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Chapter Twenty-Two
To Die Alone
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I'm getting married tomorrow.
She's getting married tomorrow.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
I'm getting out of here tomorrow.
He can be mine tomorrow.
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I'm getting married tomorrow, thought Serenity as she lay in her bed. It was late at night, but she was not able to go to sleep. She had tried counting the stars that she could see through the glass of her window, but that didn't work. She had tried closing her eyes and not opening them, but that didn't work. She had then tried keeping her eyes open in a little reverse psychology, but that worked least of all. Her body was exhausted and her mind was too, but it raced on nonetheless. Serenity turned over restlessly and buried her face into her pillow.
I love Connor. I love Connor. I love Connor. I love W- Connor, she repeated to herself as she breathed deep and tried to relax her body. Her stomach muscles were cramping and making her whole body uncomfortable, and every few minutes she felt like she had to use the chamber pot again. I love Connor, she told herself as calmly as she possibly could. But you have to admit that I love Will too.
"Be quiet," she whispered in a futile attempt to calm her thoughts.
I don't think that's going to be happening anytime soon, love, her mind retorted.
"Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet," she repeated. Then she sighed. "Calm down, Serenity," she told herself. Everything will be all right tomorrow. Tomorrow you will begin your rightful place in this world, the place that you should be. What is meant to happen will happen. I cannot change fate now. Everything that happens tomorrow is meant to happen, for the best possible outcome. Tempting fate is never a good option.
What is meant to happen will happen, even if that means that I marry Connor and we stay here in Port Royale, together except when he's away sailing, until the end of our days. Even if that means that Elizabeth and Will marry and have many children, even if that means that I have to watch that happen, I will sit here in my home holding my head high. Even if that means not letting anything affect me. I cannot change the course of my future. If Connor and I are meant to be, then we will be. If we are not, then I shall have to live with it if nothing intervenes tomorrow.
I have loved Will for almost my whole life, but we were lost. Now is my chance to take back what is mine and then share it with the rightful person. I love Connor. I have loved him since he came to Port Royale. Would I rather lose him?
A part of her said yes, a part of her replied no. She slid her hand beneath her pillow and resigned herself to a sleepless night. Her stomach muscles relaxed a bit as she listened to her own thoughts trail on and on in a never-ending spiral, calmer now than they had been before.
I am getting married tomorrow and there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing that Serenity Williams could not bear more than the hurt look that she had seen in Will's eyes was a betrayed look in Connor's. I am getting married tomorrow and it is a good decision. I am getting married tomorrow…
Slowly she drifted into a heavy sleep, and even the sunlight shining through her window in the morning did not wake her.
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She's getting married tomorrow, thought Will as he turned over restlessly in his hammock. Tomorrow is the day that I will finally lose her, and I can't do anything about it. I wish I had never come to Port Royale. What was it worth for? I haven't found my father. I have only found things that I have lost. I have lost Mother and Father and Elizabeth and Serenity…but I never really had Elizabeth, did I? Is that really why I kissed Serenity? Why did I do that? Why did I do something that I don't even know why I did it? It's hopeless.
Maybe this is all meant to be.
Then why does it feel like this is all wrong?
You won't give her up. She was a treasure that you lost.
I thought I had her-
You thought wrong. She belongs to Connor now. You might as well be dead to her. She only loves him.
I thought she loved me…
Well, look what good her love for you did you. You still love Elizabeth.
You're right, I do…but I love Serenity too…
Well, what are you going to do about it? There's nothing you can do! You are going to stand there and be strong and watch her get married tomorrow. Stop being so selfish. Let Serenity go.
I can't…
You're going to have to whether you like it or not.
I'm going to have to let her go whether I like it or not.
But he still did not sleep.
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I'm getting married tomorrow, thought Connor happily as he began to doze off on his pillow. Sheer excitement had kept him up all night until now, when his nerves had finally calmed a bit. His heart felt happy, filling him with a heady sense of fulfillment and purpose that was beginning to lull him to sleep like a sweet, serene lullaby. I'm marrying the woman that I have loved more than any woman I have ever met before. He laughed quietly to himself as he thought, I always assumed I would marry an Irish lass! But I'm so happy…
Serenity will love Ireland. I must take her there. The greenness, the freshness, the feeling of home…it's like she belongs there, in Ireland, in the Ireland of my memory. She belongs among the trees and the green fields. Ireland and Serenity are both filled with life, they have so much in common…and I care for them both more than I could ever imagine.
I love Serenity so much. I'm so glad that she loves me back…I don't know what I would do without her. All those lonely months out at sea, and those common prostitutes never appealed to me, so everyone else had someone but I didn't have anybody to keep me company at night…I'm glad I never indulged myself that way. Now I won't die alone. If I had never found her… I would be out at sea in a few days, still alone, still searching for love and for adventure still… If I hadn't come on this boat I would never have found her. Coming to Port Royale was the luckiest thing that I've ever done.
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I'm getting out of here tomorrow. All these months of waiting have finally paid off!
Too bad I can't take Serenity. I would be welcomed back with open arms if I brought our captain a present. But who's to say I won't be welcomed back anyway? Haha! I've outplayed them all, everyone! I'll kill a man and get away with it! My desire for vengeance will be fulfilled and then I can rest in peace! Father, tomorrow you will be avenged!
Who knew pirates had such honor?
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He can be mine tomorrow, thought Elizabeth as sleep slowly closed her lids. Her body was comfortably warm in the bed heated with hot pans brought by her maids. The soft fabric of her nightgown and the light breeze coming through the window caressed her skin, bringing a sense of fulfillment and fullness that she had not been able to experience in a while. When she closed her eyes and tuned out the sounds of her home around her, she could hear the sea. She had always loved the ocean, and now she was surrounded by sea. The sea had always seemed like a dangerous place filled with adventure, and that was why it appealed to her so much. The ocean reminded her of Will sometimes. Strong. Dangerous. Alluring.
What will he do when Serenity is gone? Elizabeth wondered. I don't wish Serenity ill luck…but maybe her marriage will finally show Will that I am the woman for him! I have loved him since I rescued him from the ocean that day long ago… I have always loved him. Even there in her bedroom she could sea his lovely chiseled face before her eyes. She reached over out from under the covers and opened the compartment in her dresser. The medallion sat there, covered with a thin layer of dust. She blew it off and watched the gold regain some of its luster in the moonlight. Elizabeth smiled at the medallion and then closed the drawer. Maybe an adventure would find her in the morning.
Maybe? Finding out everything about Serenity's wedding that she possibly could was going to be adventure enough!
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A/N- next chapter, everything happens. The next chapter is the climax of the story sooo, if you don't review, I might forget to post it. Hahaha!
Review please.