She sat on her bed, thinking about the events of the past month. She'd
gained respect from Snape, cut ties from Ron and Harry.things were going
well. She was becoming an honorary Slytherin. She knew the password to
their common room, spent much of her time there, had become secret friends
with most of the Slytherins. she never thought it would happen, but here
she was. Just what she wanted.
Well, not all that she wanted. She'd begun to have feelings for Draco beyond friendship. She wanted to be able to be seen with him not get him in trouble for associating with her. She just wanted to be with him.
She sighed. It wouldn't happen, of course. He'd probably rather be with Pansy Parkinson or Millicent Bulstrode. She'd seen both of them hanging on him at one time or another. 'No such luck, 'Mione,' she thought sadly. 'He doesn't want that. Only the information you'll give him. That's all he wants.'
But she wouldn't stop. She wouldn't stop giving him information, working for him. She wouldn't make his life hard. She wanted to help him in any way possible. Even if he didn't feel the same. She sighed again. It was always worth her time. She felt like a stupid girl, but she didn't care. She wanted to know if he felt the same. She had to meet with him. She got out a piece of parchment and quickly wrote:
Draco- Meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight at midnight. -'Mione
She only hoped he would meet her there. She wanted to tell him how she felt. Was it wise? She didn't care. She just wanted to get it out into the open. It had been eating at her since the beginning of the term, since she'd come back, and she needed to get it off her chest. Now, if only he felt the same way. she could only hope.
She went to the Owlery and sent the note. Now all she could do was wait.
---
When he got the owl, he folded it carefully and placed it in his pocket. He would meet her there.
---
Dinner and the entire evening went so slowly that Hermione thought she was going to die. She was trying to plan what she was going to say to him, but everything she came up with was just stupid. "Draco, I really like you" sounded sophomoric. She was more intelligent than that. She didn't want to sound like one of those silly notes, the "Do you like me? Check yes or no" ones. She rolled her eyes. What the hell was she going to do? She didn't want to just wing it; she tended to make a complete fool of herself when she did that. She shook her head.
'You'd better think of something, and soon,' she warned herself. 'Midnight will be here sooner than you think.'
She tried to immerse herself in her homework to take her mind off of what she was going to do. Her Divinations book was not doing that. It just made her wish that it was midnight; that she could predict the future. She wanted to be able to know what was going to happen. She sighed. Why couldn't this be easier?
---
He wondered what she had to say to him. Did she have more information? He hoped so. His arsenal was just about depleted. His father was beginning to get on his back about his grades (Hermione was surpassing him, as usual) and his Quidditch playing (Potter was still beating him). He needed to find something to make Lucius happy.
'That's easy,' he thought sarcastically. He had no clue as to what would make his father happy. Well, the death of Muggles and Mudbloods would satisfy him, but Draco wasn't going to kill anyone, nor was he going to have anyone killed. Not a wise idea.
But back to the matter at hand. What was she going to do? Her owls had usually said that she had information for him, but this one hadn't. He really wanted to know. If midnight didn't come soon, he'd go crazy.
---
Hermione left Gryffindor at 11:30, wanting to get to the tower before Draco did. She wanted to have the advantage of position in the room. She wanted to be ready for him when he came in, not feeling awkward coming in with him already there.
She was in luck. She made it before he did. She stood with her back to the door, looking out the window into the dark, clear night. The stars looked back at her, seeming as if they knew something she didn't. They seemed to know what she was doing, what she was about to do. She pursed her lips, still unsure of what would happen. She would find out soon enough, she supposed.
Right then, she heard the creak of the door. She didn't turn. She knew it was him. Who else would come up to the tower at midnight, blatantly disobeying school rules?
She heard his voice saying her name softly, in a tone she'd never heard before, gentle and kind, but she still didn't turn around. She wanted to have the advantage over him; she wanted him to come to her.
He did, momentarily. He stood beside her and looked her in the eye.
"What's up? Why did you call me up here?" he asked, his tone calmly demanding.
She didn't speak. Instead, she turned so she faced him, looked him in the eyes, and kissed him slightly on his lips. She quickly pulled away and turned back to look out the window again.
'Jeez, Hermione, that was stupid of you,' she reproached herself. 'You didn't want to look sophomoric, but you did anyway! Good job!'
When he didn't turn back to her, she knew it was lost, that she'd messed everything up. She turned around and began walking out, hoping he'd stop her.
He didn't. He only turned when he was sure she'd left the tower. The look on his face was more than uncharacteristic of him. He looked positively shocked. What made her do that? What made her think that he would reciprocate? There was no way that he, a Malfoy, could date her, a Mudblood. Not that he wanted to, of course, he told himself. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. That would just be wrong. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor? Never. He left the tower shaking his head.
---
Hermione almost flew down the stairs, blinded by hot, stinging tears. What had she been thinking? Of course he wouldn't feel the same; he was a Malfoy, and she a.a.a MUDBLOOD! It could never work. She must have had a temporary lapse in judgment. 'Impossible,' she thought. 'How could you ever think to be so stupid?'
She stopped to catch her breath near the painting of Sir Cadogan.
"What ho, damsel!" he yelled.
She ignored him. He annoyed her.
Again he yelled, "What ho, damsel!"
She turned around, her eyes red-rimmed and brimming with tears, and snarled, "Leave me alone, you awful painting!"
"You're lucky you're a lady!" he roared. "I'd challenge you to a duel if you weren't!"
She turned away from him and slid down the wall, sitting on the cold concrete floor. She buried her head in her hands and sobbed, not wanting to return to the common room. It would invite too many questions that she wasn't willing to answer. Her tears were soaking her hands and going through to her robes, but she didn't care. She didn't want to live anymore. She'd made a fool out of herself.
She heard footsteps coming down the corridor and she pulled her knees to her chest, hiding her face. She didn't want to be questioned, though she was almost certain she would be: it was after midnight and she was out of bed. She'd be given detention for sure. She didn't care anymore. She was distraught. She just wanted to be left alone.
"Miss Granger?"
'Crap,' she thought. It was Snape. Just the person she didn't want to see. She never wanted to see any Slytherin again, much less him. She would almost surely be expelled.
"Miss Granger, might I ask what you are doing out of bed?" His unctuous voice was so sharp it could cut glass.
She didn't answer. She couldn't, even if she'd wanted to. Her tears had consumed her vocal cords.
"I won't ask you again, Miss Granger," he snapped. "Either you answer me or you'll get detention for a month."
She still didn't answer. She was indisposed. She could feel his cold stare and she shivered violently. Her shoulders shook both from her sobs and her shivers. She needed to regain control of her body. She needed to compose herself to answer Snape. She didn't want detention, no matter that she wasn't really a Gryffindor anymore.
"Fine, Miss Granger, you leave me no choice. Your detention will be---" He was halted by another person entering the corridor.
"Mr. Malfoy," Snape snapped. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"Taking a walk," Draco responded lazily.
"Well, walk on back to your room," Snape ordered.
Hermione didn't believe this. It wasn't fair! He was also out of bed; he should be getting a detention too! She lifted her head and glared at both of them.
Draco saw her face stained with tears and immediately felt guilty. It was his fault she was upset, his fault that she was getting detention. He wanted to talk Professor Snape out of it. Probably wouldn't be well received, but it was worth a try.
"Professor, it was my fault that she was out here," he started, ignoring the startled looks on their faces. Should he tell Snape of their alliance? It might be the only way to get her out of detention.
"Well. it's like this," he began, looking at Snape and avoiding Hermione's gaze. "Hermione and I-" This was the first time he'd called her by her first name while talking about her. Usually it was "the Mudblood" or "the Granger girl." He continued with, ".we started working together on a, well, project, you could say, last year. We teamed up against Potter and Weasley."
Snape stared at him in disbelief. Draco went on.
"Since Hermione is in their house, they trust her. They tell her things that they wouldn't tell anyone else. She then shares this stuff with me, and, since it wouldn't look right for her to taunt her own housemates, I do it. It's worked quite well, Professor."
"You never got to the part about why she'd out tonight," Snape reminded him icily.
"Oh. I owled her to discuss something about the project. She's been owling me information lately and we're trying to figure out a way in which to use her information.," Draco lied easily.
Snape looked at Draco, at Hermione, and then back at Draco. He paused, and then nodded.
"Carry on," he said shortly. "Just don't let me catch you again." With that, he turned away, his long black robes swirling behind him. He made no sound as he walked away.
Hermione didn't look at Draco. She couldn't. She was too embarrassed.
She didn't have to look, because he slid down the wall next to her and tried to look at her under her hands. He caught a glimpse of her tear- stained face and felt guiltier than before. She probably wanted to be left alone. He rose to leave and she looked up at him, her teary eyes red- rimmed and glistening.
"Don't go," she said in a voice that was barely audible.
He looked down at her with surprise in his eyes. She actually wanted him to stay, after what he'd done.or hadn't done? He sat down on the cold floor next to her. He looked into her eyes and smiled a small smile.
She didn't smile back. She wiped her eyes and looked down. Mumbling to herself, she said, "I don't know what I was thinking. It could never work." She twisted her fingers together and bit her lip. She felt so uncomfortable around him, after what she'd just done and what he did to save her from detention. She stole a glance at him and saw that he had looked away. 'Just as well,' she thought. 'I don't want him seeing me like this.'
He didn't look directly at her, but continued to glance at her from the corners of his eyes. He knew she probably was embarrassed about how she was acting, how she was looking, right now, and he didn't want to add any more to it, more than he already had. Draco still couldn't believe what had happened. He never expected her to kiss him.never. He was so shocked that he couldn't even move for several minutes after it happened. He couldn't have followed her even if he had wanted to. He bit his lip and didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. 'Sorry, Hermione, I couldn't love you'? 'That was a nice kiss but I could never dream of being with you'? He shook his head. He couldn't say that. Not just because it would upset her more, but because, deep within himself, he knew it wasn't true. He breathed deeply and turned to face her. He had to gather up all of his strength and courage for this.
"Hermione?" he asked, his voice not coming out in the way he had planned. It sounded broken and frightened, instead of confident and strong the way he wanted it to.
She didn't answer him. She was afraid of what he had to say.
He placed one hand on her right knee, feeling the soft satin of her robes and her slender leg beneath it. "Please, Hermione, look at me." He felt like he was begging, which was not something he was used to.
She slowly turned her head to face him. She looked a combination of sad and angry. "What? Have you come to tell me you hate me, that you never want to see me again? If that's it, I don't want to hear it." She started to stand, but Draco pushed her back down.
"'Mione, please, listen to me." This was the first time he'd ever used her nickname. She was surprised but didn't show it.
"Please, listen," he almost pleaded. He looked in her eyes and brushed a lock of her hair from her cheek gently. He was surprised at how soft her skin was, even when it was soaked with tears. "I don't hate you. I could never again hate you." He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "I don't. I promise." He was digging himself a hole, and it was getting deeper and deeper with each word he said. He didn't know how to tell her that he did feel the same way that she did, that he wanted to see her every day of his life. Words were not forming in his mouth and he frowned. Suddenly he had an idea; he knew how to tell her what he needed to say. He turned her head to face his, leaned in, and kissed her softly on the lips. He rested one hand on her right shoulder, the other still on her knee, and looked at her, trying to convey his feelings without words.
Hermione was shocked. She thought he hated her, that he never wanted to be associated with her. She thought that what she had done was pure stupidity and selfishness and that no one would want to be with her after she had done something like that.
"But.but.you didn't.I didn't think.but." she stammered in disbelief.
He gave her a sheepish half smile. "Yeah.I know." He took one hand and held it in both of his, not speaking. He couldn't think of any words to describe how he was feeling. Her hands were soft, the skin lightly covered in tears. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he could never do anything like that again, that he had feelings for her like she did for him, but no words would come out of his mouth. He sat facing her with a goofy grin upon his face, holding her hand. He was silent, as was she.
Suddenly Hermione spoke.
"I didn't scare you?" she asked timidly.
He laughed slightly, his laugh a bit cold. "Of course not. Would I be here if you had?" His tone sounded slightly irritated, that she wasn't taking this all at face value, that she had to read into things.
She smiled with relief, not hearing the irritation in his voice. She squeezed his hand slightly and then abruptly stood.
"It's late. I have to go." She left without explanation, without saying good night to Draco.
He was confused. Just a moment ago, she was upset that he hadn't said anything when she kissed him, and now she's leaving without talking to him? What was wrong with this girl?
Well, not all that she wanted. She'd begun to have feelings for Draco beyond friendship. She wanted to be able to be seen with him not get him in trouble for associating with her. She just wanted to be with him.
She sighed. It wouldn't happen, of course. He'd probably rather be with Pansy Parkinson or Millicent Bulstrode. She'd seen both of them hanging on him at one time or another. 'No such luck, 'Mione,' she thought sadly. 'He doesn't want that. Only the information you'll give him. That's all he wants.'
But she wouldn't stop. She wouldn't stop giving him information, working for him. She wouldn't make his life hard. She wanted to help him in any way possible. Even if he didn't feel the same. She sighed again. It was always worth her time. She felt like a stupid girl, but she didn't care. She wanted to know if he felt the same. She had to meet with him. She got out a piece of parchment and quickly wrote:
Draco- Meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight at midnight. -'Mione
She only hoped he would meet her there. She wanted to tell him how she felt. Was it wise? She didn't care. She just wanted to get it out into the open. It had been eating at her since the beginning of the term, since she'd come back, and she needed to get it off her chest. Now, if only he felt the same way. she could only hope.
She went to the Owlery and sent the note. Now all she could do was wait.
---
When he got the owl, he folded it carefully and placed it in his pocket. He would meet her there.
---
Dinner and the entire evening went so slowly that Hermione thought she was going to die. She was trying to plan what she was going to say to him, but everything she came up with was just stupid. "Draco, I really like you" sounded sophomoric. She was more intelligent than that. She didn't want to sound like one of those silly notes, the "Do you like me? Check yes or no" ones. She rolled her eyes. What the hell was she going to do? She didn't want to just wing it; she tended to make a complete fool of herself when she did that. She shook her head.
'You'd better think of something, and soon,' she warned herself. 'Midnight will be here sooner than you think.'
She tried to immerse herself in her homework to take her mind off of what she was going to do. Her Divinations book was not doing that. It just made her wish that it was midnight; that she could predict the future. She wanted to be able to know what was going to happen. She sighed. Why couldn't this be easier?
---
He wondered what she had to say to him. Did she have more information? He hoped so. His arsenal was just about depleted. His father was beginning to get on his back about his grades (Hermione was surpassing him, as usual) and his Quidditch playing (Potter was still beating him). He needed to find something to make Lucius happy.
'That's easy,' he thought sarcastically. He had no clue as to what would make his father happy. Well, the death of Muggles and Mudbloods would satisfy him, but Draco wasn't going to kill anyone, nor was he going to have anyone killed. Not a wise idea.
But back to the matter at hand. What was she going to do? Her owls had usually said that she had information for him, but this one hadn't. He really wanted to know. If midnight didn't come soon, he'd go crazy.
---
Hermione left Gryffindor at 11:30, wanting to get to the tower before Draco did. She wanted to have the advantage of position in the room. She wanted to be ready for him when he came in, not feeling awkward coming in with him already there.
She was in luck. She made it before he did. She stood with her back to the door, looking out the window into the dark, clear night. The stars looked back at her, seeming as if they knew something she didn't. They seemed to know what she was doing, what she was about to do. She pursed her lips, still unsure of what would happen. She would find out soon enough, she supposed.
Right then, she heard the creak of the door. She didn't turn. She knew it was him. Who else would come up to the tower at midnight, blatantly disobeying school rules?
She heard his voice saying her name softly, in a tone she'd never heard before, gentle and kind, but she still didn't turn around. She wanted to have the advantage over him; she wanted him to come to her.
He did, momentarily. He stood beside her and looked her in the eye.
"What's up? Why did you call me up here?" he asked, his tone calmly demanding.
She didn't speak. Instead, she turned so she faced him, looked him in the eyes, and kissed him slightly on his lips. She quickly pulled away and turned back to look out the window again.
'Jeez, Hermione, that was stupid of you,' she reproached herself. 'You didn't want to look sophomoric, but you did anyway! Good job!'
When he didn't turn back to her, she knew it was lost, that she'd messed everything up. She turned around and began walking out, hoping he'd stop her.
He didn't. He only turned when he was sure she'd left the tower. The look on his face was more than uncharacteristic of him. He looked positively shocked. What made her do that? What made her think that he would reciprocate? There was no way that he, a Malfoy, could date her, a Mudblood. Not that he wanted to, of course, he told himself. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. That would just be wrong. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor? Never. He left the tower shaking his head.
---
Hermione almost flew down the stairs, blinded by hot, stinging tears. What had she been thinking? Of course he wouldn't feel the same; he was a Malfoy, and she a.a.a MUDBLOOD! It could never work. She must have had a temporary lapse in judgment. 'Impossible,' she thought. 'How could you ever think to be so stupid?'
She stopped to catch her breath near the painting of Sir Cadogan.
"What ho, damsel!" he yelled.
She ignored him. He annoyed her.
Again he yelled, "What ho, damsel!"
She turned around, her eyes red-rimmed and brimming with tears, and snarled, "Leave me alone, you awful painting!"
"You're lucky you're a lady!" he roared. "I'd challenge you to a duel if you weren't!"
She turned away from him and slid down the wall, sitting on the cold concrete floor. She buried her head in her hands and sobbed, not wanting to return to the common room. It would invite too many questions that she wasn't willing to answer. Her tears were soaking her hands and going through to her robes, but she didn't care. She didn't want to live anymore. She'd made a fool out of herself.
She heard footsteps coming down the corridor and she pulled her knees to her chest, hiding her face. She didn't want to be questioned, though she was almost certain she would be: it was after midnight and she was out of bed. She'd be given detention for sure. She didn't care anymore. She was distraught. She just wanted to be left alone.
"Miss Granger?"
'Crap,' she thought. It was Snape. Just the person she didn't want to see. She never wanted to see any Slytherin again, much less him. She would almost surely be expelled.
"Miss Granger, might I ask what you are doing out of bed?" His unctuous voice was so sharp it could cut glass.
She didn't answer. She couldn't, even if she'd wanted to. Her tears had consumed her vocal cords.
"I won't ask you again, Miss Granger," he snapped. "Either you answer me or you'll get detention for a month."
She still didn't answer. She was indisposed. She could feel his cold stare and she shivered violently. Her shoulders shook both from her sobs and her shivers. She needed to regain control of her body. She needed to compose herself to answer Snape. She didn't want detention, no matter that she wasn't really a Gryffindor anymore.
"Fine, Miss Granger, you leave me no choice. Your detention will be---" He was halted by another person entering the corridor.
"Mr. Malfoy," Snape snapped. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"Taking a walk," Draco responded lazily.
"Well, walk on back to your room," Snape ordered.
Hermione didn't believe this. It wasn't fair! He was also out of bed; he should be getting a detention too! She lifted her head and glared at both of them.
Draco saw her face stained with tears and immediately felt guilty. It was his fault she was upset, his fault that she was getting detention. He wanted to talk Professor Snape out of it. Probably wouldn't be well received, but it was worth a try.
"Professor, it was my fault that she was out here," he started, ignoring the startled looks on their faces. Should he tell Snape of their alliance? It might be the only way to get her out of detention.
"Well. it's like this," he began, looking at Snape and avoiding Hermione's gaze. "Hermione and I-" This was the first time he'd called her by her first name while talking about her. Usually it was "the Mudblood" or "the Granger girl." He continued with, ".we started working together on a, well, project, you could say, last year. We teamed up against Potter and Weasley."
Snape stared at him in disbelief. Draco went on.
"Since Hermione is in their house, they trust her. They tell her things that they wouldn't tell anyone else. She then shares this stuff with me, and, since it wouldn't look right for her to taunt her own housemates, I do it. It's worked quite well, Professor."
"You never got to the part about why she'd out tonight," Snape reminded him icily.
"Oh. I owled her to discuss something about the project. She's been owling me information lately and we're trying to figure out a way in which to use her information.," Draco lied easily.
Snape looked at Draco, at Hermione, and then back at Draco. He paused, and then nodded.
"Carry on," he said shortly. "Just don't let me catch you again." With that, he turned away, his long black robes swirling behind him. He made no sound as he walked away.
Hermione didn't look at Draco. She couldn't. She was too embarrassed.
She didn't have to look, because he slid down the wall next to her and tried to look at her under her hands. He caught a glimpse of her tear- stained face and felt guiltier than before. She probably wanted to be left alone. He rose to leave and she looked up at him, her teary eyes red- rimmed and glistening.
"Don't go," she said in a voice that was barely audible.
He looked down at her with surprise in his eyes. She actually wanted him to stay, after what he'd done.or hadn't done? He sat down on the cold floor next to her. He looked into her eyes and smiled a small smile.
She didn't smile back. She wiped her eyes and looked down. Mumbling to herself, she said, "I don't know what I was thinking. It could never work." She twisted her fingers together and bit her lip. She felt so uncomfortable around him, after what she'd just done and what he did to save her from detention. She stole a glance at him and saw that he had looked away. 'Just as well,' she thought. 'I don't want him seeing me like this.'
He didn't look directly at her, but continued to glance at her from the corners of his eyes. He knew she probably was embarrassed about how she was acting, how she was looking, right now, and he didn't want to add any more to it, more than he already had. Draco still couldn't believe what had happened. He never expected her to kiss him.never. He was so shocked that he couldn't even move for several minutes after it happened. He couldn't have followed her even if he had wanted to. He bit his lip and didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. 'Sorry, Hermione, I couldn't love you'? 'That was a nice kiss but I could never dream of being with you'? He shook his head. He couldn't say that. Not just because it would upset her more, but because, deep within himself, he knew it wasn't true. He breathed deeply and turned to face her. He had to gather up all of his strength and courage for this.
"Hermione?" he asked, his voice not coming out in the way he had planned. It sounded broken and frightened, instead of confident and strong the way he wanted it to.
She didn't answer him. She was afraid of what he had to say.
He placed one hand on her right knee, feeling the soft satin of her robes and her slender leg beneath it. "Please, Hermione, look at me." He felt like he was begging, which was not something he was used to.
She slowly turned her head to face him. She looked a combination of sad and angry. "What? Have you come to tell me you hate me, that you never want to see me again? If that's it, I don't want to hear it." She started to stand, but Draco pushed her back down.
"'Mione, please, listen to me." This was the first time he'd ever used her nickname. She was surprised but didn't show it.
"Please, listen," he almost pleaded. He looked in her eyes and brushed a lock of her hair from her cheek gently. He was surprised at how soft her skin was, even when it was soaked with tears. "I don't hate you. I could never again hate you." He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "I don't. I promise." He was digging himself a hole, and it was getting deeper and deeper with each word he said. He didn't know how to tell her that he did feel the same way that she did, that he wanted to see her every day of his life. Words were not forming in his mouth and he frowned. Suddenly he had an idea; he knew how to tell her what he needed to say. He turned her head to face his, leaned in, and kissed her softly on the lips. He rested one hand on her right shoulder, the other still on her knee, and looked at her, trying to convey his feelings without words.
Hermione was shocked. She thought he hated her, that he never wanted to be associated with her. She thought that what she had done was pure stupidity and selfishness and that no one would want to be with her after she had done something like that.
"But.but.you didn't.I didn't think.but." she stammered in disbelief.
He gave her a sheepish half smile. "Yeah.I know." He took one hand and held it in both of his, not speaking. He couldn't think of any words to describe how he was feeling. Her hands were soft, the skin lightly covered in tears. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he could never do anything like that again, that he had feelings for her like she did for him, but no words would come out of his mouth. He sat facing her with a goofy grin upon his face, holding her hand. He was silent, as was she.
Suddenly Hermione spoke.
"I didn't scare you?" she asked timidly.
He laughed slightly, his laugh a bit cold. "Of course not. Would I be here if you had?" His tone sounded slightly irritated, that she wasn't taking this all at face value, that she had to read into things.
She smiled with relief, not hearing the irritation in his voice. She squeezed his hand slightly and then abruptly stood.
"It's late. I have to go." She left without explanation, without saying good night to Draco.
He was confused. Just a moment ago, she was upset that he hadn't said anything when she kissed him, and now she's leaving without talking to him? What was wrong with this girl?