Two days later I was sitting in my hospital bed with her in my arms.
I can't help it. I just can't stop holding her. She still has no name, we
just can't decide. Watching her is fantastic. She is becoming more alert.
She keeps her eyes open for longer, just looking at me and John. The
first time she really looked at me it seemed like she was saying 'I know
you.' She really does look like me, but those eyes they are most
definitely her fathers. Speaking of her father where is he. He was here
by this time yesterday morning. Not to worry, he'd show up sooner or
later.
It's now two hours later and he still hasn't shown. Now I'm starting to get worried. Surely he would have called to let the nurses know if he was going to be late. The baby starting crying, letting me know she was hungry. I walked across to the bassinet and picked her up. She snuggled into me as I walked back across and sat on the chair by the window. She latched on immediately the same as she had since the day she was born. Watching her, I didn't notice the door open. "Abby." I looked up to see Susan standing in front of me. Her voice sounded different, almost as if she had been crying. She looked as if she had been crying as well.
"Susan, what's wrong?" I asked as the baby stopped feeding. I lifted her over my shoulder where she ceremoniously let out a burp.
"EH, we've just had a major trauma downstairs." Susan started to speak. She took a breath before starting again. "Abby, John was in a car accident on his way here this morning."
I looked at her. "No, your lying." I looked into her eyes. She had the look that told me she wasn't lying. He had been in an accident. "Is he all right?" I looked back into her eyes. They had filled with tears. I could see her bottom lip tremble. I knew what she had to tell me, something I didn't want to hear. I shook my head towards her. I could feel the tears in my eyes. "No. No." I cried out. Susan came across beside me. She put her arms around me and held me. She was sobbing more than me. But then she had been down in the ER when he had died. Oh God! He was dead. John, the love of my life was dead. My body didn't feel like my own, I couldn't stop crying. My crying started the baby crying. My baby. His baby. She would never know him. My daughter would never know her father. She had no name and now we wouldn't get to name her together. I would have to name her myself. It was really hitting home. He wasn't going to walk through that door again, I would never see that smile again, those eyes would never shine on me again. Thank goodness she had his eyes.
It's now two hours later and he still hasn't shown. Now I'm starting to get worried. Surely he would have called to let the nurses know if he was going to be late. The baby starting crying, letting me know she was hungry. I walked across to the bassinet and picked her up. She snuggled into me as I walked back across and sat on the chair by the window. She latched on immediately the same as she had since the day she was born. Watching her, I didn't notice the door open. "Abby." I looked up to see Susan standing in front of me. Her voice sounded different, almost as if she had been crying. She looked as if she had been crying as well.
"Susan, what's wrong?" I asked as the baby stopped feeding. I lifted her over my shoulder where she ceremoniously let out a burp.
"EH, we've just had a major trauma downstairs." Susan started to speak. She took a breath before starting again. "Abby, John was in a car accident on his way here this morning."
I looked at her. "No, your lying." I looked into her eyes. She had the look that told me she wasn't lying. He had been in an accident. "Is he all right?" I looked back into her eyes. They had filled with tears. I could see her bottom lip tremble. I knew what she had to tell me, something I didn't want to hear. I shook my head towards her. I could feel the tears in my eyes. "No. No." I cried out. Susan came across beside me. She put her arms around me and held me. She was sobbing more than me. But then she had been down in the ER when he had died. Oh God! He was dead. John, the love of my life was dead. My body didn't feel like my own, I couldn't stop crying. My crying started the baby crying. My baby. His baby. She would never know him. My daughter would never know her father. She had no name and now we wouldn't get to name her together. I would have to name her myself. It was really hitting home. He wasn't going to walk through that door again, I would never see that smile again, those eyes would never shine on me again. Thank goodness she had his eyes.