"Okay, now that we are settled down, I think that we should get started with class." Ms. Brown said sweetly. She pointed at herself. "For those of you that didn't hear, I am Ms. Brown. Now I would like to get to know all of you. Think really hard about what you think your best trait is. I'm going to have you each stand up and you will tell your name to your classmates and me, then tell me what you like best about yourself."
"But Ms. Brown," Thomas said, "Almost all of us are from the same family, and we know a lot about each other already." Ford smacked him upside the head.
"Just do what the woman asks, dope!" Ford said.
"Why don't you try to tell your classmates, meaning your family, something you've never told them before." Ms. Brown suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement. Ms. Brown looked at the first person sitting close to her, and it was someone that wasn't in our family, though she did look kinda weird.
"My name is Kerri Summy, and I am a demon. I like to eat doughnuts." The demon girl sat down, and we all clapped politely, as did Ms. Brown. The next person stood.
"I'm Thomas Shubaltz Valentine, and I've always… hated Ford!! He never leaves me alone! I just wanna rip his…!"
"Thomas!" Ms. Brown interrupted. "You can sit down, Thomas!" Thomas did so. Ford, who was sitting next to him, stood.
"I'm Ford Prefect Valentine, and I've never drunk more that five Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters at a time." We clapped politely.
"I am Eowyn Valentine and I… I've always… I've always wanted to be a rock star!! I always wanted to dye my hair pink! I've always wanted an electric guitar!!" Eowyn began playing air guitar. Ms. Brown made her sit down.
"I am Eomer Valentine, and whenever I ride a horse, I ride side saddle." We all gasped and looked at each other. Ms. Brown made us be quiet.
"My name is Fanny Shurwood, and I like to pick my nose." The little human girl began to pick her nose, and we all made gross noises as Ms. Brown told the next person to stand.
"I'm Jet Black Mage and I never liked bell peppers and beef." Spike stood, his fists clenched.
"You traitor!!" He cried. Mr. Harrison restrained Spike and made him sit. It was my turn next. I stood and cleared my throat.
"I'm Erin Valentine, and I've always been in love with Kaneda." I covered my mouth as my face burned a redder red than it had ever burned before. The classroom erupted with sound as everyone began talking, and I fainted. Kaneda's face turned red as Mr. Harrison dragged me out of the room, unconscious. It took almost ten minutes to quiet the class down. Kuwabara stood next.
"I'm Kazuma Kuwabara Valentine, and I'm gonna kick Kaneda's ass when school's out." He sat back down, glaring at the red-jacketed biker.
"Toya Kinomoto Valentine, and my present to Erin was way better than Thomas's."
"I'm Shadow Valentine, and I am the reason Amy never married Sonic."
"I'm Tails Prower Valentine, and I actually failed a grade."
"I'm Aragorn Valentine and I think that Arwen needs to wash her hair."
"I'm Ghan-buri-Ghan Valentine, and I have considered changing my name to Arthur more than once."
"My name is Mike Nelson Valentine, and I actually liked 'Hobgoblins'."
"I am Merrill Hess Valentine, and I only took steroids once, and it was for my 507-footer over the west wall."
"I'm Knuckles Valentine, and I don't enjoy the taste of dirt."
"I'm Tetsuo Shima Valentine, and I enjoy petting fluffy bunnies."
"My name's Kaneda Shotaru, and I got my bike from my Uncle George's 'Fix Me Up' shop."
"Yamagata. I like children." (Oh how sweet! –Ms. Brown)
"K-k-k-k… I am Kai…. I…. I love you!!! Don't break my heart again!! I need to be with you!!"
"I'm Yuske Urameshi Mage, and I really was trying to steal that kid's lunch money when I was hit by the car."
"I am Charlie Huggs, and I can do this!"
"Charlie! No! Pull your pants back up!!"
"I'm Spike Spiegel, and I can safely say that I've never seen a kid do that in public."
"I am Leah Spiegel Valentine the Stampede, and I am 13 years old with three husbands and four boyfriends."
"I am Vash the Stampede, and I can do this!"
"ARGH! DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!!"
"No, Vash! The apple's that way!"
Bang!
"See? Wasn't that great?! HEHEHEHEE!!"
"I AM MUGETSU VALENTINE!! FEAR ME!! Oh.. and I always wanted a pony minion!"
"Name's Meriadoc Brandybuck Valentine, and my name is the only one longer than Ghan-buri-Ghan's and shorter that Ed's."
"They call me Roy Valentine, and my sword is made out of aluminum alloy."
"Link Valentine is my name, and after I killed Volvagia, my grief was so great that I fasted for a week."
"Saya Valentine. I kill Chiropterids, so stay away from me."
"I AM ZIM!"
"I'm Nicholas Wolfwood Valentine, and this cross can also be used as a floatation device."
"This is Edward! Edward Wong Hau Pepilu Tiveruski the Fourth Valentine!! Ed likes to eat pudding!"
"We know that, Ed!"
"Then… Edward likes to eat minions!"
"I'm Botan Mage, and when I ferry people across the River Styx, I live to overcharge them."
"Pippin Took Mage, they call me, and I like the occasional Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster as well."
"I'm Jerry Jones, and glue sticks in my hair good."
"I'm Shu Mage, and this stick is really a metal pipe disguised as a stick!"
"There." Ms. Brown said, exhausted. "Now that all of the introductions are done, we can start class. First, Mr. Longfellow will come on with the announcements, and we will all rise for the national anthem!" We waited for almost twenty minutes before a voice came over the intercom. It was quiet at first, and the speaker cleared its throat.
"Mr. Longfellow will not be giving the announcements this morning seeing as his body parts are strewn across the front lawn." Ed laughed out loud and hopped up and down in her seat, "Today we would like to welcome the whole Valentine family to our own community within this happy school. Lunch today will be cheese pizza with green beans and a choice of milk or juice. Now all rise for the national anthem." Everyone in the class was forced to stand up and look up at the PA. Leah looked around, confused.
"This! This is not the national anthem of Transylvania! This is all wrong!" Leah held her ears in anguish. The song finished, and Ms. Brown tapped her foot impatiently.
"If Mrs. Spiegel Valentine the Stampede would like to come up in front of the class and sing for us the national anthem of Transylvania, maybe she will make up for her total disrespect of our nation." Leah got up from her seat and motioned for Saya and Jerry Jones to follow her. The three stood in the front of the room. Leah cleared her throat. She and Saya began singing.
"Cows in capes,
Cows in capes,
I eat them with pie!
Eat with me my brothers,
Eat the cows in capes!
Pie and cows,
Cows in capes,
Transylvania kicks ass!!"
All the while, little Jerry Jones was singing this:
"Poo,
Poo,
Poo,
Poo on floor and
Glue,
Glue,
Glue,
Glue on hair…"
Ms. Brown, thoroughly confused, let them all sit back down. A knock came on the door, and I stumbled back into the classroom. On my head was a pack of ice and in my hand was a yellow hall pass. The teacher took it and told me to sit back down. I lazily meandered to my seat and plopped down into it. My head fell onto my crossed arms lying on the desk. The ice rolled off my head and onto the desk.
"Damn… Damn ice!" I yelled into my arms. I felt it set back onto my head, and I looked up. Kaneda smiled at me and pointed at the ice on my head. I blushed again and hid my face back in my arms. I heard Yamagata whispering something to Kaneda, and I peeked back up at them. Kaneda glanced from me to Yamagata, then began to laugh. Yamagata didn't smile.
"It's not funny, Kaneda," he said quietly, his face holding the slightest shade of pink I'd ever seen.
"Okay, everyone." Ms. Brown had finally quieted everyone down, and we stared at her with rapt attention. She smiled. "Since there were delays in your arrival at school, delays when you arrived at school, delays when you entered the classroom, delays in the introductions, and delays with the announcements, it's now time for lunch. If you would all please line up in alphabetical order at the door and wait for me…" These last words were drowned out as everyone in the class stampeded toward the open door. The biggest clump of people that was now stuck in the doorway was comprised of mostly the Valentine males, but also the bike gang and myself.
I clawed my way to the top of the pile and launched myself through the tiny opening between the top of the doorframe and the pile of family members beneath me. I laughed heartily as I started galloping toward the cafeteria. I felt a hand grab the collar of my orange plaid jacket, and I was hauled to a stop. I turned around viscously to see who had attacked me, but wasn't very surprised to look into Mr. Harrison's face. He dragged me back to Ms. Brown's door and set me down in the front of the line.
"You children are going to have to learn about order and following commands. Ms. Brown told you to-"
"But we don't need to follow commands! We have Tetsuo!" I bullied. I heard a small cheer behind me as Nicholas and some others slapped Tetsuo on the back. Harrison punctuated his finger centimeters from my nose.
"You'll learn to follow school rules, little Valentine, or you'll get a detention… or get expelled!"
"What're those?" I asked with the innocence of an awakened mother bear during hibernation.
"A detention is when you are temporarily suspended from your classes and sent to do extra work in an old, smelly, tiny room with a woman with the same proportions as the room watching you, unfaltering. An expulsion, on the other hand, is when you are sent back to your home for a certain amount of days, and all the work you are handed is to be done when you return."
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Harrison?" My eyes became wet with hot tears. Confused, Harrison took a step back, "I though we were good friends, Mr. Harrison… All the things we went through together… I can't believe.." the tears sprung from my eyes and cascaded down my face. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME!!" I broke into tears and fell to my knees. Harrison, a look of surprise on his face, went to comfort me, but he found the fact that a huge metal cross, wrapped in cloth had landed rather forcefully on his head prevented him from doing so. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell unconscious on the ground in front of me. I smiled evilly and wiped the fake tears from my eyes. I shook Nicholas's hand.
"It's great to be able to cry on demand." I said to myself as we all raced toward the happy eating place.
"But Ms. Brown," Thomas said, "Almost all of us are from the same family, and we know a lot about each other already." Ford smacked him upside the head.
"Just do what the woman asks, dope!" Ford said.
"Why don't you try to tell your classmates, meaning your family, something you've never told them before." Ms. Brown suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement. Ms. Brown looked at the first person sitting close to her, and it was someone that wasn't in our family, though she did look kinda weird.
"My name is Kerri Summy, and I am a demon. I like to eat doughnuts." The demon girl sat down, and we all clapped politely, as did Ms. Brown. The next person stood.
"I'm Thomas Shubaltz Valentine, and I've always… hated Ford!! He never leaves me alone! I just wanna rip his…!"
"Thomas!" Ms. Brown interrupted. "You can sit down, Thomas!" Thomas did so. Ford, who was sitting next to him, stood.
"I'm Ford Prefect Valentine, and I've never drunk more that five Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters at a time." We clapped politely.
"I am Eowyn Valentine and I… I've always… I've always wanted to be a rock star!! I always wanted to dye my hair pink! I've always wanted an electric guitar!!" Eowyn began playing air guitar. Ms. Brown made her sit down.
"I am Eomer Valentine, and whenever I ride a horse, I ride side saddle." We all gasped and looked at each other. Ms. Brown made us be quiet.
"My name is Fanny Shurwood, and I like to pick my nose." The little human girl began to pick her nose, and we all made gross noises as Ms. Brown told the next person to stand.
"I'm Jet Black Mage and I never liked bell peppers and beef." Spike stood, his fists clenched.
"You traitor!!" He cried. Mr. Harrison restrained Spike and made him sit. It was my turn next. I stood and cleared my throat.
"I'm Erin Valentine, and I've always been in love with Kaneda." I covered my mouth as my face burned a redder red than it had ever burned before. The classroom erupted with sound as everyone began talking, and I fainted. Kaneda's face turned red as Mr. Harrison dragged me out of the room, unconscious. It took almost ten minutes to quiet the class down. Kuwabara stood next.
"I'm Kazuma Kuwabara Valentine, and I'm gonna kick Kaneda's ass when school's out." He sat back down, glaring at the red-jacketed biker.
"Toya Kinomoto Valentine, and my present to Erin was way better than Thomas's."
"I'm Shadow Valentine, and I am the reason Amy never married Sonic."
"I'm Tails Prower Valentine, and I actually failed a grade."
"I'm Aragorn Valentine and I think that Arwen needs to wash her hair."
"I'm Ghan-buri-Ghan Valentine, and I have considered changing my name to Arthur more than once."
"My name is Mike Nelson Valentine, and I actually liked 'Hobgoblins'."
"I am Merrill Hess Valentine, and I only took steroids once, and it was for my 507-footer over the west wall."
"I'm Knuckles Valentine, and I don't enjoy the taste of dirt."
"I'm Tetsuo Shima Valentine, and I enjoy petting fluffy bunnies."
"My name's Kaneda Shotaru, and I got my bike from my Uncle George's 'Fix Me Up' shop."
"Yamagata. I like children." (Oh how sweet! –Ms. Brown)
"K-k-k-k… I am Kai…. I…. I love you!!! Don't break my heart again!! I need to be with you!!"
"I'm Yuske Urameshi Mage, and I really was trying to steal that kid's lunch money when I was hit by the car."
"I am Charlie Huggs, and I can do this!"
"Charlie! No! Pull your pants back up!!"
"I'm Spike Spiegel, and I can safely say that I've never seen a kid do that in public."
"I am Leah Spiegel Valentine the Stampede, and I am 13 years old with three husbands and four boyfriends."
"I am Vash the Stampede, and I can do this!"
"ARGH! DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!!"
"No, Vash! The apple's that way!"
Bang!
"See? Wasn't that great?! HEHEHEHEE!!"
"I AM MUGETSU VALENTINE!! FEAR ME!! Oh.. and I always wanted a pony minion!"
"Name's Meriadoc Brandybuck Valentine, and my name is the only one longer than Ghan-buri-Ghan's and shorter that Ed's."
"They call me Roy Valentine, and my sword is made out of aluminum alloy."
"Link Valentine is my name, and after I killed Volvagia, my grief was so great that I fasted for a week."
"Saya Valentine. I kill Chiropterids, so stay away from me."
"I AM ZIM!"
"I'm Nicholas Wolfwood Valentine, and this cross can also be used as a floatation device."
"This is Edward! Edward Wong Hau Pepilu Tiveruski the Fourth Valentine!! Ed likes to eat pudding!"
"We know that, Ed!"
"Then… Edward likes to eat minions!"
"I'm Botan Mage, and when I ferry people across the River Styx, I live to overcharge them."
"Pippin Took Mage, they call me, and I like the occasional Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster as well."
"I'm Jerry Jones, and glue sticks in my hair good."
"I'm Shu Mage, and this stick is really a metal pipe disguised as a stick!"
"There." Ms. Brown said, exhausted. "Now that all of the introductions are done, we can start class. First, Mr. Longfellow will come on with the announcements, and we will all rise for the national anthem!" We waited for almost twenty minutes before a voice came over the intercom. It was quiet at first, and the speaker cleared its throat.
"Mr. Longfellow will not be giving the announcements this morning seeing as his body parts are strewn across the front lawn." Ed laughed out loud and hopped up and down in her seat, "Today we would like to welcome the whole Valentine family to our own community within this happy school. Lunch today will be cheese pizza with green beans and a choice of milk or juice. Now all rise for the national anthem." Everyone in the class was forced to stand up and look up at the PA. Leah looked around, confused.
"This! This is not the national anthem of Transylvania! This is all wrong!" Leah held her ears in anguish. The song finished, and Ms. Brown tapped her foot impatiently.
"If Mrs. Spiegel Valentine the Stampede would like to come up in front of the class and sing for us the national anthem of Transylvania, maybe she will make up for her total disrespect of our nation." Leah got up from her seat and motioned for Saya and Jerry Jones to follow her. The three stood in the front of the room. Leah cleared her throat. She and Saya began singing.
"Cows in capes,
Cows in capes,
I eat them with pie!
Eat with me my brothers,
Eat the cows in capes!
Pie and cows,
Cows in capes,
Transylvania kicks ass!!"
All the while, little Jerry Jones was singing this:
"Poo,
Poo,
Poo,
Poo on floor and
Glue,
Glue,
Glue,
Glue on hair…"
Ms. Brown, thoroughly confused, let them all sit back down. A knock came on the door, and I stumbled back into the classroom. On my head was a pack of ice and in my hand was a yellow hall pass. The teacher took it and told me to sit back down. I lazily meandered to my seat and plopped down into it. My head fell onto my crossed arms lying on the desk. The ice rolled off my head and onto the desk.
"Damn… Damn ice!" I yelled into my arms. I felt it set back onto my head, and I looked up. Kaneda smiled at me and pointed at the ice on my head. I blushed again and hid my face back in my arms. I heard Yamagata whispering something to Kaneda, and I peeked back up at them. Kaneda glanced from me to Yamagata, then began to laugh. Yamagata didn't smile.
"It's not funny, Kaneda," he said quietly, his face holding the slightest shade of pink I'd ever seen.
"Okay, everyone." Ms. Brown had finally quieted everyone down, and we stared at her with rapt attention. She smiled. "Since there were delays in your arrival at school, delays when you arrived at school, delays when you entered the classroom, delays in the introductions, and delays with the announcements, it's now time for lunch. If you would all please line up in alphabetical order at the door and wait for me…" These last words were drowned out as everyone in the class stampeded toward the open door. The biggest clump of people that was now stuck in the doorway was comprised of mostly the Valentine males, but also the bike gang and myself.
I clawed my way to the top of the pile and launched myself through the tiny opening between the top of the doorframe and the pile of family members beneath me. I laughed heartily as I started galloping toward the cafeteria. I felt a hand grab the collar of my orange plaid jacket, and I was hauled to a stop. I turned around viscously to see who had attacked me, but wasn't very surprised to look into Mr. Harrison's face. He dragged me back to Ms. Brown's door and set me down in the front of the line.
"You children are going to have to learn about order and following commands. Ms. Brown told you to-"
"But we don't need to follow commands! We have Tetsuo!" I bullied. I heard a small cheer behind me as Nicholas and some others slapped Tetsuo on the back. Harrison punctuated his finger centimeters from my nose.
"You'll learn to follow school rules, little Valentine, or you'll get a detention… or get expelled!"
"What're those?" I asked with the innocence of an awakened mother bear during hibernation.
"A detention is when you are temporarily suspended from your classes and sent to do extra work in an old, smelly, tiny room with a woman with the same proportions as the room watching you, unfaltering. An expulsion, on the other hand, is when you are sent back to your home for a certain amount of days, and all the work you are handed is to be done when you return."
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Harrison?" My eyes became wet with hot tears. Confused, Harrison took a step back, "I though we were good friends, Mr. Harrison… All the things we went through together… I can't believe.." the tears sprung from my eyes and cascaded down my face. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME!!" I broke into tears and fell to my knees. Harrison, a look of surprise on his face, went to comfort me, but he found the fact that a huge metal cross, wrapped in cloth had landed rather forcefully on his head prevented him from doing so. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell unconscious on the ground in front of me. I smiled evilly and wiped the fake tears from my eyes. I shook Nicholas's hand.
"It's great to be able to cry on demand." I said to myself as we all raced toward the happy eating place.