Kenshin...Where are you hiding? Did you run away? But I own
you..Almost..Sorta...Feh...
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I feel somehow Megumis death is my fault. Yahiko seems to be distressed, but far relieved I have stopped cooking. I cannot bring myself to enter the kitchen.
I haven't rested while I've slept, either. And durring the day, I mumble to myself, convinced in some way her death was my fault. I feel as though If I touch any of them, they will break, or be hurt in some way. I avoid almost all contact, feeling as though I'm trapped. I feel cornered constantly. I look back and forth always, as if searching for an escape, though I'm not sure what I want to escape from. Maybe it's death. I saw Kenshin die..And I saw Megumi dead..I think I'm loosing my mind.
I'm jumpy, too. Everytime someone does touch me, I practically leap out of my skin. Like now. When Kenshin placed his hand on my arm. And now I'm staring at it, like a moron. Just staring. "Miss Kaoru?" There. Now I'm looking at his face instead. Why does he look so worried? Now I'm crying. Kenshin pulls me close, rubbing my back in what I'm sure is to be comforting. And it is...But just a little. His other hand I have found is on the back of my head, him just holding me, and now I feel awful. What have I done to him? I've caused so much worry...Pain...Fear... Murmuring softly through my tears, I wrap my arms about his waist, and cry into his shoulder, for god knows how long.
When I finally pull away, he gazes at me, concern still pulsing through his eyes, shocking my with the vividness of it. Kenshin, who rarely let's his emotions be seen through his eyes, is letting it be so obvious. Have truelly I worried him that much? Mumbling an appology to my feet, I start away. And then I stop. Not because I can't make myself walk, but because of the hand on my shoulder again. I turn and look at Kenshin again, seeing him for the first time since Megumis death. Dark shadows line under his eyes, his brows look to be sewn together with the tightness of their pinch. A small frown seems glued to his face. And yet as I watch him, his features soften slightly. "Miss Kaoru...You should get some rest, that you should.." I nod silently, cursing myself for what I've done to him. I begin toward my room, dimly awear he is following me, and so I leave my door open, so he can come in. And he does, sitting against the wall, and watching me until I cannot remain awake any longer, and I slipe into sleep, without even dreams.
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"Miss Kaoru..." I feel a hand upon my forehead, and allow my eyes to open, Kenshins face so close to mine, his feature wracked with worry yet again. My head feels wet..I touch it, to discover a damp shred of material, realising it to be a portion of his sleeve. Probably he could find no rag. "You must rest.." I feel my head is stuffed with cotton, and I feel cold at the same time, unawear I am trembling. Kenshin seats himself at my side, brushing my hair from my face. I realise I must have worked myself into a fever. He smiles gentally, watching me still, and making me feel bad again for causing him such pain.
"Gomen, Kenshin.."
"It is not your fault..None of it, Miss Kaoru.." None of it...It's not my fault...That raises my spirits considerably, and I make to sit up, surprised when his hand is suddenly against my shoulder, and his eyes are troubled yet again. "Not yet...You are ill...Are you hungry?"
I merely sigh, shaking my head, shivering in the cold though I am covered with woolen blankets. Kenshin nods, and when I try to sit up again, he makes no move to stop me, but rather, tosses his arms about me, pulling me close, so that I can feel his heart beat. Something wet drops onto the back of my neck, and I relise he is crying, though the tears are scattered and few. "Please get well, Miss Kaoru...I could not bear to loose you.."
I'm no longer sure who is comforting who, but I nod, tightening my grip about him, trying desperatly to make him feel just a bit better. I raise my head to loom at him, my thoughts drifting to the pain I must have caused. It wasn't my fault...That's what he had said..And I believed him. My eyes fall closed again, and I pass into a more restful slumber, still in his now trembling arms.
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"Miss Kaoru? I have brought you food...Please eat..." He smiles slightly, and I sit up, my hand moving quickly to my forehead. Looking fearful, Kenshin sets down the tray of food, and is at my side, griping my arm to steady me from the small sway I had taken. "Are you alright, Kaoru?" He seems not to notice he had forgoten the miss, and I looked in shock at him. As I nod, he sits beside me, the food forgoten. His hand trembles slightly, and I lean against him, not for support, but rather because I want to. His head rests lightly utop of mine, his hand falling from my arm, taking my hand in his, tears touching my scalp softly. "Please Kaoru...Get well...Don't die...Don't leave me..."
"What do mean? I won't die..."
"You almost did yesterday..I was watching you sleep..And you just stopped..You weren't breathing...I.." He shivered, drawing my head into his throat, crying into my hair. "Please get better, Kaoru.."
I felt his pulse begin to race, and felt him trembling against me, though I was in shcok. He must have saved me..I stopped breathing..."What did you bring to eat?"
His head raised slowely, and he released my head, looking toward the tray. "Rice and Tofu, as well as tea.." Patting my shoulder, he stood, and took the tray back to me. "You need to eat.."
I nodded, wondering at the time, but not bothering to ask, deciding by the darkness in my room it was late. I ate swiftly what he had brought, and he handed me a cup of tea, his hand still trembling, but surprisingly he did not spill. I took the tea, sipping it, thinking about what he had said. I had almost died.. "Gomen.."
"Why?" He blinks looking at me, trying to decipher what I ment.
"For making you worry..."
"Kaoru...I worry anyway...I worry I will fail to protect you...I love you so much.."
"I love you, too.." Finishing the tea, I hand him bnack to cup, smiling slightly, bringing a similar grin to his face.
-------------- Feh...I enjoyed writing this..:P
I feel somehow Megumis death is my fault. Yahiko seems to be distressed, but far relieved I have stopped cooking. I cannot bring myself to enter the kitchen.
I haven't rested while I've slept, either. And durring the day, I mumble to myself, convinced in some way her death was my fault. I feel as though If I touch any of them, they will break, or be hurt in some way. I avoid almost all contact, feeling as though I'm trapped. I feel cornered constantly. I look back and forth always, as if searching for an escape, though I'm not sure what I want to escape from. Maybe it's death. I saw Kenshin die..And I saw Megumi dead..I think I'm loosing my mind.
I'm jumpy, too. Everytime someone does touch me, I practically leap out of my skin. Like now. When Kenshin placed his hand on my arm. And now I'm staring at it, like a moron. Just staring. "Miss Kaoru?" There. Now I'm looking at his face instead. Why does he look so worried? Now I'm crying. Kenshin pulls me close, rubbing my back in what I'm sure is to be comforting. And it is...But just a little. His other hand I have found is on the back of my head, him just holding me, and now I feel awful. What have I done to him? I've caused so much worry...Pain...Fear... Murmuring softly through my tears, I wrap my arms about his waist, and cry into his shoulder, for god knows how long.
When I finally pull away, he gazes at me, concern still pulsing through his eyes, shocking my with the vividness of it. Kenshin, who rarely let's his emotions be seen through his eyes, is letting it be so obvious. Have truelly I worried him that much? Mumbling an appology to my feet, I start away. And then I stop. Not because I can't make myself walk, but because of the hand on my shoulder again. I turn and look at Kenshin again, seeing him for the first time since Megumis death. Dark shadows line under his eyes, his brows look to be sewn together with the tightness of their pinch. A small frown seems glued to his face. And yet as I watch him, his features soften slightly. "Miss Kaoru...You should get some rest, that you should.." I nod silently, cursing myself for what I've done to him. I begin toward my room, dimly awear he is following me, and so I leave my door open, so he can come in. And he does, sitting against the wall, and watching me until I cannot remain awake any longer, and I slipe into sleep, without even dreams.
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"Miss Kaoru..." I feel a hand upon my forehead, and allow my eyes to open, Kenshins face so close to mine, his feature wracked with worry yet again. My head feels wet..I touch it, to discover a damp shred of material, realising it to be a portion of his sleeve. Probably he could find no rag. "You must rest.." I feel my head is stuffed with cotton, and I feel cold at the same time, unawear I am trembling. Kenshin seats himself at my side, brushing my hair from my face. I realise I must have worked myself into a fever. He smiles gentally, watching me still, and making me feel bad again for causing him such pain.
"Gomen, Kenshin.."
"It is not your fault..None of it, Miss Kaoru.." None of it...It's not my fault...That raises my spirits considerably, and I make to sit up, surprised when his hand is suddenly against my shoulder, and his eyes are troubled yet again. "Not yet...You are ill...Are you hungry?"
I merely sigh, shaking my head, shivering in the cold though I am covered with woolen blankets. Kenshin nods, and when I try to sit up again, he makes no move to stop me, but rather, tosses his arms about me, pulling me close, so that I can feel his heart beat. Something wet drops onto the back of my neck, and I relise he is crying, though the tears are scattered and few. "Please get well, Miss Kaoru...I could not bear to loose you.."
I'm no longer sure who is comforting who, but I nod, tightening my grip about him, trying desperatly to make him feel just a bit better. I raise my head to loom at him, my thoughts drifting to the pain I must have caused. It wasn't my fault...That's what he had said..And I believed him. My eyes fall closed again, and I pass into a more restful slumber, still in his now trembling arms.
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"Miss Kaoru? I have brought you food...Please eat..." He smiles slightly, and I sit up, my hand moving quickly to my forehead. Looking fearful, Kenshin sets down the tray of food, and is at my side, griping my arm to steady me from the small sway I had taken. "Are you alright, Kaoru?" He seems not to notice he had forgoten the miss, and I looked in shock at him. As I nod, he sits beside me, the food forgoten. His hand trembles slightly, and I lean against him, not for support, but rather because I want to. His head rests lightly utop of mine, his hand falling from my arm, taking my hand in his, tears touching my scalp softly. "Please Kaoru...Get well...Don't die...Don't leave me..."
"What do mean? I won't die..."
"You almost did yesterday..I was watching you sleep..And you just stopped..You weren't breathing...I.." He shivered, drawing my head into his throat, crying into my hair. "Please get better, Kaoru.."
I felt his pulse begin to race, and felt him trembling against me, though I was in shcok. He must have saved me..I stopped breathing..."What did you bring to eat?"
His head raised slowely, and he released my head, looking toward the tray. "Rice and Tofu, as well as tea.." Patting my shoulder, he stood, and took the tray back to me. "You need to eat.."
I nodded, wondering at the time, but not bothering to ask, deciding by the darkness in my room it was late. I ate swiftly what he had brought, and he handed me a cup of tea, his hand still trembling, but surprisingly he did not spill. I took the tea, sipping it, thinking about what he had said. I had almost died.. "Gomen.."
"Why?" He blinks looking at me, trying to decipher what I ment.
"For making you worry..."
"Kaoru...I worry anyway...I worry I will fail to protect you...I love you so much.."
"I love you, too.." Finishing the tea, I hand him bnack to cup, smiling slightly, bringing a similar grin to his face.
-------------- Feh...I enjoyed writing this..:P