Desperately
By: Karen
Song by: Michelle Branch "Hotel Paper"
Disclaimer: I never will own Inu Yasha or Michelle Branch, since she is a real live person…but I do own her CDs and I DO own the Inu Yasha movies and the episodes 4,5 and 6 on DVD :D
A/N: This is in Inu Yasha's POV (point of view)
Something 'bout the way you looked at me,
Made me think for a moment,
That maybe we were meant to be,
Living life separately,
And it's strange that thing change,
But not me wanting you so desperately,
I looked over at the raven haired girl standing next to me. Her eyes were filling up with crystal tears as she looked at me. My eyes met hers as I realized that maybe it wasn't the best idea to keep her with me. In a different era and a different place than what she was used to. But at that moment, when our eyes met, I felt everything that I had stored inside me, wanted to pour out. It seemed that just a little while ago she called my name when she was in trouble…now it was only when I was in trouble. I smiled mentally at the thought. She barely needed my help, even though I insisted that she needs it. I'm just so afraid, so afraid to lose her. I already lost Kikyo…what would happen if I lost Kagome. My mouth wanted to form the three simple words but some unknown force was preventing me from saying it. Was it because I had just finished yelling at her…she didn't deserve it. I don't deserve her…but I want her so much…I can't explain it. Three words…
Oh, why can't I ignore it,
I keep giving in but I should know better,
'cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me,
And it's strange that things change,
But not me wanting you so desperately,
Her tears kept falling as I fought with myself. Tell her or not I was prepared for trouble, if I told her she might say I was talking to Kikyo not her…but if I didn't tell her, she might leave me forever… My body wanted her so badly but I'm to afraid. Too afraid I'll hurt her. I vowed after Kikyo I will never fall in love, but now look at where I am. In love with this…angel…Why can I say it in my mind but not aloud to Kagome? But just the way she's looking at me now, is making me want her more. I tried everything, I tried to ignore her…but that only brought us to where we were now. Just three small words!
You looked my way and said, "You frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times,
When you and I were you and me,
We took our chance out on the street,
Then I missed my chance,
And chances are it won't be coming back to me,
"Inu Yasha, you're so frustrating!" My Kagome said to me tears falling rapidly from her rosy cheeks. Wait, MY Kagome? Inu Yasha get your head out of the gutter…you can't have her…she can't be with you.
"What happened to the man I loved…" Kagome asked me, her voice to a whisper, my eyes searched her face for the truth, did she really love me. A week ago Kagome had gone back to her era hoping to get some time to think. I knew at this moment she was thinking about her life at home. She had a far-away look in her eyes and she was frowning. I shook my head and hugged her, her warmth spreading throughout my chest.
"Don't leave Kagome." I said into her exceptionally washed hair. Her hair smelled of roses and apples from the liquid she put in her hair all the time. Kagome pushed against my chest, leaving my grasp.
"I left last week Inu Yasha, because I wanted to figure out why I love you." She said as calm as she could between hiccups. I grabbed her hand and looked into her brown eyes. She looked away but I kept my golden eyes on her face. I reached my hand to brush off her tears, the smell of salt lingering in the air, she recoiled at my touch her face full of hurt and sadness.
"Don't cry Kagome. It's my fault…it's all my fault." I've had countless chances to tell her how I feel but I always pushed them away. I knew one day it would come to this but I never wanted it, never hoped it to come to this.
Oh, why can't I ignore it,
I keep giving in but I should know better,
'cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me,
And it's strange that things change,
But not me wanting you so desperately,
"I need to Inu Yasha…" She buried her face into my chest as she whispered it. I clutched her body closer trying to savor the dying moment.
"I know. I'm sorry Kagome. So sorry…that's I'm…me." I said feeling my heart break. She pulled her head from my chest and looked at me.
"No, Inu Yasha, you don't understa-" She started to say but I pushed her away. Of course, how could I have thought that she loved me. If she really loved me, we wouldn't be here. She prefers that wolf…stupid Koga. She loved Koga, not me…the stupid half demon. A full demon. One who doesn't turn into a mad killing machine whenever he's in trouble…She needed someone who could give her what she wanted and what she needed. If we did…stay together…I couldn't supply her with her needs. She needed to be with her family. And Koga could look like a human more than I could. I could never fit in that world. Plus, where would we live, in a tree? It wouldn't work. Kagome was angry that I had pushed her, but I could tell she wasn't going to yell at me. She was to upset to…and it was all my fault.
Oh, why can't I ignore it,
I keep giving in but I should know better,
'cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me,
And it's strange that things change,
But not me wanting you so desperately,
I want you so desperately,
I keep giving in but I should know better,
I keep giving in but I should know better,
So desperately,
I want you so desperately.
"Kagome, I love you so much." I blurted out as we embraced causing me to fall backwards.
"Your so impatient Inu Yasha. I was going to say that you didn't understand. I wanted to stay with you, were you thinking I didn't?"
~*~