The Evil List
Aka snippets from the life of an Evil (Over)Lord in the process of conquering the world.
Fandom: HP
Genre: Humour, Horror
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: none
Warning: IMBHO (in my beta's humble opinion?) It may seem crazy, then it makes perfect, beautiful logic that could have come straight from the mouth of Thufir Hawat. Strange, but quite in character for Voldemort. You folks out there really need to take a gander at that list. Maybe then we'll all finally be able to do Voldemort the justice he so richly deserves—or any other Dark Lord, for that matter. But if you like your Evil Lords to be seemingly brainless and easily defeated, instead of possessing horror of horrors! a brain that actually works on logic's lines, then this is not for you.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his merry world belong to JK Rowling and whoever else owns some part of the concept. The Evil Overlord List, on the other hand, is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach and can be found at www.eviloverlord.com
I worship at the feet of the geniuses who contributed to put this on the net. Take a look, you'll understand.
A/N: I'm taking suggestions for other snippets. Come on, you know you want to.
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Snippet 1
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
"Don't waste your breath! He can't hear you from here!"
"Can't I, Potter?"
He should have killed the brat there and then, not wasted the precious few next seconds talking. The meddling old fool of Dumbledore wouldn't have had the time to interfere then.
Next time, he would kill first, talk later. Corpses made great listeners, he found out now that he had some thought on the matter. And they did not grate on his nerves as much as the living.
"Mas.. Master? Wh… who are you talking t…"
Neither did they sputter, tremble and trail off stupidly around him. It grew tiring after a while, especially among his Death Eaters. On the other hand, the smell was starting to incommode even him. Oh well, all things had a price.
Turning to face Wormtail, Voldemort smirked when he saw the frightened eyes and pale face. He strolled towards him and his inner glee rose when the Animagus failed to immediately follow him from the eyes. When he finally did, his way of carefully looking anywhere but behind his Master was simply … inspiring.
So, as he passed Wormtail on his way through the door, he spoke as an afterthought, "Wormtail, dispose of our ministry friend. I've had quite enough of him hanging around."
Then, ignoring the strangled reply, Voldemort kept walking. Oh yes, kill first and talk later had definite potential.