A/N: Right. Well. Thought this chapter would be up a bit sooner, but
apparently not. You'd think summer would be a time for relaxation and some
writing, right? Oh **no**. It has to be about summer credits, golf and
guitar lessons that have me traveling all the friggin' time and leaving me
too exhausted to get off my hind quarters and write. I'll show those evil
inanimate objects what I'm made of. I'll write as often as I can, even if I
have to stay up until the wee hours of the morning. I'll try to get
chapters out faster than I have, I promise!
Thanks for all the reviews! I was genuinely surprised to receive that many for one chapter!
Go. Read. Review.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2: "Evil Lysol."
The fluorescent lights of the drugstore made him look dead. Okay, so he was dead, but the lights just flaunted that fact.
Spike squinted his eyes as he stepped into the store, which he thought was overly white and pristine. He blinked a few times and began to move down the aisles, eyes darting over the names printed on all of the small boxes sitting on the shelves. His eyes had finally adjusted by the time he got to the back corner of the store, where the pharmacist sat counting tablets into a bottle.
Spike had to fight his jaw from going slack when he finally came across the anti-smoking area. Before him sat whole shelves of different gums, patches, and various other 'miracle' products. Well. He certainly hadn't been expecting that.
Which, apparently, the pharmacist noticed.
"Can I help you, sir?"
"Uh... Yeah. So what's the best thing to help a guy quit smoking?"
"Different strokes for different folks, sir. What approaches are you willing to take?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"Well," the pharmacist came out from behind the counter and walked over to stand by the vampire's side, "as you can see, there are plenty of different methods. Which ones do you think you'd be most comfortable with?"
Spike crossed his arms momentarily and then scratched the back of his head, looking over the various boxes again. He began to chew on his nails again. The pharmacist stifled a small laugh.
"What?"
"It's easy to see this is going to be very hard for you-"
"Is not!" he snapped back, straightening up and dropping his arms to his side. "Listen, pal, all I want is something that'll get me to quit with minimal signs of me quitting. I don't need your snide remarks."
The pharmacist's grin quickly faded. "Well, sir, there are a lot of ways to quit, but I think that maybe you should give each one a try before you decide on what method you'll be using for the next few months."
"Months?"
"Yes. You can't just stop smoking overnight."
"Whatever, gramps. Just... I'll take one box of gum and one box of patches. Oh, and do you happen to carry any suckers?"
The pharmacist raised a brow, not expecting somebody who looked as rough- and-tumble as Spike to request something like that. "Yes. They're up at the front of the store."
"Right. Thanks."
Spike snatched up a box of patches and a box of gum, then swept up the aisles, grabbing several items along his way. Upon reaching the candy section, he grabbed one bag of strawberry lollipops and one bag of Jolly Ranchers. He headed up to the cash register and paid for his items, only hesitating when the cashier gave him a curious look after scanning the lollipops for price.
"Have a good night, sir."
He only nodded, and left the store carrying a plastic bag filled with the weapons he'd chosen for a personal battle he never thought he'd fight. He looked down into the bag and pulled out the strawberry lollipops, eyeing them before turning his eyes to the sky.
"The things I do for women..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike swung open the door to his crypt and stopped directly in the doorway. A wave of air came at him, smelling like cigarette smoke. Whoa. He'd never noticed that before.
Probably because he hadn't craved a cigarette this badly ever since... well, he couldn't think of any time he'd craved one so badly.
But he was prepared. Despite the idiot pharmacist being an idiot, he had revealed several interesting tidbits that Spike had taken into consideration and would now put into action.
Slowly, Spike closed the door and moved over to the coffin, where he sat his burden down. He reached into the plastic bag, not believing what he was about to do. With a snort, he hesitated, then pulled out-
A large can of Mountain Air scented Lysol (Kills 99.9% of Germs in Seconds!).
Donning a disgusted expression, Spike began to spray every corner of his dwelling with the infernal stuff. He eventually figured out to back up while spraying, rather than walking into it and getting droplets in his eyes (because, hey, that hurts like hell). Breathing had become a habit of his lately, which he was finding to be a bad thing, because the scent of the Lysol was very overpowering when sprayed in large quantities.
"Bloody hell." He muttered, trying to wave the smell of Mountain Air away from himself.
He jerked open his door and stumbled outside, trying to get a breath of fresh Sunnydale Air, when he bumped directly into somebody, sending them both toppling to the ground.
"Spike? What are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh- Willow. Sorry." Spike got up off of her and immediately fell again, discovering that his left leg was too entangled with her legs to let him just get up and walk away as if nothing had happened. "Oof!"
"I see those advanced reflexes have done wonders for you." Willow commented as she untangled herself from Spike.
"Yeah, well- say, what're you doing here? Not every night you wander by my place." He stated, getting up and offering his hand to the redhead.
"Oh, I came here to ask you if you knew where I could find some of this stuff for one of my spells. I was about to knock when you came charging out of there like Harmony was following you." She took his hand and he hauled her up to a standing position.
"You were going to knock? Well, that's a first. Uh, yeah, so... come on in." he turned to go inside, waving his hand in a signal for her to follow.
She almost keeled over from the too-strong smell of Lysol.
"Wow! What's with the smell of evil cleanliness?"
"Oh, just, spring cleaning. And- not evil cleanliness. Evil Lysol." He waved the can at her and she nodded. "What did you want help finding, then?"
"Do you know where I can find a Dagger of Hera? There aren't any at The Magic Box and I can't even find one through special order, or even ebay. I need one for this spell t-"
"Dagger of Hera? Those don't exist anymore, Red." Spike reached into his pocket to fish out his carton of cigarettes, instantly feeling let down when he remembered he'd tossed all of them.
"Are you sure they don't exist anymore? I really need one for this spell I'm doing-" she paused when she noticed that Spike wasn't paying attention to her and was looking quite miffed, "Problem?"
"What? No. Just, uh, lost my smokes."
"Well, if you help me find a Dagger, I'll buy you a whole bunch and you can smoke until your undead lungs turn into soot."
Spike had to bite back a groan. "No, that's alright. They've gotta be around here somewhere. Look, if you're really into finding one of those Daggers, even though they don't exist, try calling up this guy. He's pretty knowledgeable in old mystical artifacts, so he might be able to help you."
He scribbled down a phone number and handed it to Willow. She looked at it with a raised brow.
"Thanks. I'll leave you to you, um, cleaning."
"Right. Later, Red."
Willow glanced back at him one last time before she left. Spike closed his eyes briefly and then looked around the room, glad to not be overpowered by Lysol. However, he was not happy to find that he could still pick up the faint scent of smoke.
"Pfft. Go figure."
He groaned again and plopped down on his chair. A sudden urge for a cigarette washed over him and he began to nervously chew his nails. He stood, crossed the room to the bag of goods he'd brought home, and dug out the gum.
He popped a piece in his mouth, chewing slowly as he read the back of the box.
"Blech!" he muttered as the flavor of the gum finally crossed his taste buds.
He spit it out, immediately regretting it when he saw the gum land on his prized jacket. Emitting a very angry sound, he snatched up his jacket and picked the gum off, happy to see it hadn't stuck too badly and wouldn't leave his jacket sticky. He set his jacket down, turned around, and grabbed the box of gum he'd tossed to the floor.
Silently and disgustedly, he took out another piece and began to chew it. Spike scrunched up his face as the flavor sank in again. He tossed the box onto his chair and crossed his arms, face still scrunched up and eyes tightly closed as he chewed.
"The things I do for her..."
Thanks for all the reviews! I was genuinely surprised to receive that many for one chapter!
Go. Read. Review.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2: "Evil Lysol."
The fluorescent lights of the drugstore made him look dead. Okay, so he was dead, but the lights just flaunted that fact.
Spike squinted his eyes as he stepped into the store, which he thought was overly white and pristine. He blinked a few times and began to move down the aisles, eyes darting over the names printed on all of the small boxes sitting on the shelves. His eyes had finally adjusted by the time he got to the back corner of the store, where the pharmacist sat counting tablets into a bottle.
Spike had to fight his jaw from going slack when he finally came across the anti-smoking area. Before him sat whole shelves of different gums, patches, and various other 'miracle' products. Well. He certainly hadn't been expecting that.
Which, apparently, the pharmacist noticed.
"Can I help you, sir?"
"Uh... Yeah. So what's the best thing to help a guy quit smoking?"
"Different strokes for different folks, sir. What approaches are you willing to take?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"Well," the pharmacist came out from behind the counter and walked over to stand by the vampire's side, "as you can see, there are plenty of different methods. Which ones do you think you'd be most comfortable with?"
Spike crossed his arms momentarily and then scratched the back of his head, looking over the various boxes again. He began to chew on his nails again. The pharmacist stifled a small laugh.
"What?"
"It's easy to see this is going to be very hard for you-"
"Is not!" he snapped back, straightening up and dropping his arms to his side. "Listen, pal, all I want is something that'll get me to quit with minimal signs of me quitting. I don't need your snide remarks."
The pharmacist's grin quickly faded. "Well, sir, there are a lot of ways to quit, but I think that maybe you should give each one a try before you decide on what method you'll be using for the next few months."
"Months?"
"Yes. You can't just stop smoking overnight."
"Whatever, gramps. Just... I'll take one box of gum and one box of patches. Oh, and do you happen to carry any suckers?"
The pharmacist raised a brow, not expecting somebody who looked as rough- and-tumble as Spike to request something like that. "Yes. They're up at the front of the store."
"Right. Thanks."
Spike snatched up a box of patches and a box of gum, then swept up the aisles, grabbing several items along his way. Upon reaching the candy section, he grabbed one bag of strawberry lollipops and one bag of Jolly Ranchers. He headed up to the cash register and paid for his items, only hesitating when the cashier gave him a curious look after scanning the lollipops for price.
"Have a good night, sir."
He only nodded, and left the store carrying a plastic bag filled with the weapons he'd chosen for a personal battle he never thought he'd fight. He looked down into the bag and pulled out the strawberry lollipops, eyeing them before turning his eyes to the sky.
"The things I do for women..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike swung open the door to his crypt and stopped directly in the doorway. A wave of air came at him, smelling like cigarette smoke. Whoa. He'd never noticed that before.
Probably because he hadn't craved a cigarette this badly ever since... well, he couldn't think of any time he'd craved one so badly.
But he was prepared. Despite the idiot pharmacist being an idiot, he had revealed several interesting tidbits that Spike had taken into consideration and would now put into action.
Slowly, Spike closed the door and moved over to the coffin, where he sat his burden down. He reached into the plastic bag, not believing what he was about to do. With a snort, he hesitated, then pulled out-
A large can of Mountain Air scented Lysol (Kills 99.9% of Germs in Seconds!).
Donning a disgusted expression, Spike began to spray every corner of his dwelling with the infernal stuff. He eventually figured out to back up while spraying, rather than walking into it and getting droplets in his eyes (because, hey, that hurts like hell). Breathing had become a habit of his lately, which he was finding to be a bad thing, because the scent of the Lysol was very overpowering when sprayed in large quantities.
"Bloody hell." He muttered, trying to wave the smell of Mountain Air away from himself.
He jerked open his door and stumbled outside, trying to get a breath of fresh Sunnydale Air, when he bumped directly into somebody, sending them both toppling to the ground.
"Spike? What are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh- Willow. Sorry." Spike got up off of her and immediately fell again, discovering that his left leg was too entangled with her legs to let him just get up and walk away as if nothing had happened. "Oof!"
"I see those advanced reflexes have done wonders for you." Willow commented as she untangled herself from Spike.
"Yeah, well- say, what're you doing here? Not every night you wander by my place." He stated, getting up and offering his hand to the redhead.
"Oh, I came here to ask you if you knew where I could find some of this stuff for one of my spells. I was about to knock when you came charging out of there like Harmony was following you." She took his hand and he hauled her up to a standing position.
"You were going to knock? Well, that's a first. Uh, yeah, so... come on in." he turned to go inside, waving his hand in a signal for her to follow.
She almost keeled over from the too-strong smell of Lysol.
"Wow! What's with the smell of evil cleanliness?"
"Oh, just, spring cleaning. And- not evil cleanliness. Evil Lysol." He waved the can at her and she nodded. "What did you want help finding, then?"
"Do you know where I can find a Dagger of Hera? There aren't any at The Magic Box and I can't even find one through special order, or even ebay. I need one for this spell t-"
"Dagger of Hera? Those don't exist anymore, Red." Spike reached into his pocket to fish out his carton of cigarettes, instantly feeling let down when he remembered he'd tossed all of them.
"Are you sure they don't exist anymore? I really need one for this spell I'm doing-" she paused when she noticed that Spike wasn't paying attention to her and was looking quite miffed, "Problem?"
"What? No. Just, uh, lost my smokes."
"Well, if you help me find a Dagger, I'll buy you a whole bunch and you can smoke until your undead lungs turn into soot."
Spike had to bite back a groan. "No, that's alright. They've gotta be around here somewhere. Look, if you're really into finding one of those Daggers, even though they don't exist, try calling up this guy. He's pretty knowledgeable in old mystical artifacts, so he might be able to help you."
He scribbled down a phone number and handed it to Willow. She looked at it with a raised brow.
"Thanks. I'll leave you to you, um, cleaning."
"Right. Later, Red."
Willow glanced back at him one last time before she left. Spike closed his eyes briefly and then looked around the room, glad to not be overpowered by Lysol. However, he was not happy to find that he could still pick up the faint scent of smoke.
"Pfft. Go figure."
He groaned again and plopped down on his chair. A sudden urge for a cigarette washed over him and he began to nervously chew his nails. He stood, crossed the room to the bag of goods he'd brought home, and dug out the gum.
He popped a piece in his mouth, chewing slowly as he read the back of the box.
"Blech!" he muttered as the flavor of the gum finally crossed his taste buds.
He spit it out, immediately regretting it when he saw the gum land on his prized jacket. Emitting a very angry sound, he snatched up his jacket and picked the gum off, happy to see it hadn't stuck too badly and wouldn't leave his jacket sticky. He set his jacket down, turned around, and grabbed the box of gum he'd tossed to the floor.
Silently and disgustedly, he took out another piece and began to chew it. Spike scrunched up his face as the flavor sank in again. He tossed the box onto his chair and crossed his arms, face still scrunched up and eyes tightly closed as he chewed.
"The things I do for her..."