Chapter 4. The spaces in between us.
When Shinji arrived at the Nerv's hospital, a nurse was taking Asuka's temperature. She smiled sympathetically at Shinji as she left the room, leaving Shinji alone with his sleeping friend. He sat down on the chair at Asuka's bedside. He gently brushed the lank bangs out of her eyes, for all the good it would do her. It was as though she was actually 'using' her eyes or anything.
He sat back and looked at her face, she stared at the ceiling. No, she stared past the ceiling, she didn't see the ceiling at all. Her eyes were open, yet she was blind. Her vacant stare reminded him of Kaworu's eyes from his dream. It seemed everything reminded him of Kaworu now. It also seemed that Asuka was nearly as far away from him as Kaworu was. No, that wasn't right. As much as Shinji couldn't even admit it to himself, Kaworu was dead. Yet, Asuka was still alive. He couldn't let himself start thinking about her like she was dead as well.
"Hey Asuka." he began. He knew she could hear him, wherever she was. And that was a small comfort to him. "It's me, Shinji. I know I haven't come by for a while. Hope you haven't been too lonely." It was pretty difficult to know what to say. Here was the girl who had refused to listen to anything Shinji had said when she was awake, and now she was listening. Yet, Shinji's mind was a blank. What was he meant to say?
//Just tell her what's been happening// the saner part of his mind said. " I guess you'll wanna know what's been happening. Well, first of all, all the Angels have been destroyed." He felt sick saying that. "so when you wake up everything will be back to normal. Um..there was a 5th Child you know. He was brought in to replace you. You'll hate to hear this but he was the pilot of your Eva."
Shinji hoped she would wake up at that. He had half expected her to jump up and yell that nobody could touch her Unit 02. But it didn't happen, she just continued to lay there.
"I wish you'd wake up..i have nobody! I could really do with a friend right now. Kensuke and Hikari hate me because of the thing with Toji. Rei doesn't know I exist! And the 5th Child.he's gone as well." //Wow! I'm so self centered. I gave her all these reasons to wake up.and their all about my problems.// Shinji stood up then and picked up his bag.
" Sorry Asuka. I just don't know what to do anymore. See you later." Shinji headed out through the door, not looking back.
He didn't know where he was going. Anywhere but Misato's was his plan. It was dark when he arrived on the surface of Tokyo 3 again. The moon shone down on what was left of the obliterated city. Shinji just wandered for a while, until he eventually ended up at Kaworu's apartment. Some how, he had guessed this was where he would end up.
Shinji tried the front door and was surprised to find it was unlocked. Had someone already been in after Kaworu's death? Had Kaworu even bothered to lock the door at all? Shinji couldn't remember. Maybe some one was in there. Shinji was as paranoid as hell, he knew he should have just turned round and went home to Misato's but he didn't. he quickly crept into the apartment, checking everywhere, making sure that there was nobody else there. When he was satisfied he closed the front door.
He didn't know exactly what he would accomplish from being here, but he knew he just wouldn't be able to handle Misato right now. Shinji set his bag down in the doorway of Kaworu's bedroom and went in. it hadn't changed. Unlike what he had originally though, nobody had been here since Kaworu and himself. The bed hadn't been made, but it looked like it should be kept as it was anyway. Shinji smiled, it felt as though Kaworu was still there. He was pretty tired, and it was dark outside already, so he slipped his shoes off and climbed into the unmade bed. He wasn't sure if he planned to spend the night there or just rest a while, but sleep came to him quickly.
When Shinji awoke, the first thing he noticed was that it was still dark outside. The moon shone through the window and onto his face, hurting his half open eyes. He guessed it was the light shining onto his face that had woken him. The next thing he noticed was there was somebody sitting on the bed. Instinctively he sat up quickly. Before his eyes could adjust he automatically thought that it was Misato. Then he remembered he wasn't at home. Shinji rubbed his eyes sleepily. When he looked again he saw it was Kaworu.
Shinji's heart leapt into his throat, he was completely speechless. He just sat there staring at the boy. He looked completely normal. And alive. Except he appeared to be glowing quite ethereally. Shinji guessed it could have been a trick of the moonlight, but he wasn't sure.
Slowly, Shinji's voice came back to him, "Kaworu.?", was all he could manage at first. The boy smiled back at him, the same smile he had given hi before he died. "Kaworu.I'm so sorry, I really am! You wouldn't believe how sorry!" Shinji babbled. Half of him dreaded this was a dream and this was the same cruel Angel from last time. The other half wanted to throw himself into Kaworu's arms and beg for forgiveness.
But he could tell from looking into his eyes that it was the real Kaworu, and that it wasn't a dream at all. Finally, Shinji got his reply. "I know your sorry Shinji, but please, you don't have to keep tearing yourself up about what happened. It's in the past now, and you've done nothing wrong."
It felt to Shinji as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, his tears welled up again, and time it was happiness, not sadness that caused them. Shinji practically leapt into the other boy's arms, nearly knocking Kaworu off the side of the bed. Shinji's arms wrapped themselves round Kaworu's neck, his face buried in his shoulder. "I'm so glad" Shinji began. "I'm so happy you don't hate me. Can you forgive me? I wish I didn't do it. I regret it so much.you know what."
The stunned Kaworu put his arms around Shinji and stroked his hair with one hand. "Of course I forgive you. Is there really anything to forgive? All you did was what I asked of you, and for that I am grateful. As for hating you, how could I? I love you Shinji."
Shinji pulled away and looked Kaworu in the eye, his hands still on his shoulder. "I love you too." He sniffed. "I missed you, I was going crazy without you." Shinji said, before looking down in embarrassment. Kaworu held his face up with one hand under his chin, and used the other one to wipe Shinji's tear stained cheeks. "I can't stay Shinji. Not long. I cam back to tell you that answers to the questions you needed to ask so much. And to tell you that I'll be waiting for you, we'll see each other again."
Shinji gave him a teary smile and returned to Kaworu's embrace. He rested his head on his shoulder, holding him tighter. He was just to precious to let go of.
Kaworu began to speak again. "I know that you have been looking for a way out, I've seen how unhappy you've been. But you cannot go about it in that way. Suicide isn't a way out. If you ended your own life, you'd never see me again." On his shoulder Shinji opened his eyes. "What do you mean? Why not?" He asked urgently. "Because like is a gift, if you willingly throw it away like that, who knows where you'll end up?" Kaworu explained, stroking Shinji's hair again.
"So its because it's a sin? But it could be years before I see you again!! I can't wait that long!" The tears returned, making Kaworu's shirt wet. "You'll have to wait Shinji, that's how life is. You need to sleep now." Kaworu said, extracting himself from Shinji's arms.
Shinji reluctantly let go and got down beneath the covers again. Kaworu smiled down at him, before bending down to gently kiss Shinji on the lips. Shinji tensed up for a second before relaxing and returning the kiss. It didn't last long though, and Kaworu sat up again, as Shinji took hold of his pale hands in his own and smiled back at him. "I do love you. I don't care if you're an Angel or not. You're the only one who has ever cared for me. And you're the only ones I've ever truly cared about as well." Shinji told the Angel. "Well, I'm very honored to be that person. And I will wait for you. I'll see you again, I promise." Kaworu said seriously, wanting Shinji to truly believe him. "We'll be together then. It may be in 2 months or half a century, but it will happen."
By now Shinji was falling asleep, but his lips still held a sleepy, happy smile. "I believe you.. good night koi." His words were the last thing he heard before he fell asleep.
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I'm actually kinda proud of that chapter! Sorry about the shamelessly dreadful fluff towards the end.I just couldn't resist! They're so kawaii and sweet when they're all huggy together.they should be like that more often! And I think I did quite well at writing Asuka. Too bad. I really hate that girl! I believe there are 2 more chapters after this..i will post them as soon as I have written them up on the computer ;)
When Shinji arrived at the Nerv's hospital, a nurse was taking Asuka's temperature. She smiled sympathetically at Shinji as she left the room, leaving Shinji alone with his sleeping friend. He sat down on the chair at Asuka's bedside. He gently brushed the lank bangs out of her eyes, for all the good it would do her. It was as though she was actually 'using' her eyes or anything.
He sat back and looked at her face, she stared at the ceiling. No, she stared past the ceiling, she didn't see the ceiling at all. Her eyes were open, yet she was blind. Her vacant stare reminded him of Kaworu's eyes from his dream. It seemed everything reminded him of Kaworu now. It also seemed that Asuka was nearly as far away from him as Kaworu was. No, that wasn't right. As much as Shinji couldn't even admit it to himself, Kaworu was dead. Yet, Asuka was still alive. He couldn't let himself start thinking about her like she was dead as well.
"Hey Asuka." he began. He knew she could hear him, wherever she was. And that was a small comfort to him. "It's me, Shinji. I know I haven't come by for a while. Hope you haven't been too lonely." It was pretty difficult to know what to say. Here was the girl who had refused to listen to anything Shinji had said when she was awake, and now she was listening. Yet, Shinji's mind was a blank. What was he meant to say?
//Just tell her what's been happening// the saner part of his mind said. " I guess you'll wanna know what's been happening. Well, first of all, all the Angels have been destroyed." He felt sick saying that. "so when you wake up everything will be back to normal. Um..there was a 5th Child you know. He was brought in to replace you. You'll hate to hear this but he was the pilot of your Eva."
Shinji hoped she would wake up at that. He had half expected her to jump up and yell that nobody could touch her Unit 02. But it didn't happen, she just continued to lay there.
"I wish you'd wake up..i have nobody! I could really do with a friend right now. Kensuke and Hikari hate me because of the thing with Toji. Rei doesn't know I exist! And the 5th Child.he's gone as well." //Wow! I'm so self centered. I gave her all these reasons to wake up.and their all about my problems.// Shinji stood up then and picked up his bag.
" Sorry Asuka. I just don't know what to do anymore. See you later." Shinji headed out through the door, not looking back.
He didn't know where he was going. Anywhere but Misato's was his plan. It was dark when he arrived on the surface of Tokyo 3 again. The moon shone down on what was left of the obliterated city. Shinji just wandered for a while, until he eventually ended up at Kaworu's apartment. Some how, he had guessed this was where he would end up.
Shinji tried the front door and was surprised to find it was unlocked. Had someone already been in after Kaworu's death? Had Kaworu even bothered to lock the door at all? Shinji couldn't remember. Maybe some one was in there. Shinji was as paranoid as hell, he knew he should have just turned round and went home to Misato's but he didn't. he quickly crept into the apartment, checking everywhere, making sure that there was nobody else there. When he was satisfied he closed the front door.
He didn't know exactly what he would accomplish from being here, but he knew he just wouldn't be able to handle Misato right now. Shinji set his bag down in the doorway of Kaworu's bedroom and went in. it hadn't changed. Unlike what he had originally though, nobody had been here since Kaworu and himself. The bed hadn't been made, but it looked like it should be kept as it was anyway. Shinji smiled, it felt as though Kaworu was still there. He was pretty tired, and it was dark outside already, so he slipped his shoes off and climbed into the unmade bed. He wasn't sure if he planned to spend the night there or just rest a while, but sleep came to him quickly.
When Shinji awoke, the first thing he noticed was that it was still dark outside. The moon shone through the window and onto his face, hurting his half open eyes. He guessed it was the light shining onto his face that had woken him. The next thing he noticed was there was somebody sitting on the bed. Instinctively he sat up quickly. Before his eyes could adjust he automatically thought that it was Misato. Then he remembered he wasn't at home. Shinji rubbed his eyes sleepily. When he looked again he saw it was Kaworu.
Shinji's heart leapt into his throat, he was completely speechless. He just sat there staring at the boy. He looked completely normal. And alive. Except he appeared to be glowing quite ethereally. Shinji guessed it could have been a trick of the moonlight, but he wasn't sure.
Slowly, Shinji's voice came back to him, "Kaworu.?", was all he could manage at first. The boy smiled back at him, the same smile he had given hi before he died. "Kaworu.I'm so sorry, I really am! You wouldn't believe how sorry!" Shinji babbled. Half of him dreaded this was a dream and this was the same cruel Angel from last time. The other half wanted to throw himself into Kaworu's arms and beg for forgiveness.
But he could tell from looking into his eyes that it was the real Kaworu, and that it wasn't a dream at all. Finally, Shinji got his reply. "I know your sorry Shinji, but please, you don't have to keep tearing yourself up about what happened. It's in the past now, and you've done nothing wrong."
It felt to Shinji as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, his tears welled up again, and time it was happiness, not sadness that caused them. Shinji practically leapt into the other boy's arms, nearly knocking Kaworu off the side of the bed. Shinji's arms wrapped themselves round Kaworu's neck, his face buried in his shoulder. "I'm so glad" Shinji began. "I'm so happy you don't hate me. Can you forgive me? I wish I didn't do it. I regret it so much.you know what."
The stunned Kaworu put his arms around Shinji and stroked his hair with one hand. "Of course I forgive you. Is there really anything to forgive? All you did was what I asked of you, and for that I am grateful. As for hating you, how could I? I love you Shinji."
Shinji pulled away and looked Kaworu in the eye, his hands still on his shoulder. "I love you too." He sniffed. "I missed you, I was going crazy without you." Shinji said, before looking down in embarrassment. Kaworu held his face up with one hand under his chin, and used the other one to wipe Shinji's tear stained cheeks. "I can't stay Shinji. Not long. I cam back to tell you that answers to the questions you needed to ask so much. And to tell you that I'll be waiting for you, we'll see each other again."
Shinji gave him a teary smile and returned to Kaworu's embrace. He rested his head on his shoulder, holding him tighter. He was just to precious to let go of.
Kaworu began to speak again. "I know that you have been looking for a way out, I've seen how unhappy you've been. But you cannot go about it in that way. Suicide isn't a way out. If you ended your own life, you'd never see me again." On his shoulder Shinji opened his eyes. "What do you mean? Why not?" He asked urgently. "Because like is a gift, if you willingly throw it away like that, who knows where you'll end up?" Kaworu explained, stroking Shinji's hair again.
"So its because it's a sin? But it could be years before I see you again!! I can't wait that long!" The tears returned, making Kaworu's shirt wet. "You'll have to wait Shinji, that's how life is. You need to sleep now." Kaworu said, extracting himself from Shinji's arms.
Shinji reluctantly let go and got down beneath the covers again. Kaworu smiled down at him, before bending down to gently kiss Shinji on the lips. Shinji tensed up for a second before relaxing and returning the kiss. It didn't last long though, and Kaworu sat up again, as Shinji took hold of his pale hands in his own and smiled back at him. "I do love you. I don't care if you're an Angel or not. You're the only one who has ever cared for me. And you're the only ones I've ever truly cared about as well." Shinji told the Angel. "Well, I'm very honored to be that person. And I will wait for you. I'll see you again, I promise." Kaworu said seriously, wanting Shinji to truly believe him. "We'll be together then. It may be in 2 months or half a century, but it will happen."
By now Shinji was falling asleep, but his lips still held a sleepy, happy smile. "I believe you.. good night koi." His words were the last thing he heard before he fell asleep.
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I'm actually kinda proud of that chapter! Sorry about the shamelessly dreadful fluff towards the end.I just couldn't resist! They're so kawaii and sweet when they're all huggy together.they should be like that more often! And I think I did quite well at writing Asuka. Too bad. I really hate that girl! I believe there are 2 more chapters after this..i will post them as soon as I have written them up on the computer ;)