September 29
Diary,
This week my psychiatrist appointment on Sunday was different, Mrs. Po was
sick so I saw another employee of that firm, his name was Mr. Marquise, and
he told me to call him Zechs. He had long blonde hair, just like that
person in my dream. He is nothing like Mrs. Po, or any other adult I have
ever met. It was like I could trust him, I told him more than I have told
anyone ever before, I told him everything that I write in my diary. I told
him about how jealous I was of Duo and Heero, and how I didn't want Quatre
and Trowa to become a couple because I didn't want to be alone again. I
don't really want to go back to seeing Mrs. Po, what if he tells her what I
told him? What if she tells my parents?
September 30 Diary, Well, it happened, two things actually. One: Quatre and Trowa are now together. Two: My parents know everything. They know about how I sometimes loathe them even though they are so nice to me. They know that I hate them asking questions but they asked me some 200 about my friends at school and why I haven't invited them for dinner. I was alone at lunch; I will be alone today at lunch. After school, I am so alone.
October 1 Diary, Hilde came by yesterday, she asked where the others were, I told her they were all off making out. She didn't believe me, she's not the smartest person in the world. She doesn't believe that homosexuality exists. She laughed and walked away. I knew she didn't stick around because of me.
October 2 Diary, I was talking to my sandwich yesterday, I almost wished that I would talk back; I think I am going crazy. My parents have decided that I should not be so closed off and they have made every night into family time, 5:00 until bedtime we all do something together, watch TV, play a game, have a 'family therapy session'. It doesn't matter anyway though, it's not like there is anywhere to go. Nobody in the group has any reason to hang out with me. They have their little pairs and I'm out in the cold.
October 3 Diary, Last night, the decision was for a family therapy session, it was not fun. In fact it was very uncomfortable, my parents are so pushy. They do not seem to have any conscious thought as to whether their questions are getting too personal or not. Maybe it's my fault for not telling them what they want to know. They would not like it if I did. They want me to tell them the deep truth and they want the deep truth to be something they want to hear and that they can fix. They want me to be fixable. Maybe I will fix myself. I don't want to see Mrs. Po again, I don't want to talk to my parents, they would enjoy having a dead son, and it means sympathy from other people. They like being the popular ones. My friends wouldn't care, they probably wouldn't even notice. I will, on Saturday night they can find me in the morning and I won't have to face Mrs. Po again. This will fix everything.
September 30 Diary, Well, it happened, two things actually. One: Quatre and Trowa are now together. Two: My parents know everything. They know about how I sometimes loathe them even though they are so nice to me. They know that I hate them asking questions but they asked me some 200 about my friends at school and why I haven't invited them for dinner. I was alone at lunch; I will be alone today at lunch. After school, I am so alone.
October 1 Diary, Hilde came by yesterday, she asked where the others were, I told her they were all off making out. She didn't believe me, she's not the smartest person in the world. She doesn't believe that homosexuality exists. She laughed and walked away. I knew she didn't stick around because of me.
October 2 Diary, I was talking to my sandwich yesterday, I almost wished that I would talk back; I think I am going crazy. My parents have decided that I should not be so closed off and they have made every night into family time, 5:00 until bedtime we all do something together, watch TV, play a game, have a 'family therapy session'. It doesn't matter anyway though, it's not like there is anywhere to go. Nobody in the group has any reason to hang out with me. They have their little pairs and I'm out in the cold.
October 3 Diary, Last night, the decision was for a family therapy session, it was not fun. In fact it was very uncomfortable, my parents are so pushy. They do not seem to have any conscious thought as to whether their questions are getting too personal or not. Maybe it's my fault for not telling them what they want to know. They would not like it if I did. They want me to tell them the deep truth and they want the deep truth to be something they want to hear and that they can fix. They want me to be fixable. Maybe I will fix myself. I don't want to see Mrs. Po again, I don't want to talk to my parents, they would enjoy having a dead son, and it means sympathy from other people. They like being the popular ones. My friends wouldn't care, they probably wouldn't even notice. I will, on Saturday night they can find me in the morning and I won't have to face Mrs. Po again. This will fix everything.