clothes in a washing machine, pouring in detergent.
"What are you doing…" Kitty's voice came from her back, at the doorway.
Rogue turned, "doing his laundry…you should see the mess of his bedroom, he's such a pig," she closed the washer, and turned it on.
"You're doing his laundry? Rogue, you are obsessed…" Kitty rolled her eyes, "let him do his own laundry – he's a grown man."
Rogue sighed, "I know…but…I don't know…okay, I don't know…I didn't even think about what I was doing until…you asked me," she frowned a little looking to the washer, as if to ask herself if she'd even done such a thing. "But just because I'm doing his laundry doesn't mean anything, alright? I am SO over him."
Kitty sighed, "are you going back to dinner? Professor Xavier sent me to look for you…"
"No, I'm not hungry."
Remy had drifted off when Rogue had come into his room, he'd been so tired, barely been able to keep his eyes open, and when he woke up, he was in the room alone – although things looked certainly tidier than when he'd fallen asleep. He sat up, rubbing his head in confusion. Rogue sauntered in with his laundry – cleaned, dried, folded, smelling meadow fresh. He looked at her with much perplexity in his dark eyes.
"You fell asleep," Rogue answered simply, she walked over to the dresser near the window and she stood wondering what drawer she should open to put the laundry into. She took a long think, weren't top drawers where guys usually put personal things – condoms, porno, and other such things? It was this reason she opened the second drawer, and put away his clothes.
"What are you doing."
"Sorting out your shit," Rogue commented, "You're a mess, Remy. Stop focussing on working in the mansion and start focussing on your own stuff," she glanced over his shoulder.
Remy looked at her, there was a silence around them, the tension so thick he felt he could cut it with a knife. Finally he sighed, "I miss you…"
Rogue turned and looked at him, "don't tell me stuff like that, I don't want to hear it," Rogue headed for the door, she stopped in the open doorway, placing her hand on the threshold, standing still for a moment. "I can be your friend, Remy, I can be your team-mate. God, I can even be the stupid girl who just does your laundry cos she's sick of seeing your mess…but I can't be the girl you used to love…"
"Used to?" Remy asked, "I still do…never stopped lovin' you…"
"I don't want to hear that," Rogue groaned and turned towards him, "I want to get through the day believing that things are okay…" she sighed.
"They can be…c'mon…" Remy stood up and walked over to her, he leaned on the other side of the threshold looking at her, "we're beyond all hope yet," he murmured.
Rogue gave a sigh, and she looked away.
"These three months have been hellish…all I do is avoid you because every time I see you I can't help but want to tell you I love you…" he brushed her hair away from her face without touching her cheek.
Rogue moved away, "don't…I can't deal with you near me…y'know, when I had visions of me and you spending our futures together it didn't involve bringing up Bella Donna's child together," she looked at him, "if you want that baby so much, then you have to deal with the fact me and you cannot be together – because children need attention, Remy…and I'm not going to be second priority."
Remy turned, "How much do you love me?"
"I don't think I love you enough to be with you with a child that isn't mine…" Rogue looked at him, "My plans don't involve babies at age seventeen…I'm going to be seventeen next month, Remy. SEVENTEEN. Not twenty seven!"
Remy sat down on the floor.
"Why couldn't you have just let her have an abortion…?" Rogue asked.
Remy closed his eyes, "Because it was the easy way out and I would have lived with guilt for the rest of my life…"
Rogue sighed, "I love you, Remy…but I can't…love you…" She looked at him sternly, "Not like I did."
Remy chewed his lip, "You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do…I'm over you," Rogue said firmly, "Face it, we will NEVER be together…so do whatever you want to do and leave me to get on with my life…" and with that, shut the door to Remy's room, and stood out in the hall, and forced not to cry. She was definitely NOT over Remy LeBeau.