Part III
Buffy walked into the library of Sunnydale High School.
"Oh, Buffy.good to see you," said Rupert Giles. "How was patrol last night?"
Giles was definitely a man dedicated to his job. It not only fascinated him but the relationship that he was developing with his slayer was filling a void in his life. Perhaps it was because he never had any children or a family of his own. Indeed he looked at Buffy sometimes as if she were truly his own daughter-he worried when she was out at night, and wished somehow that there was a way he could protect her from anything bad. He had even been starting to like that Angel was there-Angel was strong enough and skilled enough to fight as an equal and truly protect Buffy, and after Giles got to know him he could tell that Angel felt just as fiercely about Buffy as he himself did. With Angel gone evil now Giles spent many a night sleepless, just worrying for the welfare of his slayer.
"Patrol was fine. You know, the usual, staked a few vamps, no big deal." Buffy was trying to sound nonchalant, hoping that Giles wouldn't notice the dark circles under her eyes and her slightly disheveled appearance. She had to be strong-she was the slayer. She couldn't let it appear that she was really an emotional wreck. That would have to remain on the inside.
"Well, uh, that's good." Giles hesitated trying to decide whether or not to broach the precarious subject of Angelus. "Did you.uh.have any run-ins with Angelus?"
"No." Buffy answered quickly, the look on her face making it clear that she didn't want to talk anymore. "I gotta go to class."
"Yes, of course. I'll see you for training later?"
"Yeah."
And with that Buffy turned and practically fled the library, not wanting to be cornered any more about the subject of her now evil former boyfriend.
*******
Training went as usual-Buffy did her workout, then kicked and punched at Giles until he couldn't take any more, and then she left to go home before patrolling. A typical day in the life of Buffy Summers. School. Train. Patrol. Then home to her room where Buffy the cold, collected slayer became Buffy the broken, hurt, and vulnerable girl.
Tonight didn't seem like it would be different that those of the past week. Inevitably she would try to forget about everything that had been happening, but her thoughts would become consumed with images and memories of her beloved Angel, and of the horrible thing that he had become. She was beginning to go from feeling overwhelmed with emotions to just feeling numb, and she wasn't sure if she liked this better or not. In just one week her whole world had turned upside down, all because of one perfect night, and there was nothing she could do to make it better.
Without even realizing it the tears automatically trickled down her face as she sat in her dark room. She wondered if it would be better if she could just end it all-at least that way she wouldn't have to feel the agonizing guilt, despair, and hopeless desolation that she was feeling now. It would be so easy for he to just go on patrol one night and not return, to just give up and let them have her-her body, her blood, her life. It really would solve her problems, for she would have nothing left to worry about if she were dead.
Could she really do it? Could she be so selfish?
Her friends would deal. They were good at that. Things hadn't been the same between them since Angel was Angelus again anyway. Xander would barely look her in the eye, and Willow was acting like Buffy was going to break if she said or did the wrong thing around her. Even Giles seemed different, like he was afraid of being around her. They all probably thought it was her fault, and blamed her for releasing the Scourge of Europe on Sunnydale.
Her mother had barely talked to her since she had a run in with Angelus the other day. She too seemed to be disgusted with Buffy, and she definitely didn't have any trust for her anymore.
No, nobody would really miss her.
They might even be glad if she wasn't here anymore. That way she couldn't bring any more pain and suffering to their already difficult lives.
She began to contemplate how she would do it. She could just slit her wrists and let herself bleed till there was nothing left, but that would leave a mess the others to deal with. The best option seemed to be for her to just go on patrol and not return, that way no one would probably have to deal with her body.
Yes. It was settled. She would do it.
****
A/n: Hi. Sorry it's been so long-I just haven't had much time to sit and write, and I was experiencing a bit of writer's block. I think I now know where I want to go with this, though, so there should be more updates soon! I know this fic is sounding majorly depressing, but it will get better. I didn't even intend to write it like this, but it's just sort of where I ended up! Thanks for reading, and please-FeedBack!
Thanks Claddagh Ring for the title-your e-mail encouraged me to get my head in gear and actually write!
Buffy walked into the library of Sunnydale High School.
"Oh, Buffy.good to see you," said Rupert Giles. "How was patrol last night?"
Giles was definitely a man dedicated to his job. It not only fascinated him but the relationship that he was developing with his slayer was filling a void in his life. Perhaps it was because he never had any children or a family of his own. Indeed he looked at Buffy sometimes as if she were truly his own daughter-he worried when she was out at night, and wished somehow that there was a way he could protect her from anything bad. He had even been starting to like that Angel was there-Angel was strong enough and skilled enough to fight as an equal and truly protect Buffy, and after Giles got to know him he could tell that Angel felt just as fiercely about Buffy as he himself did. With Angel gone evil now Giles spent many a night sleepless, just worrying for the welfare of his slayer.
"Patrol was fine. You know, the usual, staked a few vamps, no big deal." Buffy was trying to sound nonchalant, hoping that Giles wouldn't notice the dark circles under her eyes and her slightly disheveled appearance. She had to be strong-she was the slayer. She couldn't let it appear that she was really an emotional wreck. That would have to remain on the inside.
"Well, uh, that's good." Giles hesitated trying to decide whether or not to broach the precarious subject of Angelus. "Did you.uh.have any run-ins with Angelus?"
"No." Buffy answered quickly, the look on her face making it clear that she didn't want to talk anymore. "I gotta go to class."
"Yes, of course. I'll see you for training later?"
"Yeah."
And with that Buffy turned and practically fled the library, not wanting to be cornered any more about the subject of her now evil former boyfriend.
*******
Training went as usual-Buffy did her workout, then kicked and punched at Giles until he couldn't take any more, and then she left to go home before patrolling. A typical day in the life of Buffy Summers. School. Train. Patrol. Then home to her room where Buffy the cold, collected slayer became Buffy the broken, hurt, and vulnerable girl.
Tonight didn't seem like it would be different that those of the past week. Inevitably she would try to forget about everything that had been happening, but her thoughts would become consumed with images and memories of her beloved Angel, and of the horrible thing that he had become. She was beginning to go from feeling overwhelmed with emotions to just feeling numb, and she wasn't sure if she liked this better or not. In just one week her whole world had turned upside down, all because of one perfect night, and there was nothing she could do to make it better.
Without even realizing it the tears automatically trickled down her face as she sat in her dark room. She wondered if it would be better if she could just end it all-at least that way she wouldn't have to feel the agonizing guilt, despair, and hopeless desolation that she was feeling now. It would be so easy for he to just go on patrol one night and not return, to just give up and let them have her-her body, her blood, her life. It really would solve her problems, for she would have nothing left to worry about if she were dead.
Could she really do it? Could she be so selfish?
Her friends would deal. They were good at that. Things hadn't been the same between them since Angel was Angelus again anyway. Xander would barely look her in the eye, and Willow was acting like Buffy was going to break if she said or did the wrong thing around her. Even Giles seemed different, like he was afraid of being around her. They all probably thought it was her fault, and blamed her for releasing the Scourge of Europe on Sunnydale.
Her mother had barely talked to her since she had a run in with Angelus the other day. She too seemed to be disgusted with Buffy, and she definitely didn't have any trust for her anymore.
No, nobody would really miss her.
They might even be glad if she wasn't here anymore. That way she couldn't bring any more pain and suffering to their already difficult lives.
She began to contemplate how she would do it. She could just slit her wrists and let herself bleed till there was nothing left, but that would leave a mess the others to deal with. The best option seemed to be for her to just go on patrol and not return, that way no one would probably have to deal with her body.
Yes. It was settled. She would do it.
****
A/n: Hi. Sorry it's been so long-I just haven't had much time to sit and write, and I was experiencing a bit of writer's block. I think I now know where I want to go with this, though, so there should be more updates soon! I know this fic is sounding majorly depressing, but it will get better. I didn't even intend to write it like this, but it's just sort of where I ended up! Thanks for reading, and please-FeedBack!
Thanks Claddagh Ring for the title-your e-mail encouraged me to get my head in gear and actually write!