Ximen and Xiao You
Chapter 1
Xiao You was sitting alone on the bench, fidgeting with the piece of document in her hand. She still couldn't believe she had finally found it. She had finally found what Xiao-Gen wanted Ximen to see. Only a day has passed since she had dragged Ximen on the rooftop and he had followed grudgingly. And when he saw the message on top of the building, he tried to keep from crying, muttering how stupid Xiao-Gen was, that it was all she wanted him to see years ago. But Xiao You wasn't easily fooled. She came to his side and while he put his arm around her, she gazed up at him and saw the restrained tears in his eyes.
She bit her lower lip, unaware of the fact that it was already getting dark and that the city was slowly coming to life with the lights from the towering buildings and speeding cars.
There was no doubt that Ximen loved Xiao-Gen and that losing her had left him a scar in his heart that might never heal.
But if he were to open his heart to her.
Xiao You shook her head and a sad smile spread on her face. She was crazy to be pondering about these things, crazy to be so serious.
Xiao You, your serious expression is very beautiful.
He had said that during the first time she said she liked him. So many things had happened afterwards. She even had the guts to accept Ximen's invitation although he had only meant to scare her, to make her realize that things weren't that easy, that they were very different people and for Xiao You to adjust to Ximen's life, it's something near impossible. She had left the following morning with her family to Canada but it didn't take long before she returned. Because he was all she ever thought about every single moment in Canada, that she knew she'd never feel happy unless she returned and see him again.
As Xiao You continued to ponder, leaning her hands on the bench and staring absentmindedly at her shoes, a tall shadow fell across the pavement. She looked up.
"Ximen," she whispered.
He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking down at her with a smile.
"May I sit beside you?" he said.
She nodded.
As he sat down, Xiao You felt a tightening around the area of her chest. It seemed as if it was getting difficult for her to breathe. They hadn't met again since the day they both saw Xiao-Gen's message that morning on the rooftop. What could she possibly say to Ximen, right now.? She cleared her throat.
"How did you know I was here? I turned my cell phone off since the last time we saw each other," she turned a bit to look at Ximen but quickly resumed looking at the passing cars. Ximen was looking at her with that same smile. She could concentrate better on what she was saying if she didn't see that handsome smile.
"I only had to pass by this building several times these past few days to find you."
What building? She looked up. Oh! How stupid of her! She didn't notice she had sat on the bench right across the building where they were last together, where they saw the message on the rooftop. She had been so preoccupied that while walking, she simply let her feet take her where they would go.
"Oh," she said in a small voice, "you didn't have to go through that much trouble." She looked at her feet again, aware of the barest tremble in her voice.
"I didn't have to." he said softly, ".But I wanted to."
Then, as if something took over him, he reached for her hand. Xiao You almost jumped from her seat at the sudden feel of his warm hand on hers. She looked at him. He was still smiling although now, there was a sad look in his eyes.
"Xiao You. I didn't get to thank you for finding that building for me," he said, motioning towards the building across, "Thank you." She looked at him for a moment and then, smiled.
"You don't have to thank me, Ximen," she said, turning her head to look again at the passing cars. The fact that Ximen still hadn't let go of her hand made her heart beat faster. She gripped the document in her other hand tightly, as if trying to gain control of herself. What she didn't know was he had been looking at the paper ever since he arrived.
"You're creasing your paper."
"Huh? Oh, right."
Then he laughed softly.
"What's up? Is there something troubling you? You seem preoccupied," he said good-naturedly.
Xiao You didn't answer. Ximen stared at her for a long time. Finally, he made a movement to get the paper from her hand. Xiao You was so preoccupied that all she was able to do was watch him snatch the document and read it. His face fell as soon as his eyes scanned the paper.
"Xiao You." he tried to sound casual but he knew the pain in his voice was obvious.
"Ximen, I'm leaving two days from now. I'm going back to Canada," she finally said. The document had been an airplane ticket. She looked at Ximen.
"You're leaving so soon.?" Ximen tried to sound casual but he couldn't. He looked at her. For the first time since he arrived, she was looking at him for a long time. And he understood now why she had avoided his eyes. She wanted to hide her sadness that was now marked painfully on her face.
"My parents want me to come back early," she said, slowly taking the ticket from his hands, "They said they're worried about me and they can only rest from their worries if I return to Canada as soon as possible." She leaned back on the bench, letting the ticket rest on her lap. Ximen wanted to say something but he couldn't think of any words to use.
"I came back for you Ximen," she said, gathering the last ounce of courage that she had. He shifted his weight on the bench, anticipating what Xiao You would say next.
"I came back because I wanted to tell you-"
"Don't go."
Xiao You looked up. A heavy feeling suddenly descended on her and it seemed her heart began skipping beats.
"Ximen."
"Please. Xiao You. Don't leave yet."
Before she knew it, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. She had wanted so much to see him show his feelings like this. But wasn't it too late.?
"Look, I.I can't make promises but.let me.give me time.to try and change."
The words pierced her heart with a bittersweet feeling. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His head was bowed; it seemed really difficult for him to say what he was feeling.
"Ximen, at first I thought I could make you change your playboy attitude. I thought I could break down the defenses you've put up." she spoke slowly, the tears now running freely down her cheeks, "but.I don't think I've changed you much."
Ximen suddenly found it hard to swallow. He knew she was crying and he made a movement to reach for her shoulder but slowly, took back his hand. It was starting to drizzle, the raindrops making soft sounds as they hit the pavement. But neither of them moved from where they were sitting.
"I know." he said softly.
"And it's difficult for me-"
".I know."
Suddenly she stood up and faced him. He could see the tears running down her cheeks now and the anger flashing in her eyes.
"You think you know everything don't you? You think you know everything about women and how they feel and how they should be treated don't you? Well you're wrong! Because you don't know how much you've been hurting me.!" she broke down. Turning around, she started to run as fast as her feet would carry her.
As soon as Xiao You started running, Ximen bolted up from his seat.
"Xiao You!" he yelled.
But Xiao You kept running and running.
"Xiao You!"
He wanted to follow her but it seemed his feet were rooted to the ground. He saw Xiao You's retreating figure, as she turned right at a corner.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the night.
"XIAO YOU!!!" Ximen lost all the control he was trying to master. He ran as fast as he could until he was near the corner where she turned. As soon as he entered the alley where she had run into, it seemed all life seeped out of him. Three drunken men were laughing as one of them held Xiao You from the back and had a hand clamped to her mouth while another one played with her hair. Ximen wasted no time.
"Let her go." he growled. The sudden presence of another person startled the three men and they turned. Xiao You saw Ximen, his head bowed and his chest heaving as if it was getting hard for him to breathe.
"Who the hell are you?" yelled one of the men. He was unmistakably their leader.
"I'm warning you. Let her go." Ximen looked up. Xiao You had never seen such anger and hatred in his eyes. She started to struggle against the brute who held her.
Laughter erupted again from the drunken men.
"Look, kid," the leader said again, walking towards Ximen and clapping a hand on his shoulder, "if you're looking for a fight, then go somewhere else all right? We're gonna have a feast with this cute girl over here." He turned to look at Xiao You, winking at her while she kept struggling to get free. The men laughed again.
The leader of the men turned his head to look at Ximen again but he never got to see Ximen's face because Ximen's fist flew and met the man's jaw with such force that there was a loud CRACK and the man fell on the ground. He didn't get up anymore.
The man who had been playing with Xiao You's hair charged at Ximen with a heavy baseball bat and he hit Ximen hard on the body. This time, Xiao You struggled so wildly and stamped so hard on the feet of the man who held her that he yowled in pain, letting her loose.
"Ximen!" she flew at his side, tears flowing down her cheeks again.
"Xiao You, now is the time to run," he whispered, trying to get up.
"Ximen, I-" Xiao You started.
But Ximen was already charging after the man who had hit him.
"RUN!" he yelled as the man swung the baseball bat again and Ximen caught it with one hand and started pummeling the man with hard punches with his other hand. The other man who had held Xiao You ran towards Ximen and held him fast. Ximen struggled to get free but the man had locked his arms.
"XIMEN!" Xiao You cried.
"RUN, XIAO YOU!!!" Ximen yelled for the last time as the man with the baseball bat straightened up and started cursing Ximen and hitting him with the bat all over the body and the head.
"NO!" Xiao You yelled. She quickly looked around. There was a thick metal bar propped up against the wall. Without a second thought, she grabbed the metal bar and swung it against the head of the man who had held Ximen. The man let out a groan as the bar met his skull and he let go of Ximen and slowly crumpled to the floor.
As soon as the man let go of Ximen, Ximen flew at the man who continued to hit him with the bat. They fell to the ground while Ximen was able to get on top of the man. He rammed the man with hard punches on the head.
"Ximen." Xiao You whispered.
.He kept punching him.the man was losing consciousness.
"Ximen!" Xiao You threw herself around Ximen's raised arm.
The man was finally lying motionless on the floor, eyes closed. He was unconscious. Everything had become quiet except for the continuous downpour of the rain and Ximen's laboured breathing. Xiao You was watching him, uncertain whether to speak to him as she saw the last flickering bit of anger in his eyes as he stared at the man on the floor. Then he turned and looked at Xiao You.
Xiao You couldn't suppress her gasp. Ximen's eyelid had swollen to a violet pulp. A trickle of blood was flowing from the top of his head down his brow. He had bruises all over his arms and his shirt was torn.
"Ximen." she said softly, silently crying as she reached to caress his face. As she held his cheek, he raised his hand and held her hand gently. Then as if nothing happened, he smiled. He smiled the way he always smiles when he sees her. It made her heart ache.
"Xiao You..." he struggled to say, ".I'm sorry.for hurting you."
Then he lost consciousness.
Chapter 2
Ximen was unconscious for three days in the hospital. And each day, Xiao You came to visit him and stayed at his side. The other F4 members had already visited him and were spearheading a manhunt to find the three men who had beaten him up. They couldn't just let it go even though Shan Cai tried to talk them out of it. Shan Cai had remained at Xiao You's side everytime she visited Ximen. They would talk softly together but Xiao You still kept certain things to herself. She couldn't tell Shan Cai just yet about the message on the rooftop.
On the fourth day, Ximen stirred from his sleep. The other F4 members were still looking for the men who had beat him up, based only on Xiao You's description. Shan Cai was with Dao Ming Si and was trying to pacify him from his anger.
Xiao You was at Ximen's side the moment he opened his eyes.
"Ximen, you're finally awake!" she exclaimed softly as she leaned closer to him.
Ximen groaned.
"Xiao You.I think you're leaning on my arm."
Xiao You looked down and saw that she had leaned her elbows on top of Ximen's still-badly bruised arm.
"OH!" she instantly lifted her arms and placed them by her sides. She couldn't help but bow her head, embarrassed by the excitement she'd shown at his convalescence. There was a sound coming from Ximen that sounded as if he was half-coughing and half-choking. Xiao You looked at him and saw that he was laughing weakly.
"What are you laughing at?" Xiao You frowned, aware that her cheeks were getting red.
"It's nice to see you, too, Xiao You," he said weakly with a lopsided grin. Xiao You's cheeks grew redder. Ximen looked around, his eyes roaming the length of the ceiling, the bedside table, and the sofa on the far side of the wall.
"I can't believe those guys actually landed me in the hospital. I'm Ximen," he muttered.
Xiao You looked at him and frowned again.
"Well, if you remember well enough, you gave them enough thrashing for them to land in the hospital themselves," she reached over and smoothed the creases on his blanket.
"They deserved it," he said quietly, entranced by the movement of Xiao You's hands as she fixed and tucked the blanket tighter around him.
"Maybe they do but you were very dangerous with them. You could've." Xiao bit her lip, unable to say what she meant.
"Killed them?" he finished for her. Xiao You stopped fixing the blanket and looked at Ximen, her eyes entreating him to say he didn't mean what he just said. Suddenly, Ximen reached for Xiao You's hand that was resting on the blanket. Then he slowly smiled.
"Xiao You, if you get in trouble again, I cannot promise to behave better."
Xiao You looked at him for a long time. Then, to Ximen's surprise, Xiao You pressed Ximen's hand gently.
"I almost forgot to thank you. Ximen, thank you for saving my life.even though I said hurtful words to you." she smiled at him and gently as she could, bent closer to him and placed her arms around him
Ximen felt as if he was about to lose consciousness again in a few minutes, as he turned rigid from Xiao You's embrace. How come Xiao You's touch affects him like this? Hadn't many different women, all more beautiful and glamorous than Xiao You, embraced him?
He looked down at her, at her silken black hair, at her fragile frame. It took a great effort, and every part of him ached whenever he moved but nevertheless, he was able to weakly raise his hand and rest it softly on Xiao You's head, caressing her smooth hair.
Of the many women he's been with, one thing's for sure.
None of them made me feel this way.he thought.
Suddenly, the door flew open.
"Hey, you're finally awake!"
It seemed Ximen had a last surge of energy as his hand swiftly flew off Xiao You and Xiao You flung herself away with incredible speed, as Mei Zhou walked brightly towards them.
"Hey." Ximen said weakly, glancing at Xiao You from the corner of his eye. No one could miss the fierce blush in her cheeks, especially since she was near the bed and the whiteness of the sheets was in contrast with her reddened face.
"Hi, Xiao You," Mei Zhou grinned at her and waved his hand comically.
".Hi," Xiao You muttered, her head still bowed, refusing to meet Mei Zhou's eyes.
"Shan-Cai's right outside. She said she won't come in and she'd just wait for you-"
"Alright."
Mei Zhou was taken by surprise by Xiao You's speed that he was still in mid-sentence, she was already at the door, turning the knob and stepping outside. As soon as the door closed with a click, Mei Zhou turned to look at Ximen and seeing him keeping up an innocent look, burst out laughing.
Ximen frowned.
"Laughing like an idiot." he muttered, scowling at Mei Zhou.
Mei Zhou laughed harder, slapping his leg and nearly collapsing on the ground.
"Hey! Did you come here just to disturb my rest? You want to laugh, then take your infernal noise with you outside," said Ximen, looking away and turning his attention on the birds that were chirping outside the window.
Finally, Mei Zhou gained control of himself. He straightened up and placed his hands akimbo on his waist.
"You dog you. Now I see why you couldn't keep from Xiao You's reaches. She moves as fast as you!" Then he laughed again, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
Ximen blushed but he threw Mei Zhou an angry look, determined not to be defeated.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Mei Zhou's laughter died slowly but he kept grinning at Ximen. He turned and pulled a chair up close to Ximen's bed and sat down.
"Oh yeah, right. The great Ximen doesn't know what I'm talking about when he's just been hugged by a girl who has interesting intentions about him-"
"Hey, shut up!"
Mei Zhou laughed again. Ximen couldn't take it anymore. He struggled to sit up but a sudden bolt of pain spread all over his body that he groaned and fell back on the bed.
"Hey," Mei Zhou said genuinely but still keeping up a meaningful smile, "don't struggle to protest about what I'm saying all right? I'm happy enough to see you happy, buddy."
"Who said I was happy?"
"You looked happy enough when I came in."
"No, I wasn't."
Mei Zhou sighed and took a piece of paper from his back pocket.
"Well if you're not happy, this might help you lighten up," he handed the piece of paper to Ximen.
Ximen looked at the piece of paper and a smile broke out on his face.
"Good work," he couldn't help but smile broader as he stared harder at the paper.
Mei Zhou ran a hand through his hair and nodded.
"We got the idea from the time when it was A-Si. We thought you'd appreciate it, too."
The paper was a picture of the three men who had beaten up Ximen. It was taken right away as they entered the jail. They still had the bruises they sustained from Ximen's beating of them and in the picture, they were on their knees, begging to be released as the other prisoners flocked around them with evident interest.
"I almost feel sorry for them." said Ximen, then he added with a snort, "NOT." He laughed weakly as handed back the picture to Mei Zhou.
"Where are A-Si and Lei?"
Mei Zhou ran his fingers through his hair again.
"A-Si and Lei are on their way here. Are you ravenous? You were unconscious for three days, you know? But Xiao You came to visit you everyday and brought you food. She said you might wake up anytime. She stayed at your side from morning till the wee hours."
Ximen said nothing for a while.
"I'm hungry," he said suddenly. Mei Zhou smiled, took out his phone and dialed A-Si's number.
"Okay. I'll tell them to buy you something on their way. What do you want?"
Ximen shrugged.
"Just order for me," he said.
"Okay," said Mei Zhou, "Hello? A-Si? Mei Zhou here. Ximen's just woken up-"
But Ximen couldn't understand anymore what Mei Zhou was saying on the phone. His mind was flying. He was gazing again outside the window, watching the leaves rustle from the gentle breeze. Somewhere in the region of his chest, there was the feeling of the barest ache. Xiao You hadn't left him for Canada while he was unconscious.
She stayed at your side from morning till the wee hours.
Ximen found himself smiling, a bit shaken by the feeling of happiness that was uncommon to him. Little did he know that Mei Zhou was watching him, smiling as well and understanding better where his smile was coming from.
Shan Cai was surprised to see Xiao You's cheeks very red as she stepped outside the room. "Xiao You? Is everything alright?" she said, stepping up to her friend and putting a hand on her shoulder. Xiao You looked at Shan Cai without really seeing her. Then she recognized her.
"Shan Cai, you're here!" she exclaimed, smiling broadly. Shan Cai pouted.
"You didn't recognize me right away, did you? Xiao You."
"I'm sorry Shan Cai. I'm just..." Xiao You fanned herself weakly with her hand, "uh.can we sit down? My knees are buckling."
"What? Oh, here." Shan Cai lead Xiao You to a couch a few doors away from Ximen's room.
"What happened? Are you feeling okay? Why are your knees buckling?"
Xiao You looked at Shan Cai and couldn't help but feel touched by the worry in her face. Well, there's no point in hiding it now. Besides if she doesn't tell somebody about what she's feeling, she might burst any time.
"Shan Cai." she started.
"What it it?"
Xiao You took a deep breath.
"Shan Cai.Ximen's just woken up," then she exclaimed, "And I've just embraced him!"
"What!"
Xiao You grinned at Shan Cai. Then she told her every detail of what she's been doing these past few days since she arrived from Canada. Shan Cai listened attentively, patiently waiting as Xiao You broke off from her story every now and then to suppress a giggle. By the end of the story, Shan Cai had a pensive look on her face.
"But Xiao You," she said softly, ".How can you be sure that Ximen would really change his attitude? And.aren't your parents expecting you to come back to Canada soon?"
Xiao You's face fell.
"I have to stay here to help him change. Shan Cai, haven't you noticed? We've come a long way already since the first time Ximen and I met. He's already changed." she bit her lip, ".Well at least a bit."
Shan Cai stared at her for a long time. Finally, she genuinely smiled.
"To be honest, Xiao You, I've never seen you this happy," she said, and then she reached for Xiao You's hand and pressed it. "That's why I want you to know that I'll continue being at your back, supporting you. And telling you to keep up the good work."
Xiao You looked up at her. Then she threw her arms around Shan Cai.
"Shan Cai," she said, feeling so happy that it seemed she was about to cry, "that's exactly what I need. Thank you."
Shan Cai nodded, smiled and gently patted Xiao You's back, wishing with all her might for Xiao You to attain her felicity with Ximen.
Within the next hour, A-Si and Lei arrived and they brought with them enough food for more than six people. They all gathered around Ximen's bed, chatting softly and every now and then, laughing from someone's joke when all of a sudden, Ximen spoke in a clear voice.
"Xiao You, um, did you bring me any food?"
Everyone fell silent. Xiao You looked confused at first. Then she nodded slowly.
"Where is it?"
Xiao You didn't stir from where she was sitting. She looked at everyone. Everyone was watching them.
"What's wrong?" Ximen said, frowning.
"I-z nd'ls," Xiao You said quietly.
"Huh? What?"
Xiao You cleared her throat.
"I said, it's noodles."
"Okay, let's have it," Ximen said merrily.
Xiao You still stayed at her seat, looking at Ximen with pleading eyes.
"What now?" Ximen was getting impatient. Mei Zhou watched them with a grin. Shan Cai looked fearful for Xiao You. A-Si seemed confused about what's going on. Lei had a faint smile as he watched Ximen, the memory of their last conversation still in his mind. Ximen said he would be a bit meaner to Xiao You to discourage her. He seemed like he was trying to be mean to her right now but looking at him carefully, Ximen seemed like he was actually being very nice to her.
"I-I don't want to prepare it. It's j-just noodles. It won't taste as good as what you're eating right now."
Xiao You stopped talking and looked instead at the floor. How she wish it would just swallow her up instead of having everyone's attention turned to her like this...
"I can't chew hard food yet. My jaw hurts," he picked up the piece of chicken on his plate and waved it weakly. "Could you kindly prepare it for me? I'd rather have the noodles you brought."
Xiao You looked up and her heart seemed to skip beats again. Ximen was smiling kindly at her, encouraging her with another wave of the chicken in his hand. She grinned and finally stood up, walking over to the table where she placed the noodles.
The soft murmur of conversation resumed as Xiao You prepared the food in the far corner of the room. Ximen watched her, unaware of the fact that almost everyone's eyes was still on them. Mei Zhou's grin was growing broader and broader by the minute. Finally, Xiao You walked slowly to Ximen's bed with the bowl of noodles, blowing softly on it to cool it faster.
"Here," she said when she reached his bed.
"Thanks," said Ximen, putting down the plate on the table beside his bed. He tried to prop himself higher on the pillow but his arm buckled. Both Xiao You and Mei Zhou, who was sitting on the other side of the bed caught Ximen.
"You should be more careful," said Mei Zhou, fixing his pillow and letting go of Ximen as he leant back. Mei Zhou sat back down and resumed eating while Xiao You continued to stand by Ximen's side.
"Thanks for the noodles," Ximen said quietly, flashing Xiao You a small smile as he took the bowl from her.
"You're welcome," she muttered. Suddenly, a cell phone began ringing.
"Whose is that?" A-Si said, stopping in the middle of poking Shan Cai with his fork.
"It's mine," said Xiao You, running back to where her bag lay. Lifting the latch of her bag, she took her cell phone and answered.
"Hello? Auntie?" she said, frowning slightly.
In the background, Lei was laughing as Shan Cai was able to evade A- Si's fork attack and retaliated with a spoon maneuver of her own. A piece of green pea clung to A-Si's hair as Shan Cai, grinning and not looking the bit sorry, muttered apologies.
"What? What do you mean?" Xiao You's voice rose a little that everyone began to grow quiet again. Ximen was barely paying attention to the story Mei Zhou was telling him. He was watching Xiao You apprehensively.
"I-I understand. I'll be right over," Xiao You placed her phone back in her bag swiftly, fixed her things and slung the bag on her shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Shan Cai's voice was marked with worry. Xiao You had an indiscernible expression. Then she looked at everybody and gave them a reassuring smile.
"I'm heading home. Mama would call through Auntie's phone within a few minutes so I have to be there," she walked briskly towards the door. Placing a hand on the doorknob, she stopped. Then she turned around and smiled again, this time looking at Ximen alone.
"I promise I'll come back. In the meantime, get some rest."
Ximen stared at her for a while. Then he nodded slowly.
She turned the knob and ran outside, leaving the people in the room wondering what could have happened that she left with such fear in her eyes.
Chapter 3
The next few days were empty for Ximen as he still spent them in the hospital. The other F4 members and Shan Cai visited him frequently, bringing him food and other things to keep him busy. But Xiao You didn't return. He waited for her, even keeping awake during the wee hours, waiting for her to appear at the door with her sunny smile and a plastic of noodles for him. But there was nothing. Not even Xiao You's shadow to take away his growing loneliness and frustration.
Then Lei visited him. He hadn't even closed the door when Ximen bombarded him with questions.
"Hey, Lei. Any word about Xiao You? Has she talked to anyone of you? Does Shan Cai know anything?"
Lei couldn't help but smile as he sat down.
"As much as I would like to help you ease your worries, I don't have all the answers, Ximen," he said quietly.
Ximen shifted his gaze outside, scowling at the rays of sunlight streaming through the windows and trailing on the floor. Lei looked at him for a while. Then he spoke.
"Xiao You hasn't communicated with anyone since we last saw her. Shan Cai's getting worried about her and so do all of us. A-Si has asked his men to find her to calm Shan Cai." he trailed off. Ximen didn't take off his eyes from the rays but he was listening, waiting for Lei to continue.
"And?" said Ximen. There was an uncanny silence before Lei spoke again, this time carefully saying each word as if weighing their effect on Ximen.
"She hasn't left the country, Ximen. She's still here. According to A- Si's men, her mama calls overseas almost everyday. That's about all the information we've gathered."
Ximen kept watching the rays. They were now spreading evenly on the floor and the glass of the windows reflected the bedsheet with colors. Slowly, Ximen turned to look at Lei. Then he smiled.
"Is that so? Then we had absolutely nothing to worry about in the first place," said Ximen, turning once more to look at the window.
Lei saw past Ximen's facade. Ximen was indeed smiling but there was no hiding the fact that his hands, which not so long ago were just lying on his sides, were now curled into fists and that Ximen was turning red. He's angry, thought Lei.
"I have another good news," said Lei brightly, standing up and walking over to Ximen. He was just a few feet away that now it was more evident than ever. Ximen was boiling mad and was having a problem controlling it. His hands were now gripping the sheets so tightly that his knuckles were turning very white.
"I talked to your doctor yesterday," Lei smiled, "he said you could go home today if you're feeling well enough. That's why I came to visit you this early. I've come to take you home."
Lei could hardly suppress a sigh of relief as Ximen released the poor bedsheet as he slowly opened his hands. Ximen's face was a smiling mask. Slowly he nodded.
"I'm going home."
Another week had passed. The F4 were hanging out again the way they used to except that Ximen often retired earlier than the rest of them. He hadn't fully recovered but he was healing fast enough. A-Si, Mei Zhou and Lei watched with disapproving looks as Ximen walked towards a table of beautiful women during one night. He seemed extraordinarily happy as they let him join them. The women flocked around him and soon, his clear laughter could be heard ringing in the room along with the uncontrollable giggling of the women around him.
Mei Zhou turned to Lei.
"Why is the old Ximen back? I thought he and Xiao You were beginning to have a special thing?"
Lei shrugged.
"There has been no word from Xiao You. They've never seen each other since she left the hospital." Lei poured himself a drink and noticing A- Si's glass, motioned to pour some for him. But A-Si waved his hand, shaking his head.
"Shan Cai's on her way here. I don't want to drink too much," he said, looking at both of them.
Mei Zhou raised his eyebrows at A-Si then slowly shook his head in disbelief. Lei only nodded, putting the cap back on the bottle. Suddenly A- Si's cellphone rang.
"Hello? Shan Cai. Where are you?" he said a bit louder over the din of the bar, "Okay. Okay. Bye bye." He put the phone back in his pocket.
"Is she coming?" asked Lei, popping a chip in his mouth.
"Yeah, she's on her way," said A-Si, fidgeting with the table napkin. Lei and Mei Zhou grinned at each other. A-Si's always fidgety when Shan Cai's about to arrive. They drank a few more glasses when someone tapped A- Si on the shoulder. It was Shan Cai.
"Hey, you're here," said A-Si, standing up to pull back the vacant seat for Shan Cai.
"Thank you," said Shan Cai, smiling at him as she sat down. A-Si beamed.
"What would you like to eat?" said A-Si, already motioning for the waiter to come over. But Shan Cai instantly yanked his arm.
"It's okay. I'm not hungry," she said. A-Si waved the waiter away when the waiter was almost at their table.
"Have you heard any news about Xiao You?" she said, roaming her eyes around the bar. Then she saw Ximen at the farthest table, getting cozier with a woman who looked like a supermodel. He had his arm around her shoulders while she was leaning towards him, whispering something in his ear.
"WHAT IS XIMEN DOING?!" shouted Shan Cai, getting up and ready to charge towards their table. A-Si was up within a flash, straining to sit Shan Cai back in her chair.
"Let go of me, Dao Ming Si!"
"Sit down, you idiot! Are you going to make a fool of yourself by going there and interfering with other people's business?"
"What he's doing is my business!" she yelled, still struggling to get free of A-Si. Finally A-Si was able to yank her down back in her seat and she slumped on the chair, looking disheveled but undefeated.
"A-Si's right," said Lei, looking at Ximen and then turning to look at Shan Cai, "what Ximen's doing right now is none of our business. We shouldn't interfere."
Shan Cai straightened herself and scowled at all of them.
"So you're all happy to see the old Ximen back, are you?" she crossed her arms and scowled at the platter on the table.
"Shan Cai," Mei Zhou started, "none of us is happy to see Ximen this way. Look, do you remember what happened at the hospital? He was the Ximen we were happy to see. But now." he trailed off.
".He's like this only when he's trying to distract himself from something," said Lei, finishing Mei Zhou's sentence. Shan Cai looked up and saw all three of them looking honestly at her.
"Alright. Then what can we do? Xiao You hasn't contacted me yet since that day at the hospital. And now Ximen's like this-"
"Like what?" said a voice behind her.
They all turned.
"Xiao You!" exclaimed Shan Cai. Xiao You was standing behind them, looking very pretty. She was wearing a white cotton blouse with the sleeves rolled up her arms and a lacey black skirt. A portion of her hair was tied up behind with a barrette and her cheeks were tinged with the barest pink. She looked beautiful indeed but there was something about her eyes. There was loneliness in them that was difficult to ignore.
Suddenly, Shan Cai remembered that Ximen was at the farthest table, with another woman.
"Xiao You!" Shan Cai leapt up and flew at Xiao You, embracing her and turning her to face the opposite direction, "We've all been worried about you! How did you know we were here? Why didn't you contact any of us?"
Xiao You tried to disentangle herself from Shan Cai but Shan Cai continued to hold on to her tightly.
"Shan Cai.I can't.breathe."
"OH!" said Shan Cai, releasing Xiao You immediately but keeping a firm hold on her arms. Xiao You couldn't help but laugh. Why is Shan Cai acting all deranged.? She must've been worried that much.
"I'm sorry," muttered the flustered Shan Cai. Xiao You continued to laugh softly.
"It's okay," said Xiao You, "I was just walking around when I saw you come in so I followed. I've been at home all this time. You know I have so many things to tell you."
Mei Zhou stood up, took a chair from another table and stood by the chair, waiting for Xiao You to sit down. Shan Cai took off her hands from Xiao You's arms and allowed her to sit down since the chair was positioned for Xiao You to look the other way.
"Hey Xiao You, what did happen to you? We were all worried about you, you know, Especially Shan Cai," said Mei Zhou as he pushed the chair while Xiao You sat down.
"I'm really sorry," said Xiao You, smiling genuinely at everyone, ".It's just that so many things happened. Do you remember I received a call that day from Auntie?"
They all nodded.
"Well when I got home, Mama called, just as Auntie said. I asked her what was wrong and Mama said Papa fell ill."
Everyone looked at Xiao You with alarm. Shan Cai leaned forward and worry was evident on her face. But Xiao You gave a small smile.
"Don't worry. He's feeling better now. But he was in danger for a while. That's why I didn't leave the house because I wanted to wait for Mama's call everyday with news regarding Papa's condition," said Xiao You.
"If that's the case.then why didn't you just fly back to Canada so that you would be by your parents' side during that critical time?" asked Lei, getting a clean glass and motioning to pour some wine for Xiao You. Xiao You shook her head, refusing politely.
"I wanted to." she said, looking wistfully around her, "but if I did that, I would be leaving a lot of unfinished business here. If I left, I would also definitely return within a few weeks." Xiao You looked at Shan Cai meaningfully. Shan Cai gave the barest of nods. She understood what Xiao You meant about unfinished business. It was Ximen. Oh Xiao You, if you only knew what Ximen's been up to since his recovery, thought Shan Cai as she took a glass from Lei and raised it to her lips.
"By the way, where is Ximen?"
Suddenly, Shan Cai spitted out the wine all over the table.
"What the hell are you doing? Spilling wine all over yourself?" said A-Si, taking out his handkerchief and wiping Shan Cai's face and clothes. Lei looked at Shan Cai meaningfully, as if asking her to make up something for Xiao You to believe. But Mei Zhou spoke first.
"Um.he's.uh.," he said, frowning as Shan Cai shook her head violently.
"He's resting," said Lei, looking at Xiao You straight in the eyes. Xiao You looked crestfallen.
"Oh," she said softly, "well, maybe I'll get to talk to him some other time." Then she brightened up.
"C'mon Shan Cai, let's go to the powder room. We can dry up your clothes faster there," she stood up, holding Shan Cai's arm and gently tugging her. Shan Cai shook her head.
"N-no Xiao You. I'm f-fine here. Let's just leave this place and chat somewhere else. What do you think, A-Si?" Shan Cai turned to look meaningfully at A-Si. When he frowned and muttered what? she stomped hard on his foot.
"OW! What did-oh? Uh.yeah, Xiao You, this crowd's getting pretty bad. Mama might see Shan Cai and me. Let's transfer to another place," he said, getting up. Xiao You looked at the others as they stood up. A-Si took the opportunity of Xiao You looking at the others to rub his throbbing foot. Xiao You smiled.
"Okay," she said brightly, letting go of Shan Cai's arm, "but I'm going to the powder room first, okay?"
It was too late when Shan Cai stood up and tried to take hold of Xiao You's shoulders to prevent her from turning around. All of them were standing up and had a clear view of the farthest table. Ximen and the woman he had his arm around with a while ago were sharing a passionate kiss and the other women were quarrelling amongst themselves, their voices cutting through the din, each one squealing in a high-pitched voice I'm next, I'm next!
Xiao You had never felt a greater pain in all her life. It seemed all the bad memories from her past crawled up to the present and became one large web of pain that enveloped her and made it difficult for her to breathe. At the table, the woman and Ximen separated and Ximen shifted in his seat to kiss the woman on his other side when he saw Xiao You. Their eyes met for the most grueling ten seconds of his life. Then Xiao You's face screwed up as she shook her head and dashed for the exit.
"Xiao You!" Shan Cai yelled, running after her. Then she stopped. Looking at A-Si, Lei and Mei Zhou, she took a deep breath and stomped over to Ximen's table. The women at the table looked up at her and when they saw how mad she looked, they stood up one by one and left Ximen and Shan Cai alone at the table.
"Go after Xiao You," she growled, looking down at Ximen. Ximen was avoiding eye contact. Instead of answering, he reached over the table for his glass and the bottle of vodka.
Suddenly Shan Cai's hand flew out of nowhere. The glass and the bottle that Ximen had in his hands crashed on the floor. The noise was defeaning. People were starting to look their way. Shan Cai was aware of a cut in her hand but she didn't pay attention to the pain. She was in a rage.
"What do you want?" yelled the exasperated Ximen.
"I know you're bigger than me and you have three equally big friends and we're in a public place and you're Ximen, a member of the F4," said Shan Cai under her breath, "but if you don't do what I'm telling you right now, I swear I would land you back in the hospital you've just come from."
Ximen looked at her, raised his eyebrows and stood up. He was taller than her, she was aware of that, but she didn't the least bit care.
"Look," said Ximen, this time the one looking down, "I know you love your friend and I've just hurt her but I already warned her about getting hurt, alright? She insisted on following me and now, she got exactly what she knew was coming. Now, if you would excuse me, I'm leaving."
Ximen made a motion to walk past Shan Cai but never got around to even stepping away. Shan Cai's hand flew again and this time, the pain stung Ximen's face as he slowly turned to look at her again. The other F4 members were now around them.
"It's unfair," said Shan Cai, tears now streaming down her cheeks, "it's unfair of you to not care about how she feels. Most especially, how she feels about you. All this time, she could've returned to Canada to be beside her father when he was sick but she didn't leave. She believed in you that much."
Ximen looked confused. He blinked a few times, unable to understand what she meant.
"And now, you selfish pig, you're hanging around bars every night of your life trying to find your life's purpose in the arms of different women and complaining about people wanting you to change, because you're that way, because that's the only way you know how to treat women. Well let me tell you something Ximen, your life's purpose might very well be the only person who ever truly cared about you and you've just let her slip away!" Shan Cai yelled, aware of the fact that this time, the whole crowd was listening to them.
Ximen's chest was heaving as he stared at her, trying hard to ignoring the biting pain in his chest.
Lei stepped closer to him and said softly.
"It's already dark, Ximen."
Mei Zhou also walked towards Ximen and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"And she was really beautiful tonight."
A-Si crossed his arms and frowned at Ximen.
"Now's your only chance to be really happy."
Ximen looked at all of them and swallowed. Then he turned to Shan Cai.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, bowing his head. Shan Cai encouraged him with a nod and he turned and bolted as fast as he could outside the bar, calling out Xiao You's name despite the sudden downpour of heavy rain.
Chapter 4
Xiao You stood in the rain, aware that she was drenched from head to foot. She shivered, not from the cold of the rain that was slicing through her now, but from the pain that was bottled up inside her. As soon as she ran out, the rain fell but she didn't stop from running. And what was extraordinary was she didn't cry. She had been battling with the urge to cry for the last hour. Her heart was broken. But there were no tears to express the pain. She was numb.
Suddenly someone called her name softly.
"Xiao You."
She didn't need to turn her head. She knew to whom the voice belonged.
"Xiao You, let's get out of the rain," the voice said, urging her gently.
"What are you doing here?" she managed to say the words clearly but she didn't know whether he heard her. She spoke just above a whisper.
"I.I came to find you," the man who owned the voice now stepped beside her. She still refused to look at him. The silence was pouring out of her soul despite the fact that there were so many things she wanted to say.
"I-"
"Don't try to justify what I just saw," she suddenly spoke, her eyes following the downfall of the raindrops, "I've heard enough explanation for your attitude." She spoke slowly.
"You've warned me about getting hurt. I pressed on. Now I'm hurt and it's all my fault."
Ximen could hardly endure what she was saying.
"Don't blame yourself," he said in a low voice.
"Who else should I blame? You?" she said, her voice sharp, "Why should I blame you? You're naturally like that. No one should blame you for what is in your nature to do. I was an idiot to believe I could change you into a better person. Because I could never love the person who dated and slept with a different woman every week."
Ximen anger got the better of him.
"I didn't mean to hurt you but I did! That's what happens when feelings get involved, Xiao You! You said so yourself I warned you, but you pushed," he said, his voice rising as he turned to look at her. To Ximen's surprise, Xiao You turned slowly and looked at him. Her face was wet with the rain and not from tears. But the expression in her eyes was heartbreaking.
"I pushed, Ximen, because I knew you were worth it."
Ximen looked at her, seeing such sadness in her eyes. Then, he slowly bowed his head. He didn't want to cry. He just couldn't do that right now.
"You deserve someone better," he said softly. Silence. Seconds ticked away as they both stood in the rain, facing each other but saying nothing.
"You're saying that because you can bear the thought of me being someone else's.you're saying that because you don't like me." Xiao You said, anticipating more words from Ximen that would worsen her pain and break her heart to even smaller pieces. But she was numb. Maybe this numbness would cushion the blows that would come from him.she thought sadly as she gazed up at him.
"No," he whispered, finally raising his head and looking at her. Xiao You could barely believe what she was seeing. Teardrops were rolling down Ximen's face.
"No," he said again, reaching for Xiao You's hands and pressing them to his chest. Then looking deep into her eyes, he said in almost a whisper, "I'm saying this because...because I love you." (Enter intro of Ken's song Here We Are)
Xiao You felt her heart stopped beating as Ximen's eyes continued to glisten with tears.
"Ximen." she started but he continued in a strained voice.
"I'm saying this because I'm afraid that I can't love you enough, I can't meet your expectations and.and that I'd only hurt you in the end. Just like what happened today." he looked away but he continued to hold Xiao You's hands against his chest, "You promised you'd come back. You said you'd come back but you didn't. And I was so hurt I didn't know how to stop from hurting except to embrace my old self. The old Ximen."
He turned to look at her again and this time, his heart ached as he saw Xiao You crying silently. He unclasped one of his hands from hers and gently brushed away her tears.
"You're the only one who brought back meaning into my life," his voice was cracking as he caressed her cheek, ".But I didn't want to take any risks because I was afraid of hurting you.and getting hurt in the end."
Xiao You nodded, closed her eyes and leaned on Ximen's hand that was caressing her cheek. Then she opened her eyes and gave him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.
"Ximen.can you understand that kind of bitter flavor?" she said slowly, still smiling at him, "It's the same as falling in love, it will bring pain but this kind of bitterness will make you grow. And next time you will be braver." This time, she reached and touched his cheek. He blinked at her for a while. Then slowly, what she just said made sense to him. He bowed his head and the tears started to flow again
"Do you remember?" she said softly, ".You told me this when I had my heart broken by my first boyfriend." She smiled. "You gave me a cup of black coffee and told me the words that changed me into a braver person."
Ximen nodded, remembering the moment well as if it was only yesterday.
"Don't be afraid to take the risk," she said, clutching his hand, "Because we'll take it together."
As Ximen raised his head to look at her, he couldn't help but smile despite his tears. She was smiling brightly at him. Here was the woman who learned to love him despite everything he did and they were standing in the soft rain, holding each other.
"Xiao You." he whispered, raising his hand and brushing the teardrops that clung to her lashes and rolling on her cheeks. Then slowly, he bent down and their lips met in the most tender of kisses, the rain no more than a soft curtain, the evening no more than a canopy over the two figures who were in love.
Xiao You was sitting alone on the bench, fidgeting with the piece of document in her hand. She still couldn't believe she had finally found it. She had finally found what Xiao-Gen wanted Ximen to see. Only a day has passed since she had dragged Ximen on the rooftop and he had followed grudgingly. And when he saw the message on top of the building, he tried to keep from crying, muttering how stupid Xiao-Gen was, that it was all she wanted him to see years ago. But Xiao You wasn't easily fooled. She came to his side and while he put his arm around her, she gazed up at him and saw the restrained tears in his eyes.
She bit her lower lip, unaware of the fact that it was already getting dark and that the city was slowly coming to life with the lights from the towering buildings and speeding cars.
There was no doubt that Ximen loved Xiao-Gen and that losing her had left him a scar in his heart that might never heal.
But if he were to open his heart to her.
Xiao You shook her head and a sad smile spread on her face. She was crazy to be pondering about these things, crazy to be so serious.
Xiao You, your serious expression is very beautiful.
He had said that during the first time she said she liked him. So many things had happened afterwards. She even had the guts to accept Ximen's invitation although he had only meant to scare her, to make her realize that things weren't that easy, that they were very different people and for Xiao You to adjust to Ximen's life, it's something near impossible. She had left the following morning with her family to Canada but it didn't take long before she returned. Because he was all she ever thought about every single moment in Canada, that she knew she'd never feel happy unless she returned and see him again.
As Xiao You continued to ponder, leaning her hands on the bench and staring absentmindedly at her shoes, a tall shadow fell across the pavement. She looked up.
"Ximen," she whispered.
He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking down at her with a smile.
"May I sit beside you?" he said.
She nodded.
As he sat down, Xiao You felt a tightening around the area of her chest. It seemed as if it was getting difficult for her to breathe. They hadn't met again since the day they both saw Xiao-Gen's message that morning on the rooftop. What could she possibly say to Ximen, right now.? She cleared her throat.
"How did you know I was here? I turned my cell phone off since the last time we saw each other," she turned a bit to look at Ximen but quickly resumed looking at the passing cars. Ximen was looking at her with that same smile. She could concentrate better on what she was saying if she didn't see that handsome smile.
"I only had to pass by this building several times these past few days to find you."
What building? She looked up. Oh! How stupid of her! She didn't notice she had sat on the bench right across the building where they were last together, where they saw the message on the rooftop. She had been so preoccupied that while walking, she simply let her feet take her where they would go.
"Oh," she said in a small voice, "you didn't have to go through that much trouble." She looked at her feet again, aware of the barest tremble in her voice.
"I didn't have to." he said softly, ".But I wanted to."
Then, as if something took over him, he reached for her hand. Xiao You almost jumped from her seat at the sudden feel of his warm hand on hers. She looked at him. He was still smiling although now, there was a sad look in his eyes.
"Xiao You. I didn't get to thank you for finding that building for me," he said, motioning towards the building across, "Thank you." She looked at him for a moment and then, smiled.
"You don't have to thank me, Ximen," she said, turning her head to look again at the passing cars. The fact that Ximen still hadn't let go of her hand made her heart beat faster. She gripped the document in her other hand tightly, as if trying to gain control of herself. What she didn't know was he had been looking at the paper ever since he arrived.
"You're creasing your paper."
"Huh? Oh, right."
Then he laughed softly.
"What's up? Is there something troubling you? You seem preoccupied," he said good-naturedly.
Xiao You didn't answer. Ximen stared at her for a long time. Finally, he made a movement to get the paper from her hand. Xiao You was so preoccupied that all she was able to do was watch him snatch the document and read it. His face fell as soon as his eyes scanned the paper.
"Xiao You." he tried to sound casual but he knew the pain in his voice was obvious.
"Ximen, I'm leaving two days from now. I'm going back to Canada," she finally said. The document had been an airplane ticket. She looked at Ximen.
"You're leaving so soon.?" Ximen tried to sound casual but he couldn't. He looked at her. For the first time since he arrived, she was looking at him for a long time. And he understood now why she had avoided his eyes. She wanted to hide her sadness that was now marked painfully on her face.
"My parents want me to come back early," she said, slowly taking the ticket from his hands, "They said they're worried about me and they can only rest from their worries if I return to Canada as soon as possible." She leaned back on the bench, letting the ticket rest on her lap. Ximen wanted to say something but he couldn't think of any words to use.
"I came back for you Ximen," she said, gathering the last ounce of courage that she had. He shifted his weight on the bench, anticipating what Xiao You would say next.
"I came back because I wanted to tell you-"
"Don't go."
Xiao You looked up. A heavy feeling suddenly descended on her and it seemed her heart began skipping beats.
"Ximen."
"Please. Xiao You. Don't leave yet."
Before she knew it, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. She had wanted so much to see him show his feelings like this. But wasn't it too late.?
"Look, I.I can't make promises but.let me.give me time.to try and change."
The words pierced her heart with a bittersweet feeling. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His head was bowed; it seemed really difficult for him to say what he was feeling.
"Ximen, at first I thought I could make you change your playboy attitude. I thought I could break down the defenses you've put up." she spoke slowly, the tears now running freely down her cheeks, "but.I don't think I've changed you much."
Ximen suddenly found it hard to swallow. He knew she was crying and he made a movement to reach for her shoulder but slowly, took back his hand. It was starting to drizzle, the raindrops making soft sounds as they hit the pavement. But neither of them moved from where they were sitting.
"I know." he said softly.
"And it's difficult for me-"
".I know."
Suddenly she stood up and faced him. He could see the tears running down her cheeks now and the anger flashing in her eyes.
"You think you know everything don't you? You think you know everything about women and how they feel and how they should be treated don't you? Well you're wrong! Because you don't know how much you've been hurting me.!" she broke down. Turning around, she started to run as fast as her feet would carry her.
As soon as Xiao You started running, Ximen bolted up from his seat.
"Xiao You!" he yelled.
But Xiao You kept running and running.
"Xiao You!"
He wanted to follow her but it seemed his feet were rooted to the ground. He saw Xiao You's retreating figure, as she turned right at a corner.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the night.
"XIAO YOU!!!" Ximen lost all the control he was trying to master. He ran as fast as he could until he was near the corner where she turned. As soon as he entered the alley where she had run into, it seemed all life seeped out of him. Three drunken men were laughing as one of them held Xiao You from the back and had a hand clamped to her mouth while another one played with her hair. Ximen wasted no time.
"Let her go." he growled. The sudden presence of another person startled the three men and they turned. Xiao You saw Ximen, his head bowed and his chest heaving as if it was getting hard for him to breathe.
"Who the hell are you?" yelled one of the men. He was unmistakably their leader.
"I'm warning you. Let her go." Ximen looked up. Xiao You had never seen such anger and hatred in his eyes. She started to struggle against the brute who held her.
Laughter erupted again from the drunken men.
"Look, kid," the leader said again, walking towards Ximen and clapping a hand on his shoulder, "if you're looking for a fight, then go somewhere else all right? We're gonna have a feast with this cute girl over here." He turned to look at Xiao You, winking at her while she kept struggling to get free. The men laughed again.
The leader of the men turned his head to look at Ximen again but he never got to see Ximen's face because Ximen's fist flew and met the man's jaw with such force that there was a loud CRACK and the man fell on the ground. He didn't get up anymore.
The man who had been playing with Xiao You's hair charged at Ximen with a heavy baseball bat and he hit Ximen hard on the body. This time, Xiao You struggled so wildly and stamped so hard on the feet of the man who held her that he yowled in pain, letting her loose.
"Ximen!" she flew at his side, tears flowing down her cheeks again.
"Xiao You, now is the time to run," he whispered, trying to get up.
"Ximen, I-" Xiao You started.
But Ximen was already charging after the man who had hit him.
"RUN!" he yelled as the man swung the baseball bat again and Ximen caught it with one hand and started pummeling the man with hard punches with his other hand. The other man who had held Xiao You ran towards Ximen and held him fast. Ximen struggled to get free but the man had locked his arms.
"XIMEN!" Xiao You cried.
"RUN, XIAO YOU!!!" Ximen yelled for the last time as the man with the baseball bat straightened up and started cursing Ximen and hitting him with the bat all over the body and the head.
"NO!" Xiao You yelled. She quickly looked around. There was a thick metal bar propped up against the wall. Without a second thought, she grabbed the metal bar and swung it against the head of the man who had held Ximen. The man let out a groan as the bar met his skull and he let go of Ximen and slowly crumpled to the floor.
As soon as the man let go of Ximen, Ximen flew at the man who continued to hit him with the bat. They fell to the ground while Ximen was able to get on top of the man. He rammed the man with hard punches on the head.
"Ximen." Xiao You whispered.
.He kept punching him.the man was losing consciousness.
"Ximen!" Xiao You threw herself around Ximen's raised arm.
The man was finally lying motionless on the floor, eyes closed. He was unconscious. Everything had become quiet except for the continuous downpour of the rain and Ximen's laboured breathing. Xiao You was watching him, uncertain whether to speak to him as she saw the last flickering bit of anger in his eyes as he stared at the man on the floor. Then he turned and looked at Xiao You.
Xiao You couldn't suppress her gasp. Ximen's eyelid had swollen to a violet pulp. A trickle of blood was flowing from the top of his head down his brow. He had bruises all over his arms and his shirt was torn.
"Ximen." she said softly, silently crying as she reached to caress his face. As she held his cheek, he raised his hand and held her hand gently. Then as if nothing happened, he smiled. He smiled the way he always smiles when he sees her. It made her heart ache.
"Xiao You..." he struggled to say, ".I'm sorry.for hurting you."
Then he lost consciousness.
Chapter 2
Ximen was unconscious for three days in the hospital. And each day, Xiao You came to visit him and stayed at his side. The other F4 members had already visited him and were spearheading a manhunt to find the three men who had beaten him up. They couldn't just let it go even though Shan Cai tried to talk them out of it. Shan Cai had remained at Xiao You's side everytime she visited Ximen. They would talk softly together but Xiao You still kept certain things to herself. She couldn't tell Shan Cai just yet about the message on the rooftop.
On the fourth day, Ximen stirred from his sleep. The other F4 members were still looking for the men who had beat him up, based only on Xiao You's description. Shan Cai was with Dao Ming Si and was trying to pacify him from his anger.
Xiao You was at Ximen's side the moment he opened his eyes.
"Ximen, you're finally awake!" she exclaimed softly as she leaned closer to him.
Ximen groaned.
"Xiao You.I think you're leaning on my arm."
Xiao You looked down and saw that she had leaned her elbows on top of Ximen's still-badly bruised arm.
"OH!" she instantly lifted her arms and placed them by her sides. She couldn't help but bow her head, embarrassed by the excitement she'd shown at his convalescence. There was a sound coming from Ximen that sounded as if he was half-coughing and half-choking. Xiao You looked at him and saw that he was laughing weakly.
"What are you laughing at?" Xiao You frowned, aware that her cheeks were getting red.
"It's nice to see you, too, Xiao You," he said weakly with a lopsided grin. Xiao You's cheeks grew redder. Ximen looked around, his eyes roaming the length of the ceiling, the bedside table, and the sofa on the far side of the wall.
"I can't believe those guys actually landed me in the hospital. I'm Ximen," he muttered.
Xiao You looked at him and frowned again.
"Well, if you remember well enough, you gave them enough thrashing for them to land in the hospital themselves," she reached over and smoothed the creases on his blanket.
"They deserved it," he said quietly, entranced by the movement of Xiao You's hands as she fixed and tucked the blanket tighter around him.
"Maybe they do but you were very dangerous with them. You could've." Xiao bit her lip, unable to say what she meant.
"Killed them?" he finished for her. Xiao You stopped fixing the blanket and looked at Ximen, her eyes entreating him to say he didn't mean what he just said. Suddenly, Ximen reached for Xiao You's hand that was resting on the blanket. Then he slowly smiled.
"Xiao You, if you get in trouble again, I cannot promise to behave better."
Xiao You looked at him for a long time. Then, to Ximen's surprise, Xiao You pressed Ximen's hand gently.
"I almost forgot to thank you. Ximen, thank you for saving my life.even though I said hurtful words to you." she smiled at him and gently as she could, bent closer to him and placed her arms around him
Ximen felt as if he was about to lose consciousness again in a few minutes, as he turned rigid from Xiao You's embrace. How come Xiao You's touch affects him like this? Hadn't many different women, all more beautiful and glamorous than Xiao You, embraced him?
He looked down at her, at her silken black hair, at her fragile frame. It took a great effort, and every part of him ached whenever he moved but nevertheless, he was able to weakly raise his hand and rest it softly on Xiao You's head, caressing her smooth hair.
Of the many women he's been with, one thing's for sure.
None of them made me feel this way.he thought.
Suddenly, the door flew open.
"Hey, you're finally awake!"
It seemed Ximen had a last surge of energy as his hand swiftly flew off Xiao You and Xiao You flung herself away with incredible speed, as Mei Zhou walked brightly towards them.
"Hey." Ximen said weakly, glancing at Xiao You from the corner of his eye. No one could miss the fierce blush in her cheeks, especially since she was near the bed and the whiteness of the sheets was in contrast with her reddened face.
"Hi, Xiao You," Mei Zhou grinned at her and waved his hand comically.
".Hi," Xiao You muttered, her head still bowed, refusing to meet Mei Zhou's eyes.
"Shan-Cai's right outside. She said she won't come in and she'd just wait for you-"
"Alright."
Mei Zhou was taken by surprise by Xiao You's speed that he was still in mid-sentence, she was already at the door, turning the knob and stepping outside. As soon as the door closed with a click, Mei Zhou turned to look at Ximen and seeing him keeping up an innocent look, burst out laughing.
Ximen frowned.
"Laughing like an idiot." he muttered, scowling at Mei Zhou.
Mei Zhou laughed harder, slapping his leg and nearly collapsing on the ground.
"Hey! Did you come here just to disturb my rest? You want to laugh, then take your infernal noise with you outside," said Ximen, looking away and turning his attention on the birds that were chirping outside the window.
Finally, Mei Zhou gained control of himself. He straightened up and placed his hands akimbo on his waist.
"You dog you. Now I see why you couldn't keep from Xiao You's reaches. She moves as fast as you!" Then he laughed again, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
Ximen blushed but he threw Mei Zhou an angry look, determined not to be defeated.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Mei Zhou's laughter died slowly but he kept grinning at Ximen. He turned and pulled a chair up close to Ximen's bed and sat down.
"Oh yeah, right. The great Ximen doesn't know what I'm talking about when he's just been hugged by a girl who has interesting intentions about him-"
"Hey, shut up!"
Mei Zhou laughed again. Ximen couldn't take it anymore. He struggled to sit up but a sudden bolt of pain spread all over his body that he groaned and fell back on the bed.
"Hey," Mei Zhou said genuinely but still keeping up a meaningful smile, "don't struggle to protest about what I'm saying all right? I'm happy enough to see you happy, buddy."
"Who said I was happy?"
"You looked happy enough when I came in."
"No, I wasn't."
Mei Zhou sighed and took a piece of paper from his back pocket.
"Well if you're not happy, this might help you lighten up," he handed the piece of paper to Ximen.
Ximen looked at the piece of paper and a smile broke out on his face.
"Good work," he couldn't help but smile broader as he stared harder at the paper.
Mei Zhou ran a hand through his hair and nodded.
"We got the idea from the time when it was A-Si. We thought you'd appreciate it, too."
The paper was a picture of the three men who had beaten up Ximen. It was taken right away as they entered the jail. They still had the bruises they sustained from Ximen's beating of them and in the picture, they were on their knees, begging to be released as the other prisoners flocked around them with evident interest.
"I almost feel sorry for them." said Ximen, then he added with a snort, "NOT." He laughed weakly as handed back the picture to Mei Zhou.
"Where are A-Si and Lei?"
Mei Zhou ran his fingers through his hair again.
"A-Si and Lei are on their way here. Are you ravenous? You were unconscious for three days, you know? But Xiao You came to visit you everyday and brought you food. She said you might wake up anytime. She stayed at your side from morning till the wee hours."
Ximen said nothing for a while.
"I'm hungry," he said suddenly. Mei Zhou smiled, took out his phone and dialed A-Si's number.
"Okay. I'll tell them to buy you something on their way. What do you want?"
Ximen shrugged.
"Just order for me," he said.
"Okay," said Mei Zhou, "Hello? A-Si? Mei Zhou here. Ximen's just woken up-"
But Ximen couldn't understand anymore what Mei Zhou was saying on the phone. His mind was flying. He was gazing again outside the window, watching the leaves rustle from the gentle breeze. Somewhere in the region of his chest, there was the feeling of the barest ache. Xiao You hadn't left him for Canada while he was unconscious.
She stayed at your side from morning till the wee hours.
Ximen found himself smiling, a bit shaken by the feeling of happiness that was uncommon to him. Little did he know that Mei Zhou was watching him, smiling as well and understanding better where his smile was coming from.
Shan Cai was surprised to see Xiao You's cheeks very red as she stepped outside the room. "Xiao You? Is everything alright?" she said, stepping up to her friend and putting a hand on her shoulder. Xiao You looked at Shan Cai without really seeing her. Then she recognized her.
"Shan Cai, you're here!" she exclaimed, smiling broadly. Shan Cai pouted.
"You didn't recognize me right away, did you? Xiao You."
"I'm sorry Shan Cai. I'm just..." Xiao You fanned herself weakly with her hand, "uh.can we sit down? My knees are buckling."
"What? Oh, here." Shan Cai lead Xiao You to a couch a few doors away from Ximen's room.
"What happened? Are you feeling okay? Why are your knees buckling?"
Xiao You looked at Shan Cai and couldn't help but feel touched by the worry in her face. Well, there's no point in hiding it now. Besides if she doesn't tell somebody about what she's feeling, she might burst any time.
"Shan Cai." she started.
"What it it?"
Xiao You took a deep breath.
"Shan Cai.Ximen's just woken up," then she exclaimed, "And I've just embraced him!"
"What!"
Xiao You grinned at Shan Cai. Then she told her every detail of what she's been doing these past few days since she arrived from Canada. Shan Cai listened attentively, patiently waiting as Xiao You broke off from her story every now and then to suppress a giggle. By the end of the story, Shan Cai had a pensive look on her face.
"But Xiao You," she said softly, ".How can you be sure that Ximen would really change his attitude? And.aren't your parents expecting you to come back to Canada soon?"
Xiao You's face fell.
"I have to stay here to help him change. Shan Cai, haven't you noticed? We've come a long way already since the first time Ximen and I met. He's already changed." she bit her lip, ".Well at least a bit."
Shan Cai stared at her for a long time. Finally, she genuinely smiled.
"To be honest, Xiao You, I've never seen you this happy," she said, and then she reached for Xiao You's hand and pressed it. "That's why I want you to know that I'll continue being at your back, supporting you. And telling you to keep up the good work."
Xiao You looked up at her. Then she threw her arms around Shan Cai.
"Shan Cai," she said, feeling so happy that it seemed she was about to cry, "that's exactly what I need. Thank you."
Shan Cai nodded, smiled and gently patted Xiao You's back, wishing with all her might for Xiao You to attain her felicity with Ximen.
Within the next hour, A-Si and Lei arrived and they brought with them enough food for more than six people. They all gathered around Ximen's bed, chatting softly and every now and then, laughing from someone's joke when all of a sudden, Ximen spoke in a clear voice.
"Xiao You, um, did you bring me any food?"
Everyone fell silent. Xiao You looked confused at first. Then she nodded slowly.
"Where is it?"
Xiao You didn't stir from where she was sitting. She looked at everyone. Everyone was watching them.
"What's wrong?" Ximen said, frowning.
"I-z nd'ls," Xiao You said quietly.
"Huh? What?"
Xiao You cleared her throat.
"I said, it's noodles."
"Okay, let's have it," Ximen said merrily.
Xiao You still stayed at her seat, looking at Ximen with pleading eyes.
"What now?" Ximen was getting impatient. Mei Zhou watched them with a grin. Shan Cai looked fearful for Xiao You. A-Si seemed confused about what's going on. Lei had a faint smile as he watched Ximen, the memory of their last conversation still in his mind. Ximen said he would be a bit meaner to Xiao You to discourage her. He seemed like he was trying to be mean to her right now but looking at him carefully, Ximen seemed like he was actually being very nice to her.
"I-I don't want to prepare it. It's j-just noodles. It won't taste as good as what you're eating right now."
Xiao You stopped talking and looked instead at the floor. How she wish it would just swallow her up instead of having everyone's attention turned to her like this...
"I can't chew hard food yet. My jaw hurts," he picked up the piece of chicken on his plate and waved it weakly. "Could you kindly prepare it for me? I'd rather have the noodles you brought."
Xiao You looked up and her heart seemed to skip beats again. Ximen was smiling kindly at her, encouraging her with another wave of the chicken in his hand. She grinned and finally stood up, walking over to the table where she placed the noodles.
The soft murmur of conversation resumed as Xiao You prepared the food in the far corner of the room. Ximen watched her, unaware of the fact that almost everyone's eyes was still on them. Mei Zhou's grin was growing broader and broader by the minute. Finally, Xiao You walked slowly to Ximen's bed with the bowl of noodles, blowing softly on it to cool it faster.
"Here," she said when she reached his bed.
"Thanks," said Ximen, putting down the plate on the table beside his bed. He tried to prop himself higher on the pillow but his arm buckled. Both Xiao You and Mei Zhou, who was sitting on the other side of the bed caught Ximen.
"You should be more careful," said Mei Zhou, fixing his pillow and letting go of Ximen as he leant back. Mei Zhou sat back down and resumed eating while Xiao You continued to stand by Ximen's side.
"Thanks for the noodles," Ximen said quietly, flashing Xiao You a small smile as he took the bowl from her.
"You're welcome," she muttered. Suddenly, a cell phone began ringing.
"Whose is that?" A-Si said, stopping in the middle of poking Shan Cai with his fork.
"It's mine," said Xiao You, running back to where her bag lay. Lifting the latch of her bag, she took her cell phone and answered.
"Hello? Auntie?" she said, frowning slightly.
In the background, Lei was laughing as Shan Cai was able to evade A- Si's fork attack and retaliated with a spoon maneuver of her own. A piece of green pea clung to A-Si's hair as Shan Cai, grinning and not looking the bit sorry, muttered apologies.
"What? What do you mean?" Xiao You's voice rose a little that everyone began to grow quiet again. Ximen was barely paying attention to the story Mei Zhou was telling him. He was watching Xiao You apprehensively.
"I-I understand. I'll be right over," Xiao You placed her phone back in her bag swiftly, fixed her things and slung the bag on her shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Shan Cai's voice was marked with worry. Xiao You had an indiscernible expression. Then she looked at everybody and gave them a reassuring smile.
"I'm heading home. Mama would call through Auntie's phone within a few minutes so I have to be there," she walked briskly towards the door. Placing a hand on the doorknob, she stopped. Then she turned around and smiled again, this time looking at Ximen alone.
"I promise I'll come back. In the meantime, get some rest."
Ximen stared at her for a while. Then he nodded slowly.
She turned the knob and ran outside, leaving the people in the room wondering what could have happened that she left with such fear in her eyes.
Chapter 3
The next few days were empty for Ximen as he still spent them in the hospital. The other F4 members and Shan Cai visited him frequently, bringing him food and other things to keep him busy. But Xiao You didn't return. He waited for her, even keeping awake during the wee hours, waiting for her to appear at the door with her sunny smile and a plastic of noodles for him. But there was nothing. Not even Xiao You's shadow to take away his growing loneliness and frustration.
Then Lei visited him. He hadn't even closed the door when Ximen bombarded him with questions.
"Hey, Lei. Any word about Xiao You? Has she talked to anyone of you? Does Shan Cai know anything?"
Lei couldn't help but smile as he sat down.
"As much as I would like to help you ease your worries, I don't have all the answers, Ximen," he said quietly.
Ximen shifted his gaze outside, scowling at the rays of sunlight streaming through the windows and trailing on the floor. Lei looked at him for a while. Then he spoke.
"Xiao You hasn't communicated with anyone since we last saw her. Shan Cai's getting worried about her and so do all of us. A-Si has asked his men to find her to calm Shan Cai." he trailed off. Ximen didn't take off his eyes from the rays but he was listening, waiting for Lei to continue.
"And?" said Ximen. There was an uncanny silence before Lei spoke again, this time carefully saying each word as if weighing their effect on Ximen.
"She hasn't left the country, Ximen. She's still here. According to A- Si's men, her mama calls overseas almost everyday. That's about all the information we've gathered."
Ximen kept watching the rays. They were now spreading evenly on the floor and the glass of the windows reflected the bedsheet with colors. Slowly, Ximen turned to look at Lei. Then he smiled.
"Is that so? Then we had absolutely nothing to worry about in the first place," said Ximen, turning once more to look at the window.
Lei saw past Ximen's facade. Ximen was indeed smiling but there was no hiding the fact that his hands, which not so long ago were just lying on his sides, were now curled into fists and that Ximen was turning red. He's angry, thought Lei.
"I have another good news," said Lei brightly, standing up and walking over to Ximen. He was just a few feet away that now it was more evident than ever. Ximen was boiling mad and was having a problem controlling it. His hands were now gripping the sheets so tightly that his knuckles were turning very white.
"I talked to your doctor yesterday," Lei smiled, "he said you could go home today if you're feeling well enough. That's why I came to visit you this early. I've come to take you home."
Lei could hardly suppress a sigh of relief as Ximen released the poor bedsheet as he slowly opened his hands. Ximen's face was a smiling mask. Slowly he nodded.
"I'm going home."
Another week had passed. The F4 were hanging out again the way they used to except that Ximen often retired earlier than the rest of them. He hadn't fully recovered but he was healing fast enough. A-Si, Mei Zhou and Lei watched with disapproving looks as Ximen walked towards a table of beautiful women during one night. He seemed extraordinarily happy as they let him join them. The women flocked around him and soon, his clear laughter could be heard ringing in the room along with the uncontrollable giggling of the women around him.
Mei Zhou turned to Lei.
"Why is the old Ximen back? I thought he and Xiao You were beginning to have a special thing?"
Lei shrugged.
"There has been no word from Xiao You. They've never seen each other since she left the hospital." Lei poured himself a drink and noticing A- Si's glass, motioned to pour some for him. But A-Si waved his hand, shaking his head.
"Shan Cai's on her way here. I don't want to drink too much," he said, looking at both of them.
Mei Zhou raised his eyebrows at A-Si then slowly shook his head in disbelief. Lei only nodded, putting the cap back on the bottle. Suddenly A- Si's cellphone rang.
"Hello? Shan Cai. Where are you?" he said a bit louder over the din of the bar, "Okay. Okay. Bye bye." He put the phone back in his pocket.
"Is she coming?" asked Lei, popping a chip in his mouth.
"Yeah, she's on her way," said A-Si, fidgeting with the table napkin. Lei and Mei Zhou grinned at each other. A-Si's always fidgety when Shan Cai's about to arrive. They drank a few more glasses when someone tapped A- Si on the shoulder. It was Shan Cai.
"Hey, you're here," said A-Si, standing up to pull back the vacant seat for Shan Cai.
"Thank you," said Shan Cai, smiling at him as she sat down. A-Si beamed.
"What would you like to eat?" said A-Si, already motioning for the waiter to come over. But Shan Cai instantly yanked his arm.
"It's okay. I'm not hungry," she said. A-Si waved the waiter away when the waiter was almost at their table.
"Have you heard any news about Xiao You?" she said, roaming her eyes around the bar. Then she saw Ximen at the farthest table, getting cozier with a woman who looked like a supermodel. He had his arm around her shoulders while she was leaning towards him, whispering something in his ear.
"WHAT IS XIMEN DOING?!" shouted Shan Cai, getting up and ready to charge towards their table. A-Si was up within a flash, straining to sit Shan Cai back in her chair.
"Let go of me, Dao Ming Si!"
"Sit down, you idiot! Are you going to make a fool of yourself by going there and interfering with other people's business?"
"What he's doing is my business!" she yelled, still struggling to get free of A-Si. Finally A-Si was able to yank her down back in her seat and she slumped on the chair, looking disheveled but undefeated.
"A-Si's right," said Lei, looking at Ximen and then turning to look at Shan Cai, "what Ximen's doing right now is none of our business. We shouldn't interfere."
Shan Cai straightened herself and scowled at all of them.
"So you're all happy to see the old Ximen back, are you?" she crossed her arms and scowled at the platter on the table.
"Shan Cai," Mei Zhou started, "none of us is happy to see Ximen this way. Look, do you remember what happened at the hospital? He was the Ximen we were happy to see. But now." he trailed off.
".He's like this only when he's trying to distract himself from something," said Lei, finishing Mei Zhou's sentence. Shan Cai looked up and saw all three of them looking honestly at her.
"Alright. Then what can we do? Xiao You hasn't contacted me yet since that day at the hospital. And now Ximen's like this-"
"Like what?" said a voice behind her.
They all turned.
"Xiao You!" exclaimed Shan Cai. Xiao You was standing behind them, looking very pretty. She was wearing a white cotton blouse with the sleeves rolled up her arms and a lacey black skirt. A portion of her hair was tied up behind with a barrette and her cheeks were tinged with the barest pink. She looked beautiful indeed but there was something about her eyes. There was loneliness in them that was difficult to ignore.
Suddenly, Shan Cai remembered that Ximen was at the farthest table, with another woman.
"Xiao You!" Shan Cai leapt up and flew at Xiao You, embracing her and turning her to face the opposite direction, "We've all been worried about you! How did you know we were here? Why didn't you contact any of us?"
Xiao You tried to disentangle herself from Shan Cai but Shan Cai continued to hold on to her tightly.
"Shan Cai.I can't.breathe."
"OH!" said Shan Cai, releasing Xiao You immediately but keeping a firm hold on her arms. Xiao You couldn't help but laugh. Why is Shan Cai acting all deranged.? She must've been worried that much.
"I'm sorry," muttered the flustered Shan Cai. Xiao You continued to laugh softly.
"It's okay," said Xiao You, "I was just walking around when I saw you come in so I followed. I've been at home all this time. You know I have so many things to tell you."
Mei Zhou stood up, took a chair from another table and stood by the chair, waiting for Xiao You to sit down. Shan Cai took off her hands from Xiao You's arms and allowed her to sit down since the chair was positioned for Xiao You to look the other way.
"Hey Xiao You, what did happen to you? We were all worried about you, you know, Especially Shan Cai," said Mei Zhou as he pushed the chair while Xiao You sat down.
"I'm really sorry," said Xiao You, smiling genuinely at everyone, ".It's just that so many things happened. Do you remember I received a call that day from Auntie?"
They all nodded.
"Well when I got home, Mama called, just as Auntie said. I asked her what was wrong and Mama said Papa fell ill."
Everyone looked at Xiao You with alarm. Shan Cai leaned forward and worry was evident on her face. But Xiao You gave a small smile.
"Don't worry. He's feeling better now. But he was in danger for a while. That's why I didn't leave the house because I wanted to wait for Mama's call everyday with news regarding Papa's condition," said Xiao You.
"If that's the case.then why didn't you just fly back to Canada so that you would be by your parents' side during that critical time?" asked Lei, getting a clean glass and motioning to pour some wine for Xiao You. Xiao You shook her head, refusing politely.
"I wanted to." she said, looking wistfully around her, "but if I did that, I would be leaving a lot of unfinished business here. If I left, I would also definitely return within a few weeks." Xiao You looked at Shan Cai meaningfully. Shan Cai gave the barest of nods. She understood what Xiao You meant about unfinished business. It was Ximen. Oh Xiao You, if you only knew what Ximen's been up to since his recovery, thought Shan Cai as she took a glass from Lei and raised it to her lips.
"By the way, where is Ximen?"
Suddenly, Shan Cai spitted out the wine all over the table.
"What the hell are you doing? Spilling wine all over yourself?" said A-Si, taking out his handkerchief and wiping Shan Cai's face and clothes. Lei looked at Shan Cai meaningfully, as if asking her to make up something for Xiao You to believe. But Mei Zhou spoke first.
"Um.he's.uh.," he said, frowning as Shan Cai shook her head violently.
"He's resting," said Lei, looking at Xiao You straight in the eyes. Xiao You looked crestfallen.
"Oh," she said softly, "well, maybe I'll get to talk to him some other time." Then she brightened up.
"C'mon Shan Cai, let's go to the powder room. We can dry up your clothes faster there," she stood up, holding Shan Cai's arm and gently tugging her. Shan Cai shook her head.
"N-no Xiao You. I'm f-fine here. Let's just leave this place and chat somewhere else. What do you think, A-Si?" Shan Cai turned to look meaningfully at A-Si. When he frowned and muttered what? she stomped hard on his foot.
"OW! What did-oh? Uh.yeah, Xiao You, this crowd's getting pretty bad. Mama might see Shan Cai and me. Let's transfer to another place," he said, getting up. Xiao You looked at the others as they stood up. A-Si took the opportunity of Xiao You looking at the others to rub his throbbing foot. Xiao You smiled.
"Okay," she said brightly, letting go of Shan Cai's arm, "but I'm going to the powder room first, okay?"
It was too late when Shan Cai stood up and tried to take hold of Xiao You's shoulders to prevent her from turning around. All of them were standing up and had a clear view of the farthest table. Ximen and the woman he had his arm around with a while ago were sharing a passionate kiss and the other women were quarrelling amongst themselves, their voices cutting through the din, each one squealing in a high-pitched voice I'm next, I'm next!
Xiao You had never felt a greater pain in all her life. It seemed all the bad memories from her past crawled up to the present and became one large web of pain that enveloped her and made it difficult for her to breathe. At the table, the woman and Ximen separated and Ximen shifted in his seat to kiss the woman on his other side when he saw Xiao You. Their eyes met for the most grueling ten seconds of his life. Then Xiao You's face screwed up as she shook her head and dashed for the exit.
"Xiao You!" Shan Cai yelled, running after her. Then she stopped. Looking at A-Si, Lei and Mei Zhou, she took a deep breath and stomped over to Ximen's table. The women at the table looked up at her and when they saw how mad she looked, they stood up one by one and left Ximen and Shan Cai alone at the table.
"Go after Xiao You," she growled, looking down at Ximen. Ximen was avoiding eye contact. Instead of answering, he reached over the table for his glass and the bottle of vodka.
Suddenly Shan Cai's hand flew out of nowhere. The glass and the bottle that Ximen had in his hands crashed on the floor. The noise was defeaning. People were starting to look their way. Shan Cai was aware of a cut in her hand but she didn't pay attention to the pain. She was in a rage.
"What do you want?" yelled the exasperated Ximen.
"I know you're bigger than me and you have three equally big friends and we're in a public place and you're Ximen, a member of the F4," said Shan Cai under her breath, "but if you don't do what I'm telling you right now, I swear I would land you back in the hospital you've just come from."
Ximen looked at her, raised his eyebrows and stood up. He was taller than her, she was aware of that, but she didn't the least bit care.
"Look," said Ximen, this time the one looking down, "I know you love your friend and I've just hurt her but I already warned her about getting hurt, alright? She insisted on following me and now, she got exactly what she knew was coming. Now, if you would excuse me, I'm leaving."
Ximen made a motion to walk past Shan Cai but never got around to even stepping away. Shan Cai's hand flew again and this time, the pain stung Ximen's face as he slowly turned to look at her again. The other F4 members were now around them.
"It's unfair," said Shan Cai, tears now streaming down her cheeks, "it's unfair of you to not care about how she feels. Most especially, how she feels about you. All this time, she could've returned to Canada to be beside her father when he was sick but she didn't leave. She believed in you that much."
Ximen looked confused. He blinked a few times, unable to understand what she meant.
"And now, you selfish pig, you're hanging around bars every night of your life trying to find your life's purpose in the arms of different women and complaining about people wanting you to change, because you're that way, because that's the only way you know how to treat women. Well let me tell you something Ximen, your life's purpose might very well be the only person who ever truly cared about you and you've just let her slip away!" Shan Cai yelled, aware of the fact that this time, the whole crowd was listening to them.
Ximen's chest was heaving as he stared at her, trying hard to ignoring the biting pain in his chest.
Lei stepped closer to him and said softly.
"It's already dark, Ximen."
Mei Zhou also walked towards Ximen and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"And she was really beautiful tonight."
A-Si crossed his arms and frowned at Ximen.
"Now's your only chance to be really happy."
Ximen looked at all of them and swallowed. Then he turned to Shan Cai.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, bowing his head. Shan Cai encouraged him with a nod and he turned and bolted as fast as he could outside the bar, calling out Xiao You's name despite the sudden downpour of heavy rain.
Chapter 4
Xiao You stood in the rain, aware that she was drenched from head to foot. She shivered, not from the cold of the rain that was slicing through her now, but from the pain that was bottled up inside her. As soon as she ran out, the rain fell but she didn't stop from running. And what was extraordinary was she didn't cry. She had been battling with the urge to cry for the last hour. Her heart was broken. But there were no tears to express the pain. She was numb.
Suddenly someone called her name softly.
"Xiao You."
She didn't need to turn her head. She knew to whom the voice belonged.
"Xiao You, let's get out of the rain," the voice said, urging her gently.
"What are you doing here?" she managed to say the words clearly but she didn't know whether he heard her. She spoke just above a whisper.
"I.I came to find you," the man who owned the voice now stepped beside her. She still refused to look at him. The silence was pouring out of her soul despite the fact that there were so many things she wanted to say.
"I-"
"Don't try to justify what I just saw," she suddenly spoke, her eyes following the downfall of the raindrops, "I've heard enough explanation for your attitude." She spoke slowly.
"You've warned me about getting hurt. I pressed on. Now I'm hurt and it's all my fault."
Ximen could hardly endure what she was saying.
"Don't blame yourself," he said in a low voice.
"Who else should I blame? You?" she said, her voice sharp, "Why should I blame you? You're naturally like that. No one should blame you for what is in your nature to do. I was an idiot to believe I could change you into a better person. Because I could never love the person who dated and slept with a different woman every week."
Ximen anger got the better of him.
"I didn't mean to hurt you but I did! That's what happens when feelings get involved, Xiao You! You said so yourself I warned you, but you pushed," he said, his voice rising as he turned to look at her. To Ximen's surprise, Xiao You turned slowly and looked at him. Her face was wet with the rain and not from tears. But the expression in her eyes was heartbreaking.
"I pushed, Ximen, because I knew you were worth it."
Ximen looked at her, seeing such sadness in her eyes. Then, he slowly bowed his head. He didn't want to cry. He just couldn't do that right now.
"You deserve someone better," he said softly. Silence. Seconds ticked away as they both stood in the rain, facing each other but saying nothing.
"You're saying that because you can bear the thought of me being someone else's.you're saying that because you don't like me." Xiao You said, anticipating more words from Ximen that would worsen her pain and break her heart to even smaller pieces. But she was numb. Maybe this numbness would cushion the blows that would come from him.she thought sadly as she gazed up at him.
"No," he whispered, finally raising his head and looking at her. Xiao You could barely believe what she was seeing. Teardrops were rolling down Ximen's face.
"No," he said again, reaching for Xiao You's hands and pressing them to his chest. Then looking deep into her eyes, he said in almost a whisper, "I'm saying this because...because I love you." (Enter intro of Ken's song Here We Are)
Xiao You felt her heart stopped beating as Ximen's eyes continued to glisten with tears.
"Ximen." she started but he continued in a strained voice.
"I'm saying this because I'm afraid that I can't love you enough, I can't meet your expectations and.and that I'd only hurt you in the end. Just like what happened today." he looked away but he continued to hold Xiao You's hands against his chest, "You promised you'd come back. You said you'd come back but you didn't. And I was so hurt I didn't know how to stop from hurting except to embrace my old self. The old Ximen."
He turned to look at her again and this time, his heart ached as he saw Xiao You crying silently. He unclasped one of his hands from hers and gently brushed away her tears.
"You're the only one who brought back meaning into my life," his voice was cracking as he caressed her cheek, ".But I didn't want to take any risks because I was afraid of hurting you.and getting hurt in the end."
Xiao You nodded, closed her eyes and leaned on Ximen's hand that was caressing her cheek. Then she opened her eyes and gave him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.
"Ximen.can you understand that kind of bitter flavor?" she said slowly, still smiling at him, "It's the same as falling in love, it will bring pain but this kind of bitterness will make you grow. And next time you will be braver." This time, she reached and touched his cheek. He blinked at her for a while. Then slowly, what she just said made sense to him. He bowed his head and the tears started to flow again
"Do you remember?" she said softly, ".You told me this when I had my heart broken by my first boyfriend." She smiled. "You gave me a cup of black coffee and told me the words that changed me into a braver person."
Ximen nodded, remembering the moment well as if it was only yesterday.
"Don't be afraid to take the risk," she said, clutching his hand, "Because we'll take it together."
As Ximen raised his head to look at her, he couldn't help but smile despite his tears. She was smiling brightly at him. Here was the woman who learned to love him despite everything he did and they were standing in the soft rain, holding each other.
"Xiao You." he whispered, raising his hand and brushing the teardrops that clung to her lashes and rolling on her cheeks. Then slowly, he bent down and their lips met in the most tender of kisses, the rain no more than a soft curtain, the evening no more than a canopy over the two figures who were in love.