Potter's Field
True--obsessed--very, very obsessed I had been and am, but why will you say that I am delusional? The obsession has made me more knowledgeable. I am more informed of the evils possessed by that infamous warlock than I have ever been before. I am, of course, referring to the despicable Harry Potter. Everyone seems so blind to the malignant warlock that Harry Potter really is, and not the enchanting, benignant wizard that he comes off as. It has come time that I find a solution to the plague that is Harry Potter. Hearken! and listen to how ingenious my answer to this affliction is!
It is impossible to say how first the solution entered my brain; but once conceived, I thought about it day and night. Object there was one. Passion there was a bit of. I loved the books. They had never wronged me. I hadn't even read them. But slowly, the growing popularity of the books and that evil minion of Satan Harry Potter made me snap. I had to find out what made the vast majority of the people I had to deal with every day adore the wretched wizard. So finally, I dug out all the Harry Potter books from my bookshelf. Yes, I had them! I got them all for one dollar from the Science Fiction Book Club. I had planned earlier to try out the books.
I opened up the cover, I felt my hand tremble. I turned the page. Oh, I couldn't look. I had to though! I couldn't read with my eyes wide shut! I peeked and saw the title page. "Evil!" I cried out as I stared down at the name Harry Potter in large bold text. At the current time, I had no idea how right I was.
I began to read, having no idea what I was getting myself into. I read. I read and I read and I read. It was compelling. It was addicting. I had to have more! About a month later I finished the first book. I read it slowly because I had other things to do in my life other than read Harry Potter. But even with the novel finished, the craving was still there. I knew then that I was dealing with a dark sorcery. No book compels like that. I was dealing with a dark magic that I could not begin to know how to deal with.
It wasn't long at all before I read the second book and finished that within three days! Three days!!! Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December that I read for hours on end over the weekend and on the Monday that followed. This was getting out of hand. Three days is an abnormal pace for me to read an entire novel. I had to get away from the evil sorcery possessed by those books. I also had to find a way to weaken Harry Potter's popularity.
It wasn't until February, a little before Valentine's Day, that I finally started to do something about the problem. I have talked about the solution that I had come up with throughout this whole story, and now you get to know what that solution was. Slowly, by degree, I decided to take the life of the well-known warlock!
Yes, I know. I am quite ingenious. It had taken me long enough to do it. Now it was about to be done. Harry Potter was going to die, and there was nothing anyone could do about it! Haha!
It was a Saturday morning, or perhaps it was a Friday night, that I started to execute my scheme. So I sat down at my computer and I.... typed!!!! I typed and I typed and I typed! And I wasn't going to stop typing until Harry Potter was dead! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
It was done. My final project was titled "The Simple Yet Effective Death of Harry Potter." Three shots to the head with a double-barrel shotgun, and the dirty deed was finished. I posted my story up on fanfiction.net, where I post all my stories, and I passed the story out to friends at school. I just had to wait.
Well, I waited and I waited. I waited some more. People still loved that wretched wizard. I just didn't get it. Didn't they see? Harry Potter's not so great! Couldn't they see how easily Harry was defeated? Was everyone blind to the simplicity of it all?
It was in June that I would write again. "Harry Potter and the One Ring" this one was titled. In the end, Harry Potter's death was at the hands of Gandalf, a real wizard. Not an evil warlock in disguise! Nonetheless, many people continue to love and adore Harry Potter.
I now continue to write stories about Harry Potter dying in humorous and ludicrous ways until people start to see that warlock for what he really is. It's only a matter of time before the hype and Harry Potter's fame die out. Just a matter of time. To still the beating of my heart I sit repeating, "Just a matter of time. Just a matter of time. Just a matter of time."