~*~I've Never~*~
By: Mae Noelle
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the idea though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!
Also, the order around the circle goes like this: Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, and then Sirius.
Erm, sorry, I don't really have an excuse as to why I forgot this fic. I have not forgotten this fic! I have not forgotten this fic! Unfortunately for me, there already was a chapter four, and it was accidentally deleted while I was transferring my fics to my new account. so I had to try and re- write this with all the information that it had and all that crap, and I couldn't remember any of it.
Thank you, for pointing this out: the original Gundam Wing ficlet that I gathered this idea from is by Jaelle and Orla. Yes, it has more sex in it, but sex isn't everything. Nope, it isn't. Nope. Well, if it is to you, then you've got issues.
If this chapter isn't as great as I advertised it to be, well, then, screw it. :P (it should be good though, I've had a good solid year or so to work on it)
RATED for sex jokes, erm - slashy-ness, innuendo's, blah blah blah. you know the drill.
Chapter four: Bumblebees
~*~
"Well, lets get on with this! It is my turn, and I need some time to think of a question that would position me to finding out what happened in Snapes office that had to do with Professor Airee and him threatening to kill you four." Harry grinned.
~*~
Harry filled his glass again, and was about to take a sip when he remembered that they weren't supposed to do that.
"Well," He said slowly. "There's the ever obvious, 'I've never caught Snape doing anything in his office while under an invisibility cloak,'"
Snape's eyes widened.
"But, I won't use that one. yet." Harry grinned evilly. He wanted to dig up some real dirt tonight. the chance may never come again. "I've Never," He said dramatically, "Woken up in the morning with a farm animal."
Neville choked on air suddenly, and forced a sip of his drink down his throat.
Harry's grin fell.
"Neville, I am not even going to ask."
"No, it's actually not what you think -"
"Oh," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't know there was another way to take that,"
"Oh Well!" Ron said, clapping his hands together and inching forward on his seat. "Harry's passed, it's my turn." He looked around him, still rubbing his hands together, and said in one breath, "I've Never dressed up in the opposite sex's clothes and gone out and flirted!"
"Well, I should hope not!" Snape muttered, hurriedly taking a sip.
Mostly everyone else, however, was staring at Lupin, who was looking red in the face, his glass empty.
"Professor?" Ron said incredulously, once again loosing the contents of his cup.
"It was a dare," Lupin said quickly, before anyone could ask.
"Oh, yes," Sirius said suddenly, nodding his head and downing his glass. "I remember that one. we got you good, then, didn't we?"
"Who did you flirt with?" Ron said, still looking hazed.
"I didn't flirt," Lupin said in a hurry, grabbing another bottle of wine. "It was just other horny men, trying to find a woman, they found me, and hassled me, until I popped one of my fake breasts. then they scattered."
"Is that what you did to it?" Sirius said loudly. "James and me put all that charm work into your chest, and you go and pop it?"
"Yes, yes, but who were the people you flirted with?" Ron said loudly, trying to be heard over Sirius nagging Lupin.
"Erm," Lupin looked as though it were hard to think, and raised his glass to take a sip, looked at it, remembered they weren't supposed to do that, and lowered it down quite a few times, before continuing, "I don't really remember - there was this one tall bloke, smarmy fellow, he seemed - slick blonde hair, pointy chin -"
"Silver eyes?" Malfoy said loudly.
"Yes," Lupin said, nodding, raising his glass again.
"Black suit, with a snake and wand emblem on it?"
"Could've been, yeah," Lupin said.
"Wait a minute -" Malfoy said, looking alarmed.
"My turn," Snape said quietly. His gaze was unfocused, and he was swaying slightly on his chair. A few people exchanged glances with eyebrows raised. "I've never used a classroom for inappropriate purposes,"
Everyone but him raised their glasses to their lips, looking at Snape with their eyebrows lifted.
"Wait a minute," Ron said loudly to Harry, probably thinking he was whispering it. "That can't be right - what about that thing he was doing with the professor-"
"That," Snape said with a sneer. "Was done in my office."
"Oh, of course." Ron said, nodding. "There's just something about pickled things in jars that casts a romantic glow, eh?"
"Well, my turn, then!" Lupin said, looking distinctly happy.
"Wait a bloody minute," Snape said, turning to Lupin. "I haven't had my question yet-"
"Well, too late, isn't it?"
"No it bloody well is not!" Snape yelled, grabbing another bottle of wine. "And what exactly did you do that was so unapropriate in a classroom, Potter?" He snapped, turning swiftly to Harry.
Harry, who had been chatting silently with Ginny, snapped his head around.
"Um, should I just tell you any time, because most of them were with Ginny, here-"
"No!" Snape said quickly. "How about anything. inhuman?"
'Inhuman?' Harry mouthed, and then suddenly blanched. "Well, there was this one time, I was caught in the Potions room, and Moaning Mrytle came zooming out the wash sink, and. erm... well." Harry coughed.
"The ghost in the girls toilet?" Ginny said. "The ghost in the girls toilet?"
"Er, yes."
Ron raised an eyebrow.
"A line I haven't yet passed," Snape said proudly.
Lupin looked around for a few seconds, and then blurted out, "I have never danced around the common room in a way too small bumble-bee outfit." Everyone turned to him.
Lupin held back a smile. Sirius frowned, taking a small, feverish drink. (hoping that no one would notice, and most likely no one did)
"That was a bit off the wall, wasn't it?" said George, raising an eyebrow.
"Ah, well," Lupin said, "Good enough for me. Who's next?"
"I am," Sirius said, throwing Lupin a dirty look. "And I've never watched muggle preschooler cartoons,"
Lupin now shot Sirius a dirty look at Sirius, and took a sip of his glass, along with Seamus, Hermione, Harry, and Draco. "If this has to do with my 'Spongbob Squarepants' video collection, Sirius, those aren't preschooler cartoons."
Sirius did a double take as Draco took his sip.
"Well, I was going to use my question on Remus, but." Sirius grinned. "What was the preschooler show you watched, Malfoy?"
Malfoy paled. "Erm, all of them?" He said in a small, feeble voice.
After a lot of people gave him odd looks, he said loudly, "I had a lonely, abused childhood! I was shut in a room with a wand and muggle videos, damnit!"
"Just name one of them, then," Sirius said, and he, Hermione, and Harry leaned forward in their seats.
"Erm. Skidamarink TV," He said slowly.
"Skiddamarinky dinky dink!" Harry suddenly shouted.
"Skidamarinky doo!" Hermione called out.
"I! Love! You!" Hermione, Seamus, Harry and Draco chorused.
They then began to laugh madly as the others inched away, looking frightened.
"Well, back to me, then, is it?" Ginny said, her eyes continually glancing at Harry, who was removing his glasses to wipe tears from his eyes.
"Good times, good times," Harry said, reaching for the wine bottle nearest him, as his glass had magically gone empty.
"Well," Ginny started, eyeing Harry. "I've never. um. I've never 'done anything' for money."
"Damn, Weasley - I mean, Potter - what have you done?" Malfoy said, taking a sip.
"None of your business!" Ginny said huffily.
"Oh! Oh!" cried Ron and Harry in cosmic unison. "Pick Snape! Pick Snape!"
Snape was taking a sip, looking around furtively. And so was Remus, and Sirius, and Hermione-
"Um!" Ginny said, bouncing in her seat. "I pick Remus!"
Sirius choked on his drink.
"Who was it that you've done for money?"
"That wasn't the question!" Lupin cried, apparently outraged. "You said, 'I've never done anything for money', not 'I've never done anybody for money'."
Ginny looked a bit downcast.
"Alright then, what have you done for money?"
"I've polished badges for money,"
"Oops, I meant, what's the most immoral thing you've done for money?"
Lupin coughed. Sirius suddenly looked alarmed.
"Well, I've given, erm, p& b-js,"
"Peanut Butter and Jelly?" Neville said stupidly.
"Idiot boy!" Snape cried for no apparent reason.
"No." Sirius said, looking uncomfortable. "P and Bj's. You know, Bjs, BJ's?"
"A blow-job?" Harry said loudly.
"What's a blow-job?" Ron said stupidly, looking around.
Remus smacked his forehead.
"Moving on!" Hermione said, swirling her glass. "I've never. had sexual fantasies about Snape."
"Damn!" Snape muttered, taking a drink.
"Ron!" Hermione cried, aghast. Ron was taking a small sip, looking red.
"It was during potions! During our N.E.W.T.s! I had just taken that 'brain- boosting' powder Seamus gave me-"
"Oh, that stuff?" Seamus blurted out. "That was a joke, mate,"
"I should say so," Ron said icily, "I got a 'T' on it!"
"My turn!" Draco shouted out, spilling his drink. "And I've never fancied another Quidditch player,"
"You haven't?" Ron said, sounding forlorn.
"Well, obviously not - now, who drank?"
Everybody raised their hand.
"Well, how about, Potter!" he cried, and began to laugh maniacally.
Harry pointed to Ginny.
"She was the Quidditch player you fancied? Aw, that's no fun-" Draco pointed to Hermione. "You!"
Hermione pointed to Harry.
Draco pointed to Cho. She pointed to Harry. Draco pointed to Ron. He pointed to Harry.
"Do none of you have dark and twisted secrets?" Draco spluttered. "You!" he shoved his finger towards Snape.
Snape pointed to Harry.
"Well, I think you're done," George said, rubbing his hands together. "And my I've never is. I've never used a broom."
"Yes you have," Fred said. "We've all seen you on it."
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant," George said, exhasperated. "I've never used. Used, as in 'used', a broom." And he waggled his eyebrows.
"Ah," Fred said, wiggling his eyebrows and taking a sip. Along with everyone but Ginny.
"You people are sick!" Ginny cried, staring especially at Harry who was hurriedly whispering with Ron.
~*~
Will we ever find out what happened in Snape's office? Does Dracos father pick up on he-shes? What was it that Draco said to Hermione to make her fantasize about him? Find out maybe one of these answers, if you're lucky, in the next installment of 'I've Never'! Along with a lot of other fun, immoral, degrading goodness! That is, if I feel like updating again. *cough* reviews help me update faster! *cough*
I remember that 'Skidamarinky dinky dink' thingy from when I was little. I barely remember it. but where ever I go, whatever school I am in, if I shout out 'Skidamarinky dinky dink! Skidamarinky doo!" Everyone else will shout back at me, 'I! Love! You!" . If you've seen the show (which I haven't seen since I was like five) then you understand.
Tell me what you want the "I've Never"s to be! I need ideas! Tell me what you think is funny, what you think was utterly stupid (I don't want to make the same mistake twice) and what you want more of!
By: Mae Noelle
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the idea though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!
Also, the order around the circle goes like this: Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, and then Sirius.
Erm, sorry, I don't really have an excuse as to why I forgot this fic. I have not forgotten this fic! I have not forgotten this fic! Unfortunately for me, there already was a chapter four, and it was accidentally deleted while I was transferring my fics to my new account. so I had to try and re- write this with all the information that it had and all that crap, and I couldn't remember any of it.
Thank you, for pointing this out: the original Gundam Wing ficlet that I gathered this idea from is by Jaelle and Orla. Yes, it has more sex in it, but sex isn't everything. Nope, it isn't. Nope. Well, if it is to you, then you've got issues.
If this chapter isn't as great as I advertised it to be, well, then, screw it. :P (it should be good though, I've had a good solid year or so to work on it)
RATED for sex jokes, erm - slashy-ness, innuendo's, blah blah blah. you know the drill.
Chapter four: Bumblebees
~*~
"Well, lets get on with this! It is my turn, and I need some time to think of a question that would position me to finding out what happened in Snapes office that had to do with Professor Airee and him threatening to kill you four." Harry grinned.
~*~
Harry filled his glass again, and was about to take a sip when he remembered that they weren't supposed to do that.
"Well," He said slowly. "There's the ever obvious, 'I've never caught Snape doing anything in his office while under an invisibility cloak,'"
Snape's eyes widened.
"But, I won't use that one. yet." Harry grinned evilly. He wanted to dig up some real dirt tonight. the chance may never come again. "I've Never," He said dramatically, "Woken up in the morning with a farm animal."
Neville choked on air suddenly, and forced a sip of his drink down his throat.
Harry's grin fell.
"Neville, I am not even going to ask."
"No, it's actually not what you think -"
"Oh," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't know there was another way to take that,"
"Oh Well!" Ron said, clapping his hands together and inching forward on his seat. "Harry's passed, it's my turn." He looked around him, still rubbing his hands together, and said in one breath, "I've Never dressed up in the opposite sex's clothes and gone out and flirted!"
"Well, I should hope not!" Snape muttered, hurriedly taking a sip.
Mostly everyone else, however, was staring at Lupin, who was looking red in the face, his glass empty.
"Professor?" Ron said incredulously, once again loosing the contents of his cup.
"It was a dare," Lupin said quickly, before anyone could ask.
"Oh, yes," Sirius said suddenly, nodding his head and downing his glass. "I remember that one. we got you good, then, didn't we?"
"Who did you flirt with?" Ron said, still looking hazed.
"I didn't flirt," Lupin said in a hurry, grabbing another bottle of wine. "It was just other horny men, trying to find a woman, they found me, and hassled me, until I popped one of my fake breasts. then they scattered."
"Is that what you did to it?" Sirius said loudly. "James and me put all that charm work into your chest, and you go and pop it?"
"Yes, yes, but who were the people you flirted with?" Ron said loudly, trying to be heard over Sirius nagging Lupin.
"Erm," Lupin looked as though it were hard to think, and raised his glass to take a sip, looked at it, remembered they weren't supposed to do that, and lowered it down quite a few times, before continuing, "I don't really remember - there was this one tall bloke, smarmy fellow, he seemed - slick blonde hair, pointy chin -"
"Silver eyes?" Malfoy said loudly.
"Yes," Lupin said, nodding, raising his glass again.
"Black suit, with a snake and wand emblem on it?"
"Could've been, yeah," Lupin said.
"Wait a minute -" Malfoy said, looking alarmed.
"My turn," Snape said quietly. His gaze was unfocused, and he was swaying slightly on his chair. A few people exchanged glances with eyebrows raised. "I've never used a classroom for inappropriate purposes,"
Everyone but him raised their glasses to their lips, looking at Snape with their eyebrows lifted.
"Wait a minute," Ron said loudly to Harry, probably thinking he was whispering it. "That can't be right - what about that thing he was doing with the professor-"
"That," Snape said with a sneer. "Was done in my office."
"Oh, of course." Ron said, nodding. "There's just something about pickled things in jars that casts a romantic glow, eh?"
"Well, my turn, then!" Lupin said, looking distinctly happy.
"Wait a bloody minute," Snape said, turning to Lupin. "I haven't had my question yet-"
"Well, too late, isn't it?"
"No it bloody well is not!" Snape yelled, grabbing another bottle of wine. "And what exactly did you do that was so unapropriate in a classroom, Potter?" He snapped, turning swiftly to Harry.
Harry, who had been chatting silently with Ginny, snapped his head around.
"Um, should I just tell you any time, because most of them were with Ginny, here-"
"No!" Snape said quickly. "How about anything. inhuman?"
'Inhuman?' Harry mouthed, and then suddenly blanched. "Well, there was this one time, I was caught in the Potions room, and Moaning Mrytle came zooming out the wash sink, and. erm... well." Harry coughed.
"The ghost in the girls toilet?" Ginny said. "The ghost in the girls toilet?"
"Er, yes."
Ron raised an eyebrow.
"A line I haven't yet passed," Snape said proudly.
Lupin looked around for a few seconds, and then blurted out, "I have never danced around the common room in a way too small bumble-bee outfit." Everyone turned to him.
Lupin held back a smile. Sirius frowned, taking a small, feverish drink. (hoping that no one would notice, and most likely no one did)
"That was a bit off the wall, wasn't it?" said George, raising an eyebrow.
"Ah, well," Lupin said, "Good enough for me. Who's next?"
"I am," Sirius said, throwing Lupin a dirty look. "And I've never watched muggle preschooler cartoons,"
Lupin now shot Sirius a dirty look at Sirius, and took a sip of his glass, along with Seamus, Hermione, Harry, and Draco. "If this has to do with my 'Spongbob Squarepants' video collection, Sirius, those aren't preschooler cartoons."
Sirius did a double take as Draco took his sip.
"Well, I was going to use my question on Remus, but." Sirius grinned. "What was the preschooler show you watched, Malfoy?"
Malfoy paled. "Erm, all of them?" He said in a small, feeble voice.
After a lot of people gave him odd looks, he said loudly, "I had a lonely, abused childhood! I was shut in a room with a wand and muggle videos, damnit!"
"Just name one of them, then," Sirius said, and he, Hermione, and Harry leaned forward in their seats.
"Erm. Skidamarink TV," He said slowly.
"Skiddamarinky dinky dink!" Harry suddenly shouted.
"Skidamarinky doo!" Hermione called out.
"I! Love! You!" Hermione, Seamus, Harry and Draco chorused.
They then began to laugh madly as the others inched away, looking frightened.
"Well, back to me, then, is it?" Ginny said, her eyes continually glancing at Harry, who was removing his glasses to wipe tears from his eyes.
"Good times, good times," Harry said, reaching for the wine bottle nearest him, as his glass had magically gone empty.
"Well," Ginny started, eyeing Harry. "I've never. um. I've never 'done anything' for money."
"Damn, Weasley - I mean, Potter - what have you done?" Malfoy said, taking a sip.
"None of your business!" Ginny said huffily.
"Oh! Oh!" cried Ron and Harry in cosmic unison. "Pick Snape! Pick Snape!"
Snape was taking a sip, looking around furtively. And so was Remus, and Sirius, and Hermione-
"Um!" Ginny said, bouncing in her seat. "I pick Remus!"
Sirius choked on his drink.
"Who was it that you've done for money?"
"That wasn't the question!" Lupin cried, apparently outraged. "You said, 'I've never done anything for money', not 'I've never done anybody for money'."
Ginny looked a bit downcast.
"Alright then, what have you done for money?"
"I've polished badges for money,"
"Oops, I meant, what's the most immoral thing you've done for money?"
Lupin coughed. Sirius suddenly looked alarmed.
"Well, I've given, erm, p& b-js,"
"Peanut Butter and Jelly?" Neville said stupidly.
"Idiot boy!" Snape cried for no apparent reason.
"No." Sirius said, looking uncomfortable. "P and Bj's. You know, Bjs, BJ's?"
"A blow-job?" Harry said loudly.
"What's a blow-job?" Ron said stupidly, looking around.
Remus smacked his forehead.
"Moving on!" Hermione said, swirling her glass. "I've never. had sexual fantasies about Snape."
"Damn!" Snape muttered, taking a drink.
"Ron!" Hermione cried, aghast. Ron was taking a small sip, looking red.
"It was during potions! During our N.E.W.T.s! I had just taken that 'brain- boosting' powder Seamus gave me-"
"Oh, that stuff?" Seamus blurted out. "That was a joke, mate,"
"I should say so," Ron said icily, "I got a 'T' on it!"
"My turn!" Draco shouted out, spilling his drink. "And I've never fancied another Quidditch player,"
"You haven't?" Ron said, sounding forlorn.
"Well, obviously not - now, who drank?"
Everybody raised their hand.
"Well, how about, Potter!" he cried, and began to laugh maniacally.
Harry pointed to Ginny.
"She was the Quidditch player you fancied? Aw, that's no fun-" Draco pointed to Hermione. "You!"
Hermione pointed to Harry.
Draco pointed to Cho. She pointed to Harry. Draco pointed to Ron. He pointed to Harry.
"Do none of you have dark and twisted secrets?" Draco spluttered. "You!" he shoved his finger towards Snape.
Snape pointed to Harry.
"Well, I think you're done," George said, rubbing his hands together. "And my I've never is. I've never used a broom."
"Yes you have," Fred said. "We've all seen you on it."
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant," George said, exhasperated. "I've never used. Used, as in 'used', a broom." And he waggled his eyebrows.
"Ah," Fred said, wiggling his eyebrows and taking a sip. Along with everyone but Ginny.
"You people are sick!" Ginny cried, staring especially at Harry who was hurriedly whispering with Ron.
~*~
Will we ever find out what happened in Snape's office? Does Dracos father pick up on he-shes? What was it that Draco said to Hermione to make her fantasize about him? Find out maybe one of these answers, if you're lucky, in the next installment of 'I've Never'! Along with a lot of other fun, immoral, degrading goodness! That is, if I feel like updating again. *cough* reviews help me update faster! *cough*
I remember that 'Skidamarinky dinky dink' thingy from when I was little. I barely remember it. but where ever I go, whatever school I am in, if I shout out 'Skidamarinky dinky dink! Skidamarinky doo!" Everyone else will shout back at me, 'I! Love! You!" . If you've seen the show (which I haven't seen since I was like five) then you understand.
Tell me what you want the "I've Never"s to be! I need ideas! Tell me what you think is funny, what you think was utterly stupid (I don't want to make the same mistake twice) and what you want more of!