Oddwen was bitten by a plotbunny. I think theyÕre malnourished.
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Da sky was blue. Or would be, if it was daytime. Actually, it is daytime, it just don't look dat way. It's dat Sauron. He's gettin' too big fer his britches. Dat's why I'm here. Let me introduce myself. I'm Aragorn son of Arathorn, and I'm a detective. You may laugh at me, but lemmie tell ya, if you were on da pointy end of my blade, you'd be laughin' out da other side of your mouth.
It all happened one day near Mordor. Gandalf da Grey had hired me for a case that had him stumped. He wanted me to find Gollum, 'cuz he had some news dat could put Sauron out of bid'ness right quick.
I had been lookin' for da slimy creep for ages, when comin' back from Mordor-way, I suddenly came upon what I had been seekin'.
Tracks. Big ones.
I finally found da creep lookin' at his reflection in a slimy bog. Wid some effort on my part, I captured da creep and took him to da Wood-elves in Moikwood. Dey kept him safe for a while, but da nincompoops let him escape. But dat's a story for anodda time.
Anyway, here I am, near da Stone of Erech, and it's nearin' ta midnight.
At dawn we leave.
Some broad just elbowed her way inta my tent, the noive!
"Hey, Dunadan," she said in a deep, husky-like voice, "I've got a job for you."
"Yeah, sweetheart?" I say. "You can tell old Aragorn-baby!"
Wid a pause, no doubt due to my ex-per-tise, she continued. "I simply must get rid of this Dwarf. He insists on threatening to shave my head!"
"Well, baby, dis is serious! Now just set your lovely self down by me here, and we'll discuss da particulars."
She gave me a look dat could have killed a lesser guy. "You do know who I am, don't you?"
"Of couse I don't, babe! So why don'cha mosey on ovah and tell ol' Aragorn-honey?"
After she rolled her eyes and tapped her pretty liddle foot fer a time, she answered me. "I KNEW it, that Dwarf has you on his side, hasn't he? Well, I'll show HIM!" And wid dat, she stormed out of my tent and out of my life forevah. No matta. I've got a lovely little elf babe waitin' for me back home.
But anyway. It's dawn, and time ta be off. Ya know, dat dame looked kinda familiah. Maybe I've seen her somewhere. Nah.
Dere's a commotion outside my tent. I gotta go see what's da mattah.
Oi, have we got a problem! It seems da elf-babe attacked da Dwahf widdout a good reason. Dat's insuboardination. I tink.
Anyway, I got dat all straightened out, and we've gotta be off. I tell ya, bein' the heir of Isildur ain't all it's cracked up ta be, ya know?
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Like it? Hate it? Let me know!
_____________________________________________
Da sky was blue. Or would be, if it was daytime. Actually, it is daytime, it just don't look dat way. It's dat Sauron. He's gettin' too big fer his britches. Dat's why I'm here. Let me introduce myself. I'm Aragorn son of Arathorn, and I'm a detective. You may laugh at me, but lemmie tell ya, if you were on da pointy end of my blade, you'd be laughin' out da other side of your mouth.
It all happened one day near Mordor. Gandalf da Grey had hired me for a case that had him stumped. He wanted me to find Gollum, 'cuz he had some news dat could put Sauron out of bid'ness right quick.
I had been lookin' for da slimy creep for ages, when comin' back from Mordor-way, I suddenly came upon what I had been seekin'.
Tracks. Big ones.
I finally found da creep lookin' at his reflection in a slimy bog. Wid some effort on my part, I captured da creep and took him to da Wood-elves in Moikwood. Dey kept him safe for a while, but da nincompoops let him escape. But dat's a story for anodda time.
Anyway, here I am, near da Stone of Erech, and it's nearin' ta midnight.
At dawn we leave.
Some broad just elbowed her way inta my tent, the noive!
"Hey, Dunadan," she said in a deep, husky-like voice, "I've got a job for you."
"Yeah, sweetheart?" I say. "You can tell old Aragorn-baby!"
Wid a pause, no doubt due to my ex-per-tise, she continued. "I simply must get rid of this Dwarf. He insists on threatening to shave my head!"
"Well, baby, dis is serious! Now just set your lovely self down by me here, and we'll discuss da particulars."
She gave me a look dat could have killed a lesser guy. "You do know who I am, don't you?"
"Of couse I don't, babe! So why don'cha mosey on ovah and tell ol' Aragorn-honey?"
After she rolled her eyes and tapped her pretty liddle foot fer a time, she answered me. "I KNEW it, that Dwarf has you on his side, hasn't he? Well, I'll show HIM!" And wid dat, she stormed out of my tent and out of my life forevah. No matta. I've got a lovely little elf babe waitin' for me back home.
But anyway. It's dawn, and time ta be off. Ya know, dat dame looked kinda familiah. Maybe I've seen her somewhere. Nah.
Dere's a commotion outside my tent. I gotta go see what's da mattah.
Oi, have we got a problem! It seems da elf-babe attacked da Dwahf widdout a good reason. Dat's insuboardination. I tink.
Anyway, I got dat all straightened out, and we've gotta be off. I tell ya, bein' the heir of Isildur ain't all it's cracked up ta be, ya know?
________________________________________---
Like it? Hate it? Let me know!