Chapter 2: Problems with the Budget
DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY IX, GOLDEN SUN, OR HARRY POTTER!!! THEY ARE THE PRODUCT OF SQUARSOFT, CAMELOT, AND JK ROWLING RESPECTIVELY!
on with the parody
(a battered ship is crashing through waves during a tempest (courtesy of Ivan). in it there are two blue haired people... a young Mia and presumably her mom)
Mia: GASP!
(Mia awakens from her daydream and looks up, wipes the tears off her face and looks out the window.)
Mia: talk about low budget...
( she looks around "Alexandrea" Its just a poorly slop-together of a bunch of boxes that look like they were colored by 2 year olds... )
Hsu, Feizi, Brigs, and Akafubu: HEY!!! WE WORKED HARD!!!
whatever...
(Enter General Jenna)
Jenna: Milady. (salutes) Tis time to go to the play.
Mia: Screw the play! Did u see what a crappy job our "city design experts" did???
Jenna: No, why do u ask?
Mia: look... (shoves Jenna to the window)
Jenna: I cant wait until Bahamut destroys this place... I wonder what Lindblum looks like...
Mia: ... does my dear old dad want to see me?
Jenna: Don't talk about King Brane like that... *Whispers* yes.
Mia: how are you and Garet?
Jenna: shut up...
Mia: wrong time of month I presume?
Jenna: for him, yes.
Mia: Joy
__________________________________________________
(a big instrumental piece plays and we see the Tolbi-bound Ship flying (with help from a bunch of strings) towards Alexandrea Castle (a box with the Gaia Blade poking out)
(we see our up until now favorite protagonist slide down a pole and walk into a dark chamber)
Isaac: er... hello?
(Banging sound is heard) Feizi: OHHHHHHHH HSU!!!
Isaac: ... hello?
Feizi: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH HSU!!!
Isaac: (lights the candle) WHOA!!!
(Feizi is on a couch making out passionately with Akafubu)
Feizi: AHHHHHHH!!! ISAAC HELP ME, THIS 70'S AFROPUF REJECT OFF ME!!! OHHHHHH THIS IS MAKING ME VERY VERY SICK!!!
(Feizi slaps Akafubu, then she kicks him where the golden sun doesn't shine)
Akafubu: ouch...
Isaac: where's Hsu
Akafubu: *in fetal position* in... the... closet..........
(Before Isaac can open the closet, Feizi leapfrogs him and Karate chop opens the door)
Feizi: what has happened Hsu?
Hsu: the fat haired man (points to Akafubu) clobbered me then he tied me up very tight and threw me in the closet. I am ashamed that my Kung Fu could not have helped me. Feizi, I am very sorry.
(Enter Briggs, he is looking around dazed, we could only guess that by the fragrance of the smoke around him what he was doing)
Briggs: Peace!
Feizi: BRIGGS, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE CLEAN AND SOBER!!! I THOUGHT YOU KNOWN THAT IF MY FATHER EVER FOUND OUT YOU WOULD BE THROWN OUT OF THE SHIP FASTER THAN A CHOCOBO WAITING FOR VERY GREAT SEX!!!
Briggs: (not listening) Peace to your mother...
(surprisingly a man jumps out of nowhere with an oversized dragon's head mask. Enter Battle theme)
ENTER BATTLE
Feizi and Hsu is just standing there (they know Kung Fu!) Briggs is holding his joint Akafubu is holding a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and wand
Isaac is holding his trusty Gaia Blade
DRAGON MAN APPEARS!!!
ISAAC'S PARTY TO ATTACK FIRST! HSU USES PITIFUL KARATE!!!
::Hsu runs and tries to do Kung Fu but misses::
DRAGON MAN NIMBLY DODGES THE BLOW!
BRIGGS CASTS JOINT CUSTODY!
::Briggs' joint makes contact with dragon man's eyes::
DRAGON MAN TAKES 50 DAMAGE DRAGON MAN IS TRAPPED IN A DELUSION!!!
AKAFUBU CASTS THE CRUCARIUS CURSE CRUCIO!!!
::an effect like a red orange version of the doom dragon's Earth Force goes from Akafubu to dragon man:: DRAGON MAN TAKES 100 DAMAGE!!! DRAGON MAN IS STUNNED!!!
DRAGON MAN IS PARALYZED AND CANNOT MOVE!
ISAAC'S GAIA BLADE LETS OUT A HOWL! TITAN BLADE! DRAGON MAN TAKES 70 DAMAGE!!
FEIZI'S MEGATON BOOTS LETS OUT A HOWL! SWIFTKICKINTHECROCH!!!
::she does as the name implies (a dazzling kick in the crotch)::
DRAGON MAN TAKES 99999999 DAMAGE
YOU FELLED DRAGON MAN!!!
YOU RECEIVED 200 EXPERIENCE POINTS!!! HSU REACHES LEVEL 2!!!
HSU MASTERS THE WIMPS WIMPY CRY! YOU RECEIVER 100 COINS!!!
AKAFUBU REACHED LEVEL 14 AKAFUBU MASTERED THE WIZARD'S STUNNING SPELL!!
ISAAC REACHED LEVEL 5 MASTERED THE SQUIRE'S EARTHQUAKE!!!
FEIZI REACHES LEVEL 15 MASTERED THE ASS KICKER'S SWIRLY!!!
YOU RECEIVED 1000 GIL!
!~EXIT BATTLE THEME~!
(the mask falls off to reveal Master Fei) Fei: ouch... your training is coming on very well grasshoppers...
Everybody: (like good schoolchildren) thank you Master Fei
Fei: ok ok ok... now let us start the meeting... er (in Baku voice) ARH HAR HAR HAR!
(they all go to the meeting room)
Fei: ok... here's the plan.. tonight we (the Tantalus Kung Fu Dojo) will put on the play, I want to be your Crow... its about an ugly-ass man who falls in love with a beautiful mercury adept... and somehow, she likes him back, but her father doesn't approve and we all get into a tizzy... ok? But during the performance Isaac and Hsu will kidnap the Princess... then we all live happily ever after... capice?
Everybody: capice...
In the Next Chapter The fun really begins
Flint: Coolduo is a newcomer to this fanfiction thingy so as pathetic as it seems... don't flame me...
Breeze: what's a flame?
Corona: ill show you!!!
**BATTLE THEME**
MARS DJINNI APPEARS!!! MARS DJINNI IS TO ATTACK FIRST!
MARS DJINNI CASTS FLAME WALL
JUPITER DJINNI TAKES 100 DAMAGE
MARS DJINNI RUNS AWAY!!!
**EXIT BATTLE THEME**
Breeze: wow...
ok... this may be stale but don't flame (whatever that is...)
DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY IX, GOLDEN SUN, OR HARRY POTTER!!! THEY ARE THE PRODUCT OF SQUARSOFT, CAMELOT, AND JK ROWLING RESPECTIVELY!
on with the parody
(a battered ship is crashing through waves during a tempest (courtesy of Ivan). in it there are two blue haired people... a young Mia and presumably her mom)
Mia: GASP!
(Mia awakens from her daydream and looks up, wipes the tears off her face and looks out the window.)
Mia: talk about low budget...
( she looks around "Alexandrea" Its just a poorly slop-together of a bunch of boxes that look like they were colored by 2 year olds... )
Hsu, Feizi, Brigs, and Akafubu: HEY!!! WE WORKED HARD!!!
whatever...
(Enter General Jenna)
Jenna: Milady. (salutes) Tis time to go to the play.
Mia: Screw the play! Did u see what a crappy job our "city design experts" did???
Jenna: No, why do u ask?
Mia: look... (shoves Jenna to the window)
Jenna: I cant wait until Bahamut destroys this place... I wonder what Lindblum looks like...
Mia: ... does my dear old dad want to see me?
Jenna: Don't talk about King Brane like that... *Whispers* yes.
Mia: how are you and Garet?
Jenna: shut up...
Mia: wrong time of month I presume?
Jenna: for him, yes.
Mia: Joy
__________________________________________________
(a big instrumental piece plays and we see the Tolbi-bound Ship flying (with help from a bunch of strings) towards Alexandrea Castle (a box with the Gaia Blade poking out)
(we see our up until now favorite protagonist slide down a pole and walk into a dark chamber)
Isaac: er... hello?
(Banging sound is heard) Feizi: OHHHHHHHH HSU!!!
Isaac: ... hello?
Feizi: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH HSU!!!
Isaac: (lights the candle) WHOA!!!
(Feizi is on a couch making out passionately with Akafubu)
Feizi: AHHHHHHH!!! ISAAC HELP ME, THIS 70'S AFROPUF REJECT OFF ME!!! OHHHHHH THIS IS MAKING ME VERY VERY SICK!!!
(Feizi slaps Akafubu, then she kicks him where the golden sun doesn't shine)
Akafubu: ouch...
Isaac: where's Hsu
Akafubu: *in fetal position* in... the... closet..........
(Before Isaac can open the closet, Feizi leapfrogs him and Karate chop opens the door)
Feizi: what has happened Hsu?
Hsu: the fat haired man (points to Akafubu) clobbered me then he tied me up very tight and threw me in the closet. I am ashamed that my Kung Fu could not have helped me. Feizi, I am very sorry.
(Enter Briggs, he is looking around dazed, we could only guess that by the fragrance of the smoke around him what he was doing)
Briggs: Peace!
Feizi: BRIGGS, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE CLEAN AND SOBER!!! I THOUGHT YOU KNOWN THAT IF MY FATHER EVER FOUND OUT YOU WOULD BE THROWN OUT OF THE SHIP FASTER THAN A CHOCOBO WAITING FOR VERY GREAT SEX!!!
Briggs: (not listening) Peace to your mother...
(surprisingly a man jumps out of nowhere with an oversized dragon's head mask. Enter Battle theme)
ENTER BATTLE
Feizi and Hsu is just standing there (they know Kung Fu!) Briggs is holding his joint Akafubu is holding a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and wand
Isaac is holding his trusty Gaia Blade
DRAGON MAN APPEARS!!!
ISAAC'S PARTY TO ATTACK FIRST! HSU USES PITIFUL KARATE!!!
::Hsu runs and tries to do Kung Fu but misses::
DRAGON MAN NIMBLY DODGES THE BLOW!
BRIGGS CASTS JOINT CUSTODY!
::Briggs' joint makes contact with dragon man's eyes::
DRAGON MAN TAKES 50 DAMAGE DRAGON MAN IS TRAPPED IN A DELUSION!!!
AKAFUBU CASTS THE CRUCARIUS CURSE CRUCIO!!!
::an effect like a red orange version of the doom dragon's Earth Force goes from Akafubu to dragon man:: DRAGON MAN TAKES 100 DAMAGE!!! DRAGON MAN IS STUNNED!!!
DRAGON MAN IS PARALYZED AND CANNOT MOVE!
ISAAC'S GAIA BLADE LETS OUT A HOWL! TITAN BLADE! DRAGON MAN TAKES 70 DAMAGE!!
FEIZI'S MEGATON BOOTS LETS OUT A HOWL! SWIFTKICKINTHECROCH!!!
::she does as the name implies (a dazzling kick in the crotch)::
DRAGON MAN TAKES 99999999 DAMAGE
YOU FELLED DRAGON MAN!!!
YOU RECEIVED 200 EXPERIENCE POINTS!!! HSU REACHES LEVEL 2!!!
HSU MASTERS THE WIMPS WIMPY CRY! YOU RECEIVER 100 COINS!!!
AKAFUBU REACHED LEVEL 14 AKAFUBU MASTERED THE WIZARD'S STUNNING SPELL!!
ISAAC REACHED LEVEL 5 MASTERED THE SQUIRE'S EARTHQUAKE!!!
FEIZI REACHES LEVEL 15 MASTERED THE ASS KICKER'S SWIRLY!!!
YOU RECEIVED 1000 GIL!
!~EXIT BATTLE THEME~!
(the mask falls off to reveal Master Fei) Fei: ouch... your training is coming on very well grasshoppers...
Everybody: (like good schoolchildren) thank you Master Fei
Fei: ok ok ok... now let us start the meeting... er (in Baku voice) ARH HAR HAR HAR!
(they all go to the meeting room)
Fei: ok... here's the plan.. tonight we (the Tantalus Kung Fu Dojo) will put on the play, I want to be your Crow... its about an ugly-ass man who falls in love with a beautiful mercury adept... and somehow, she likes him back, but her father doesn't approve and we all get into a tizzy... ok? But during the performance Isaac and Hsu will kidnap the Princess... then we all live happily ever after... capice?
Everybody: capice...
In the Next Chapter The fun really begins
Flint: Coolduo is a newcomer to this fanfiction thingy so as pathetic as it seems... don't flame me...
Breeze: what's a flame?
Corona: ill show you!!!
**BATTLE THEME**
MARS DJINNI APPEARS!!! MARS DJINNI IS TO ATTACK FIRST!
MARS DJINNI CASTS FLAME WALL
JUPITER DJINNI TAKES 100 DAMAGE
MARS DJINNI RUNS AWAY!!!
**EXIT BATTLE THEME**
Breeze: wow...
ok... this may be stale but don't flame (whatever that is...)