If only I could tell someone. But would they understand what I feel and
what I went through? Or would they place the blame solely on me. On what I
was wearing, or that fact that I didn't fight back. Or would I get pity for
them? Have them telling me how sorry they are and if there was anything
they could do to help to let them know. The only thing that they could
possibly do is shot themselves in the foot to understand only diminutive
amount of the pain I have gone through. Or they could learn what it's like
not to want to close your eyes at night or go anywhere alone or after dark.
What about the self hatred? Can they even begin to understand the magnitude
of it when looking at a picture of them selves or when they chanced a look
in a mirror? No I don't think they will ever begin to know what it's like
to go through a true living hell. and make it to the other side. And to the
Gods I pray no one else will ever have to know what it's like to die but
still be alive.
It was amazing how easy to not confront my parents on the happening last night. All I had to do was tell them I was studying and they left me alone. Don't get me wrong they knew something was up they aren't that stupid. But they didn't go barging into my room because my voice didn't sound normal to them. That gave me the hope that I would be able to fool everyone else. True it would be hard to fool Harry and Ron, but I fully believed that I could do it.
Time went on slowly, what seemed to me like weeks were only a handful of days. The jeweler told me the rings would be ready by the 22 of July if not before, and sure enough they were done before then. The rings were works of true art, but I hated them more then anything. If it hadn't been for those dumb rings I wouldn't have been out there that night. I wouldn't have been raped. I knew that blaming three inanimate objects wasn't going to make me feel better or be my cure all. Gods I was tired, so tired of blaming myself and beating myself up for the rape that I needed to hate something or someone. I had my something to hate now I just needed someone. One would think that it would be obvious to hate my attackers. If only I had realized that before I chose to blame my best friends.
It's not fair to blame them but that's where my anger was heading. If I hadn't wanted to give them something and if that something hadn't been those rings would I have even been raped? I don't think so. And where were my best friends? Those two who promised to protect me from anything and anyone. Where were my knights in white armor? Selfish I know that's what you're thinking, but I really don't give a damn about what you are thinking. I'm sick of being Hermione. That everyone turns to when they want something or need something. Is it too much to ask for someone to be concerned with me and my well being? Shouldn't they see that I'm not as sure of myself as I've always seemed, and that maybe even though my best friends are guys I want to be treated like a girl for once! Other then Krum the only people that ever seemed to noticed that I'm of the female half of the damned population are those who razed my world and left me die.
July slipped into August and from their September came sooner then I was ready for. I still wanted to go to Disney if only to be able to leave my shattered world behind for some time. I was so apprehensive to see Harry and Ron I didn't know how, or long, well my act of being the normal me would be able to stand without breaking. My parents were sick of my inaccessibility, and were hoping that my best friends would be able to fix things. But some things just can't be fixed with pretty words and happy faces.
Ron's father had managed to get us a portakey to Disney so we didn't have to bother with the airport and customs. We all met up at the burrow were the reunion was bittersweet in its own ways. Out of the whole Weasley family the only ones to survive had been Ron, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, along with Ginny. Everyone else had died sometime during the war. It was hard to believe the out of all of the brothers Ron was the only one to survive. I mean he was the youngest, other then Ginny, and had less experience in the world. After the war was over the Weasley's offered to adopted Harry and make him officially part of their family, but in the end Harry said no. Harry loved them like they were his family but he had his own things in life that needed to be settled. One of the first things he did was get the wills worked out, the one from his parents and then the one from Sirius. Needless to say Harry wasn't only the most famous wizard now but also one of the richest, Malfoy only having a tad more then him, but he didn't care. As they say money can't buy happiness.
The portakey got them to Orlando, Florida in no time flat; they checked in to the Grosvenor Resort and didn't know what they wanted to do first. Ron as usual was hungry, Harry said he was up for anything, my parents wanted to check out the hotel, and I just wanted to lounge by the pool and start working on a tan. I mean we had two or three weeks before we would be going back home viva portakey again. When things finally settled down I was finally at the pool my parents and best friends all off on their own. I had a drink my shades and a good book. I chose to read from my book instead of swimming. There wasn't much to this smut book, as my dad calls them, just the usual damsel in distress, romance, hot guys, and sex. My mom got me hooked on these sad excuses for books right before I left for my magical world almost more then eight years ago now. How ones live can change in a blink of the eye literally.
I met up with everyone in one of the many restaurants after a shower and a quick glamour spell. Harry and Ron had gone down earlier with my parents, which was fine with me, because I was taking so long. While everyone was gone it lent me time to think about the past couple of months, I had done a lot of research on rape victims and rapists and likes. I knew most people waited and lived in fear to tell anyone about what happened to them. Some times people wouldn't say anything for years on end, but then there were those people who were able to go to the police and tell them right after it happened. I wanted to tell my parents, even more I wanted to tell Ron and Harry. They all deserved to know, but how could I ruin their vacation. Maybe I could just wait till we got back home, by then we should be sick of each other and it won't seem so bad when I tell them, so I thought.
It was amazing how easy to not confront my parents on the happening last night. All I had to do was tell them I was studying and they left me alone. Don't get me wrong they knew something was up they aren't that stupid. But they didn't go barging into my room because my voice didn't sound normal to them. That gave me the hope that I would be able to fool everyone else. True it would be hard to fool Harry and Ron, but I fully believed that I could do it.
Time went on slowly, what seemed to me like weeks were only a handful of days. The jeweler told me the rings would be ready by the 22 of July if not before, and sure enough they were done before then. The rings were works of true art, but I hated them more then anything. If it hadn't been for those dumb rings I wouldn't have been out there that night. I wouldn't have been raped. I knew that blaming three inanimate objects wasn't going to make me feel better or be my cure all. Gods I was tired, so tired of blaming myself and beating myself up for the rape that I needed to hate something or someone. I had my something to hate now I just needed someone. One would think that it would be obvious to hate my attackers. If only I had realized that before I chose to blame my best friends.
It's not fair to blame them but that's where my anger was heading. If I hadn't wanted to give them something and if that something hadn't been those rings would I have even been raped? I don't think so. And where were my best friends? Those two who promised to protect me from anything and anyone. Where were my knights in white armor? Selfish I know that's what you're thinking, but I really don't give a damn about what you are thinking. I'm sick of being Hermione. That everyone turns to when they want something or need something. Is it too much to ask for someone to be concerned with me and my well being? Shouldn't they see that I'm not as sure of myself as I've always seemed, and that maybe even though my best friends are guys I want to be treated like a girl for once! Other then Krum the only people that ever seemed to noticed that I'm of the female half of the damned population are those who razed my world and left me die.
July slipped into August and from their September came sooner then I was ready for. I still wanted to go to Disney if only to be able to leave my shattered world behind for some time. I was so apprehensive to see Harry and Ron I didn't know how, or long, well my act of being the normal me would be able to stand without breaking. My parents were sick of my inaccessibility, and were hoping that my best friends would be able to fix things. But some things just can't be fixed with pretty words and happy faces.
Ron's father had managed to get us a portakey to Disney so we didn't have to bother with the airport and customs. We all met up at the burrow were the reunion was bittersweet in its own ways. Out of the whole Weasley family the only ones to survive had been Ron, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, along with Ginny. Everyone else had died sometime during the war. It was hard to believe the out of all of the brothers Ron was the only one to survive. I mean he was the youngest, other then Ginny, and had less experience in the world. After the war was over the Weasley's offered to adopted Harry and make him officially part of their family, but in the end Harry said no. Harry loved them like they were his family but he had his own things in life that needed to be settled. One of the first things he did was get the wills worked out, the one from his parents and then the one from Sirius. Needless to say Harry wasn't only the most famous wizard now but also one of the richest, Malfoy only having a tad more then him, but he didn't care. As they say money can't buy happiness.
The portakey got them to Orlando, Florida in no time flat; they checked in to the Grosvenor Resort and didn't know what they wanted to do first. Ron as usual was hungry, Harry said he was up for anything, my parents wanted to check out the hotel, and I just wanted to lounge by the pool and start working on a tan. I mean we had two or three weeks before we would be going back home viva portakey again. When things finally settled down I was finally at the pool my parents and best friends all off on their own. I had a drink my shades and a good book. I chose to read from my book instead of swimming. There wasn't much to this smut book, as my dad calls them, just the usual damsel in distress, romance, hot guys, and sex. My mom got me hooked on these sad excuses for books right before I left for my magical world almost more then eight years ago now. How ones live can change in a blink of the eye literally.
I met up with everyone in one of the many restaurants after a shower and a quick glamour spell. Harry and Ron had gone down earlier with my parents, which was fine with me, because I was taking so long. While everyone was gone it lent me time to think about the past couple of months, I had done a lot of research on rape victims and rapists and likes. I knew most people waited and lived in fear to tell anyone about what happened to them. Some times people wouldn't say anything for years on end, but then there were those people who were able to go to the police and tell them right after it happened. I wanted to tell my parents, even more I wanted to tell Ron and Harry. They all deserved to know, but how could I ruin their vacation. Maybe I could just wait till we got back home, by then we should be sick of each other and it won't seem so bad when I tell them, so I thought.