Chapter 3 - The Art of Smoke
Author's Note: This story is now Rated Cheese for corniness... Or is is Rated Corn for Cheesyness? Nah, it's actually R for Sexuality, suggestivity, and general pervertedness. If you don't think you can handle that, I suggest you run...
Zel checked his timestable. "Lesee... Art Class with Roru Hikari and Mr. Criscorulo...
Zel entered the room. He stopped dead.
Painted around most of the room were pictures of people in the nude. Some in rather natural positions, some in rather seductive ones, and some that seemed to be living out fantasies...
Zel snapped his eyes shut. "Okay, I guess this IS one thing that makes the Damn U a University... They'd NEVER allow painting nudes in High School..."
One slightly short girl was over in the corner, as the few art students entered. The short girl had blonde hair that fell to the floor.
The girl turned, and Zel saw she wasn't wearing much at all. Zel blinked. "Err... Hello..."
"Ah, you're the new student!" the woman smiled. "I'm Ms. Hikari, but please, just call me Roru!"
"Right..." Zel nodded. "Are all these... er... your work?"
Roru nodded, smiling. Zel shuddered.
"No offense, but you look too young to be..."
Roru was at Zel's throat. "WHAT!?"
"Nevermind!" Zel gulped.
Roru smiled, putting Zel down. "Better!"
Zel looked around, trying to spot any familiar faces. Ah, Kayeli was over in one corner at an easel, already painting a picture.
And... There was a low cloud of smoke over one corner, a man drawing at the easel. Zel went over to investigate.
"Whaddya want?" a slightly horse voice asked.
"Err..." Zel paused.
"You..." there was a puff of smoke that rose, with the slight scent of something that, to Zel, seemed illegal. "Are a new voice, no?"
The man stood up, and looked at Zel. There was something LIKE a cigarette in his mouth, but the scent was of no cigarette. "Hello, I'm Mr.... Mr..."
"Criscurulo?"
"Crispycola... Yeah, that's it. Crunchcoka..." the man blinked.
There was a few moments of silence, and Mr. Crispcookie stood, a dazed look on his face.
"Hello?" Zel asked.
Mr. Christie suddenly snapped back. "Hey, who are you, man?!?"
"Ignore him..." somebody put a hand on Zel's shoulder, and pulled him away. "And for god sakes, don't inhale the bloody smoke!"
"Eh?" Zel asked.
A young boy with blonde hair just like Andoryuu's walked by Zel, and walked over to the cloud. "No, no, Mr. Chimpychicken. I don't think this looks abstract at all!" he took a deep whiff of the smoke.
There was a hack, then, "Oh, nevermind... Woah..."
"Who are you?" Zel asked.
"Tochis... Tochisuru..." the boy smiled dimly. "I can't believe you'd sign up for this hellhole... I can't believe I signed up for this hellhole..."
"Ah, so you're Tochisuru..." Zel nodded. "Morpheus and Andoryuu mentioned you..."
"Who?"
"Your buddies, I think"
"Oh, them!" Tochisuru smiled dimly. "Yeah, they mentioned you too..."
Zel was starting to worry. In a class with two teachers, PLEASE let there be somebody normal...
Zel looked back towards the lit section of the class, and blinked. Ah! Actrise was in this class...?
Zel walked over to Actrise, who was busy painting something really quick.
"What are you drawing?" Zel asked. To him, it was a mess of lines.
"Just a moment..." Actrise muttered, through the extra brush in her mouth. She was painting 'Santobrush' - Three Brush Style .
Zel blinked, as the picture took shape. And he thought he recognized the two faces.
His and Actrises...
Zel blushed profusely, as he saw what the rest of the picture was. "Forget I asked!" he cried out.
******
Zel had no idea how he managed to survive even a few minutes of that class, so it was a good thing when a voice came over the intercom.
"Zel to the office, Zel to the office..."
Okay, mabye not a good thing on first sound, but to get out of that weird hellhole, and away from Actrise's fifteen-second black-and-white painted fantasies, that was welcome anytime.
Zel walked up a floor, and walked into the main offices, near the main doors. The headmaster was standing there.
"Zel, are you doing okay today?"
"Yes, Mr. Terso..."
"That's good to hear..." Mr. Terso smiled. "It's quite nice to have a foreign student in the school for once. From what I hear from Gairyio, you're doing quite fine in your classes..."
"Although I have not had a single 'normal' moment this entire day..." Zel muttered.
"You'll get used to it, trust me..." Mr. Terso smiled. "Although you're still in for a few shocks. Should I warn you in advance?"
"No!" Zel shouted suddenly.
"Why not?"
"Because then it would ruin the reader's surprises!"
"... Readers? Are you suggesting that our lives, our existances, are false, as if this whole thing is some kind of story! What do you know that I don't?" Mr. Terso leaned in, glaring at Zel.
"Err... Nothing!" Zel caught himself.
"... I don't believe you, but oh well" Mr. Terso sighed. "You should head back to class..."
"I think that I'd much rather leave that Art Class for good..."
"Oh?" Mr. Terso asked.
"I'm not too comfortable in there... A stoned teacher and one who has coated the room in nudes, not to mention... nevermind..." Zel decided not to mention Actrise.
"Oh, that's nothing!" Mr. Terso smiled. "Wait until you see the Art 12 room!"
*THUD*
"Zel?" Mr. Terso poked Zel's corpse with some chopsticks. "Hey... Hey, hey!"
******
Zel, as it was his luck, regained conciousness just as the bell rang for next class. He checked his convieniently placed Timetable, and after consulting with the convieniently placed Gairyio (As only to be expected), Zel walked towards his Physical Education Course.
Zel changed quickly into some rough shorts and a muscle shirt, and walked out onto the Gymnasium floor.
"He..." Sirius snicked as Zel walked by. "I think you might have wanted instead to have something a bit more... protective..."
"Eh?" Zel wondered, and then saw why.
Dreamer was in this class.
Zel gulped. "Oh, dear..."
Just then, an equally large figure walked out.
This man was an obvious weightlifter, and something about his broken long nose make it look like he had a flattened hot dog stuck to the side of his face. That's one way of putting it.
"Hello, class..." the teacher sneered.
"Good Afternoon, Mr. Rat..."
Zel blinked. He thought the teacher was named Mr. Ray. He wondered if the teacher had picked up on that too.
"Alright, considering we have a new student, it's best to start our new unit now... So I'm not going to be your teacher today..."
"YAY!" came a general shout.
"Shut up or I will be!"
There was a few moments of silence. Zel watched as a Tumbleweed (by some fluke), rolled by.
"Better!" Mr. Ray smiled. "Class, since our next unit is Fencing, I've gotten an expert in..."
The door slid open behind Mr. Ray.
There was a couple snickers.
There was a somewhat short man, who was also a bit pudgy, and had a long sword attached to his belt. He reached for it, and pulled it out.
*SLIP*
The man fell forward, the blade skidding out of his hand, and stopping just in front of Zel's feet.
Zel reached down to grab it.
"Thief!" the man shouted, dashing at Zel. Zel jumped backwards, holding the sword foreward.
"Drop the sword, boy!" the man glared. "That thing has more value in it's hilt then you do in your life!"
Zel glared, and devilish thoughts came into his mind. It was a fine sword, mabye he could get his hands on it before this place went to hell...
"Nah..." Zel shook his head. He placed the sword in front of the man, who reached down and picked it up quickly.
As the man bent, there was a loud RIIIIIIIIP
The man shot straight up, the sword in his hand. There were a few snickers.
Zel held back his smile. The man sighed, covering up the rip by adjusting the belt so the sheath was covering his butt.
"Now then, I'm Archibald..." the man looked around. "I'm your fencing instructor..."
"You!?" Dreamer stood up. "This... this is pathetic!"
Archibald glared. "Sit down, young man!"
"You're a clutz, you're overweight, and you don't even show the slightest fear..." Dreamer laughed. "You... You're a fool, aren't you?"
Archibald brought the sword swinging suddenly, and a tiny bit of Dreamer's hair fell, cleanly sliced.
Dreamer blinked, and sat down.
Archibald bowed. "You don't judge a person by looks or first impressions... Now you see why..."
"Please, don't lecture, just get on with it..." Malus sighed.
"Yes, do..." Marius agreed.
"I tire of this introduction, show us something..." Seinjaii added.
"You three... Alright, I very well will!" Archibald held the sword in front of him.
"Anybody willing?"
Zel rose up. "Sure, I'll do it..."
Archibald shrugged. "Your funeral, kid!" he tossed Zel a spare sword.
Zel caught it, and he wondered if he should mention the fact that Archibald had just tossed him his GOOD sword. Nah, Zel decided not to.
"Now, behold, why I am one of the greatest fencers in the world!"
Archibald began a series of lunges and strikes, making Zel go on guard really quickly. For Zel, it came naturally.
Archibald suddenly feinted, twisted, and thrusted backwards, straight toward's Zel's stomach.
Zel blinked, and smiled.
Archibald's sword flew from his hand. There was a light 'klink' as Archibald's belt and pants fell off.
Archibald quickly grabbed them, while the class burst out laughing. "You're good!"
Dreamer caught the flying sword, the blade cutting into his hand and drawing blood, but it was nothing.
"Zel, nobody shows off except me..." Dreamer stood up.
"Is that a challenge?" Zel asked, a sneer forming.
"You bet..." the same sneer forming on Dreamer's lips.
The class grew silent.
"I'll have your head!" Dreamer dashed forward suddenly, a dark look in his eyes.
Zel parried, pushing Dreamer's sword down and out, bring across a feint followed by a swipe.
Dreamer caught Zel's blade with the hilt of his own, twisted, and caught Zel in the stomach with a boot to the gut. Zel doubled over, holding the sword over his head.
Dreamer brought a slash down towards Zel. Zel forced his sword up, blocking it.
Dreamer had the advantage of gravity, and his strength was immense. Zel had to put every inch of energy he had just to keep it from going any deeper then the light tear he already had in his shirt...
Dreamer's face twisted, like the face of a killer. Zel gulped.
"Oh, Dreamer..." Zel muttered.
"Last words?" Dreamer grinned.
"I think your shoelace is untied..."
Dreamer laughed. "I don't fall for things like that..."
Zel put his foot down on Dreamer's shoelace, and streched himself back. Dreamer stepped forward...
Zel rolled, as Dreamer fell.
"I told you your shoelace was untied, but you just wouldn't listen..." Zel laughed.
"Hey, stop that!" Archibald grabbed both swords quickly. "This is proper fencing, not street fighting! Even though the second is much more fun to watch, it's not near as safe!"
Zel sighed.
******
Zel met with Gairyio again, as the author felt it was convinient, as he walked to his fourth to last class of the day. (LONG day!)
Gairyio was still in shock. "I can't believe it... Dreamer didn't even manage to scratch you!"
"Well, he did..." Zel muttered, pointing to a light scratch on his chest, and the mark still on his stomach.
"Oh, nevermind. But still, we were all worried he would kill you!"
Zel shrugged. "Ah, I've been closer to dying..."
Gairyio blinked. "Ehwhat?"
Zel paused. "That reminds me..."
Zel walked off the set, and grabbed the author (Who looked like a brown-haired Zel, although half of his body looked rather like that of a werewolf) by the neck.
"Now you listen here!" Zel shouted. "You're going to stop torturing me and my descendants! They're all going to grow up and life GOOD LIVES!"
"Too late!" the author, Z, responded. "Besides, originally, you never even WENT to school! Consider this a favor!"
"Shut up..." Zel muttered.
"What? It's the truth!" Z called out.
Zel sighed. "Oh, nevermind..." he dropped Z and walked off.
Z wiped his brow. "That... was close..."
Z suddenly perked up. "Wait... This meeting was never supposed to happen! I mean, I'm not even in this story! And, this is supposed to be before New Gen, and... And..."
Ms. Tenjou walked over. "Did you want the Queen of Whirling Thingies at your side?"
"Oh! Right on time!" Z smiled. "Can you use your magical wand of plothole fixing to remove this whole scene?"
"Whee!" Miyuu brought out a long, sparkling wand. "Ooh, pretty..."
"Just get to work..."
"Your words are as sharp as my wand! Although, not as shiny... Oooh, shiny..." Miyuu stared at her wand.
"We get the point!" Z cried out.
"Okay!" Miyuu swung the Magical Wand, and four words were left at the bottom of the chapter in place of the last segment.
*To Be Continued* (Suckers...)
Author's Note: This story is now Rated Cheese for corniness... Or is is Rated Corn for Cheesyness? Nah, it's actually R for Sexuality, suggestivity, and general pervertedness. If you don't think you can handle that, I suggest you run...
Zel checked his timestable. "Lesee... Art Class with Roru Hikari and Mr. Criscorulo...
Zel entered the room. He stopped dead.
Painted around most of the room were pictures of people in the nude. Some in rather natural positions, some in rather seductive ones, and some that seemed to be living out fantasies...
Zel snapped his eyes shut. "Okay, I guess this IS one thing that makes the Damn U a University... They'd NEVER allow painting nudes in High School..."
One slightly short girl was over in the corner, as the few art students entered. The short girl had blonde hair that fell to the floor.
The girl turned, and Zel saw she wasn't wearing much at all. Zel blinked. "Err... Hello..."
"Ah, you're the new student!" the woman smiled. "I'm Ms. Hikari, but please, just call me Roru!"
"Right..." Zel nodded. "Are all these... er... your work?"
Roru nodded, smiling. Zel shuddered.
"No offense, but you look too young to be..."
Roru was at Zel's throat. "WHAT!?"
"Nevermind!" Zel gulped.
Roru smiled, putting Zel down. "Better!"
Zel looked around, trying to spot any familiar faces. Ah, Kayeli was over in one corner at an easel, already painting a picture.
And... There was a low cloud of smoke over one corner, a man drawing at the easel. Zel went over to investigate.
"Whaddya want?" a slightly horse voice asked.
"Err..." Zel paused.
"You..." there was a puff of smoke that rose, with the slight scent of something that, to Zel, seemed illegal. "Are a new voice, no?"
The man stood up, and looked at Zel. There was something LIKE a cigarette in his mouth, but the scent was of no cigarette. "Hello, I'm Mr.... Mr..."
"Criscurulo?"
"Crispycola... Yeah, that's it. Crunchcoka..." the man blinked.
There was a few moments of silence, and Mr. Crispcookie stood, a dazed look on his face.
"Hello?" Zel asked.
Mr. Christie suddenly snapped back. "Hey, who are you, man?!?"
"Ignore him..." somebody put a hand on Zel's shoulder, and pulled him away. "And for god sakes, don't inhale the bloody smoke!"
"Eh?" Zel asked.
A young boy with blonde hair just like Andoryuu's walked by Zel, and walked over to the cloud. "No, no, Mr. Chimpychicken. I don't think this looks abstract at all!" he took a deep whiff of the smoke.
There was a hack, then, "Oh, nevermind... Woah..."
"Who are you?" Zel asked.
"Tochis... Tochisuru..." the boy smiled dimly. "I can't believe you'd sign up for this hellhole... I can't believe I signed up for this hellhole..."
"Ah, so you're Tochisuru..." Zel nodded. "Morpheus and Andoryuu mentioned you..."
"Who?"
"Your buddies, I think"
"Oh, them!" Tochisuru smiled dimly. "Yeah, they mentioned you too..."
Zel was starting to worry. In a class with two teachers, PLEASE let there be somebody normal...
Zel looked back towards the lit section of the class, and blinked. Ah! Actrise was in this class...?
Zel walked over to Actrise, who was busy painting something really quick.
"What are you drawing?" Zel asked. To him, it was a mess of lines.
"Just a moment..." Actrise muttered, through the extra brush in her mouth. She was painting 'Santobrush' - Three Brush Style .
Zel blinked, as the picture took shape. And he thought he recognized the two faces.
His and Actrises...
Zel blushed profusely, as he saw what the rest of the picture was. "Forget I asked!" he cried out.
******
Zel had no idea how he managed to survive even a few minutes of that class, so it was a good thing when a voice came over the intercom.
"Zel to the office, Zel to the office..."
Okay, mabye not a good thing on first sound, but to get out of that weird hellhole, and away from Actrise's fifteen-second black-and-white painted fantasies, that was welcome anytime.
Zel walked up a floor, and walked into the main offices, near the main doors. The headmaster was standing there.
"Zel, are you doing okay today?"
"Yes, Mr. Terso..."
"That's good to hear..." Mr. Terso smiled. "It's quite nice to have a foreign student in the school for once. From what I hear from Gairyio, you're doing quite fine in your classes..."
"Although I have not had a single 'normal' moment this entire day..." Zel muttered.
"You'll get used to it, trust me..." Mr. Terso smiled. "Although you're still in for a few shocks. Should I warn you in advance?"
"No!" Zel shouted suddenly.
"Why not?"
"Because then it would ruin the reader's surprises!"
"... Readers? Are you suggesting that our lives, our existances, are false, as if this whole thing is some kind of story! What do you know that I don't?" Mr. Terso leaned in, glaring at Zel.
"Err... Nothing!" Zel caught himself.
"... I don't believe you, but oh well" Mr. Terso sighed. "You should head back to class..."
"I think that I'd much rather leave that Art Class for good..."
"Oh?" Mr. Terso asked.
"I'm not too comfortable in there... A stoned teacher and one who has coated the room in nudes, not to mention... nevermind..." Zel decided not to mention Actrise.
"Oh, that's nothing!" Mr. Terso smiled. "Wait until you see the Art 12 room!"
*THUD*
"Zel?" Mr. Terso poked Zel's corpse with some chopsticks. "Hey... Hey, hey!"
******
Zel, as it was his luck, regained conciousness just as the bell rang for next class. He checked his convieniently placed Timetable, and after consulting with the convieniently placed Gairyio (As only to be expected), Zel walked towards his Physical Education Course.
Zel changed quickly into some rough shorts and a muscle shirt, and walked out onto the Gymnasium floor.
"He..." Sirius snicked as Zel walked by. "I think you might have wanted instead to have something a bit more... protective..."
"Eh?" Zel wondered, and then saw why.
Dreamer was in this class.
Zel gulped. "Oh, dear..."
Just then, an equally large figure walked out.
This man was an obvious weightlifter, and something about his broken long nose make it look like he had a flattened hot dog stuck to the side of his face. That's one way of putting it.
"Hello, class..." the teacher sneered.
"Good Afternoon, Mr. Rat..."
Zel blinked. He thought the teacher was named Mr. Ray. He wondered if the teacher had picked up on that too.
"Alright, considering we have a new student, it's best to start our new unit now... So I'm not going to be your teacher today..."
"YAY!" came a general shout.
"Shut up or I will be!"
There was a few moments of silence. Zel watched as a Tumbleweed (by some fluke), rolled by.
"Better!" Mr. Ray smiled. "Class, since our next unit is Fencing, I've gotten an expert in..."
The door slid open behind Mr. Ray.
There was a couple snickers.
There was a somewhat short man, who was also a bit pudgy, and had a long sword attached to his belt. He reached for it, and pulled it out.
*SLIP*
The man fell forward, the blade skidding out of his hand, and stopping just in front of Zel's feet.
Zel reached down to grab it.
"Thief!" the man shouted, dashing at Zel. Zel jumped backwards, holding the sword foreward.
"Drop the sword, boy!" the man glared. "That thing has more value in it's hilt then you do in your life!"
Zel glared, and devilish thoughts came into his mind. It was a fine sword, mabye he could get his hands on it before this place went to hell...
"Nah..." Zel shook his head. He placed the sword in front of the man, who reached down and picked it up quickly.
As the man bent, there was a loud RIIIIIIIIP
The man shot straight up, the sword in his hand. There were a few snickers.
Zel held back his smile. The man sighed, covering up the rip by adjusting the belt so the sheath was covering his butt.
"Now then, I'm Archibald..." the man looked around. "I'm your fencing instructor..."
"You!?" Dreamer stood up. "This... this is pathetic!"
Archibald glared. "Sit down, young man!"
"You're a clutz, you're overweight, and you don't even show the slightest fear..." Dreamer laughed. "You... You're a fool, aren't you?"
Archibald brought the sword swinging suddenly, and a tiny bit of Dreamer's hair fell, cleanly sliced.
Dreamer blinked, and sat down.
Archibald bowed. "You don't judge a person by looks or first impressions... Now you see why..."
"Please, don't lecture, just get on with it..." Malus sighed.
"Yes, do..." Marius agreed.
"I tire of this introduction, show us something..." Seinjaii added.
"You three... Alright, I very well will!" Archibald held the sword in front of him.
"Anybody willing?"
Zel rose up. "Sure, I'll do it..."
Archibald shrugged. "Your funeral, kid!" he tossed Zel a spare sword.
Zel caught it, and he wondered if he should mention the fact that Archibald had just tossed him his GOOD sword. Nah, Zel decided not to.
"Now, behold, why I am one of the greatest fencers in the world!"
Archibald began a series of lunges and strikes, making Zel go on guard really quickly. For Zel, it came naturally.
Archibald suddenly feinted, twisted, and thrusted backwards, straight toward's Zel's stomach.
Zel blinked, and smiled.
Archibald's sword flew from his hand. There was a light 'klink' as Archibald's belt and pants fell off.
Archibald quickly grabbed them, while the class burst out laughing. "You're good!"
Dreamer caught the flying sword, the blade cutting into his hand and drawing blood, but it was nothing.
"Zel, nobody shows off except me..." Dreamer stood up.
"Is that a challenge?" Zel asked, a sneer forming.
"You bet..." the same sneer forming on Dreamer's lips.
The class grew silent.
"I'll have your head!" Dreamer dashed forward suddenly, a dark look in his eyes.
Zel parried, pushing Dreamer's sword down and out, bring across a feint followed by a swipe.
Dreamer caught Zel's blade with the hilt of his own, twisted, and caught Zel in the stomach with a boot to the gut. Zel doubled over, holding the sword over his head.
Dreamer brought a slash down towards Zel. Zel forced his sword up, blocking it.
Dreamer had the advantage of gravity, and his strength was immense. Zel had to put every inch of energy he had just to keep it from going any deeper then the light tear he already had in his shirt...
Dreamer's face twisted, like the face of a killer. Zel gulped.
"Oh, Dreamer..." Zel muttered.
"Last words?" Dreamer grinned.
"I think your shoelace is untied..."
Dreamer laughed. "I don't fall for things like that..."
Zel put his foot down on Dreamer's shoelace, and streched himself back. Dreamer stepped forward...
Zel rolled, as Dreamer fell.
"I told you your shoelace was untied, but you just wouldn't listen..." Zel laughed.
"Hey, stop that!" Archibald grabbed both swords quickly. "This is proper fencing, not street fighting! Even though the second is much more fun to watch, it's not near as safe!"
Zel sighed.
******
Zel met with Gairyio again, as the author felt it was convinient, as he walked to his fourth to last class of the day. (LONG day!)
Gairyio was still in shock. "I can't believe it... Dreamer didn't even manage to scratch you!"
"Well, he did..." Zel muttered, pointing to a light scratch on his chest, and the mark still on his stomach.
"Oh, nevermind. But still, we were all worried he would kill you!"
Zel shrugged. "Ah, I've been closer to dying..."
Gairyio blinked. "Ehwhat?"
Zel paused. "That reminds me..."
Zel walked off the set, and grabbed the author (Who looked like a brown-haired Zel, although half of his body looked rather like that of a werewolf) by the neck.
"Now you listen here!" Zel shouted. "You're going to stop torturing me and my descendants! They're all going to grow up and life GOOD LIVES!"
"Too late!" the author, Z, responded. "Besides, originally, you never even WENT to school! Consider this a favor!"
"Shut up..." Zel muttered.
"What? It's the truth!" Z called out.
Zel sighed. "Oh, nevermind..." he dropped Z and walked off.
Z wiped his brow. "That... was close..."
Z suddenly perked up. "Wait... This meeting was never supposed to happen! I mean, I'm not even in this story! And, this is supposed to be before New Gen, and... And..."
Ms. Tenjou walked over. "Did you want the Queen of Whirling Thingies at your side?"
"Oh! Right on time!" Z smiled. "Can you use your magical wand of plothole fixing to remove this whole scene?"
"Whee!" Miyuu brought out a long, sparkling wand. "Ooh, pretty..."
"Just get to work..."
"Your words are as sharp as my wand! Although, not as shiny... Oooh, shiny..." Miyuu stared at her wand.
"We get the point!" Z cried out.
"Okay!" Miyuu swung the Magical Wand, and four words were left at the bottom of the chapter in place of the last segment.
*To Be Continued* (Suckers...)