When I came round I was lying in my bed with Susan and Elizabeth
surrounding me. I started to panic. "Where's Ellie? Where's Ellie?" I
could hear my own voice echoing around the room.
"Abby, calm down. Eleanor's got her. It's okay." Susan's voice was soothing but not as much as my daughter lying in my arms would be.
"No, you have to get her, she has to be here with me." My voice sounded terrible. I had never been this frantic about anything before. I could feel the tears in my eyes but I willed them not to come. I could hear Ellie's cries getting louder as Susan brought her into the room. "It's all right baby, Mommy's here. I've got you." I snuggled her little body close to mine and inhaled her scent. She smelled like baby powder and Eleanor's overpowering perfume. She didn't smell like her daddy anymore. "Can everyone just leave me alone please." Elizabeth nodded and began to leave the room. She knew how I was feeling. she had gone through this not that long ago. "Susan, can you get everyone downstairs to go as well." I had a huge lump in my throat. I wanted to be alone to cry my heart out.
"Sure." Susan's voice was quiet. I listened as her footsteps got further and further away. Ellie had settled in my arms. She looked up to me with those huge brown eyes. I couldn't help but smile at her. I pulled the blanket John had given me when I found out I was pregnant around us. He had always said I was to imagine every time I was wrapped in it, I was really wrapped in his arms. He was always so thoughtful. I lay his sweater over Ellie as she yawned before closing her sleepy eyes. "Abby." Susan's voice appeared in the room again. "Everyone's gone. Just checking if you need anything before I go."
"Susan, will you stay?" My voice sounded pathetic. I don't think I had ever sounded worse. Here was me big brave Abby, needing someone to stay with me.
"Of course I will sweetie, anything for you." Susan came round to my side of the bed. I could see her face smile as she spotted Ellie in my arms. "She has been so good today."
"I know. It's amazing what a sweater can do." I kissed my daughters head. Susan looked puzzled. I knew I would have to explain myself. "She's been wrapped in John's grey cashmere sweater all day. It's funny but when it's beside her she is calm and quiet but when she isn't near it, she cries for ages. It's like she knows it was his. His cologne is still on it and I hope it never wears away."
"Abby, calm down. Eleanor's got her. It's okay." Susan's voice was soothing but not as much as my daughter lying in my arms would be.
"No, you have to get her, she has to be here with me." My voice sounded terrible. I had never been this frantic about anything before. I could feel the tears in my eyes but I willed them not to come. I could hear Ellie's cries getting louder as Susan brought her into the room. "It's all right baby, Mommy's here. I've got you." I snuggled her little body close to mine and inhaled her scent. She smelled like baby powder and Eleanor's overpowering perfume. She didn't smell like her daddy anymore. "Can everyone just leave me alone please." Elizabeth nodded and began to leave the room. She knew how I was feeling. she had gone through this not that long ago. "Susan, can you get everyone downstairs to go as well." I had a huge lump in my throat. I wanted to be alone to cry my heart out.
"Sure." Susan's voice was quiet. I listened as her footsteps got further and further away. Ellie had settled in my arms. She looked up to me with those huge brown eyes. I couldn't help but smile at her. I pulled the blanket John had given me when I found out I was pregnant around us. He had always said I was to imagine every time I was wrapped in it, I was really wrapped in his arms. He was always so thoughtful. I lay his sweater over Ellie as she yawned before closing her sleepy eyes. "Abby." Susan's voice appeared in the room again. "Everyone's gone. Just checking if you need anything before I go."
"Susan, will you stay?" My voice sounded pathetic. I don't think I had ever sounded worse. Here was me big brave Abby, needing someone to stay with me.
"Of course I will sweetie, anything for you." Susan came round to my side of the bed. I could see her face smile as she spotted Ellie in my arms. "She has been so good today."
"I know. It's amazing what a sweater can do." I kissed my daughters head. Susan looked puzzled. I knew I would have to explain myself. "She's been wrapped in John's grey cashmere sweater all day. It's funny but when it's beside her she is calm and quiet but when she isn't near it, she cries for ages. It's like she knows it was his. His cologne is still on it and I hope it never wears away."