I told them how I had been looking for that perfect gift for them. That's
why I had been wandering around London so late. I told them about being
jumped from behind and the rape I told them of everything that had gone
threw my head. I told them what that one nasty man said about me not trying
to fight. It got to the point were I couldn't look at their faces so I
detached myself from my feelings and everything around me. Ron got sick
when I told him and Harry about the rape. Harry just sat there quietly not
saying anything. I couldn't tell what was going threw his mind; he was
totally closed off to the world. I explained to them how I hated them and
the damn rings. How I blamed it on them that I was where I was and raped.
That they weren't with me to protect me, and that nothing would ever be ok
again. I painted them the picture of coming home to an empty house to find
a note saying my parents were out having a fine old time out on then town.
About washing and washing but never feeling clean. How I finally found some
relieve from the cutting. Just seeing the blood and knowing I was still
alive for the time being. When I was finally done talking and explaining
everything to them we sat in the extremely quite room while they digested
what I just told them. It was so quite you could have heard a pin drop.
Silently Harry started to cry. I didn't notice at first until I saw him trying to wipe away his tears. I didn't know what to do or say; finally I managed to ask him what was wrong. He told me that I should hate him and Ron because they should have been there to protect me. That never should I have had to feel such pain and loss as I had that night. All this time Ron was silent. When he finally spoke it was of anger and ignorance. His voice was so calm, but it was too steady and too clear of emotion. He called me a slut and a whore. Telling me I deserved what I got. That I should have thought more about how I was dressed. I yelled at him and questioned him about what if it had been Ginny instead of me, would he tell her then same thing? Again all too calmly he stated yes he would. I snapped I didn't know what I was doing, but all my anger and my hurt and frustration came out in that one moment when I started to beat the shit out of Ron for saying all he had. He was practically implying that I was asking to be raped that I wanted it and that I enjoyed it. Further more when he said if I had been his own little sister that he would blame her instead of the monster that hurt her I lost all control. I finally realized what I was doing when I hit Harry instead of Ron. No I hadn't meant to hit Harry but he got in the way while trying to stop me before I killed Ron. I went into shock. I almost just killed one of my best friends, yes he was an ass but he was still my friend. I was as still as stone while Harry placed some quick healing spells on Ron. Someone helped me back to my seat and handed me a new butter beer. Ron sat in his own chair and just glared at me not saying a thing.
Harry disappeared for a short time only to come back with my parents trailing behind him. I didn't know if I should be mad or happy. Once again I had to go threw what happened to me. My parents offered me the comfort that I needed; they didn't blame themselves or me. They told me everything was going to be ok, that I would get the help that I needed.
That's why I'm here now. I'm getting the help that I needed. My parents and I started to see a counselor. Her name is Dr. Rue, she is really good. She asked me to write down everything that happened from the rape to the night I told everyone. Not only is she a witch but she also lives in the muggle world, it makes thing easier to talk about. She understands all part of my life. With the help of her and the ones that love me I will be able to move on someday.
Just a little side fact, Ron and Harry are both seeing Dr. Rue too. We all have issues that we need to work through. Ron no longer blames me, he understand it to some degree now. And is finally starting to dealing with his brother's deaths. Harry doesn't believe that he should have been there to protect me or that I should hate him. He is learning to deal with all the deaths that he had been blaming himself for. My parents are still standing by me giving my love and comfort that I need. Things are getting better, and as my grandpa used to say.everything will be ok in the end, if things are ok then it isn't the end. I think it's safe to say we are all almost at the end of this journey and will be heading out on our next, no matter what life throws our way.
Silently Harry started to cry. I didn't notice at first until I saw him trying to wipe away his tears. I didn't know what to do or say; finally I managed to ask him what was wrong. He told me that I should hate him and Ron because they should have been there to protect me. That never should I have had to feel such pain and loss as I had that night. All this time Ron was silent. When he finally spoke it was of anger and ignorance. His voice was so calm, but it was too steady and too clear of emotion. He called me a slut and a whore. Telling me I deserved what I got. That I should have thought more about how I was dressed. I yelled at him and questioned him about what if it had been Ginny instead of me, would he tell her then same thing? Again all too calmly he stated yes he would. I snapped I didn't know what I was doing, but all my anger and my hurt and frustration came out in that one moment when I started to beat the shit out of Ron for saying all he had. He was practically implying that I was asking to be raped that I wanted it and that I enjoyed it. Further more when he said if I had been his own little sister that he would blame her instead of the monster that hurt her I lost all control. I finally realized what I was doing when I hit Harry instead of Ron. No I hadn't meant to hit Harry but he got in the way while trying to stop me before I killed Ron. I went into shock. I almost just killed one of my best friends, yes he was an ass but he was still my friend. I was as still as stone while Harry placed some quick healing spells on Ron. Someone helped me back to my seat and handed me a new butter beer. Ron sat in his own chair and just glared at me not saying a thing.
Harry disappeared for a short time only to come back with my parents trailing behind him. I didn't know if I should be mad or happy. Once again I had to go threw what happened to me. My parents offered me the comfort that I needed; they didn't blame themselves or me. They told me everything was going to be ok, that I would get the help that I needed.
That's why I'm here now. I'm getting the help that I needed. My parents and I started to see a counselor. Her name is Dr. Rue, she is really good. She asked me to write down everything that happened from the rape to the night I told everyone. Not only is she a witch but she also lives in the muggle world, it makes thing easier to talk about. She understands all part of my life. With the help of her and the ones that love me I will be able to move on someday.
Just a little side fact, Ron and Harry are both seeing Dr. Rue too. We all have issues that we need to work through. Ron no longer blames me, he understand it to some degree now. And is finally starting to dealing with his brother's deaths. Harry doesn't believe that he should have been there to protect me or that I should hate him. He is learning to deal with all the deaths that he had been blaming himself for. My parents are still standing by me giving my love and comfort that I need. Things are getting better, and as my grandpa used to say.everything will be ok in the end, if things are ok then it isn't the end. I think it's safe to say we are all almost at the end of this journey and will be heading out on our next, no matter what life throws our way.