Chapter 4: Realisation
Everything was hazy, and dark, and all she could feel was pain, a body pressed against her, a hand against her mouth, she tried to bite, but even the strength to do so seemed impossible, she barely had enough strength to fight.
Breathing was a challenge, and trying to open her eyes against the crude bright lighting above seemed unbearable, she couldn't see what was happening, but she could feel it – oh, she could feel it.
And she struggled, squirming, trying to break free, and only being pushed down harder, her arms pinned by one hand, the other hand on her face almost suffocating her, as the man on top of her pushed himself harder into her, moaning and grunting.
Rogue could barely conceive of her situation, all she knew was she had to get away, but her mind kept blacking out, and everything was blurry and off balance, the world swirling around her, her body betraying her.
She tried to fight harder, reminding herself she had the power to hurt anyone she wanted with her mutant powers, she could barely remember her powers were gone thanks to the serum she'd taken.
"Stop it!" she heard the guy cry at her, it was that same voice of the guy with the long hair and incredible blue eyes. Rogue felt a hard smack across her face, so hard she saw bright lights flashing in front of her eyes and the intensity of the pain felt as if her face had been hit by a truck.
Another black out, this time, she knew it must have been longer than the others, for when she finally came out of the blackness, she was alone, there was no pressing of another body against her, just a strange coldness against her naked backside, her shirt pushed up to her shoulders. She pulled herself up, trembling, panicking, eyeliner streaked down her face with tears.
She was, what looked like, a large janitors closet, the walls lined with shelves of bleach, detergent, clothes and furniture polish. She pulled her shirt down, still shaking, and pulled herself up, her legs gave way under her, and she broke into tears.
How could she have been so stupid.
There was an X-Men training session early at 6 am the next morning, only the main older members of the team – excluding the newer mutants. Kitty was the first to arrive, and then was Remy.
When Remy arrived, Kitty was waiting out in the hallway outside the danger room, waiting to be let in, the Professor apparently still programming the session in the control annex.
Kitty looked tired, as if she hadn't slept, she noted with as much surprise, Remy looked the same way.
Remy wandered up to her, "you look like shit," he commented, he was pulling his hair into a ponytail, then pulled on his black headgear, adjusting it so it fit properly.
Kitty was silent for a moment, "Gambit, she didn't come home…"
Remy looked at Kitty, "she didn't…come home…what do you mean?! Didn't you tell the Professor?"
"No…I don't want to get her into more trouble," Kitty clenched her teeth together, "You know how paranoid professor X is lately," Kitty rolled her eyes.
Remy sighed, "we should be out looking for her…"
Kitty was about to say something when the sounds of alarms began to go off, "sounds like someone's trespassing…c'mon," she yanked on the sleeve of Remy's black trenchcoat.
They headed up into the elevator, and up to the first floor, rushing out of the front doors, at first, not sure what they were looking for.
And then, they saw her, Rogue, walking slowly up the driveway, staggering, her walk strange, almost pained, even from so far away, Kitty and Remy could both tell Rogue's make up was smeared, and that something had happened.
Remy was about to rush to Rogue, but Kitty stopped him, "No!".
"But—"
"Don't, okay, just go inside…I'll talk to her…"
Remy sighed, but gave in, Kitty had rights, she was Rogue's best friend, and he was nothing more to Rogue than a thorn in her side.
Kitty rushed to Rogue. Rogue was shaking, her face pale, her mouth trembling, her make up streaked down her face, lipstick smeared across her face, her shirt slightly torn, her tights ripped.
"Rogue…jesus, where've you been…"
Rogue looked right past Kitty, to Remy, who was standing at the porch, looking concerned.
"Make him go away…" Rogue pleaded, tears forming in her eyes, "Please…make him go away…"
Kitty yelled, "Gambit, go inside!"
Remy didn't, instead, he approached, "what happened?" he demanded of Rogue, he put a hand on her arm but she flinched away.
"Stay the fuck away from me!" she screamed, "just leave me alone…" she headed up the driveway towards the mansion, her walk still strange.
"Will you just get out of her life already?!" Kitty demanded.
"I will! Just as soon as I tell her I am!" Remy hissed, he headed up the driveway, "Rogue…I have something I need to say," he stopped her by tugging on her wrist, and pulling her back.
Rogue broke away, she punched his arm, but her strength seemed barely nothing compared to the force she'd always used before.
Remy looked at her with confusion, wondering what he'd done, did she already know of his plans? "Rogue…I'm leaving, I'm going back to New Orleans…" he said, "I'm gonna marry Bella Donna…" he looked at her.
Rogue's eyes were already streaming with tears, fury, and self loathing, shaken up by what she'd been through, Remy's plans sunk into her as suddenly as did the realisation of what had happened to her in the night club. "I've been raped…" she whispered.
It took Kitty nearly two hours to calm Rogue down after she'd said it, the girl had broke down into tears, and had refused to move, she lay on the driveway, her tears staining the asphalt. She wouldn't let Remy touch her. Kitty was just as shocked as was Remy.
Kitty took Rogue to the bathroom, cleaned her face, dried her tears, and talked soothingly to her for what seemed like forever.
The tears didn't seem like they were going to stop.
"You gotta talk to Professor Xavier about this," Kitty said finally, she tossed another tear drenched tissue down the toilet, and flushed.
"Mo…" Rogue sobbed, "I can't…I can't…" she was hunched up, sitting on the counter of the first floor bathroom, still in tears. Everything had come as a shock, first the rape, then finding out about Remy's plans to marry Bella Donna. Her heart had finally broken to the extent she felt it would never be repaired.
Kitty sighed, "I don't understand how…" she said, "I mean…how could someone touch you…" she asked.
Rogue looked at Kitty through glassy teary eyes, "because I drained my powers away…"
Remy sat on the edge of his bed in the bedroom, he glanced across the room, looking into the mirror on the dresser, seeing his own reflection. How could he have let this happen? Everything. Again, he found himself feeling guilty, wondering if Rogue's rape had anything to do with himself. It was obvious she'd taken the serum, there was no other way she could have been touched.
He'd driven her to take it, he realised, he'd broken her will somehow, wounded her soul. Yet, he still couldn't piece together why she'd been raped – or who had done such a thing. The only thing he could think about was getting a hold of the bastard who'd done it and cutting him up until he wasn't recognisable anymore. Maybe murdering him – he would have gone that far for Rogue, he'd go further for her than he would for anyone else.
That's why he'd asked Bella Donna to marry him, because he knew if he could get out of Bayville, and go where Rogue would never see him again, she'd heal. But now, he was wondering how he could pull himself to leave after what had happened. He wondered if she needed him. She hadn't seemed to. In fact, she looked as if she'd kill him if he even tried to touch her as even just a comforting gesture.
He felt cold all over, the thought of her being hurt in the way she had been, her innocence taking by someone who didn't even love her, and against her will. It brought tears to his own eyes, and in the seclusion of his bedroom, he cried for her.