All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the
sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.
Inuyasha Fanfic
WARNINGS: Warning for Inuyasha's potty mouth and OOCness.
To Lose the One I LoveBy: Chiruken
Chapter 21
Unable to find his voice he nodded. How long was she here? Did Sesshoumaru know? What's she gonna do to me now? The panicked thoughts swirled through his mind as he backed up until he was pressed against the god tree. "Please, Kagome…don't 'sit' me again!" He held his hands out to her in supplication, a definite whine to his voice. He hated begging…but these were extraordinary circumstances. His ears were still ringing from the shrillness of her voice earlier and his back ached from his neck down into his legs. He had a very high tolerance to pain, but he certainly didn't want to push his luck.
Eyes softening in gentle compassion Kagome leaned closer and touched her fingers lightly against his cheek, smiling as his eyes closed on a soft sigh. "Inuyasha…I'm not angry…just tell me…"
"K-Kagome…I…" Swallowing against the lump in his throat he dropped to his knees, taking her with him. This way if she 'sits' me I won't have too far to fall… Pulling her into his arms he held her head against his chest and rested his cheek against her hair, inhaling her scent with an expression bordering on bliss entering his eyes. "You smell…"
Rolling her eyes she shook her head slightly. "Yes, yes…I know. I smell good. You've mentioned that before."
"Right." He drew in a quick breath. "Kagome…you know that I want to protect you, right?" He waited until she nodded. "And you know that I care about you, right?" Again he paused waiting for her response.
"Of course I do, Inuyasha…but what…"
"I-I don't just care about you…I-I…" His arms tightened around her, crushing her against his chest. "I feel more, Kagome…I just don't know how to say it."
Smiling with happy tears she tightened her own hold on him. "Maybe just showing it is enough?" She suggested softly.
He shook his head sharply. "No!" Gently disengaging her arms from around him he put a bit of distance between them and leaned against the rough bark of the tree. "I gotta say it, Kagome. If I don't…then I have no right to be feelin' it." Amber gaze fiercely direct, he held his hands out, palms up. "It's like this…I…" He stopped, a frown of deep thought crossing his face. "Sometimes I do things without thinkin' and end up makin' you mad…like this mornin'. And sometimes I say things that are really dumb and end up hurtin' your feelin's. I hate seein' you cry Kagome 'cause it hurts inside when you do…" He placed one clawed hand over his heart as he continued to meet her gaze steadily. "And it's worse when I'm the one that made it happen 'cause I always say that I'll protect you…but it's me who ends up hurtin' you all the time."
"I-Inu…yasha…" She whispered softly, eyes wide with shock. This was the first time the hanyou had spoken to her with such sincerity…and about his feelings no less.
"I don't want to hurt you…I never did…" He frowned a little. "Well, maybe at first I wanted to kill you…but that's changed."
Raising one eyebrow she shook her head with a sigh. "You know…you really didn't have to bring that up…"
"Things started changin' almost right away…" He answered truthfully with a sheepish grin. Shaking his head with a deep sigh he rubbed the back of his neck in agitation. "I started to like havin' you around and it drove me nuts when you were away. And you're a damn fine cook, Kagome." His grin widened and he even managed a chuckle before growing serious again. "You're the first person to believe in me…to trust me." Lowering his head he stared at the ground. "I need you near me at night so I can sleep…and then I can't sleep 'cause I'm afraid somethin' will happen to you if I let down my guard…so I sleep above you, where I'm close…just in case."
Kagome's eyes widened in surprise. So that's why…I never knew. I thought he just liked high places… "I didn't realize…" She whispered softly as she placed her hand on his knee.
"I can't sleep when you go back to your time…I always think 'what if she doesn't come back'…and when you're late, I overreact 'cause I'm afraid that that's the day you finally realized that you don't belong here in the Sengoku Jidai…that you really don't need to keep comin' back and puttin' yourself in danger…that I really am a worthless and foul hanyou." He bowed his head and closed his eyes tight. "You're kind and generous…and I'm not. I'm selfish and mean-tempered…I don't know why you put up with me." He looked up with a half smile. "But I'm happy that you do 'cause…'cause…" His words ground to a halt and he ducked his head again. "'Cause when I'm around you I feel happier than I've ever felt before in my life…I feel accepted…almost…loved." He hunched his shoulders and waited a moment to see if she'd 'sit' him. When she remained silent he drew in a deep breath. "I want nothin' more than to destroy that well and keep you with me forever…but I can't. It wouldn't be fair to you. In the beginnin' I didn't care…I just wanted to keep you here and I used the Shikon shards as an excuse to justify my actions. After all…if you were back in your own time you couldn't be here lookin' for the shards, right? So I had my excuse to destroy the Bone Eater's Well."
"I see…" His confession definitely filled in the blank pieces of the puzzle that made up the hanyou.
"After a while I just wanted to keep you with me. It's not like I didn't care about the Shikon no Tama anymore…I just…well…I started to really like your company."
"Then why did you try to force me to go back earlier?"
"Because I want it to be your choice, Kagome. You have to decided if you really want to stay here in the Sengoku Jidai…with me." Looking up at the sky he sighed deeply. "I know how important that school thing is to you. And your family. I wish there was a way that the well would stay open…but I think Sesshoumaru's right. As soon as the Shikon no Tama is whole again the Bone Eater's Well will close off and trap you here if you're on this side."
"Maybe I've made my choice already…a long time ago. Have you thought of that?"
"Ee…I did…" Frowning at the ground he ran his fingers through the thick layer of leaves at the base of the god tree. "I owe you everythin' Kagome…my life, my second chance, and I've never thanked you for it. If you wouldn't have released me from Kikyo's seal…" He sighed and shook his head slowly. "Well…I'd still be stuck to this tree." Suddenly looking up he leaned forward and met her gaze directly. "Kagome, why do you put up with me?"
She smiled and reached out to gently tweak one of his ears. "Because I love you, baka."
Blinking rapidly at her answer while at the same time he leaned into her touch, the hanyou smiled hesitantly. "I-I…" He paused and drew in a deep breath. "Kagome, I want you to be my mate." His eyes suddenly widened as he realized what he'd just said and a faint blush appeared across the bridge of his nose. "I-I mean…" Great goin'. You're s'posed to tell her how you feel first, and then ask her to be your mate. Baka.
Is he asking me to…m-marry him?! "A-ano…Inuyasha…" She licked suddenly dry lips. "I don't know what to say." She gasped when his ears drooped sadly and his lips quivered faintly. "I-Inuyasha?"
Clenching his hands into fists he fought to regain his control. "Keh. Never mind." He jumped to his feet and turned on his heel.
"Inuyasha! Sit!" Rushing over to his side when he slammed into the ground she knelt beside him. "Don't just walk away after saying something like that! You didn't even give me a chance to answer. You can't just ask a girl to marry you…or be your mate…and then walk away without waiting for her to say yes or no! At least let me answer the question before you run off, okay? My answer…" She paused and gently cupped his face in her hands. "Do you want to hear my answer now, Inuyasha?"
~~*~~
**To Be Continued…**
Definitions:
Hanyou: Half human, half youkai
Youkai: Demon
Sengoku Jidai: Warring States Era
Ee: Yes; yeah
Baka: Stupid; idiot; fool
Ano: Um…
Author's Notes:
Ok, I admit it. I'm taking my sweet time with this. **shrugs** But I seriously doubt that Inuyasha would be able to just spit out his feelings like a normal person. His level of trust is very minimal. After all…he's been betrayed before, right? It stands to reason that he'd be cautious, ne?
I think Inuyasha has a minor problem with recognizing his own self-worth. I don't think he has a lot of self-confidence…aside from fighting, that is. I think he'd be terrified of rejection, don't you?
Next time: Kagome's Answer?
^_^x
Chiruken