*squeals* More reviews! Ok, let's make this personal, shall we?
To Gamegirl3: If you're laughing forever, don't forget to breathe ^_^
To Monica Wagner: You're obsessed, my friendly school friend. *_* And no, you may not have this idea! Sheesh. I'll have to protect it.*puts up a giant wall around laptop*
To Blah: You should read it, Darleen! : )
To IloveLegolas: Yup, I'm American. And I know you guys don't speak all posh-ish all the time; I watch The Naked Chef ~___^ Heh, just kidding. Personally, I like the really rough British accent. Cockney, Cornwall, Liverpool, they're all cool. I just wish I had an accent. *sniff* Just me, in the Mid-East, all nasally and accentless. And to you and Monica, don't fear for your Leggie (even though he is astonishingly fun to make fun of. I'm not really a fan, so it's easier for me). He and Frodo are two very optimistic young fellows (as mentioned in chapter 3), and they have something planned. Something very ambitious. And I'm perfectly aware that Legolas could kick the hobbits'.er, behind any time he felt like it, but we don't want violence, unless it's air weapons. That we can have. ^_^
Time to pick up where we left off, then. Let me introduce our singers.
Sure enough, Arwen and Aragorn were standing on stage, each holding a microphone. Arwen seemed perfectly happy, but Aragorn looked as if he sincerely wanted to go back to his seat.
"Arwen, dear," he said nervously, "Future kings of Men really aren't supposed to do this in public..."
"Oh shush, darling," said Arwen, "You were up here before, weren't you?"
"Yes, but that was back-up singing! It's different-"
"Shhh! The song is starting!"
Annoyingly cheesy 70s music came from the speakers. The audience groaned. Most of the people there hated this song. Arwen began to sing.
"They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow-oh- ohhh."
Aragorn, swallowed very obviously, but he didn't want to upset Arwen. So he tried his best.
"Well I don't know if all that's true 'cause you got me and baby, I've got you...."
The music started to go "ooom pa pa ooom pa pa ooom pa pa..."
"I've got you babe!" sang Aragorn and Arwen together.
(ooom pa pa, ooom pa pa, ooom pa pa pa)
"I've got you babe!"
And so it went. The audience was repulsed but somehow could not stop listening to the flowery Sonny and Cher song. It had wormed its way into their brains and it would stay there for what would seem like an eternity. And so, in a way, the audience was hypnotized. Which meant no one was aware of anything but the "ooom pa pas". Which meant that no one was noticing anyone else. Which meant that this was the opportune moment for Merry to get the ring.
Lucky for him, Merry had never removed his earmuffs. They were still on his head, pink and fluffy as ever, as he neared the table (with much unnecessary somersaulting) where Frodo and Legolas were sitting. They were still clad in their paper bags, so this just made Merry's job all the more easier. He rather doubted that Gollum needed the ring anymore, but maybe if he gave it to him he'd get some fan girls. That was good enough for him. Without much stealth, Merry took the ring out of Frodo's pocket and set off on his way. No sooner had he done that, however, when there was a huge, thundering rumble that shook the entire pub. Suddenly the whole place was cast into a fiery red light, and the blazing eye of Sauron appeared on the stage behind the two singers. Arwen looked like she could have murdered the Dark Lord for interrupting her song.
"Fool!" he boomed, pointing this comment directly at Merry, who had dived under a table, "You have messed up the story line! You're not supposed to have the ring! He is!"
Frodo looked up, though he was still a bit wired from the music.
"Groovy, man," he said, a large, goofy smile plastered onto his face that no one was able to see.
Sauron made a small growly sound.
"Stupid mortals! Have you not read the books? Seen the movies? None of you should be here right now! You three," his eye briefly rested on Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas, "Should be at Pelannor fields. The wizard and the halfling with the thick accent should be in Gondor, the one hiding under the table should be with the Rohan army, and the other two should be in Mordor with the schizophrenic slimeball. And you," he said, focusing on Boromir, "Should be DEAD! What happened here?!?!?!"
"Well," said Aragorn meekly, trying to explain the situation while fearfully noticing that the steam coming out of Arwen's ears could have roasted a chicken, "We were everywhere that we were supposed to be, but then we heard that they had just set up a karaoke machine here. Since all of us enjoy singing, we decided that we would save all the climaxes until we felt like dealing with them."
Sauron snorted.
"And how did you get back here so fast?"
"Gwaihir and his eagles have sent up a full time airline service!" said Gandlaf happily, "And I had so many frequent flier miles that I could afford to bring everyone here for free. It was a great deal, especially since we were bumped up to business class at our third stop!"
If Sauron had had eyebrows, they would have probably already disappeared into his hair. But of course he had neither of those things, so his eye merely looked a bit annoyed, if that's possible for a flaming eyeball. Arwen was inching closer to the nuclear warhead by the second.
"I still have another question," said Sauron, "And I believe I asked it once but it got pushed aside. Why is he alive again?"
Boromir realized that this meant him, and before anyone had the chance to stop his long and disgusting story, he had launched into it, sounding very pleased to be doing so.
"Well, Mr. Darklord, sir," he said, "After the guys over there pushed me over the waterfall, I was pretty sure I was done for, since I had broken most of my bones and my organs were crushed and other such ailments that could be life threatening. So I washed up on the shore, my little dead body still in the boat (still don't know how it stayed in there), when all of a sudden, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli come up and stick two Twinkies in my nose."
"Twinkies?" said Suaron, sounding a bit revolted. "Up your....nose?"
"Why yes!" said Boromir, as if this was perfectly logical, "They conduct and attract electricity. So once they had been stuffed up real far, they put me on the top of a tree during a storm. I had got struck by lightning several times before they took me down, but it wasn't working. We needed something that would trap more electricity. So Gimli, if I remember correctly, went out and bought 30 pounds of Boca burgers."
"Boca burgers," repeated Sauron.
"Well what were you expecting?" asked Boromir, "Those things can power cities for days, you know, and make ultra efficient fuel. They smeared that stuff all over me, so I looked like a regular Mr. Meat!"
Boromir had quite a good chuckle after this, but no one else seemed to find it funny. Ignoring that little fact, he continued.
"They put me up in the tree again, and soon enough my body had been infused with so much electricity that my spirit couldn't help but notice. And so I came back. Of course my hair was a bit on the puffy side, but there was karaoke, so who cared."
"Erm..." said Sauron, "That's...highly....interesting...."
"There's more!" Boromir replied cheerfully, "All the meat had baked on to my skin, see. And the only way to get it off was to peel it or have a bunch of animals come and eat it. So I went out into the middle of the lake and let the fishies do their job. And then there were some of those moose things, and a giant squid, but that's not important."
"You're right about that-" muttered Aragorn darkly.
"Of course I still had some bits and pieces of meat still sticking to some places, so luckily Legolas had some spare moist towelletes."
"I collect them!" sang out Legolas, holding up about fifty little packets, 'I've got lemon and pine scent!"
"And after that," continued Boromir, "We came here. There's nothing left to tell really, except-"
The audience was saved from listening to another gruesome account from Boromir by Arwen, of all people. She leapt into the air, nuclear warhead in tow, and sent it crashing down into Saurons' fiery body. It disappeared, but obviously the Dark Lord knew where it was.
"You ELF!" he bellowed, "Do you know what kind of indigestion that's going to give me?!?!"
And with that, Sauron left the Prancing Pony in a burst of light. A few seconds later, there was a loud boom from somewhere over the mountains, but no one took that much heed of it. They were all too busy gaping and being terrified of Arwen. Elrond wondered frantically if he really should have sent her to those anger management classes Denethor had started.
"Well," said Arwen, hands on her hips, "That's what he gets for interrupting me and my hubbies' song."
The hubby in question was standing nervously on the edge of the stage, twitching slightly and looking around for any other nuclear warheads. Is that what she would do to him if he never did the dishes? Aragorn began to really lose it then. He, the heir of Isildur had never learned how to do the dishes. Sons of Arathorn just didn't do the dishes! Or take showers, for that matter. Aragorn was about to head back to his seat, but Arwen put her arm around him and began to sing again.
"I've got you, babe!" she screeched.
"Help," squeaked Aragorn.
Uh oh. Looks like our favorite Dunedain is having girl trouble. I don't really think this chapter was all that great, but you can form your own opinion on it. Until next time!
~Kavindra
To Gamegirl3: If you're laughing forever, don't forget to breathe ^_^
To Monica Wagner: You're obsessed, my friendly school friend. *_* And no, you may not have this idea! Sheesh. I'll have to protect it.*puts up a giant wall around laptop*
To Blah: You should read it, Darleen! : )
To IloveLegolas: Yup, I'm American. And I know you guys don't speak all posh-ish all the time; I watch The Naked Chef ~___^ Heh, just kidding. Personally, I like the really rough British accent. Cockney, Cornwall, Liverpool, they're all cool. I just wish I had an accent. *sniff* Just me, in the Mid-East, all nasally and accentless. And to you and Monica, don't fear for your Leggie (even though he is astonishingly fun to make fun of. I'm not really a fan, so it's easier for me). He and Frodo are two very optimistic young fellows (as mentioned in chapter 3), and they have something planned. Something very ambitious. And I'm perfectly aware that Legolas could kick the hobbits'.er, behind any time he felt like it, but we don't want violence, unless it's air weapons. That we can have. ^_^
Time to pick up where we left off, then. Let me introduce our singers.
Sure enough, Arwen and Aragorn were standing on stage, each holding a microphone. Arwen seemed perfectly happy, but Aragorn looked as if he sincerely wanted to go back to his seat.
"Arwen, dear," he said nervously, "Future kings of Men really aren't supposed to do this in public..."
"Oh shush, darling," said Arwen, "You were up here before, weren't you?"
"Yes, but that was back-up singing! It's different-"
"Shhh! The song is starting!"
Annoyingly cheesy 70s music came from the speakers. The audience groaned. Most of the people there hated this song. Arwen began to sing.
"They say we're young and we don't know. We won't find out until we grow-oh- ohhh."
Aragorn, swallowed very obviously, but he didn't want to upset Arwen. So he tried his best.
"Well I don't know if all that's true 'cause you got me and baby, I've got you...."
The music started to go "ooom pa pa ooom pa pa ooom pa pa..."
"I've got you babe!" sang Aragorn and Arwen together.
(ooom pa pa, ooom pa pa, ooom pa pa pa)
"I've got you babe!"
And so it went. The audience was repulsed but somehow could not stop listening to the flowery Sonny and Cher song. It had wormed its way into their brains and it would stay there for what would seem like an eternity. And so, in a way, the audience was hypnotized. Which meant no one was aware of anything but the "ooom pa pas". Which meant that no one was noticing anyone else. Which meant that this was the opportune moment for Merry to get the ring.
Lucky for him, Merry had never removed his earmuffs. They were still on his head, pink and fluffy as ever, as he neared the table (with much unnecessary somersaulting) where Frodo and Legolas were sitting. They were still clad in their paper bags, so this just made Merry's job all the more easier. He rather doubted that Gollum needed the ring anymore, but maybe if he gave it to him he'd get some fan girls. That was good enough for him. Without much stealth, Merry took the ring out of Frodo's pocket and set off on his way. No sooner had he done that, however, when there was a huge, thundering rumble that shook the entire pub. Suddenly the whole place was cast into a fiery red light, and the blazing eye of Sauron appeared on the stage behind the two singers. Arwen looked like she could have murdered the Dark Lord for interrupting her song.
"Fool!" he boomed, pointing this comment directly at Merry, who had dived under a table, "You have messed up the story line! You're not supposed to have the ring! He is!"
Frodo looked up, though he was still a bit wired from the music.
"Groovy, man," he said, a large, goofy smile plastered onto his face that no one was able to see.
Sauron made a small growly sound.
"Stupid mortals! Have you not read the books? Seen the movies? None of you should be here right now! You three," his eye briefly rested on Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas, "Should be at Pelannor fields. The wizard and the halfling with the thick accent should be in Gondor, the one hiding under the table should be with the Rohan army, and the other two should be in Mordor with the schizophrenic slimeball. And you," he said, focusing on Boromir, "Should be DEAD! What happened here?!?!?!"
"Well," said Aragorn meekly, trying to explain the situation while fearfully noticing that the steam coming out of Arwen's ears could have roasted a chicken, "We were everywhere that we were supposed to be, but then we heard that they had just set up a karaoke machine here. Since all of us enjoy singing, we decided that we would save all the climaxes until we felt like dealing with them."
Sauron snorted.
"And how did you get back here so fast?"
"Gwaihir and his eagles have sent up a full time airline service!" said Gandlaf happily, "And I had so many frequent flier miles that I could afford to bring everyone here for free. It was a great deal, especially since we were bumped up to business class at our third stop!"
If Sauron had had eyebrows, they would have probably already disappeared into his hair. But of course he had neither of those things, so his eye merely looked a bit annoyed, if that's possible for a flaming eyeball. Arwen was inching closer to the nuclear warhead by the second.
"I still have another question," said Sauron, "And I believe I asked it once but it got pushed aside. Why is he alive again?"
Boromir realized that this meant him, and before anyone had the chance to stop his long and disgusting story, he had launched into it, sounding very pleased to be doing so.
"Well, Mr. Darklord, sir," he said, "After the guys over there pushed me over the waterfall, I was pretty sure I was done for, since I had broken most of my bones and my organs were crushed and other such ailments that could be life threatening. So I washed up on the shore, my little dead body still in the boat (still don't know how it stayed in there), when all of a sudden, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli come up and stick two Twinkies in my nose."
"Twinkies?" said Suaron, sounding a bit revolted. "Up your....nose?"
"Why yes!" said Boromir, as if this was perfectly logical, "They conduct and attract electricity. So once they had been stuffed up real far, they put me on the top of a tree during a storm. I had got struck by lightning several times before they took me down, but it wasn't working. We needed something that would trap more electricity. So Gimli, if I remember correctly, went out and bought 30 pounds of Boca burgers."
"Boca burgers," repeated Sauron.
"Well what were you expecting?" asked Boromir, "Those things can power cities for days, you know, and make ultra efficient fuel. They smeared that stuff all over me, so I looked like a regular Mr. Meat!"
Boromir had quite a good chuckle after this, but no one else seemed to find it funny. Ignoring that little fact, he continued.
"They put me up in the tree again, and soon enough my body had been infused with so much electricity that my spirit couldn't help but notice. And so I came back. Of course my hair was a bit on the puffy side, but there was karaoke, so who cared."
"Erm..." said Sauron, "That's...highly....interesting...."
"There's more!" Boromir replied cheerfully, "All the meat had baked on to my skin, see. And the only way to get it off was to peel it or have a bunch of animals come and eat it. So I went out into the middle of the lake and let the fishies do their job. And then there were some of those moose things, and a giant squid, but that's not important."
"You're right about that-" muttered Aragorn darkly.
"Of course I still had some bits and pieces of meat still sticking to some places, so luckily Legolas had some spare moist towelletes."
"I collect them!" sang out Legolas, holding up about fifty little packets, 'I've got lemon and pine scent!"
"And after that," continued Boromir, "We came here. There's nothing left to tell really, except-"
The audience was saved from listening to another gruesome account from Boromir by Arwen, of all people. She leapt into the air, nuclear warhead in tow, and sent it crashing down into Saurons' fiery body. It disappeared, but obviously the Dark Lord knew where it was.
"You ELF!" he bellowed, "Do you know what kind of indigestion that's going to give me?!?!"
And with that, Sauron left the Prancing Pony in a burst of light. A few seconds later, there was a loud boom from somewhere over the mountains, but no one took that much heed of it. They were all too busy gaping and being terrified of Arwen. Elrond wondered frantically if he really should have sent her to those anger management classes Denethor had started.
"Well," said Arwen, hands on her hips, "That's what he gets for interrupting me and my hubbies' song."
The hubby in question was standing nervously on the edge of the stage, twitching slightly and looking around for any other nuclear warheads. Is that what she would do to him if he never did the dishes? Aragorn began to really lose it then. He, the heir of Isildur had never learned how to do the dishes. Sons of Arathorn just didn't do the dishes! Or take showers, for that matter. Aragorn was about to head back to his seat, but Arwen put her arm around him and began to sing again.
"I've got you, babe!" she screeched.
"Help," squeaked Aragorn.
Uh oh. Looks like our favorite Dunedain is having girl trouble. I don't really think this chapter was all that great, but you can form your own opinion on it. Until next time!
~Kavindra