It's my A-day tomorrow. I should be happy, excited, looking foward to all the attention from friends and family. But I'm not. Right now all I can think of is my mothers. There is the one who gave me life, and the one who did everything after that. When I think of my mother, I think of Raven. When I think of my momma, I think of Astrid. Is this strange? Does anyone else have these problems? I love my momma more than life itself, but I still wonder what life would have been like with my mother.

Am I a bad son? Am I a bad son for not going to my mother? Am I a bad son for thinking about going to my mother? I'm just so mixed up. I love them both, and I know they both love me. Momma is obvious. The presents and hugs and "I love you"'s make it obvious. Mother is less obvious. If I hadn't been forced to spend most of my life watching from afar I would have never seen it. But I see the softness in her eyes when she doesn't think I see her watching me, the tenseness every time someone comes near me in a fight. I saw that instant where it looked like someone was tearing her heart out when she was denied her chance to tell me the truth. The night the Brotherhood finally cut the last ties between us. Sometimes, when the mutant hunters come, I wish they would manage to catch the two of us. Just us. Then we could talk until my friends came to get me out. I know they hate her. I know they think I hate her. But I can't. She's my mother. Sometimes I find I think of her more than my momma. Am I a bad son?

I know she'll always be there for me, that none will ever try to tear her away from me. She is safety. She is love. Even now when I get hurt she's the one I want. I love my momma. I love my mother. Who should I love most? I don't know. Am I a bad son?

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