Explanation/Disclaimer: Alright, here comes the second and final half of this little field trip to the Harry Potter section. I really don't have anything else to say here, so I will leave you with this parting thought... "If you look up "Crossover" in the Webster's dictionary... you'll find that such a word does not exist... however, in new versions of the dictionary, you can find the word "bootylicious"... Where are our priorities? Anyway... enjoy!


Pokemon Quickie #16A or, if you prefer...


Harry Potter Quickie #2: Don't Bother to Choose

Announcer: "When we last left Harry Ron and Hermione they were trapped in Kanto, in the world of pokemon. Nurse Joy has told them that they must go see Professor Oak. Will he have the answers needed to send them back home?"

Harry looks around trying to find the disembodied voice that is announcing. "That is really creepy." He says.

"Yeah... where is he, and how did he know all that?" Hermione asked.


Announcer: "I'm the announcer, I know all, and I see all."

"Eww... so you can be watching me while I take a shower or use the bathroom?" Hermione asked.


Announcer: "I like to think of that has fringe benefits."

Hermione shuddered.


"WOAH!!!" Ron yelled as he ducked from having his head taken off by a blast of fire. The charmander that he was examining thought now would be the best time to let out a fiery burp.

Ron looked over at the cute pokemon, which now was look apologetically at him, and said, "I don't know if I like this place guys..., this place is too wired."

Nurse Joy smiled and said, "Oh come now, our land isn't all about fire breathing creatures and disembodied voices..."

Ron thought this over and said, "Actually, those are two things we seem to share in common.... oh great.. now I'm homesick..., terrific."

Harry stood up, "Alright..., why don't we go see this professor... it sounds like he will be able to get us back home."

Hermione stood up, after checking under the couch for the announcer, "Yeah... the sooner we leave the better."

Nurse Joy led the kids to the door and pointed up to the house on the hill. "Alright, just take this road down for a few blocks, and knock on his front door. He's a very busy man, so give him a few minutes to clean up the semen before he answers the door."

"Oh, he's studying semen samples to try to breed pokemon?" Harry asked remember that Oak was called the pokemon professor.


Nurse Joy paused for a moment, shrugged and said, "Yeah... that's one possibility. why not?"


Harry, Ron and Hermione shared a glance, then reluctantly headed out the door.


"Come on guys..." Harry said trying to cheer up his friends, "This isn't the worst situation we've ever been in! Do you remember the time..."

***SCENE CHANGE TO HOGSWARTS...


The large green ghost swooped down nearly slamming into Harry, who rolled out of the way just in time. "Alright guys," Harry called out, "Lock and load!"

The three teens reached behind them and pulled out the guns to their proton packs and opened fire. The green ghost ducked under the beams. Ron kept firing and managed to blow away a gargoyle statue. (A word of silence for the late Hudson.)


"Noah woah woah..." Harry said helping Ron turn off his proton pack, "Nice shooting tex!

Hermione cried out, He's over there!

The three teens turned on their heels and opened fire again, Hermione warned, Hey watch it Ron... don't cross the beams!

Ron couldn't hear her over the raw power, Don't what?

Hermione shrieked, CROSS THE BEAMS!!!

Ron shrugged, Ok... if you say so... And crossed the beams. The world became a bright white ball of energy, and when the light cleared, all three teens were on their backs.

Harry rubbed his neck, Hey! We're alive... and look, he's giving us ice cream!

The ghost came down and handed them all ice cream cones, and the wizards in training start munching on them,

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...


..now that's what I'd call a sticky situation... Harry finished.


Ron and Hermione just stared at him, finally Hermione spoke up, Boy, that is one dead horse this author wont stop beating will he?


Harry put up his finger, Shhh... that's the first time he's used that joke in a harry potter quickie...So how do you suppose we actually got here? ... Hermione asked after a few moments of silence.


What do you mean Ron asked, We ate the funky candy and it teleported us here.

Hermione snapped, rushed Ron, and tackled him to the ground, and began beating his head into the ground crying out, How many times do i have to tell you???

She pulled out Hogwarts, a History and started beating him over the head with it, emphasizing each word with another thump with the book, How many times do I have to tell you... you can't apperate or disperate on Hogwarts property..., read this Fbleeping book already, would you???

Harry dragged his friend off his other friend. Calm down Hermione... He said


Ron rubbed the bumps on his head, Damn... your a batty one, aren't you? Besides... apperate? Who's talking about apperating? I said teleporting...Its the SAME THING!!! Hermione cried out still trying to kill her dear friend.


Announcer: Actually, for the purposes of this story, you'd better hope its not...

Hermione freaks again. Fbleep!ING SHOW YOURSELF!!! Hermione shrieked and pulled out her wand, firing energy bolts straight into the air.


Harry helped Ron up and whispered, Like a bloody news report... isn't it? she was always a quiet person, kept to herself mostly'.What was that? Hermione asked turning on her heels.

Nothing... nothing! Harry and Ron said putting up their hands in defense.


I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Hermione said calming down, This place has me a little high strung...Oh... we couldn't tell. Harry said, You hide your frustrations well.

The trio starts heading towards the house again, and Ron whispered to Harry, If she's like this now, just wait till she gets her period.

Hermione spun on her heels fire in her eyes, WHAT DID YOU SAY???

Ron's face went pale and he quickly said, waiters forget me... period ...

Hermione stared for a moment then said, Yeah..., I hate restaurant service too...

And the trio starts walking off again. After a moment Hermione asked, How many South Park reference has their been so far? Harry responded.

Hermione said.


Harry answered.


After walking a little longer, Ron complained, Jeez, aren't we there yet? It was just a few blocks away! How long have we been walking?About two minutes. Harry said, How about to pass the time you read over the script the author left us. What else are we suppose to do? Ron said, Let's see... opening... Ghostbusters flashback, south park jokes, ah... here we go, we're suppose to pun now...


Harry and Hermione asked.


The instructions the author left us... Ron said, handing Harry the script, It says right about now we are suppose to make puns.And how do we do that? Harry asked.

Hermione said, Honestly, don't you guys read at all? Didn't you read the pun book in Hogwarts library? The boys said together.

Well you should read more.Novel idea. Harry said grinning.

Ron said, You made a pun! How do you feel?Kinda dirty. Harry responded.


Ron said, Let's see... oh I got one! Hermione, I would have gone into the library, but I hate paying the cover charge!

Hermione rolled her eyes.

Wow... that DOES make you feel dirty! Ron said, Alright then Hermione, you're turn.

All I know is, Hermione said, When they started sorting books by category, they didn't know how to sort the books, so they just stuck them in percentages. But the percentage system didn't work very well, so finally someone said, This percentage system isn't working, maybe we should covert it?

Excited someone blurted out, So, the question is... Dew We Decimal?


Harry and Ron gave Hermione a blank stare.

That was the pun. Hermione said.


I see... Harry said.


You do? Ron asked.


It was a math/library pun! Hermione said, And a good one too!


Leave it to Hermione to try to turn a pun war into a classroom lesson. Ron laughed.


Harry started to laugh, and Hermione even joined in the laughter, although it was quickly interrupted as a smoke bomb exploded in front of them.


What the...? Harry cried out.


???: I think there's a lesson all three of you should be taught!

???: Don't try to fight, cause your chances of winning are

???: (nice one...)

???: (thanks!)

Who's there??? Ron yelled out.

Where are you? Harry yelled.


Hermione yelled, If this is the announcer, you're ass is mine!!!


???: (laughing) Prepare for trouble!

???: And make it double!

(The smoke starts to clear)


???: To protect the world from devastation

???: To unite all peoples within our nation.

???: To denounce the evils of truth and love.

???: To extend our reach to the stars above!

Jessie:

James:

Jessie: TEAM ROCKET blasts off at the speed of light!

James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowth: Meowth, that's right!Hand over pikachu! Jessie yelled.

Harry Ron and Hermione just stare at the trio of villains, finally Ron said, You're joking, right? What with that song and dance, and your talking familiar there... and what the bloody hell is a pikachu?

James whispered to Jessie, Jessie, these aren't the normal twerps...

Jessie, Well I can see that now!

Meowth grinned evilly and said, It doesn't matter, just give us all your pokemon!

Sorry, we're new here... we don't have pokemon Harry said.


No pokemon! Jessie said, Fine... just give us your money then!Umm... I left my wallet back at Hogswarts... Harry said, Didn't think I'd need to bring it. James cried, No money either? Well what do you have to steal? Harry said, We have these... And showed the trio his wand.


A stick of wood... Well isn't that great... Jessie said sarcastically.

Well... they're magic wands... Harry said.

James scoffed, I'm not falling for that again. Meowth yelled, I still remember when James sold our beans for a magic cow. James defended, Even if the cow wasn't magic, getting a cow for beans is a good deal!Well, it WOULD have been, Jessie said, If you didn't shoot the cow and plant it in the ground. After that our cow didn't amount to a hill of beans!But I was told that was the only way to get the magic beanstalk! And it worked! James said.


Yeah, until you burnt it down! Meowth yelled, It was too dark to see where the beanstalk went so you lit it on fire to get some more light.


I have problems with fairy tales. James complained, That fire turned me into a cinder-fella.Yeah, face it! You little boy blew it!!! Meowth complained.

Jessie: And we had to take you to the hickory dickory doctors!


They wanted to wrap me up in these plain bandages but i said, Snow White ones... only black ones. James continued, I have a villainous image to uphold!Then they tried to over charge us, they were singing a song of six pence, Meowth said, but i knew it had only cost us 4 pence... plus a pocket full of rye. Jessie said, You gave them our bread? That cost us a lot of dough!I crust gave them a little of our bread. Meowth explained.


Remind me to wheat you up later... but first, we have some new twerps to deal with! Jessie said.


Harry Ron and Hermione just stared at this spectacle. Ron said, Now you see, THOSE guys know how to pun!

Harry said, You guys are thieves, aren't you?

Jessie James and Meowth, and surprisingly, Hermione all say at the same time. Jessie grins and pulls out her pokeball, And if all you have is a piece of wood, then we'll take it... GO ARBOK!!!

And on her command out comes a long purple snake pokemon. It rushes at Harry, who without batting an eye just flicks his wand and says, Arbok stops in its track, frozen stiff.

Jessie says shocked and sweatdropping.

Don't do that... its creepy! Hermione complained.


I'll show YOU creepy! Meowth yells as it rushes to Hermione claws drawn. Hermione just flicks her wand and says, Wingardium Leviosa

What the??? Meowth yells at its sent flying through the air, and crashes into Arbok, and then the two pokemon crash into Jessie.

You know... Meowth says while laying on top of Jessie's head, I think they might telling the truth about magic...Well, I want those wands more then EVER now! Jessie declared, Get them James.

Oh... ok... James says, Go Weezing! And out comes a big puffy smog cloud type thingy.


My turn! Ron says, Wwe sucksa! and flicks his wand.

Weezing turns into a table. Hermione and Harry stare at Harry. What the hell?

Ron grins proudly and says,

James stares at the table confused and suddenly, music plays out of no where.


And there's a burst of fire...

The WWE Kane comes out of fire, and to the roars of an invisible crowd grabs James by his throat. He lifts James up off the ground one handed by his neck and chokeslams through a table. Kane does his signature hands in the air calling for fire gimmick, and in another blast of flames disappears.

James lays broken through the table, which has now turned back into its KO'ed pokemon.

Hermione raised an eyebrow towards Ron, And what kind of spell was that?

Ron shrugged and said, It worked, didn't it?

Ron and Hermione starts to walk away, but Harry says, while reading the script, Wait... wait...


What is it?This says we gotta finish them off. Harry explains.

Hermione pointed to the defeated villains, Umm, I'd say we've pretty much finished them off...

Harry says, According to this, we'll KNOW when we've finished them off.

Hermione shrugged, Whatever, I'm getting paid for this fanfic one way or the other... Expelliarmus!!!!

The final spell slams into the trio and sends them flying way off into the distance...

While flying...

Jessie: I wish we got those wands!!!

James: I wish they forgot to read the script!!!

Meowth: I wish we'd land on something soft!!!

All: We're blasting off againnnnnn!!!

The magical trio watches the villains disappear over the horizon. That was kinda cool! Hermione said.

Remind me to never make you mad Hermione! Ron said.

Damn straight. Harry agreed.

Harry turned to the camera and said, Alright, see, i've looked at the script... and nothing really interesting happens in the next 5 minutes it takes for us to get to this Professor's house... so you might want to just skip on ahead and meet us there, ok?

***FAST FORWARD TO PROFESSOR OAK'S HOUSE...

Harry, Ron and Hermione walk up to the house on the hill. Man... I can't believe all that spontaneous nudity we came across in that little time, Ron said.

The camera pans to Harry who defensively says, HEY! I was just trying to protect you readers from that kind of filth and save us an R rating!

After be let inside and explaining the problem to Professor Oak, the Professor said, I think I have a solution. I have this pokemon called an , a powerful psychic pokemon, it uses an attack called If you let it read your minds, it should be able to teleport you back into that school of yours.

Hermione stood up, about to freak out...

Announcer: See..., I TOLD you that for the purposes of this story, you'd better hope that teleportation and apperating are not the same things... that's a little something we in the biz like to call,

Hermione just glared at the air, I'll find you some day... and destroy you...

Professor Oak just stared at the young girl nervously, Well..., then... I don't suppose you three want to hang around here any longer... Shall we?

As Ron and Hermione move to the yellow pokemon, Harry turns to the screen, the background seems to go gray as he talks, Well... there you have it, our adventures in the pokemon world, all in all I'd say it was an interesting experience, and who knows, maybe we'll come back here. But for now, it's time to go home... and test out this new spell I've invented on Fred and George... a little something called the infernal wedgie haha... ok then, Later days!

And Harry walked away from the screen and everything turns back to normal color. And in a flash, Harry Ron and Hermione are out of the Pokemon world and back at Hogwarts... and everything is back to normal... except... Ash Misty and Brock aren't back yet! Oak said, I thought that would send everyone back to where they belonged... Hmmm... I was wrong... well... aint that a bitch...

THE END...

Harry said, walking back onto stage, That was pretty cool!

Hermione checked the final tally, Although we're pushing 8 pages... that's stretching the limits of a quickie...

Ron shrugged, Aw, you worry too much, that's just overtime pay for us.What overtime pay? Hermione said, We don't get paid overtime.So we just did those extra pages for nothing? Ron asked.

Well... Professor Oak was right... that IS a bitch... Ron said.

Its not that big a deal guys. Harry said.

Ohhhhhh, that's easy for you to say Mr. I'm a merchandising god. Ron said, Is there any product that doesn't have your face on it?I don't think I have a birth control pill yet. Harry responded.

Suddenly, the TV on set started playing a commercial for the Harry Potter Condom: Keep your magic wand sheathed and it will keep the STD's away like magic!Alright... that's just wrong. Harry said.

Yep, that's taking the jokes too far... Ron agreed.

I'm out of here... Hermione said.

And with that the trio walk off set.

THE REAL END...?

ERASE that question mark, Harry yelled, We're done here!

THE REAL END

...

...

...?

What did I just say??? Harry asked.

THE REAL END

That's better. Harry said.


Alright... that pretty much ends this little trip to the world of Harry Potter for me. I hope everyone enjoyed it, and I hope everyone will check out my Pokemon Quickies to see Ash Misty and Brock's three chapter adventure in Hogswarts in Quickies # 15, 16, and 17. (Quickie # 17 will be up soon) But most importantly, I hope everyone had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. If you enjoyed this, please let me know and review, because if I know alot of people are enjoying them, maybe from time to time I'll do a Harry Potter quickie. (no pokemon in those). Well, just an idea...

Thanks for taking the time in reading this, hope it brought a little laughter to your day. Take care!

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

?

Harry cursed, You're ASKING for it!!!