A/N: Okay, I'll just post this chapter, and when I come back from North Carolina next week I'll
write the epilogue. Maybe I should rename this fic "One More Chapter?" (shrugs) So sue me.

A big thank you to all my reviewers. And now, chapter eight:

* * *

5:15am:

"Dr. J!"

"Heero?" Duo's voice held mixed hope and disbelief. He turned his head toward Heero and saw him
looking around with an unfocused expression, but slowly coming back to his senses, and a feeling of
unutterable relief swept over him. He slipped out quickly from underneath Heero's shoulder and held
him upright until he was fully sure that he was standing on his own again.

"I was dreaming." Heero said dazedly. "I was awake, but I was dreaming."

"Is he gone?" asked Duo.

Heero nodded.

"For good?"

"Hn."

"How much do you remember?" Duo asked carefully. There was so much that depended on Heero's
answer.

Heero took a moment to recall. He remembered coming to the beach. . . Duo antagonizing him into
building a "sand" castle. . . getting an itchy red rash. . . blank. . . fighting desperately with his
controller over Duo's life. . . blank. . . confusion. . . deep, deep turmoil. . . in the deep water. . . in
the deep, red water. . . and then. . . oh, no. . . oh, no, damn it, he'd lost it!

He'd lost it all, and humiliated himself completely!

He turned away from Duo, not wanting to meet his stare. He felt ashamed and angry, like he had
been caught soiling himself.

"Heero, don't. . ." Duo put a hand on his shoulder --- which Heero allowed to remain, not willing to
give up anything more.

"I guess I have a lot to make up for," said Duo. He went around to stand in front of him, and looked
into his eyes.

Heero clenched his fists, glaring angrily at Duo. Unclenched them. Yes, he remembered all too well.

{{~Strong?~ Heero had always thought of Duo as a weak person, somebody who needed protecting.

{He's a rock. said Dr. J, simply.

{"Look, Dr. J, it's not rock at all, but sand."}}

Duo put his hands on Heero's shoulders. "I'm glad you're back," he said.

Heero's hands, clenching, unclenching, clenching again while he fought his internal battle. His body
completely tense, his face a rigid, trembling mask while his eyes seemed to want to burn holes right
through Duo's head. ~Is he trying not to cry?~ Duo wondered. ~Or is he trying not to kill me?~

~This is your fault,~ those eyes seemed to accuse him. ~all your fault, Duo. . . you and that stupid sand castle of yours. . .~

{{He's a rock, said Dr. J, simply.

{"Look, Dr. J, it's not rock at all, but sand."

{"Real sand. . ." And then ---

"I'm glad you're back, Heero. . ." said Duo. "I was"

{--- Deathscythe screaming out into a sea of stars ---

{"Heero, please," Duo pleaded in a hoarse whisper. "TRUST me. . ."

"worried about you."

{--- Deathscythe fighting ---

Heero squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see any more. His entire body shuddered with fear and
loathing as he vainly tried --- dry-eyed, rigid and scraped bloody raw as he was --- he vainly tried to
hold back the flood of images and emotions that Dr. J's logic bomb was downloading.

{--- Deathscythe destroying ---}}

And then Duo embraced his slender, payed out form --- tentatively, since Heero was refusing to
return the gesture. "Sorry, Heero. I know you don't want me with you right now," he sighed wearily
into his ear. ". . . just. . . I guess for now we'll just have to make do." A plea.

And ~. . . that stupid, God-forsaken sand castle. . .~ he thought angrily.

And then Heero's body gave another titanic spasm --- like a small explosion --- and this time his arms
rose, and he wound them tightly around Duo's midriff with a hitching sob.

"Heero. . . ?" Duo gasped out.

--- Deathscythe falling ---

And a single hot, bittersweet tear escaped from each of his eyes and fell on Duo's shoulder.

"Stay. . ." said Heero.

--- Deathscythe burning --- !!

With tears of deep gratitude welling up in his eyes, Duo tightened his embrace. "I'll always be here
for you, Heero," he promised fervently. "Thank you."

"Thank you," said Heero.

And with that, the flood finally came.

* * *

The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
You sometimes drive me crazy ---
But I worry about you

I know it makes no difference
To what you're going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg ---
And I worry about you. . .

Absalom
Absalom

-from "Distant Early Warning" by Neil Peart

* * *

"So he's really gone for good this time?" Duo asked about a half-hour later as they were walking
slowly back to the plane. Heero had finally come out and explained everything to him.

Heero nodded, wiping his eyes for about the hundredth time. "Mm-hm," he affirmed, sniffing. "His
program went nonfunctional after it downloaded my detained personal reference files."

Duo put his arm around Heero's shoulder. "They're not 'personal reference files', Heero. They're
emotions. They're for human beings. And you're a human being, not a computer."

"I know what emotions are," Heero said softly. "But my brain has been trained to perform as a
computer, and a lot of this raw data simply does not compute."

"Such as?"

"Such as us being together, like we are. I know from scanning reference materials on biology,
sociology and religion that men and women are supposed to get together like this and form a bond.
When it's two persons of the same gender, like us, it's called an aberration."

"That's okay, Heero," said Duo benignly. "So your brain has taken what you read and cross-
referenced it with your raw input and compared the two with the situation you were in and how
you're feeling now, and so now it's barfed up doodley-squat. Great, whatever." He stopped and
turned Heero around to face him. "I'm afraid I don't know how to help you deal with these feelings.
But just remember that just because your brain was trained to perform like a programmable
computer. . . that doesn't mean you can't transcend your programming. Human beings can do that.
We have souls."

Heero considered this for a moment, and then a huge smile lit up his face. "Heh."

~Look at that,~ Duo thought joyously. ~Who needs the sun?~

And as the sun peaked over the horizon, Duo suddenly caught his breath.

"Heero, look!" he exclaimed. "Look at all the shells!"

As far as they could see in both directions, newly deposited shells could be seen, piles upon glittering
sunlit piles of them. It was as if the gulf had chosen that particular day to give up its treasure,
revealing the wonders of its depths for only their eyes to see.

"I'm going to pick up a few," said Duo.

"Why?" asked Heero.

"I want a keepsake."

"Duo, I really don't see the purpose ---"

"Come on, Heero!" Duo yelled, running over to the nearest clump.

Heero shook his head and went after him. "Doesn't compute. . ."

Duo knelt and inspected the pile he'd chosen. Here he saw conch shells, tritons, spiky-looking
murexes, and even a large, rare nautilus, the kind he once saw made into a cup that was sitting on
Treize Khushrenada's desk, set in a golden stand. Most of them, however, were disappointing --- just
humble-looking cockleshells, the kind one sees on almost any beach, anywhere in the world. Some of
them lying about were tinged with blue or brown near the edges, but many were pure white, and they
all gleamed in the new morning sunlight.

~Like bones.~

"Oh, JEEZ. . ." Duo closed his eyes and shuddered, realizing he'd never be able to collect seashells
again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. Heero was standing in front of him with a
concerned look on his face. "Are you all right?" he asked.

~One shell,~ Duo told himself grimly. ~Just one. As a reminder. . .~

He shuddered again, then reached out and picked up a single small cockleshell. Then he stood up to
face Heero, fighting the urge to look back over his shoulder.

"On second thought, Heero," he said, his voice quavering. "Forget the shells. Let's just go."

They turned around and walked back to the plane.

* * *

"Let us repeat that prayer in the hour when the wicked assail us,
Let us repeat it now and say, 'O Father, forgive them!' "

-from "Evangeline" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tbc