Chapter 32 - The Shopping Trip

Present day - March

Rose POV

"Is there any way to convince you to have something other than candy for breakfast?" Dimitri asked.

I rubbed my stomach, slightly nauseous from eating so much sugar. If the guardians wouldn't have been able to hear or see me I would've laid on my side and groaned. I shook my head. There was no way I could eat anything right now.

"Half of your body weight must be twizzlers by now," Spiridon taunted.

I huffed. "Like you have anything to say, thief. You ate like half of my candy while I was still asleep. Didn't see you eat any fruits like Dimitri did."

"Yeah, but that's because I'm older than you. I'm allowed to eat a fuckton of candy." I noticed that Dimitri frowned when he said the f-word.

"Based on the gray hairs on your temple I'd say you're indeed old enough to eat a shitload of candy, but so am I." Before I had finished my sentence Spiridon was already dragging his fingers through his hair. I noted with satisfaction that his looks seemed to be somewhat sensitive to him. Not much had made him react, and I gratefully stored that piece of information for later.

"I'm just blond. But even if I had gray hairs, ladies love a silver fox. How old are you anyways?"

I didn't know what this silver fox thing meant but based on Dimitri's almost-snort it wasn't worth asking for its meaning. "I just turned eighteen so definitely old enough to eat at least a buttheave of candy." If my stomach wasn't straining so much I would have emphasized my words by eating some more. I didn't know the exact date, but I knew that it was almost April. Usually my sickness occurred on or around my birthday, so I had never really celebrated it. And birthdays weren't really a thing at the Institution. It was just something that happened.

"When was your birthday?"

I looked up just in time to see Dimitri's dejected expression before it was smoothed out with his guardian mask. Even Spiridon looked a bit deflected.

"The 21st of March. What date is it?"

"It's the 23rd of March", Dimitri replied with the same emotionless tone. Why were they being so weird?

"So you're telling us that you spent your eighteenth birthday in that suitcase?" Spiridon asked in disbelief.

Their reaction made me uncomfortable, it seemed almost as if they were sad. I decided to ignore them and mull over the day we had ahead of us. Next stop would be a place called Walmart. They had explained to me that it was like the supermarkets we had in Russia, only bigger and probably more overwhelming. I would just have to stay close to them.

Overwhelming was definitely the understatement of the year. Walmart was, in lack of a better explanation, absolutely terrifying. And absolutely amazing.

We decided to stay together. Dimitri took care of the food supplies we needed while Spiridon stayed close to me. When I stalled too long or stared too much at everything around me his hand would plant itself on my back to firmly guide me forwards or reassure me. I was too dazed to even turn rigid or be scared. Instead I welcomed his touch which felt like it added a much needed layer of security, even if I would rather it was Dimitri but I was getting more and more comfortable with Spiridon as well. There were so many people. I did have some experience with being around humans, but here they were all dressed differently and much more loud. Or perhaps not louder than the ones in Russia, but now I understood everything that was said around me resulting in a sensory overload.

We then moved towards an aisle with a bunch of outdoor stuff and to my dismay they re-stocked and picked a lot of things we needed for camping, making me realize that the motel had probably been a one-time luxury. By now we had a whole shopping cart full of stuff and I caught the two men discussing money in hushed voices before Spiridon approached me again.

"You'll need clothes. Be practical so no ball gowns. I'll help you pick most of the items as you'll need clothes that will keep you warm and dry. But we think it's good if you get other stuff as well that will help you blend in whenever we're around humans. Not to mention socks and shoes and underwe-"

I cut him off, not wanting to discuss my underwear, or lack of them, with him. "I get it."

He led me through the aisles of clothing, picking out clothing items for me. If something came in different colors, he would let me pick the color as long as I avoided the most bright ones. It didn't bother me at all that he was picking out stuff for me. Quite the contrary, my entire life I had worn the clothes, the uniforms given to me. Having so many choices was just too much right now, and I felt safe with Spiridon guiding me. The only thing we talked about was in regards to our mission of finding me clothing, and Dimitri was nowhere to be seen. I looked around trying to find him and got worried when I couldn't.

"Don't worry, he's your far guard. He can see us," Spiridon murmured close to my ear. This time, I turned rigid by his proximity and he sighed, taking a step back. "I think we're quite set for practical wear. Go on and pick something more casual."

"What counts as casual?"

"Look around you, what are the humans wearing?" he asked in a low voice. I did as I was told and quickly decided that jeans would be a good option. But I had never owned a pair and it was again difficult to face all the different options. He seemed to have sensed my apprehension and something in his expression turned soft again. "Why don't I pick out some jeans and you can then decide which ones you like?"

I nodded and quietly followed him around. He picked up a pair of white jeans with pink glitter on them, and laughed at my mortified expression. "But you would look so good in these," he said in a weird voice, somehow more nasal compared to how he usually spoke. I shook my head frantically and he shrugged his shoulders, still grinning mischievously. "Too bad, if they would come in Dimitri's size I think we'd have to buy him a pair." A snort followed by my giggles escaped me before I could contain them. Even Spiridon couldn't help himself and threw his head back and laughed while moving on to the next rack. I tried but it was almost impossible to picture Dimitri in a pair of glittering jeans. I stopped trying when my thoughts tried to picture his muscular thighs straining against the white fabric of the tight jeans.

Spiridon was patient, he was comforting, he was funny when he helped me pick my first pair of jeans. He kept watch outside the changing room and although I was nervous, I knew that he wouldn't let anyone enter. Even as I twirled around in different kinds to show him it didn't feel weird. He didn't look at me like he once had, when I had been his possession to claim. I didn't feel dirty under his gaze. He would comment on the fit and give me compliments, but never anything abrasive that would make me uncomfortable. Even if I had whatsoever no experience of siblingship I thought of him as a brotherly figure, something resembling the relationship I had had with Mason and Eddie before they became poisoned and coerced by Moore. After selecting a pair we then proceeded to pick out a knitted sweater. I chose one in deep burgundy that he thought complimented my complexion. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but he seemed genuine when he said it. We then selected a pair of shoes, ones that would survive the early Spring a little bit better than the plain sneakers I was wearing.

I wasn't really paying that much attention, blindly following him around while I was pushing the second shopping cart around. Dimitri was still awol with the first cart that contained all our groceries and camping gear. I almost ran over Spiridon's foot when we came to an abrupt stop and I looked up, facing a very intimidating pair of black lace bras. It looked similar to the bras I knew the teachers would wear, I had been responsible for the laundry after all.

I turned away from the terrifying clothing items and found myself facing Spiridon instead. His gaze flicked from my eyes down to my cheeks, and I knew he could see them warming up to a very embarrassing shade of pink. I thought he would make fun of me given that he had the perfect opportunity, but instead he smiled without contempt or mischief. "I'm going to grab a couple of things for Dimitri and I, get what you need. Remember that we're not going to be able to do laundry all the time so grab more than you think you need."

With that he left me alone. Alone. In the most intimidating and terrifying place I had visited in my life. A shiver ran through my body and I knew that was a lie. The basement had been that.

I could do this.

I would do this.

I started off with socks, deeming that it was the easiest place to start at, before moving on. At the Institution we would just get plain cotton underwear, and I quickly made my way to select multiple pairs. I found multipacks of the kinds that looked familiar, ignoring the scary lace items. I looked around and tried to see if they had any similar bras to what I was used to wearing. We would get very simple cotton bras that looked almost like a cropped top. I found some that looked kind of basic, but they all had this wire in the cup and I wasn't really sure how that could be comfortable or what the purpose of it was. Ms. Carmack would also wear the wire-bras but I had always thought they seemed more barbaric than practical.

I stood there for a while and looked at the various bras, moving back and forth between the racks. I was getting more and more stressed, none of them looked like the ones I was used to wearing.

"Do you need any help?"

I looked up and saw that a man was standing a couple of feet from me. I quickly scanned him and realized that he wasn't one of those who worked here. He was older than Dimitri and Spiridon, and not nearly as tall or broad. Something in him made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I shook my head and turned away from him, taking a few steps towards the spot where Spiridon had left me.

"32D, right?" he continued and I heard his footsteps follow me. His comment was repulsive as I had a vague understanding of what he meant. I anxiously looked around trying to find Spiridon or Dimitri but they were nowhere to be seen. My gaze fell on the man again and now I noticed that his left hand was holding a pair of panties, his thumb and fingers rubbing against the delicate fabric. He was about to say something else but suddenly his eyes moved up, above my head. His mouth remained open as he blinked several times, only to shut it as he swallowed.

I felt the warmth of Dimitri radiate against my back, and I wanted to sag in relief. His hand gently pushed me to the side and he took a step placing himself in front of me, shielding me from the man. I didn't see Dimitri's face, but the human seemed to be almost sweating by now and I could only imagine the death stare Dimitri was giving him.

"What kind of man lingers in the women's underwear aisle making crude comments to girls half his age? Have you no shame?"

Dimitri's tone was clipped and composed, but I knew he was seething with anger. I noticed once again that his accent became thicker when angry. Instead of answering, the man walked away with hurried steps, not daring to glance over his shoulder. I realized Dimitri was still holding my arm, but when he noticed me looking at his hand he dropped it.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, his tone still icy. I knew it wasn't because of me, but I still reacted and covered my chest with my arms, drawing myself in. His gaze flicked down to my arms folded over my chest before looking around him, and it was apparent that he suddenly realized something. He quickly composed himself and smoothed over his expression.

"I see that you were in the middle of something, I'll be over by the cart so that you can finish here." He started to turn around but my hand darted out and I grabbed his forearm.

He looked at my hand in surprise, but then waited patiently with a mild expression. I didn't say anything but apparently my red cheeks had said enough. He seemed to be picking his words very carefully when he continued, weighing which ones to say. "I come from a house of women, and I have three sisters," he murmured quietly while eyeing the racks. "Karolina and Sonya like bralettes," he said and walked towards one that I had overlooked. He handed me a pair and while my fingers felt the soft fabric I realized that this would probably be the closest to the ones I was used to wearing. The one he had handed me didn't have the underwire in them, they were basic and soft. I examined the size and it seemed that he had picked out the right one, by mistake or deliberately I didn't dare to ask.

I quickly hurried back to the cart and placed the bra in it. He followed me, but I was too embarrassed to look at him. "If you want to try it on I can keep guard outside the fitting room, but you don't have to if you don't want to." I just shook my head, and noticed that he placed another bralette in a different color in the cart. He then grabbed the knitted sweater and placed it on top of the undergarments, shielding them from everyone's eyes. "You can alternate between washes," he said without looking at me, and pushed the cart forward.

"What kind of shampoo do your sisters use?" I asked Dimitri when I couldn't make up my mind. There were too many choices.

"We don't really have the same brands here, but I think they use something to give them more volume." His gaze lingered on my not-so-neatly braided hair. "You don't need volume though. Some women choose the products based on their needs."

I self-consciously touched my hair. "What do you think my hair needs?"

He seemed to struggle for a while before he raised his hand. He looked like he wanted to touch my braid but my breath hitched and he stilled before he lowered his hand again. His eyes never left mine though. "You have beautiful hair."

With that he turned towards the vast selection of shampoos leaving me feeling bereft. I quickly grabbed a shampoo and conditioner that said something about silkiness and yasmin. After another eternity at the body wash section I deemed myself to be ready. I assumed Dimitri would escort us towards the registers but instead he guided us further into the aisle with different toiletries. I stopped when I saw different kinds of make-up products that I had sometimes seen in Ms. Carmack's room while cleaning it. I had never worn make-up, and I wouldn't know what to do with it. However, the different colors and flavors of lip-balms piqued my interest, and I absentmindedly toyed with one before making my way towards Dimitri again.

"I already have a toothbrush," I reminded him.

"I know, I bought it for you yesterday so that your teeth wouldn't rot from all the candy," he smiled. "Don't forget tampons," he added quietly and walked over to the men's deodorants. I knew he was trying to be discreet about something, but I followed him, not understanding what he meant.

"Tampons?

He blinked in surprise but seemed otherwise unfazed. "Perhaps you prefer pads? I'm sorry we overlooked this in the beginning, among other things. I hope it hasn't been uncomfortable for you."

"Pads?"

Again, he exuded nothing but calmness. "For your period."

"Period?"

I felt stupid repeating his words. But I had no idea what he was talking about. This time his surprise was more palpable. He seemed at loss for what to say, and his teeth bit into his lower lip as his brows furrowed. I quickly looked away.

"Do you know what menstruation is, Rose?"

I tried to think if I had ever heard that word. Menstruation - it sounded like some kind of holiday for men. Like the word men and celebration infused with each other. Before I could say anything he continued. "It varies a lot of course, but most women menstruate once a month depending on their hormonal cycles." He struggled to find the right words. "During this time they bleed, some more than others. Like I said, it's very individual."

I was still dumbfounded. "Like nose-bleeds?"

This man had clearly perfected his ability to keep his composure because not a single muscle on his face twitched when he explained to me what this scary phenomena called menstruation was. I was equally mortified and horrified, but Dimitri assured me over and over again that it wasn't harmful or anything to be embarrassed about. I couldn't believe that women would go through that. Every month. It was absolutely unimaginable.

After the initial shock had passed we walked towards the register, not buying any tampons or pads for me. Spiridon had already paid for the other purchases and was waiting for us in the car.

"How come I don't menstruate?" I asked, and noticed that several humans around us turned towards us. I winced a little when I realized they had heard me but Dimitri was still unfazed. He ignored the looks and started unloading our shopping cart. When he had paid, with cash again, we walked back to the car while he was carrying all our purchases. When we were outside, more shielded from prying ears, he answered me. "I don't know, but that's definitely something worth looking into. It could have something to do with your sickness. Or perhaps your period will start later. Everyone's body is different and some don't get their period until later on." It didn't look like he thought that was the case though.

"Are you going to tell Spiridon?"

For some reason, I felt ashamed. I felt defective somehow. My sickness didn't seem to be the only thing different with me. He stopped walking and turned to look at me with a sympathetic look. "Only if we find it necessary."

"We?"

"I won't tell him without your consent, so we'll cross that bridge if needed. I think that piece of information might be of importance, but it's not anything we need to decide right now."

I felt slightly better knowing that he was somewhat on my side instead of immediately running to Spiridon. "You can tell him if you think it's needed. I just don't want him to make fun of me."

"Don't worry, Rose. I don't think he would, not about this, but I'll make it clear to him."