A/N: Here it is people! I hope you like it! It's a two-part
episode/chapter/party
The next chapter is a lot more fun than this one
Chapter 12
[TV Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?
Rachel: So, how was the party?
Chandler: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Phoebe: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.
Chandler: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?
Phoebe: No, not weight... y'know, more like insulation.
Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
Monica: Please.
All: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.
Chandler: Alright, OK, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
OPENING TITLES
[Not TV: The Gang with a bunch of their other friends are at Monica and Rachel's and are watching the video. Everyone is laughing. Guests that we recognize: Pete, Monica's Boyfriend (A/N: This is Season three...and everything takes place around this time...) Janice, (No wonder Chandlers upset at Monica for inviting her) Carol and Susan, Gunther and Sophie and Joanna from Rachel's office. Other guests include some guys from Chandler's office and some familiar people from previous parties that the gang has had.]
Susan: We always knew you guys were on TV
Carol: But Marta and David forbid us to tell you
Joey: Why? We'd find out anyway!
Monica: I think its invasion of privacy!
Phoebe (dancing around with a glass in her hand) But I love it!! (she's a little drunk)
Ross and Rachel are sitting in a corner playing Poker. After watching the Poker episode, Rachel suggested they have a best of three game to see who was the better player. Ross excepted the challenge and they had begun to play. All throughout the evening, Ross and Rachel had been playing one-on-one Poker. their best of three game would have ended long ago if only Rachel hadn't accused Ross of cheating. this being the case, they had to start the game all over again...and again...and again.
Rachel: Ross! you saw my cards didn't you?
Ross: No I didn't!
Rachel: Yes you did ! I saw you! Ross: No I...What? Rachel: I'm dealing a new hand! Monica: (in a corner) when will those two stop arguing and realize their perfect for each other?
(TV Scene: Central Perk)
Phoebe: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
Rachel: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?
Rachel: Yeah, Monica's setting' me up.
Joey: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
Rachel: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
Chandler: So you really OK about all this?
Rachel: Oh yeah, C'Mon, I'm moving' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, throw her through the damn thing.
[Ross and Julie enter.]
Ross: Hi guys.
ALL: Hey.
Ross: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, OK?
Monica: Only if you say his full name.
Ross: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys.
Monica: Alright.
Joey: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
Ross: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
Rachel: Together?
Ross: Uh huh.
Rachel: Both of you?
Ross: Yep.
Rachel: Together.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
Rachel: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Ross: Hopefully.
Rachel: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I got a date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a have a really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
Not TV: Ross: see, your always flustered around me! Rachel: Oh please! that was a long time ago and I was...well I liked you! (looks at him) god knows why! Ross: Hey!!!
(Phoebe and Joey are in a corner)
Joey: Pheebs! I know you're drunk but can you TRY to understand me?
(Phoebe is balancing a cushion on her head and is wearing her left shoe in her hand) Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs!
Phoebe: Jooooeeeyyyy! (she hugs him) how have you beeen?
Joey: Ok Pheebs...you need to lie down)
Phoebe: But I wanna a party! wooooo!
Joey shakes his head a s Phoebe picks up a coaster and tries to eat it.
(Pete, Chandler and Monica are in another corner)
Chandler: Maybe we should try and get Ross and Rachel back together!
Monica: yeah I know...it would be so good for them!
Pete: From what I've been watching (gestures to the TV) they'd be perfect for each other.
Chandler: Ok...so what should we do?
TV Scene: Rachel, who is on a date with a guy called Michael, pours the last of the champagne bottle in her glass.]
Rachel: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Michael: Fruitflies?
Rachel: Yes! Thank you.
[The waiter comes to the table.]
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
Michael: No! No dessert, just a check, please.
Rachel: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?
Michael: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Rachel: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie.
Michael:: Look do you want a piece of pie or something?
Rachel: No! Ah! It's too late for that man. I have just screwed this all up. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
Michael: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.
Rachel: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Michael: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."
Rachel: Closure that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Hang on.
Rachel: Hello, excuse me.
GUY: What.
Rachel: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
GUY: I'm talkin'!
Rachel: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
Rachel: Thank you. (To Michael in a drunk way) I am so good with people. OK. [dials] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael:. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Monica (Not TV): Thats it!!!! Chandler: Whats it? Monica: c'mon. we have to get Ross and Rachel to stop playing poker and start seriously watching the show!
END OF PART ONE
A/N: coming up: More drunken Phoebe, The getting together of Ross and Rachel, chandler hooks up with someone unexpected and there's a surprising declaration!
Chapter 12
[TV Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?
Rachel: So, how was the party?
Chandler: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Phoebe: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.
Chandler: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?
Phoebe: No, not weight... y'know, more like insulation.
Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
Monica: Please.
All: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.
Chandler: Alright, OK, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
OPENING TITLES
[Not TV: The Gang with a bunch of their other friends are at Monica and Rachel's and are watching the video. Everyone is laughing. Guests that we recognize: Pete, Monica's Boyfriend (A/N: This is Season three...and everything takes place around this time...) Janice, (No wonder Chandlers upset at Monica for inviting her) Carol and Susan, Gunther and Sophie and Joanna from Rachel's office. Other guests include some guys from Chandler's office and some familiar people from previous parties that the gang has had.]
Susan: We always knew you guys were on TV
Carol: But Marta and David forbid us to tell you
Joey: Why? We'd find out anyway!
Monica: I think its invasion of privacy!
Phoebe (dancing around with a glass in her hand) But I love it!! (she's a little drunk)
Ross and Rachel are sitting in a corner playing Poker. After watching the Poker episode, Rachel suggested they have a best of three game to see who was the better player. Ross excepted the challenge and they had begun to play. All throughout the evening, Ross and Rachel had been playing one-on-one Poker. their best of three game would have ended long ago if only Rachel hadn't accused Ross of cheating. this being the case, they had to start the game all over again...and again...and again.
Rachel: Ross! you saw my cards didn't you?
Ross: No I didn't!
Rachel: Yes you did ! I saw you! Ross: No I...What? Rachel: I'm dealing a new hand! Monica: (in a corner) when will those two stop arguing and realize their perfect for each other?
(TV Scene: Central Perk)
Phoebe: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
Rachel: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?
Rachel: Yeah, Monica's setting' me up.
Joey: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
Rachel: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
Chandler: So you really OK about all this?
Rachel: Oh yeah, C'Mon, I'm moving' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, throw her through the damn thing.
[Ross and Julie enter.]
Ross: Hi guys.
ALL: Hey.
Ross: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, OK?
Monica: Only if you say his full name.
Ross: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys.
Monica: Alright.
Joey: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
Ross: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
Rachel: Together?
Ross: Uh huh.
Rachel: Both of you?
Ross: Yep.
Rachel: Together.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
Rachel: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Ross: Hopefully.
Rachel: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I got a date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a have a really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
Not TV: Ross: see, your always flustered around me! Rachel: Oh please! that was a long time ago and I was...well I liked you! (looks at him) god knows why! Ross: Hey!!!
(Phoebe and Joey are in a corner)
Joey: Pheebs! I know you're drunk but can you TRY to understand me?
(Phoebe is balancing a cushion on her head and is wearing her left shoe in her hand) Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs!
Phoebe: Jooooeeeyyyy! (she hugs him) how have you beeen?
Joey: Ok Pheebs...you need to lie down)
Phoebe: But I wanna a party! wooooo!
Joey shakes his head a s Phoebe picks up a coaster and tries to eat it.
(Pete, Chandler and Monica are in another corner)
Chandler: Maybe we should try and get Ross and Rachel back together!
Monica: yeah I know...it would be so good for them!
Pete: From what I've been watching (gestures to the TV) they'd be perfect for each other.
Chandler: Ok...so what should we do?
TV Scene: Rachel, who is on a date with a guy called Michael, pours the last of the champagne bottle in her glass.]
Rachel: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Michael: Fruitflies?
Rachel: Yes! Thank you.
[The waiter comes to the table.]
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
Michael: No! No dessert, just a check, please.
Rachel: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?
Michael: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Rachel: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie.
Michael:: Look do you want a piece of pie or something?
Rachel: No! Ah! It's too late for that man. I have just screwed this all up. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
Michael: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.
Rachel: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Michael: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."
Rachel: Closure that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Hang on.
Rachel: Hello, excuse me.
GUY: What.
Rachel: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
GUY: I'm talkin'!
Rachel: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
Rachel: Thank you. (To Michael in a drunk way) I am so good with people. OK. [dials] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael:. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Monica (Not TV): Thats it!!!! Chandler: Whats it? Monica: c'mon. we have to get Ross and Rachel to stop playing poker and start seriously watching the show!
END OF PART ONE
A/N: coming up: More drunken Phoebe, The getting together of Ross and Rachel, chandler hooks up with someone unexpected and there's a surprising declaration!