A Crack In The Crown: Chapter Two: What Keeps Me Hanging On
I can't pretend everything makes sense. Oh yes, you've heard me correctly! The great Hermione Granger can't understand everything like everyone says. I'm tired of being treated like Virgin Mary. I feel like I'm living in a blank void where all I do is study, work, and succeed. I don't live. Does that make any sense? What keeps me hanging on?
I feel absurd for writing this, you see. I'm not the usual person you'd see with a journal (or diary, whatever.) in my possession. Its just not my style. Actually, since I've mentioned that…My style. Its nothing big, but I don't want the reputation like Lavender and Parvati have of being so girly. I don't want to be considered to strict that I become a Professor. I just want to have friends, learn and do something with my life. Make a difference.
My parent's taught me to work for what I want. Earn it with old fashioned hard-work. They taught me that jealousy is nothing more than cowardice. I desperately want to believe it, but I cannot. I don't things can do back to how they were. I wish it were that easy. I'm jealous of one person in this world. Not because he's powerful, incredibly handsome and charming, smart or rich. I'm jealous of my best friend Harry Potter.
Do you want to know why? Because in the only times I have failed to go beyond par, or even reach it, he pulls me up. He catches me when I fall. I'm not saying I want to take that away from him. Maybe I'm not jealous…maybe I'm just another admirer. Who knows? I can't tell anything about myself nowadays. Everything's just spinning in my head and I'm trying to sort out who's voice is who's.
You wouldn't believe how hard it is. Nobody can know how it feels! I've searched and searched for ways of understanding it myself, but that's not exactly relatively possible, I'm afraid. The clues I must pursue, I often think of it as. You know its amazing how much I think even when I sleep! I wake up and think I'm having a conversation with Harry or Dumbledore.
This summer, I haven't contacted Harry or Ron. I feel really cut off form the world which is stupid on my part because I'm the one contradicting myself for it. I'm going to write tomorrow for sure. Ha…speaking of writing…I was actually (seriously) thinking of writing to Draco Malfoy. Oh crap! It's nearly 3 a.m. I've got to run…I'll explain everything tomorrow. Whoever might get to read this…thanks for listening, but I'm afraid you've only been exposed to the beginning of what I dare say will be a fairy-tale hell.
// Did you like? I know nobody's reviewing but I don't care. REVIEW! I'd like it so much.//