Carter was at the cardiologist's waiting room on time; Abby arrived early.
He saw her glance at him when he came in. Could she tell he had not slept
last night? Could he tell that he had sobbed and shouted and prayed all
night? He took a seat at the other side of the room and picked up a
magazine. No, she couldn't tell; he was wearing his frozen expression
again.
* * *
Abby held Nathalie's small hand as the general anaesthetic was injected into her tiny veins.
"Bye, baby," she whispered and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you when you're done." Nathalie was out like a light and they wheeled her away. Carter stood by the door, watching the whole scene as though he was not part of it at all. Then he walked off to the waiting room.
They sat in the uncomfortable silence, Carter reading a magazine and Abby watching the hands of the clock crawl round, anxious. She was grateful when Susan arrived up in the waiting room with a nervous smile; anything to take her mind off her emotionless husband and the slow ticking of the clock like a dripping tap, slowly driving her crazy.
"Hey, Abby," Susan smiled at her. "How are you holding up?" Abby smiled back.
"Ok," she murmured. The truth was she felt so sick. Sick with fear, she had actually thrown up that morning and was still feeling ill. "Wait, I just have to go to the bathroom." She got up and left, shakily. Susan waited a while before getting up and following her. Carter watched her leave and clicked his tongue, loud and disapproving. Susan heard him, gritted her teeth and said nothing.
* * *
Abby retched by the toilet bowl but brought nothing up; she hadn't eaten anything, anyway. Susan sighed and hugged her.
"You all done, now?" she asked her when Abby sat back. Abby nodded, slowly.
"Scared?" Abby nodded again. Susan hugged her again.
"Don't be, honey. Don't be."
"Do you think Carter will be ok after this?" Abby asked quietly. Carter, Susan had forgotten about him and his name now made her blood surge with anger.
"Well he damn well better be," she muttered and got up and left the bathroom. Abby scrambled to her feet, quickly, and stumbled after her.
"Susan, don't," she called. "Don't say anything."
* * *
Susan stormed into the waiting room and stood in front of Carter, fuming. After a moment, Carter lowered the magazine and looked calmly at her.
"I don't know who the hell you think you are and I know this must be hard for you, too," Susan ranted. "But it's hard for both of you and you don't get through it by making it worse for Abby. You get through it by sticking with each other -"
Carter watched her with the air of one that is eavesdropping on a vaguely amusing conversation between two people completely unrelated to him.
"Susan, don't, please. Leave him alone."
When Abby's voice joined the conversation it ignited a fierce, burning desire inside him but he couldn't let himself love her so he beat it out, furious and determined.
"And what about Nathalie, she's still your kid, too. Do you not remember the day she was born? Do you not remember how you came down to the ER, grinning away? You were so proud. What's happened to that, Carter?"
"Please Susan, please shut up." Abby begged, close to tears, but Susan ignored her.
"How could you do this? How can you pretend like you don't care, Carter?"
"Please - please -"
"I can't believe Abby is putting up with all this crap but in case you don't know, she hasn't complained once about how you have cut her off and frozen her out. I don't know how you can live with yourself after all you've done to her."
"Susan, I don't mind, just please, go away now."
"Are you even listening, Carter? What the hell are you doing?" Susan stopped and glared at him. Abby was now clinging to Susan's arm and Susan looked at her. Her expression softened and she felt so sorry for her friend.
"I'm sorry, Abby," she murmured. Her pager went off and she turned to go. "I'm so sorry, but you need to look after yourself."
Susan left and Abby sat back down, aware that Carter's eyes were following her back to her chair. She looked at him, nervously and apologetically. He took in the glance and despite the fact that everything inside him was screaming at him to run to her, he turned the page in his magazine and carried on reading.
* * *
Abby held Nathalie's small hand as the general anaesthetic was injected into her tiny veins.
"Bye, baby," she whispered and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you when you're done." Nathalie was out like a light and they wheeled her away. Carter stood by the door, watching the whole scene as though he was not part of it at all. Then he walked off to the waiting room.
They sat in the uncomfortable silence, Carter reading a magazine and Abby watching the hands of the clock crawl round, anxious. She was grateful when Susan arrived up in the waiting room with a nervous smile; anything to take her mind off her emotionless husband and the slow ticking of the clock like a dripping tap, slowly driving her crazy.
"Hey, Abby," Susan smiled at her. "How are you holding up?" Abby smiled back.
"Ok," she murmured. The truth was she felt so sick. Sick with fear, she had actually thrown up that morning and was still feeling ill. "Wait, I just have to go to the bathroom." She got up and left, shakily. Susan waited a while before getting up and following her. Carter watched her leave and clicked his tongue, loud and disapproving. Susan heard him, gritted her teeth and said nothing.
* * *
Abby retched by the toilet bowl but brought nothing up; she hadn't eaten anything, anyway. Susan sighed and hugged her.
"You all done, now?" she asked her when Abby sat back. Abby nodded, slowly.
"Scared?" Abby nodded again. Susan hugged her again.
"Don't be, honey. Don't be."
"Do you think Carter will be ok after this?" Abby asked quietly. Carter, Susan had forgotten about him and his name now made her blood surge with anger.
"Well he damn well better be," she muttered and got up and left the bathroom. Abby scrambled to her feet, quickly, and stumbled after her.
"Susan, don't," she called. "Don't say anything."
* * *
Susan stormed into the waiting room and stood in front of Carter, fuming. After a moment, Carter lowered the magazine and looked calmly at her.
"I don't know who the hell you think you are and I know this must be hard for you, too," Susan ranted. "But it's hard for both of you and you don't get through it by making it worse for Abby. You get through it by sticking with each other -"
Carter watched her with the air of one that is eavesdropping on a vaguely amusing conversation between two people completely unrelated to him.
"Susan, don't, please. Leave him alone."
When Abby's voice joined the conversation it ignited a fierce, burning desire inside him but he couldn't let himself love her so he beat it out, furious and determined.
"And what about Nathalie, she's still your kid, too. Do you not remember the day she was born? Do you not remember how you came down to the ER, grinning away? You were so proud. What's happened to that, Carter?"
"Please Susan, please shut up." Abby begged, close to tears, but Susan ignored her.
"How could you do this? How can you pretend like you don't care, Carter?"
"Please - please -"
"I can't believe Abby is putting up with all this crap but in case you don't know, she hasn't complained once about how you have cut her off and frozen her out. I don't know how you can live with yourself after all you've done to her."
"Susan, I don't mind, just please, go away now."
"Are you even listening, Carter? What the hell are you doing?" Susan stopped and glared at him. Abby was now clinging to Susan's arm and Susan looked at her. Her expression softened and she felt so sorry for her friend.
"I'm sorry, Abby," she murmured. Her pager went off and she turned to go. "I'm so sorry, but you need to look after yourself."
Susan left and Abby sat back down, aware that Carter's eyes were following her back to her chair. She looked at him, nervously and apologetically. He took in the glance and despite the fact that everything inside him was screaming at him to run to her, he turned the page in his magazine and carried on reading.