Well hello everybody! It's been a long time since my last fanfic but here we are – I'm back… This is a small but not very short story about Remus Lupin's life and past. Here's the first chapter, I hope you enjoy it and will read more when I put it in here.

I really need readers and reviewers to become better so please read and review my story. And I should warn you: English isn't my native language, so I will obviously do a lot of mistakes - you just have to deal with that… If you want to correct my language or give me some advice, please feel free to do it. I would be more than delighted to receive some tips to improve my English or writing.

And last but not least: all the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of' J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are, however, also my own characters (Lena Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they are mine…!

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I The Letter

Remus Lupin was sitting comfortably on a huge armchair beside the fireplace at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Outside the rain was splashing aggressively to the windows. He had his night off duty and he had planned he'd spend it reading a nice book. This was the moment he had been dreading of – being left alone in this house full of memories and hatred, hatred especially towards him, half-breed. Thick silence was ringing in his ears and he had the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. Trying hard to concentrate on the novel he was reading, he didn't first hear the soft knock on the window. Finally the knocking became so disturbing that he had to raise his stare from the book. Outside the window was the tiniest and whitest owl he had ever seen. He let the soaking wet owl in and it almost fell on the ground because of the weight of its wet feathers.

"Who's sent you out in weather like that? Come here, take a cookie" Lupin murmured and found it extremely calming to have someone to talk to. The tiny owl hooted thankfully and nipped Lupin's fingers gently. Lupin could see a little piece of rolled parchment tied in its miniscule leg and he untied it carefully. He frowned slightly because he didn't recognize the handwriting on the parchment. It was neat but somehow rebellious, like the writer couldn't decide whether to obey the rules or not. Feeling puzzled he tore the letter open and read the short message.

Half an hour later Lupin still found himself exactly in the same position where he had been when he had first read the letter. Feeling blank and confused he finally managed to find the armchair and sit down. What was this all about? Why had she written to him after all these years? Why she had to tear open all the old wounds and make them bleed again? And why, oh why did it still make him nervous to think about her?

His head spinning fast with all the thoughts and memories he didn't want to live again he raised the letter and read it one more time, just in case the message had changed. It hadn't.

Dear Moony,

I realised I still haven't forgotten you. I would really like to see you and talk to you again. You must understand that it was really hard for me too back then. Or have you already forgotten me completely?

Star

"No" whispered Lupin to the ceiling. "No, I haven't forgotten you, Lena Silverspoon."

He tasted her name in his lips and tried to remember when he had last said her name aloud. It must've been back since their school times. He had carefully avoided thinking of her and refused any memories of her to rise up. Though now it was worthless to even try. New rush of memories filled his head every second and he couldn't stop it, alone in the house. The only sound to listen was the smooth dropping of the rain.

Lupin examined dark walls of the room trying to find something else to think. He was too confused at the moment to think about Lena and her letter at the moment. The walls were dusty and looked unfriendly. The house hadn't changed much after Tonks had inherited it from Sirius. It was still the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix and the only thing that had changed was that it now belonged to Tonks and not Sirius. Tonks didn't like the house very much and the house hated her. Luckily Mrs. Black's portrait had finally been removed from the entrance hall, but there was still much hostility hidden in the house. Tonks had been more than delighted to give Lupin the permission to live in the house with her. She had said that it was nicer to be hated by the house with someone else instead of suffering it all alone. For she really had to live in the house. Kreacher the house elf was still bound to stay in the house as long as there was a member of Black family mastering it and it was vital to Order that Kreacher didn't get free to tell out his knowledge of the Order. Of course a lot of damage had been already done but still Dumbledore thought that it was important to keep Kreacher in the house. Tonks had had no chance but to move into the house. Lupin remembered only too well her desperate expression when she had realised that…

He fought hard to keep Tonks's face in his mind but slowly the face started to change into someone other's. A face of a pretty girl drifted to his mind. The girl had violently red and somehow untidy, long hair and pale, freckled face. Her nose was very small and sharp and her face was heart-shaped. She had also a small tattoo on her forehead, a little star. But the most stunning feature in her face was her eyes, which were emerald green and sparkling. Her eyes were always laughing as though she had some kind of a secret, something very funny that only she could understand.

Lupin sighed. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to feel all that pain and guilt and shame again. Lena Silverspoon had once been so important to him and he had been so vulnerable when it came to loosing her. He had lost her and managed to get over it. After that there had been other, bigger and more definitive losses and now he had the strong feeling that he couldn't stand anything more at the moment. If letting her come back to his life meant more suffering and even the slightest possibility of loosing her again, he didn't want to try it. He felt that he had the right to protect himself this one time.

But still… Wasn't it one thing he had secretly longed all these years without admitting it even to himself? Just talking to her, even just once. Seeing her face again, hearing her voice… here was his chance. But was he ready to take it? And why had she written to him at the first place?

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So that was the first chapter… I will put more even if you didn't like it, but in case you did like it, I would become very happy if you told your opinion to me too. And if you hated it, I would really much like to hear that too… J

Thank you for reading my story; hope to see you soon again!