THE BE ALL & END ALL, falling in love (PG) - ANGEL BLISS
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
This is my first go at writing HP fiction so all reviews will be greatly appreciated!
Just a little L&J fluff, love/hate piece based on the song by Bic Runga - The Be All & End All. Unfortunately this is a piece who hasn't been run through my editor. But hopefully it'll still be alright.
angelbliss78@hotmail.com
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Flogging a rocking Horse
Getting nowhere
We are a pair to behold
You like a funeral me like a fair
Nobody cares for the show
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Meet Lily Evans, eighteen, seventh year, Gryffindor, Hogwarts student, Head Girl and grade A student with a fiery disposition and a head of red to match the hottest balloon display at the fair.
"James Potter! You are nothing but a toerag! Can't you do anything else but taunt the poor boy? What has he ever done to you?"
The familiar words leave her mouth once again. They've been said so many times, it surprising that they haven't yet lost any meaning to this party of two. Which leads us on to the opposition.
Meet James Potter, eighteen, seventh year, Gryffindor, Hogwarts student, unspoken leader of the Marauders, Captain of the Quidditch Team, Heartthrob and Head boy with a mop of black hair dark enough to rival a funeral of black.
"How many times must I tell you Lily-kins, Flower. It's not so much as to what he's done, but more so the fact that he just. well, exists."
Obvious, or not obviously enough; the pair were arguing about Severus Snape, or more lovingly known to James as Snivellus. James of course loving to kill two birds with one stone - had taken up a hobby of taunting the uptight Lily Evans by relentlessly asking her on dates as an ongoing joke between himself, Sirius, Remus and Peter. And of course, just to live up to expectations, there Snape was - hanging upside down in the corridor dressed in a robe of hot pink for all to gawk at. Amused smirks and cheers could be heard from students passing by this so-called 'state' that Snape was in. Of course, there was no such commotion to be shown to the familiar sight shared between the pair arguing a mere few feet from the display. Lily Evans and James Potter, Head Boy and Girl. Give yourself, or anybody for that matter a week at Hogwarts and the heated arguments shared between the pair no longer become a novelty but just another piece of the 'kooky' Hogwarts atmosphere, becoming nothing more than a 3D portrait that roamed the corridors.
Snape however, that was a different story, there was just always something unexplainably hilarious about the greasy haired boy inviting people to ogle and laugh at him; especially if it had anything to do with the famous Marauder Four.
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These days the rapids may drag us from here
And I do not care where we go
And you say that love is what we are my dear
But I just pretend not to know
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"Well, Stop it! Stop it James Potter! Before I have to take points from Gryffindor myself!"
Idle threats. He smirked as he though about how easily he could have compensated the points in some form or another later on during the day, say for example - 10 points to Sirius Black, for being an amusement at dinner. That, and as James' best friend Sirius himself had lost enough points for well, being plain old Sirius for anyone to really care anymore. It sure Gryffindor would have made up points during the Quidditch Finals anyhow.
"Merlin Evans! Don't be daft! How many times do I have to repeat myself? Go out with me, and I'll stop and leave poor Snivellus alone."
He ran his fingers through his already messy hair and messed it up relentlessly until the entire head of hair stuck up at angles of all sorts.
She twitched in response.
"Potter, get a life. I'm going to be late for Charms." And with that she stormed off.
"But Lily-kins! I Love You!" His voice echoed down the now empty corridor.
Her annoyance for him did not fail as she stalked down the corridor. The 'hair combing' as she so 'lovingly' named it, the enormous ego. the list goes on, yet she could not deny the somewhat foreign sensation as her stomach jiggled filling her body with a nervous warmth. If only these words were true to a certain extent, but that would be impossible. There was just too much hate shared between the pair. She knew it, and he knew he knew it. She had fallen into a one sided, dead-ended relationship of lust and she hated herself for it. After all the relentless taunts and threats, somehow Lily Evans the control freak had fallen for the one thing she couldn't have. Perhaps somewhere along the way all the endless cries of "I Love You" had permanently found itself a home somewhere deep inside her heart. But coming from James Potter's mouth made it even more so doubtful - her heart sinking as she relayed the facts once again in her mind; he was a playboy, popular and could have had any girl in the school if he tried hard enough. Being Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team didn't fall short for him either. What could he have possibly seen in her? On the contrary, if only she had turned around, she would have seen the look of defeat as the tall boy's shoulders slumped gracelessly. It seemed it'd also happen on the rival's side - somewhere along this joke of saying 'I Love You's' to the fiery princess, the words spoken became true, he too had fallen in love. Hard. There was just a knack about her that made her so special - ignoring the butterflies in his stomach sensation and the fact that no one could draw more emotion out of him than when she was angry.
A snicker fills the air.
"Just shut your trap Snivellus" with the flick of the wrist, the long forgotten boy dropped from his previous position into a heap on the ground. Scrambling to get to his feet he called out to his sworn enemy -
"She'll never love scum like you. Potter." Of course the last part of the sentence just so conveniently had to be spat out for already open wounds to be cut deeper.
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If it's the be all and end all
Then come on now love lets make a start
When love calls then it's time to play ball
But starting's the easiest part
------------------
If you were to ask the infamous pair how they became, you would never acquire a plausible response. You see, it happened somewhere between the lines of Voldemort's arrival, Christmas Balls, Holidays, broken hearts, new realizations, stolen peeks of kisses and so forth all mingled together.
Sometime before Christmas arrived, there was a Ball. It didn't help that darling Lily-kins here decided to attend it with 'sworn enemy' of James - Amos Diggory, Captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Apart from that fact though, James was on fair terms with Diggory. And thus, due to the newly dawned realization of his love for Lily, ickle James decided there was nothing better than to spite her by annoying her on the night about Diggory. That's to say he didn't even bother pestering her into being his date but asked another one of those 'dumb broads'. An unintelligent move one on his behalf one might say.
So the night came and unfriendly words were spurred between the pair causing the red head to leave a disgruntled Diggory, and almost in tears. It didn't help that when she realized she had forgotten her handbag and returned to The Great Hall to fetch it that she would see none other than her sworn enemy -slash- newly discovered object of affection kissing the living daylights out of his date near the entrance. With absolutely no real logic or explanations, a cry of anguish ran through her system and in a blur she was running back to the Common Room forgetting all about the discarded handbag. This was the pivotal point of Lily & James; things would never be the same again. Not in Lily's eyes.
It wasn't until a little after ten that James realised he hadn't seen Lily since he had last taunted her. Merlin he felt bad, bad didn't even begin to describe it. But there was just something about seeing her angry and actually showing some form of emotion to him that he fed off.
"Sirius, have you seen Lily around?"
The handsome face of Sirius Black turned around to greet the somewhat worried face of his best friend,
"Aww is Jamsie Poo missing his Lily-Kins? Give it up James! When did you actually start caring for her?" His mouth shaped into a perfect O as realisation dawned on him. Lily Evans was no longer a target of amusement for James, but somehow along the way, the unexplainable happened. Sighing he paused to reword himself before continuing "Very well then, as your best friend, I feel it is my responsibility to warn you of any future heartbreak, and Evans is nothing more than a well, sugar-quill-gone-bad for you." Groaning in response to the look of defeat on his friend's face, "But. if you must know, she left to go back to the Common Room after your last little dispute"
"Sirius, can you find Melanie and tell her I had to leave early. Just make up an excuse. anything!"
"Whatever you say Prongs old ma." But before the sentence was even finished, James could only be seen weaving through the crowd to leave the hall.
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Counting my blessings like stars in the sky
The sleep walking moon watching on
And she's seen how lovers before us have tried
My darling lets not get it wrong
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Slowing down his pace as he approached the portrait of the Fat Lady he wondered, why had he rushed up here? Why did he leave the ball early? Yet while his mind probed him with useless questions, his heart urged him to enter the Common Room. Muttering the password, he stumbled in to find none other than Lily curled into the corner of an armchair watching the snowfall peacefully outside the enchanted castle. Approaching her silently he couldn't help but notice the abrupt shaking motions that her shoulders were liberating which alas, were accompanied by none other than soft sobs.
"Lily?" the words were so softly spoken, he even sounded foreign to himself.
The shaking stopped almost immediately as the sea of red jerkily turned around to face him. Up until this day, it can be said that the heartbreak felt by James Potter at this moment could not be described more than anything short of a million shattering glass hearts as he watched the tears silently roll down his Lily-kin's cheeks.
"Oh Lily! Please don't cry! What's wrong?"
As much as he hated to admit he, he had never been anything short of nice to Lily, but he had never seen her cry. In fact, he could hardly remember the last time he had called her by her proper name. And here she was crying in front of him and he was helpless. He honestly would have given her the world at that moment to stop her crying - even just momentarily.
"Oh please don't cry! Please? Lily.?"
The tears and sobs only increased tenfold by this 'compassionate' comment on his behalf. If only he knew how much it had meant to her to be called her proper name. To be standing in front of him not arguing, threatening and throwing hexes at each other. If only he knew how much this moment meant to the crying girl seated in front of him and how it would be forevermore engraved in her memory. So many 'if onlys' and in the end, there was only one dense and confused boy to settle it all.
And in the light of it all, the moon continued to shine down upon the pair by the window; it's watchful eyes on the obvious devotion shared by the duo. Warily sitting down next to the fragile girl her sobs began to subside, and for a short while there was a moment of comfortable silence where no words exchanged between the pair apart from the occasional hiccup and sniffle. Gently grasping onto her hang he softly asked once again.
"Lily, what's wrong? Can you tell me? Or do you just not trust me enough?"
Silence.
Hiccup.
Sniffle.
No words, no looks, nothing else. Just a reassuring squeeze of the hand as the pair sat silently watching the snowfall. And perhaps it was the rush of emotion that initiated a chain reaction of such vigor that suddenly gave each individual the potential to express their newly discovered feelings for each other.
Swapping hands and interlacing them with hers, James draped his free arm over her shoulder as he pulled her just a little bit closer.
Snuggling a little deeper into his warmth she inhaled his familiar scent and closed her eyes. Slowly the hiccups and sniffles started to subside. Their reverie only abruptly ending by the rumble in his chest as he whispered softly as though they were two lovers confiding in each other -
"Lily. I'm afraid"
Facing to look at him, it became apparent to the pair that they were more than too close for comfort. As their breaths mingled her previously tear shed eyes scanned his face for emotions foreign to what she may have been experiencing before she hesitantly opened her mouth to speak
"Of what?"
"You. Me. Us. Voldemort. Everything." He paused to lick his lips, catch his breath before continuing. "Somewhere along the lines of me just teasing you. I. I've fallen for you. I need you Lils."
She closed her eyes wanting to believe with all her might that this was true, that James Potter actually returned her feelings. And once again their warm breaths united as the distance between their lips dwindled. It was only predictable that at this very moment Lily remembered why she had ended up leaving the ball early, why she was crying, why her make up was running down her face and the kiss! Oh Merlin the kiss! Scrambling to her feet she fled for her dorm just as the portrait swung open and the first of the Ball were returning.
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If it's the be all and end all
Then come on now love lets make a start
When love calls how sudden the fall
But fallings the easiest part
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"James!" Sirius cried as he, Remus and Peter paced over from the Common Room entrance. "How'd it go? Knew you could do it." Sirius however never finished his sentence of congratulations.
"I screwed up royally, and I don't even know what I've done wrong!" anger pulsed through his veins as he ran his hand through his hair.
"So what happened?" an eager Peter piped.
Summarising the night's events in one huge breath James awaited the response of his four friends; eyes wide like a triplet of goggling goldfish. Unsure of what to say, Remus was first to awaken from his stupor stammering still half shocked
"Let me get this right, you made Lily Evans cry?"
Ahh, Remus, always the logical one, but he could be daft at times couldn't he? Especially when he had all the facts laid out in front of his eyes not a moment too long ago. Shuffling his feet James looked embarrassed for the first time.
"No!! She was already crying! Oh Merlin! Remus! What should I do? Tell me! You're smart!" By this point in time James was frantic beyond reason for any form of a resolution. He was that close, and somehow he had silently blown it.
Remus opened his mouth as though to start a sentence only to pause again looking thoughtful as to whether or not his logic would work in this case. "Well, we are revising charms together tomorrow, Lily promised to help me catch up on the stuff I missed. well you know when. I suppose I could try to ask her. But remember! No promises Prongs."
Grinning weakly James smiled thanks to Remus, thinking how unfortunate that some of the world's nicest people could end up in Remus' arrangement.
"C'mon Prongsy. Cheer up! Since when did you get so worked up over a girl?" Slapping his back playfully Sirius ushered him up the stairs towards their dorm ready to call it an 'early' night - quite an unusual circumstance for the Marauders considering they had a Common Room full of party goers now celebrating a so-called 'Christmas Ball After Party'.
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I've had love come to nothing before
But it's alright it's alright
I've welcomed it in
And I've shown it the door
But it's alright it's alright
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The voice of Remus jolted Lily out of her daydream. It was funny how you could never hear him coming.
"Sorry I'm Late Lils, Sirius and his stupidity gets the better of us sometimes." Smiling down on the red head he couldn't help but see the bags under her eyes. "Sleepless night? You don't look too well. maybe we can shift this to another date."
Mentally kicking herself she wondered why she couldn't have fallen for someone as sensitive as Remus.
"You don't look to well either Remus. But I'm okay."
"You know how it's like, mother sick and all so frequently, I can't help but worry. But, I'm here for you to talk to if you ever need it. You know that, right? If it would make you feel any better, we could talk about it now before we start." He felt absolutely horrid for doing this to Lily, although he would have said the same thing for her another time, he was still in a way betraying her trust by reporting back to James. But he would find a reason to justify this action later. He was Remus Lupin after all.
Running the options through her mind, she wondered if telling Remus was such a good idea. He was one of the Marauders, he would most likely be telling James all about this chat later. But he's Remus! Darling Remus, she could trust him. Right? And if she told one of the girls, she was more than positive even someone as stubborn as Arabella would end up spilling everything to someone like Sirius with all his snazzy charm. Better from Remus than Sirius with his twisted tales. Merlin! To hell with James! Why was she still even bothering.
"Yeah, a little chat would be nice. I've just got so much bottled up inside of me."
Smiling he patted her hand; happy that he could help, and because it all came so much easier than expected. So Lily launched into how it had dawned upon her one day that her feelings for James were intensifying, and how he had taunted her endlessly at the ball for going with Diggory, then her forgetting her handbag only to see James making out with his date causing her to run back to the Common Room in tears and the events which were shared between them in the Common Room. Looking sincerely concerned, Remus paused to analyse the situation. A famous trait Lily was more than familiar with and found rather amusing.
"It sounds to me as though James is just a tad confused. Give him some time and have a talk to him when you're ready. I'm sure he's feeling something similar to you at the moment. Besides, if he weren't I'm sure he wouldn't be sulking like a spoilt brat in the dorms at the moment. I'm sure we can leave this for another day; you must have a lot on your mind. Take care Lily!" and with that he winked, picked up his book bag and left as silently as he had arrived.
Sprinting up the stairs three at a time careful to avoid the Trick Stair, Remus bolted towards the Fat Lady panting the password before crawling through the door to find James, who had of course spent the entire day doing exactly what Remus had told Lily - moping. At the sight of Remus he leapt to his feet eager like a puppy for it's new play toy to hear the news. After listening intently and discussing with Remus for an entire hour it was established that there may as well had been no problem had it not been for that kiss with Melanie. Things could have gone dandy and he would be sitting with Lily in the Common Room now in front of the fire together, or something. Slamming his hand on a nearby chest he mentally abused himself for that stupid move. It wasn't as though he actually liked Melanie. It was more so him trying to prove to himself that he could still continue being whom he was, one of Hogwarts selected 'heartthrobs' and in so denying his emotions for Lily. Too bad for him this was also his downfall. If only he had known Lily may have felt the same way. Why was he such a coward? Sighing he thanked Remus for his help and gave him a pat on the shoulder before moping to the Common Room to join Sirius and Peter in a game of exploding snap which they had offered him earlier.
There were exactly two more days until Christmas Break started and if she didn't speak to him soon, he was sure he'd end up killing himself this holidays to avoid returning to sit his NEWTs and seeing her. It appeared as though every time he tried to talk to her about it, sort stuff out she was always busy whether it be with a group of her girlfriends or a few of the younger years asking for help or advice, and being Lily Evans - Head Girl, she would stay no matter how unbearable. He smiled at that thought, how come he had never thought of her that way until recently? Had she always been this nice? If he hadn't taunted her like so would they be somewhere else now, doing something different? So many endless questions and he had once again driven himself in a full circle only to end up moping again like a sad little boy.
That is, until tonight.
He had just been patrolling the corridors near the Astronomy Towers and hadn't been able to return until now. Taking a glimpse at his watch he realised it was past midnight and wondered if Lily had finished her rounds by the Divination Tower yet. He was quite upset how she had insisted to Dumbledore for them to patrol separately as opposed to together as they usually would have pushing the idea that this would be more efficient and they would cover more grounds. Funny how she managed to put up with him while they were at 'war' and not now when it was so blatantly obvious there were feelings shared between them. Or perhaps she was over it? Maybe she realised he couldn't give her what he wanted. Now that thought frightened him above all. Could she forget him just like that? Approaching the Fat Lady he mentally-checked to make sure he had remembered to do everything he needed to tonight before heading in.
On the other side of the portrait Lily Evans sat curled up on that couch reading a book. Laughing at herself she thought of names James and Co. would have given her seeing her in such a position at such a time - 'bookworm', 'nerd', 'geek', 'bore'. That last one hit her hard. Maybe it was because she was boring that James just wasn't interested in her. She wasn't as popular like Melanie, nor was she an 'A' Grade babe, smirking at herself she thought about how stupid she sounded at the moment, treating herself like another piece of meat on the rack. They must have thought she was a complete idiot to fall for another one of their jokes. Potter could never like her in that sense and she knew it, but she couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling when she was patrolling near the Divination Tower earlier tonight that it was her fault that she just wasn't good enough for him. Him being a socialite and she being a bore, things just didn't work that way in life, not in the Magical world, and definitely not in the Muggle world. Maybe it was small problems as such in her mind that had influenced her decision to ask Dumbledore to let them patrol separately. Merely because this was the way things were meant to be, and that being them not together.
He stepped through the portrait and was greeted by an empty Common Room. Almost. There was his Lily-kins, nose stuck into a book as usual and in a way made her so much more endearing, so much more different from all the other girls, so much more vulnerable. And she was alone. His heart gave a leap of joy as he approached her. A sense of deja-vu rushed over him as his feet walked the familiar path to the same sofa, calling out the same words that had escaped his mouth this same place last week.
"Lily?"
Except this time she wasn't crying.
"We need to talk."
Nodding she put down her book and shuffled over to make space for him. Almost simultaneously words escape from their mouths
"I.."
"No you first"
He took a breath. Here goes. It's all or nothing now.
"Look Lily, I know. Remus said. Well, I know you saw me and Melanie."
"It's Melanie and I, and I knew I shouldn't have trusted Remus"
Ranting like a lunatic he continued, "No No! it's not Remus' fault, I made him tell me. And fine, I know you saw Melanie and I well, doing, um. stuff. but it's not like it seems! See, I really like you Lily. I really do, I was scared you didn't care about me the same way I cared about you. It's not like I wanted to, but it's like one day I just saw you in a um, different light?" he looked at her face hesitant to go on. He wanted to save some form of dignity if she were to show absolutely no interest whatsoever. But the look in her eyes urged him to go on.
"And I was afraid. So I tried to be me, well the old me. But it just wasn't the same. I felt absolutely shite after I well, teased you."
"It's alright James, I understand. No hard feelings. Friends okay?" she held out a hand for a shake of truce, and he almost succumbed, but that wasn't what he was there for! Clearing his mind, he needed to finish telling her. Now he'd gotten this far - to hell with dignity!
"No! I mean, Yes! I want to be friends, but I want to us to be more than that! Can't you see Lily? I think. I think" dying down to a whisper he could barely hear himself, "I think I'm falling in love with you" afraid to look up, he closed his eyes and kept his head down when a warm hand took hold of his and their fingers intertwined. Once again the sense of deja-vu rushed through the duet as the exact scene replayed. An arm around her shoulder fingers intertwined the two watched the snowfall in content.
Barely a whisper she twisted her head to face his, "You know what James?"
"What?"
"I Love you too."
Breaths mingled once again as the two faces dove towards each other for the kiss - a kiss to seal all promises and a future, and perhaps even a baby. But that's a story for another time.
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06 Oct 03. copyright angelbliss angelbliss78@hotmail.com
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
This is my first go at writing HP fiction so all reviews will be greatly appreciated!
Just a little L&J fluff, love/hate piece based on the song by Bic Runga - The Be All & End All. Unfortunately this is a piece who hasn't been run through my editor. But hopefully it'll still be alright.
angelbliss78@hotmail.com
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Flogging a rocking Horse
Getting nowhere
We are a pair to behold
You like a funeral me like a fair
Nobody cares for the show
------------------
Meet Lily Evans, eighteen, seventh year, Gryffindor, Hogwarts student, Head Girl and grade A student with a fiery disposition and a head of red to match the hottest balloon display at the fair.
"James Potter! You are nothing but a toerag! Can't you do anything else but taunt the poor boy? What has he ever done to you?"
The familiar words leave her mouth once again. They've been said so many times, it surprising that they haven't yet lost any meaning to this party of two. Which leads us on to the opposition.
Meet James Potter, eighteen, seventh year, Gryffindor, Hogwarts student, unspoken leader of the Marauders, Captain of the Quidditch Team, Heartthrob and Head boy with a mop of black hair dark enough to rival a funeral of black.
"How many times must I tell you Lily-kins, Flower. It's not so much as to what he's done, but more so the fact that he just. well, exists."
Obvious, or not obviously enough; the pair were arguing about Severus Snape, or more lovingly known to James as Snivellus. James of course loving to kill two birds with one stone - had taken up a hobby of taunting the uptight Lily Evans by relentlessly asking her on dates as an ongoing joke between himself, Sirius, Remus and Peter. And of course, just to live up to expectations, there Snape was - hanging upside down in the corridor dressed in a robe of hot pink for all to gawk at. Amused smirks and cheers could be heard from students passing by this so-called 'state' that Snape was in. Of course, there was no such commotion to be shown to the familiar sight shared between the pair arguing a mere few feet from the display. Lily Evans and James Potter, Head Boy and Girl. Give yourself, or anybody for that matter a week at Hogwarts and the heated arguments shared between the pair no longer become a novelty but just another piece of the 'kooky' Hogwarts atmosphere, becoming nothing more than a 3D portrait that roamed the corridors.
Snape however, that was a different story, there was just always something unexplainably hilarious about the greasy haired boy inviting people to ogle and laugh at him; especially if it had anything to do with the famous Marauder Four.
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These days the rapids may drag us from here
And I do not care where we go
And you say that love is what we are my dear
But I just pretend not to know
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"Well, Stop it! Stop it James Potter! Before I have to take points from Gryffindor myself!"
Idle threats. He smirked as he though about how easily he could have compensated the points in some form or another later on during the day, say for example - 10 points to Sirius Black, for being an amusement at dinner. That, and as James' best friend Sirius himself had lost enough points for well, being plain old Sirius for anyone to really care anymore. It sure Gryffindor would have made up points during the Quidditch Finals anyhow.
"Merlin Evans! Don't be daft! How many times do I have to repeat myself? Go out with me, and I'll stop and leave poor Snivellus alone."
He ran his fingers through his already messy hair and messed it up relentlessly until the entire head of hair stuck up at angles of all sorts.
She twitched in response.
"Potter, get a life. I'm going to be late for Charms." And with that she stormed off.
"But Lily-kins! I Love You!" His voice echoed down the now empty corridor.
Her annoyance for him did not fail as she stalked down the corridor. The 'hair combing' as she so 'lovingly' named it, the enormous ego. the list goes on, yet she could not deny the somewhat foreign sensation as her stomach jiggled filling her body with a nervous warmth. If only these words were true to a certain extent, but that would be impossible. There was just too much hate shared between the pair. She knew it, and he knew he knew it. She had fallen into a one sided, dead-ended relationship of lust and she hated herself for it. After all the relentless taunts and threats, somehow Lily Evans the control freak had fallen for the one thing she couldn't have. Perhaps somewhere along the way all the endless cries of "I Love You" had permanently found itself a home somewhere deep inside her heart. But coming from James Potter's mouth made it even more so doubtful - her heart sinking as she relayed the facts once again in her mind; he was a playboy, popular and could have had any girl in the school if he tried hard enough. Being Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team didn't fall short for him either. What could he have possibly seen in her? On the contrary, if only she had turned around, she would have seen the look of defeat as the tall boy's shoulders slumped gracelessly. It seemed it'd also happen on the rival's side - somewhere along this joke of saying 'I Love You's' to the fiery princess, the words spoken became true, he too had fallen in love. Hard. There was just a knack about her that made her so special - ignoring the butterflies in his stomach sensation and the fact that no one could draw more emotion out of him than when she was angry.
A snicker fills the air.
"Just shut your trap Snivellus" with the flick of the wrist, the long forgotten boy dropped from his previous position into a heap on the ground. Scrambling to get to his feet he called out to his sworn enemy -
"She'll never love scum like you. Potter." Of course the last part of the sentence just so conveniently had to be spat out for already open wounds to be cut deeper.
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If it's the be all and end all
Then come on now love lets make a start
When love calls then it's time to play ball
But starting's the easiest part
------------------
If you were to ask the infamous pair how they became, you would never acquire a plausible response. You see, it happened somewhere between the lines of Voldemort's arrival, Christmas Balls, Holidays, broken hearts, new realizations, stolen peeks of kisses and so forth all mingled together.
Sometime before Christmas arrived, there was a Ball. It didn't help that darling Lily-kins here decided to attend it with 'sworn enemy' of James - Amos Diggory, Captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Apart from that fact though, James was on fair terms with Diggory. And thus, due to the newly dawned realization of his love for Lily, ickle James decided there was nothing better than to spite her by annoying her on the night about Diggory. That's to say he didn't even bother pestering her into being his date but asked another one of those 'dumb broads'. An unintelligent move one on his behalf one might say.
So the night came and unfriendly words were spurred between the pair causing the red head to leave a disgruntled Diggory, and almost in tears. It didn't help that when she realized she had forgotten her handbag and returned to The Great Hall to fetch it that she would see none other than her sworn enemy -slash- newly discovered object of affection kissing the living daylights out of his date near the entrance. With absolutely no real logic or explanations, a cry of anguish ran through her system and in a blur she was running back to the Common Room forgetting all about the discarded handbag. This was the pivotal point of Lily & James; things would never be the same again. Not in Lily's eyes.
It wasn't until a little after ten that James realised he hadn't seen Lily since he had last taunted her. Merlin he felt bad, bad didn't even begin to describe it. But there was just something about seeing her angry and actually showing some form of emotion to him that he fed off.
"Sirius, have you seen Lily around?"
The handsome face of Sirius Black turned around to greet the somewhat worried face of his best friend,
"Aww is Jamsie Poo missing his Lily-Kins? Give it up James! When did you actually start caring for her?" His mouth shaped into a perfect O as realisation dawned on him. Lily Evans was no longer a target of amusement for James, but somehow along the way, the unexplainable happened. Sighing he paused to reword himself before continuing "Very well then, as your best friend, I feel it is my responsibility to warn you of any future heartbreak, and Evans is nothing more than a well, sugar-quill-gone-bad for you." Groaning in response to the look of defeat on his friend's face, "But. if you must know, she left to go back to the Common Room after your last little dispute"
"Sirius, can you find Melanie and tell her I had to leave early. Just make up an excuse. anything!"
"Whatever you say Prongs old ma." But before the sentence was even finished, James could only be seen weaving through the crowd to leave the hall.
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Counting my blessings like stars in the sky
The sleep walking moon watching on
And she's seen how lovers before us have tried
My darling lets not get it wrong
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Slowing down his pace as he approached the portrait of the Fat Lady he wondered, why had he rushed up here? Why did he leave the ball early? Yet while his mind probed him with useless questions, his heart urged him to enter the Common Room. Muttering the password, he stumbled in to find none other than Lily curled into the corner of an armchair watching the snowfall peacefully outside the enchanted castle. Approaching her silently he couldn't help but notice the abrupt shaking motions that her shoulders were liberating which alas, were accompanied by none other than soft sobs.
"Lily?" the words were so softly spoken, he even sounded foreign to himself.
The shaking stopped almost immediately as the sea of red jerkily turned around to face him. Up until this day, it can be said that the heartbreak felt by James Potter at this moment could not be described more than anything short of a million shattering glass hearts as he watched the tears silently roll down his Lily-kin's cheeks.
"Oh Lily! Please don't cry! What's wrong?"
As much as he hated to admit he, he had never been anything short of nice to Lily, but he had never seen her cry. In fact, he could hardly remember the last time he had called her by her proper name. And here she was crying in front of him and he was helpless. He honestly would have given her the world at that moment to stop her crying - even just momentarily.
"Oh please don't cry! Please? Lily.?"
The tears and sobs only increased tenfold by this 'compassionate' comment on his behalf. If only he knew how much it had meant to her to be called her proper name. To be standing in front of him not arguing, threatening and throwing hexes at each other. If only he knew how much this moment meant to the crying girl seated in front of him and how it would be forevermore engraved in her memory. So many 'if onlys' and in the end, there was only one dense and confused boy to settle it all.
And in the light of it all, the moon continued to shine down upon the pair by the window; it's watchful eyes on the obvious devotion shared by the duo. Warily sitting down next to the fragile girl her sobs began to subside, and for a short while there was a moment of comfortable silence where no words exchanged between the pair apart from the occasional hiccup and sniffle. Gently grasping onto her hang he softly asked once again.
"Lily, what's wrong? Can you tell me? Or do you just not trust me enough?"
Silence.
Hiccup.
Sniffle.
No words, no looks, nothing else. Just a reassuring squeeze of the hand as the pair sat silently watching the snowfall. And perhaps it was the rush of emotion that initiated a chain reaction of such vigor that suddenly gave each individual the potential to express their newly discovered feelings for each other.
Swapping hands and interlacing them with hers, James draped his free arm over her shoulder as he pulled her just a little bit closer.
Snuggling a little deeper into his warmth she inhaled his familiar scent and closed her eyes. Slowly the hiccups and sniffles started to subside. Their reverie only abruptly ending by the rumble in his chest as he whispered softly as though they were two lovers confiding in each other -
"Lily. I'm afraid"
Facing to look at him, it became apparent to the pair that they were more than too close for comfort. As their breaths mingled her previously tear shed eyes scanned his face for emotions foreign to what she may have been experiencing before she hesitantly opened her mouth to speak
"Of what?"
"You. Me. Us. Voldemort. Everything." He paused to lick his lips, catch his breath before continuing. "Somewhere along the lines of me just teasing you. I. I've fallen for you. I need you Lils."
She closed her eyes wanting to believe with all her might that this was true, that James Potter actually returned her feelings. And once again their warm breaths united as the distance between their lips dwindled. It was only predictable that at this very moment Lily remembered why she had ended up leaving the ball early, why she was crying, why her make up was running down her face and the kiss! Oh Merlin the kiss! Scrambling to her feet she fled for her dorm just as the portrait swung open and the first of the Ball were returning.
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If it's the be all and end all
Then come on now love lets make a start
When love calls how sudden the fall
But fallings the easiest part
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"James!" Sirius cried as he, Remus and Peter paced over from the Common Room entrance. "How'd it go? Knew you could do it." Sirius however never finished his sentence of congratulations.
"I screwed up royally, and I don't even know what I've done wrong!" anger pulsed through his veins as he ran his hand through his hair.
"So what happened?" an eager Peter piped.
Summarising the night's events in one huge breath James awaited the response of his four friends; eyes wide like a triplet of goggling goldfish. Unsure of what to say, Remus was first to awaken from his stupor stammering still half shocked
"Let me get this right, you made Lily Evans cry?"
Ahh, Remus, always the logical one, but he could be daft at times couldn't he? Especially when he had all the facts laid out in front of his eyes not a moment too long ago. Shuffling his feet James looked embarrassed for the first time.
"No!! She was already crying! Oh Merlin! Remus! What should I do? Tell me! You're smart!" By this point in time James was frantic beyond reason for any form of a resolution. He was that close, and somehow he had silently blown it.
Remus opened his mouth as though to start a sentence only to pause again looking thoughtful as to whether or not his logic would work in this case. "Well, we are revising charms together tomorrow, Lily promised to help me catch up on the stuff I missed. well you know when. I suppose I could try to ask her. But remember! No promises Prongs."
Grinning weakly James smiled thanks to Remus, thinking how unfortunate that some of the world's nicest people could end up in Remus' arrangement.
"C'mon Prongsy. Cheer up! Since when did you get so worked up over a girl?" Slapping his back playfully Sirius ushered him up the stairs towards their dorm ready to call it an 'early' night - quite an unusual circumstance for the Marauders considering they had a Common Room full of party goers now celebrating a so-called 'Christmas Ball After Party'.
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I've had love come to nothing before
But it's alright it's alright
I've welcomed it in
And I've shown it the door
But it's alright it's alright
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The voice of Remus jolted Lily out of her daydream. It was funny how you could never hear him coming.
"Sorry I'm Late Lils, Sirius and his stupidity gets the better of us sometimes." Smiling down on the red head he couldn't help but see the bags under her eyes. "Sleepless night? You don't look too well. maybe we can shift this to another date."
Mentally kicking herself she wondered why she couldn't have fallen for someone as sensitive as Remus.
"You don't look to well either Remus. But I'm okay."
"You know how it's like, mother sick and all so frequently, I can't help but worry. But, I'm here for you to talk to if you ever need it. You know that, right? If it would make you feel any better, we could talk about it now before we start." He felt absolutely horrid for doing this to Lily, although he would have said the same thing for her another time, he was still in a way betraying her trust by reporting back to James. But he would find a reason to justify this action later. He was Remus Lupin after all.
Running the options through her mind, she wondered if telling Remus was such a good idea. He was one of the Marauders, he would most likely be telling James all about this chat later. But he's Remus! Darling Remus, she could trust him. Right? And if she told one of the girls, she was more than positive even someone as stubborn as Arabella would end up spilling everything to someone like Sirius with all his snazzy charm. Better from Remus than Sirius with his twisted tales. Merlin! To hell with James! Why was she still even bothering.
"Yeah, a little chat would be nice. I've just got so much bottled up inside of me."
Smiling he patted her hand; happy that he could help, and because it all came so much easier than expected. So Lily launched into how it had dawned upon her one day that her feelings for James were intensifying, and how he had taunted her endlessly at the ball for going with Diggory, then her forgetting her handbag only to see James making out with his date causing her to run back to the Common Room in tears and the events which were shared between them in the Common Room. Looking sincerely concerned, Remus paused to analyse the situation. A famous trait Lily was more than familiar with and found rather amusing.
"It sounds to me as though James is just a tad confused. Give him some time and have a talk to him when you're ready. I'm sure he's feeling something similar to you at the moment. Besides, if he weren't I'm sure he wouldn't be sulking like a spoilt brat in the dorms at the moment. I'm sure we can leave this for another day; you must have a lot on your mind. Take care Lily!" and with that he winked, picked up his book bag and left as silently as he had arrived.
Sprinting up the stairs three at a time careful to avoid the Trick Stair, Remus bolted towards the Fat Lady panting the password before crawling through the door to find James, who had of course spent the entire day doing exactly what Remus had told Lily - moping. At the sight of Remus he leapt to his feet eager like a puppy for it's new play toy to hear the news. After listening intently and discussing with Remus for an entire hour it was established that there may as well had been no problem had it not been for that kiss with Melanie. Things could have gone dandy and he would be sitting with Lily in the Common Room now in front of the fire together, or something. Slamming his hand on a nearby chest he mentally abused himself for that stupid move. It wasn't as though he actually liked Melanie. It was more so him trying to prove to himself that he could still continue being whom he was, one of Hogwarts selected 'heartthrobs' and in so denying his emotions for Lily. Too bad for him this was also his downfall. If only he had known Lily may have felt the same way. Why was he such a coward? Sighing he thanked Remus for his help and gave him a pat on the shoulder before moping to the Common Room to join Sirius and Peter in a game of exploding snap which they had offered him earlier.
There were exactly two more days until Christmas Break started and if she didn't speak to him soon, he was sure he'd end up killing himself this holidays to avoid returning to sit his NEWTs and seeing her. It appeared as though every time he tried to talk to her about it, sort stuff out she was always busy whether it be with a group of her girlfriends or a few of the younger years asking for help or advice, and being Lily Evans - Head Girl, she would stay no matter how unbearable. He smiled at that thought, how come he had never thought of her that way until recently? Had she always been this nice? If he hadn't taunted her like so would they be somewhere else now, doing something different? So many endless questions and he had once again driven himself in a full circle only to end up moping again like a sad little boy.
That is, until tonight.
He had just been patrolling the corridors near the Astronomy Towers and hadn't been able to return until now. Taking a glimpse at his watch he realised it was past midnight and wondered if Lily had finished her rounds by the Divination Tower yet. He was quite upset how she had insisted to Dumbledore for them to patrol separately as opposed to together as they usually would have pushing the idea that this would be more efficient and they would cover more grounds. Funny how she managed to put up with him while they were at 'war' and not now when it was so blatantly obvious there were feelings shared between them. Or perhaps she was over it? Maybe she realised he couldn't give her what he wanted. Now that thought frightened him above all. Could she forget him just like that? Approaching the Fat Lady he mentally-checked to make sure he had remembered to do everything he needed to tonight before heading in.
On the other side of the portrait Lily Evans sat curled up on that couch reading a book. Laughing at herself she thought of names James and Co. would have given her seeing her in such a position at such a time - 'bookworm', 'nerd', 'geek', 'bore'. That last one hit her hard. Maybe it was because she was boring that James just wasn't interested in her. She wasn't as popular like Melanie, nor was she an 'A' Grade babe, smirking at herself she thought about how stupid she sounded at the moment, treating herself like another piece of meat on the rack. They must have thought she was a complete idiot to fall for another one of their jokes. Potter could never like her in that sense and she knew it, but she couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling when she was patrolling near the Divination Tower earlier tonight that it was her fault that she just wasn't good enough for him. Him being a socialite and she being a bore, things just didn't work that way in life, not in the Magical world, and definitely not in the Muggle world. Maybe it was small problems as such in her mind that had influenced her decision to ask Dumbledore to let them patrol separately. Merely because this was the way things were meant to be, and that being them not together.
He stepped through the portrait and was greeted by an empty Common Room. Almost. There was his Lily-kins, nose stuck into a book as usual and in a way made her so much more endearing, so much more different from all the other girls, so much more vulnerable. And she was alone. His heart gave a leap of joy as he approached her. A sense of deja-vu rushed over him as his feet walked the familiar path to the same sofa, calling out the same words that had escaped his mouth this same place last week.
"Lily?"
Except this time she wasn't crying.
"We need to talk."
Nodding she put down her book and shuffled over to make space for him. Almost simultaneously words escape from their mouths
"I.."
"No you first"
He took a breath. Here goes. It's all or nothing now.
"Look Lily, I know. Remus said. Well, I know you saw me and Melanie."
"It's Melanie and I, and I knew I shouldn't have trusted Remus"
Ranting like a lunatic he continued, "No No! it's not Remus' fault, I made him tell me. And fine, I know you saw Melanie and I well, doing, um. stuff. but it's not like it seems! See, I really like you Lily. I really do, I was scared you didn't care about me the same way I cared about you. It's not like I wanted to, but it's like one day I just saw you in a um, different light?" he looked at her face hesitant to go on. He wanted to save some form of dignity if she were to show absolutely no interest whatsoever. But the look in her eyes urged him to go on.
"And I was afraid. So I tried to be me, well the old me. But it just wasn't the same. I felt absolutely shite after I well, teased you."
"It's alright James, I understand. No hard feelings. Friends okay?" she held out a hand for a shake of truce, and he almost succumbed, but that wasn't what he was there for! Clearing his mind, he needed to finish telling her. Now he'd gotten this far - to hell with dignity!
"No! I mean, Yes! I want to be friends, but I want to us to be more than that! Can't you see Lily? I think. I think" dying down to a whisper he could barely hear himself, "I think I'm falling in love with you" afraid to look up, he closed his eyes and kept his head down when a warm hand took hold of his and their fingers intertwined. Once again the sense of deja-vu rushed through the duet as the exact scene replayed. An arm around her shoulder fingers intertwined the two watched the snowfall in content.
Barely a whisper she twisted her head to face his, "You know what James?"
"What?"
"I Love you too."
Breaths mingled once again as the two faces dove towards each other for the kiss - a kiss to seal all promises and a future, and perhaps even a baby. But that's a story for another time.
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06 Oct 03. copyright angelbliss angelbliss78@hotmail.com