Title: For Sanity
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Companion piece to 'Someone Else.' Seth's perspective. Seth/Marissa
Disclaimer: I don't own anything...
For Sanity
___________
He had to do it.
He had to say her name and damn himself just a little bit more.
Her world was becoming his. Her pain was his burden. Her pleasure was his pride.
Sweet sinning.
Raging passion.
Blinding comfort.
They'd had a lot of that the last few weeks.
Tears had washed away between their bodies and mingled with sweat. Cries had fallen into his curled, matted hair, clinging to him like his sanity tried to. But it always escaped. Along with the trickle of regret that rolled down his back, he'd given up a healthy mental state for her. And it was worth it.
It was all worth it.
The phone calls he had to take in secret. The whispers, frantic and rushed, he had to speak. The excuses--lies--he made.
She'd found herself again. It had happened days ago, he could tell, but he couldn't let go.
Not yet.
Just one last time, he told himself. Just one more kiss. One more night together. One more secret and one more lie.
He didn't think about Ryan. He didn't care, even though he and Marissa were in a de facto relationship. It just didn't matter. Because he could give her something Ryan couldn't at the time. He gave her peace. An ethereal shroud of happiness, if only for a short time.
She wore gossamer sheets of freedom that danced in her eyes when he said her name in the dark.
It became a chant. MarissaMarissaMarissa.
Until he needed to let her go. And then it was one sharp blow and a name that wasn't hers.
Summer.
He knew it would make her feel cheap. Used. Like a whore he'd picked up for the night.
It was the only way she'd let him go. The only way he'd stop hating himself.
His palette still hinted at traces of her. Cerulean blue, haunted eyes. Cherry red lips that spoke the truth and whispered lies. A thousand different shades of white -her innocence unmasked.
He could still smell her on himself, that flowery, girl scent mingled with sex.
The wisp of her hair, so soft and warm, still rested against his cheek.
His neck was bruised by her mark. The sharp edge of her teeth sank into him and claimed him.
It was a treasure he held that noone would see. Covered up with clothes and denial.
All because she wanted him to be hers...and he might have wanted that too, eventually.
He had to do it.