This fanfic contains YAOI content! (lemon in later chapters) It also
alludes to rape, brief mention of drug use, a little bit of naughty
language, and some self-violence. You can't say I didn't warn you!
I don't know when this will be posted, on account of I'm offline. I could have posted earlier, but I ever-so-selfishly did my homework instead (I was WAY behind). I took a tip from Hiei and organized my things to do by importance. I refer to the Hiei in Hikari's story, 'Paradise 6', which, while unfinished, is a wonderful story you can find on fanfiction.net. It is the sequel to 'Fly As The Birds Do' (also on fanfiction.net), which is just. an amazing Hiei/Kurama fic. It could make a book if you printed it out. I highly recommend it. My writing is, quite honestly, crap compared to hers.
BBChan: * eyes widen *somebody. actually.. noticed. my humor?! GLEE! * glomps on you! *
Disclaimer: Do I really LOOK like I have anything to do with Yu Yu Hakusho, foo'?
-------------------
Moonlight shone through the window of Kurama's hospital room, bathing the demons in a soft ethereal light. Hiei sat in a chair by the bed, his arms crossed on the bed, his head lay on his arms. He breathed softly, slowly, deeply, his eyes closed gently. Kurama's hair and skin seemed to glow in the light. Hiei's hair took on a soft shine itself. Hiei blinked slowly, his eyes starting to open. He let his head lay still for a moment as he recalled his dreams.
He shivered softly, raising his head and regarding the fox's prone form. His arms were covered in goose bumps as the heat of slumber left him. He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the limp locks back up into their customary spikes.
The fox was going to die. He tested the thought on his mind, for the first time considering giving in to the apparent inevitable. No one had come to see the fox since the first day after the accident, everyone else apparently having given in already to the inevitability of the situation. Inevitable. there was no way to stop it? Surely there was something that someone could do.
No one in the demon world cared, he realized, closing his red eyes in thought. The youko Kurama wasn't exactly. well, he was popular, but not welcome company. Rather notorious, in fact. His human mother was dead now. Kurama had taken that hard. His stepfather and stepbrother had moved on, leaving Kurama alone. He had friends, but they were more like partners. He'd meet them, fight, leave, and maybe once in a blue moon attend a party or get together with them, nothing special. Hiei was no one special to him, of course.
Kurama had no one. He was going to die alone.
Hiei might be holding his hand when it happened, but he was pretty sure that would mean nothing to the fox. Something about that. in his dreams, Kurama had told him he'd been trying to show he cared. Had the dream been real? There was no way.
He smacked the bed frame with his fist in frustration, causing the whole thing to shudder. Kurama brought out feelings in him. feelings he'd been fighting off since his birth. And last night. whether it had been a real dream or not, Kurama still toyed with his mind, even up to now, when the fox lay in his death bed. He seethed.
But. soon. soon after this, Kurama would never toy with his mind again. He would be in peace then, right? He'd never have to deal with his human body's weakness, his condescending smiles, his toying ways, his beautiful body, his green eyes, his soft hands, his delicate diplomacy, the way he swayed when he walked, his long silky red hair, his soft voice, his compassion, his love.
"He loves me?"
Why would he love the Forbidden Child? It just wasn't possible. Nobody would ever love him. but Kurama. he seemed, at least, to love him. Hiei couldn't figure it out.
And Kurama would never be able to explain how or why to him.
.because Kurama was dying. He was as good as dead already.
"No." he whispered, staring at the fox, his eyes wide with disbelief.
Hiei felt his icy heart melting inside of him. He recognized it, and was scared of it. The ultimate loss of control. He was becoming vulnerable. Why? Did he feel the same for the fox? That couldn't be possible. Demons don't feel love. The Forbidden Child wouldn't recognize or know how to love if love came up and smacked him in the face.
Kurama's eyes. those beautiful green eyes. Those eyes that could display such softness. towards the fire demon.
Did he really.?
Love was smacking him in the face with a frozen trout.
But it couldn't be! There would never even be a chance to tell the fox that he felt the same!
But now he knew. quite suddenly. seven years of something so obvious and yet it had remained undiscovered until now. and it suddenly made all the sense in the world.
He loved the fox. He loved him fiercely and with every fiber of his being. He loved him more strongly than the love he could ever feel even for his sister. The icy demon -could- love and he -did- love, and it had taken him seven years to figure it out. and only now that it was too late.
His eyes were burning with an unfamiliar sensation. His body felt as though it was on fire as the feeling rushed through him. His eyes felt. almost prickly. and hot.
It wasn't fair. To find what he'd never even dared to dream of hoping for, to finally realize that it was even possible for him to love, and that someone in this life could actually love him back. and only now that the object of his affection was.
His chest felt constricted. His face was burning, even the tips of his ears red hot with the sensation. He started to take a gasping breath, but it turned into a sob. He'd never done it before. He didn't know what was happening to him, but he did know that he could not stop it. Black gems started to tinkle softly as they hit the floor staggeringly. His shoulders shook uncontrollably. He hid his face in his hands.
It wasn't fair. Hiei could never tell him now. He could never hope to be held in those slim pale arms. He could never know what I felt like to.
He slowly leaned forward, looking at Kurama's pale face. just one? One kiss before his love died and his heart turned glacial, covered with an icy barrier he could never hope to melt again.
He suddenly came to a realization. If he couldn't have Kurama now that he'd realized his feelings. if he had to watch is love die in front of him without ever telling him his true feelings and hearing the feelings confirmed in return. he didn't want to live. He wouldn't continue to live.
He closed his eyes as his lips neared their destination, his heart pounding wildly at the closeness between the two.
-------------------
Kurama's spirit snapped to awareness. He was awoken by a strange sound, a sound he'd never heard before. His eyes narrowed as he searched for the source. He blinked. Hiei was doubled over, his shoulders racked with sobs. Tiny, perfectly spherical, black gems were hitting the floor steadily.
Hiei. was. sobbing.
"I must be dead, and this is the hell I've earned myself," he murmured quietly to himself. Hiei was crying. His Hiei should never have to cry. That perfect little face with it's cute little nose and it's large almond shaped ruby orbs. should never be marred by the imperfection of tears. Kurama reached his ghostly hands out towards the small demon, wishing for the world he had some way to comfort him. Why was he crying?
But. what was he doing? Hiei was standing next to the bed, looking down at him. He was bending slowly. Kurama's eyes widened, and he hopped to the other side of the bed to watch. Hiei was going to.? Surely not! He was delusional! There was no way that. those. tasty looking. lips were about to.!
Kurama felt hot lips, slicked with the salty path of tears, push against his own in a single desperate kiss. Hiei's hands were on either side of his shoulders as he held his balance there against the fox. Oh, it felt so nice! He was about to push back against the lips, when Hiei suddenly drew away. The withdrawal of his hot fiery body left Kurama shivering with cold, his own body flushed and unable to deal with the sudden loss of heat. He felt two small hard objects hit his chest as Hiei fell back against his chair by the bed.
His eyes fluttered open. He felt so weak. so dizzy. He focused blearily on the two black tear gems lying on his chest. Hiei was still crying. He rolled his head to the side weakly to look at his love.
Hiei was looking down into his lap, gems falling carelessly from his face. Kurama's eyes narrowed in an attempt to focus. Hiei was staring at.
.his katana?
"Now that I know I love him. I can't. I can't go on if he is dead. I'm so sorry, Kurama." the small fire demon whispered to himself, pushing his sleeves up.
-------------------
Ebony gems fell from his nose and cheeks to his lap; some staying nestled between his legs, some bouncing off of his blade with quiet clinks.
"I am so weak without him. I am so weak because of him." he thought to himself bitterly. There would be no fooling around this time. No one would be able to find him and bind his wounds. He would take care of both of his arms and then. then plunge his blade into his chest. It would be final this time. He couldn't go on. not without his love.
He closed his eyes and lifted his blade in his hand. Finality. Peace. Closure. he would be with his love, wherever his soul went when it died, it would not be far from Kurama's. He took a deep, steadying breath, and brought his katana down in a final, striking slice.
His wrist felt the shock of being grabbed in halted mid-swing. Pale, thin fingers had the armed hand in a death lock, the arm the offending fingers belonged to straining with the force of stopping the fire demon's death wish.
"That is no way to fulfill the final wish of a loved one," Kurama said sadly, his voice a whisper. Hiei's head jerked up, his ruby eyes meeting Kurama's deep green.
His body tingled with shock, his other wrist twitching limply with the shock of not being dealt the intended blow. His hand felt numb, and he dropped the katana, letting it slide from his fingers to clatter noisily to the ground. Yes, that could damage the blade, and no, he didn't give a shit right now. It could be melting for all he would notice.
"Ku. Kurama.?" he whispered, his body cold with shock and disbelief. If he got his hopes up, only to find it a hallucination.
Kurama withdrew his hand from Hiei's frozen wrist, his eyes never leaving the fire demon. He was wincing at the pain the sudden jerking movement had caused his arm, as it was attached to multiple IV needles.
Hiei's hand flew wonderingly to the fox's pale cheek. "You're. not dead," he said, his voice choked with disbelief.
"Botan told me that if you could find a way, I could be revived. But she also said if I died, you too would take your life." he explained slowly, regarding the demon's wrists with noticeable fear in his eyes. "Why. why would a kiss bring me back?" he asked, a wondering tone in his voice. His lips still tingled with the sensation of Hiei's hot lips against his own.
"Yuusuke said. that the kiss of a loved one brought him back," he said slowly. He suddenly jerked his hand away from Kurama's cheek, and lowered his eyes to stare at his feet. "Kurama I. I love you."
Kurama gasped at the admission from the small demon. Hiei had actually said. his face suddenly turned to a frown though.
"Hiei." he said slowly, closing his eyes. "I can't love you if you'll keep hurting yourself. The constant fear that you'll be dead one day when I wake. it would kill me in a way more excruciatingly painful than any boxes of carrots could achieve."
Hiei continued to look at the floor, a solitary gem falling from his face. "Kurama I. I want to stop if that's what will make you happy. But I can't. I'll only." he stopped, gathering his words, his eyes lowered in shame. "Will you help me?"
Kurama closed his eyes, a relieved look passing over his face. "Yes, Hiei. Nothing in the world would make me happier than helping you. If. if ever you feel the need to do it again. just call on me. I will drop everything for you."
Hiei stared at him wonderingly. "You. mean that.? Why? Why would you do something like that for me?"
Kurama smiled softly, warmly, raising his eyes to meet Hiei's. "Because I love you, too."
Hiei smiled slowly.
Kurama suddenly quirked an eyebrow. "Hiei. you're talking. and now. smiling? The world really is coming to an end, isn't it?"
"Hn," the demon stated, crossing his arms and looking away.
Kurama smiled. Hiei really would be all right. and so would he.
---* streeeeeeeetches * it's 2am. I just care that much about y'all! ;) One more chapter on here to go. There will be a 10th, a lemon chapter, posted on adultfanfiction.net. (I am posting on both fanfiction.net and adultfanfiction.net on account of this lemon chapter) But that won't come until (predictably) after I get off me bum and type and post chapter 9! Review pleeease, y'all! How do you like their first kiss? ^_^
I don't know when this will be posted, on account of I'm offline. I could have posted earlier, but I ever-so-selfishly did my homework instead (I was WAY behind). I took a tip from Hiei and organized my things to do by importance. I refer to the Hiei in Hikari's story, 'Paradise 6', which, while unfinished, is a wonderful story you can find on fanfiction.net. It is the sequel to 'Fly As The Birds Do' (also on fanfiction.net), which is just. an amazing Hiei/Kurama fic. It could make a book if you printed it out. I highly recommend it. My writing is, quite honestly, crap compared to hers.
BBChan: * eyes widen *somebody. actually.. noticed. my humor?! GLEE! * glomps on you! *
Disclaimer: Do I really LOOK like I have anything to do with Yu Yu Hakusho, foo'?
-------------------
Moonlight shone through the window of Kurama's hospital room, bathing the demons in a soft ethereal light. Hiei sat in a chair by the bed, his arms crossed on the bed, his head lay on his arms. He breathed softly, slowly, deeply, his eyes closed gently. Kurama's hair and skin seemed to glow in the light. Hiei's hair took on a soft shine itself. Hiei blinked slowly, his eyes starting to open. He let his head lay still for a moment as he recalled his dreams.
He shivered softly, raising his head and regarding the fox's prone form. His arms were covered in goose bumps as the heat of slumber left him. He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the limp locks back up into their customary spikes.
The fox was going to die. He tested the thought on his mind, for the first time considering giving in to the apparent inevitable. No one had come to see the fox since the first day after the accident, everyone else apparently having given in already to the inevitability of the situation. Inevitable. there was no way to stop it? Surely there was something that someone could do.
No one in the demon world cared, he realized, closing his red eyes in thought. The youko Kurama wasn't exactly. well, he was popular, but not welcome company. Rather notorious, in fact. His human mother was dead now. Kurama had taken that hard. His stepfather and stepbrother had moved on, leaving Kurama alone. He had friends, but they were more like partners. He'd meet them, fight, leave, and maybe once in a blue moon attend a party or get together with them, nothing special. Hiei was no one special to him, of course.
Kurama had no one. He was going to die alone.
Hiei might be holding his hand when it happened, but he was pretty sure that would mean nothing to the fox. Something about that. in his dreams, Kurama had told him he'd been trying to show he cared. Had the dream been real? There was no way.
He smacked the bed frame with his fist in frustration, causing the whole thing to shudder. Kurama brought out feelings in him. feelings he'd been fighting off since his birth. And last night. whether it had been a real dream or not, Kurama still toyed with his mind, even up to now, when the fox lay in his death bed. He seethed.
But. soon. soon after this, Kurama would never toy with his mind again. He would be in peace then, right? He'd never have to deal with his human body's weakness, his condescending smiles, his toying ways, his beautiful body, his green eyes, his soft hands, his delicate diplomacy, the way he swayed when he walked, his long silky red hair, his soft voice, his compassion, his love.
"He loves me?"
Why would he love the Forbidden Child? It just wasn't possible. Nobody would ever love him. but Kurama. he seemed, at least, to love him. Hiei couldn't figure it out.
And Kurama would never be able to explain how or why to him.
.because Kurama was dying. He was as good as dead already.
"No." he whispered, staring at the fox, his eyes wide with disbelief.
Hiei felt his icy heart melting inside of him. He recognized it, and was scared of it. The ultimate loss of control. He was becoming vulnerable. Why? Did he feel the same for the fox? That couldn't be possible. Demons don't feel love. The Forbidden Child wouldn't recognize or know how to love if love came up and smacked him in the face.
Kurama's eyes. those beautiful green eyes. Those eyes that could display such softness. towards the fire demon.
Did he really.?
Love was smacking him in the face with a frozen trout.
But it couldn't be! There would never even be a chance to tell the fox that he felt the same!
But now he knew. quite suddenly. seven years of something so obvious and yet it had remained undiscovered until now. and it suddenly made all the sense in the world.
He loved the fox. He loved him fiercely and with every fiber of his being. He loved him more strongly than the love he could ever feel even for his sister. The icy demon -could- love and he -did- love, and it had taken him seven years to figure it out. and only now that it was too late.
His eyes were burning with an unfamiliar sensation. His body felt as though it was on fire as the feeling rushed through him. His eyes felt. almost prickly. and hot.
It wasn't fair. To find what he'd never even dared to dream of hoping for, to finally realize that it was even possible for him to love, and that someone in this life could actually love him back. and only now that the object of his affection was.
His chest felt constricted. His face was burning, even the tips of his ears red hot with the sensation. He started to take a gasping breath, but it turned into a sob. He'd never done it before. He didn't know what was happening to him, but he did know that he could not stop it. Black gems started to tinkle softly as they hit the floor staggeringly. His shoulders shook uncontrollably. He hid his face in his hands.
It wasn't fair. Hiei could never tell him now. He could never hope to be held in those slim pale arms. He could never know what I felt like to.
He slowly leaned forward, looking at Kurama's pale face. just one? One kiss before his love died and his heart turned glacial, covered with an icy barrier he could never hope to melt again.
He suddenly came to a realization. If he couldn't have Kurama now that he'd realized his feelings. if he had to watch is love die in front of him without ever telling him his true feelings and hearing the feelings confirmed in return. he didn't want to live. He wouldn't continue to live.
He closed his eyes as his lips neared their destination, his heart pounding wildly at the closeness between the two.
-------------------
Kurama's spirit snapped to awareness. He was awoken by a strange sound, a sound he'd never heard before. His eyes narrowed as he searched for the source. He blinked. Hiei was doubled over, his shoulders racked with sobs. Tiny, perfectly spherical, black gems were hitting the floor steadily.
Hiei. was. sobbing.
"I must be dead, and this is the hell I've earned myself," he murmured quietly to himself. Hiei was crying. His Hiei should never have to cry. That perfect little face with it's cute little nose and it's large almond shaped ruby orbs. should never be marred by the imperfection of tears. Kurama reached his ghostly hands out towards the small demon, wishing for the world he had some way to comfort him. Why was he crying?
But. what was he doing? Hiei was standing next to the bed, looking down at him. He was bending slowly. Kurama's eyes widened, and he hopped to the other side of the bed to watch. Hiei was going to.? Surely not! He was delusional! There was no way that. those. tasty looking. lips were about to.!
Kurama felt hot lips, slicked with the salty path of tears, push against his own in a single desperate kiss. Hiei's hands were on either side of his shoulders as he held his balance there against the fox. Oh, it felt so nice! He was about to push back against the lips, when Hiei suddenly drew away. The withdrawal of his hot fiery body left Kurama shivering with cold, his own body flushed and unable to deal with the sudden loss of heat. He felt two small hard objects hit his chest as Hiei fell back against his chair by the bed.
His eyes fluttered open. He felt so weak. so dizzy. He focused blearily on the two black tear gems lying on his chest. Hiei was still crying. He rolled his head to the side weakly to look at his love.
Hiei was looking down into his lap, gems falling carelessly from his face. Kurama's eyes narrowed in an attempt to focus. Hiei was staring at.
.his katana?
"Now that I know I love him. I can't. I can't go on if he is dead. I'm so sorry, Kurama." the small fire demon whispered to himself, pushing his sleeves up.
-------------------
Ebony gems fell from his nose and cheeks to his lap; some staying nestled between his legs, some bouncing off of his blade with quiet clinks.
"I am so weak without him. I am so weak because of him." he thought to himself bitterly. There would be no fooling around this time. No one would be able to find him and bind his wounds. He would take care of both of his arms and then. then plunge his blade into his chest. It would be final this time. He couldn't go on. not without his love.
He closed his eyes and lifted his blade in his hand. Finality. Peace. Closure. he would be with his love, wherever his soul went when it died, it would not be far from Kurama's. He took a deep, steadying breath, and brought his katana down in a final, striking slice.
His wrist felt the shock of being grabbed in halted mid-swing. Pale, thin fingers had the armed hand in a death lock, the arm the offending fingers belonged to straining with the force of stopping the fire demon's death wish.
"That is no way to fulfill the final wish of a loved one," Kurama said sadly, his voice a whisper. Hiei's head jerked up, his ruby eyes meeting Kurama's deep green.
His body tingled with shock, his other wrist twitching limply with the shock of not being dealt the intended blow. His hand felt numb, and he dropped the katana, letting it slide from his fingers to clatter noisily to the ground. Yes, that could damage the blade, and no, he didn't give a shit right now. It could be melting for all he would notice.
"Ku. Kurama.?" he whispered, his body cold with shock and disbelief. If he got his hopes up, only to find it a hallucination.
Kurama withdrew his hand from Hiei's frozen wrist, his eyes never leaving the fire demon. He was wincing at the pain the sudden jerking movement had caused his arm, as it was attached to multiple IV needles.
Hiei's hand flew wonderingly to the fox's pale cheek. "You're. not dead," he said, his voice choked with disbelief.
"Botan told me that if you could find a way, I could be revived. But she also said if I died, you too would take your life." he explained slowly, regarding the demon's wrists with noticeable fear in his eyes. "Why. why would a kiss bring me back?" he asked, a wondering tone in his voice. His lips still tingled with the sensation of Hiei's hot lips against his own.
"Yuusuke said. that the kiss of a loved one brought him back," he said slowly. He suddenly jerked his hand away from Kurama's cheek, and lowered his eyes to stare at his feet. "Kurama I. I love you."
Kurama gasped at the admission from the small demon. Hiei had actually said. his face suddenly turned to a frown though.
"Hiei." he said slowly, closing his eyes. "I can't love you if you'll keep hurting yourself. The constant fear that you'll be dead one day when I wake. it would kill me in a way more excruciatingly painful than any boxes of carrots could achieve."
Hiei continued to look at the floor, a solitary gem falling from his face. "Kurama I. I want to stop if that's what will make you happy. But I can't. I'll only." he stopped, gathering his words, his eyes lowered in shame. "Will you help me?"
Kurama closed his eyes, a relieved look passing over his face. "Yes, Hiei. Nothing in the world would make me happier than helping you. If. if ever you feel the need to do it again. just call on me. I will drop everything for you."
Hiei stared at him wonderingly. "You. mean that.? Why? Why would you do something like that for me?"
Kurama smiled softly, warmly, raising his eyes to meet Hiei's. "Because I love you, too."
Hiei smiled slowly.
Kurama suddenly quirked an eyebrow. "Hiei. you're talking. and now. smiling? The world really is coming to an end, isn't it?"
"Hn," the demon stated, crossing his arms and looking away.
Kurama smiled. Hiei really would be all right. and so would he.
---* streeeeeeeetches * it's 2am. I just care that much about y'all! ;) One more chapter on here to go. There will be a 10th, a lemon chapter, posted on adultfanfiction.net. (I am posting on both fanfiction.net and adultfanfiction.net on account of this lemon chapter) But that won't come until (predictably) after I get off me bum and type and post chapter 9! Review pleeease, y'all! How do you like their first kiss? ^_^