A/N: I am really really really sorry that it has taken me so long to update
this. I don't know if there's anyone who actually still cares if they read
it, but I'm apologizing just in case. Since my last update, I decided to
check out other fandoms. I took a break from writing and instead, I read
(oh and I also had some exams and crazy school related things that added to
the delay). But I realize that it's been long enough and I should really
get back to writing, even if just to finish this sorry little fic. So,
here's an update to anyone who was anticipating it!
PS: Doesn't it make you mad when your reviews don't show up? Some of my reviews that I got like months ago don't appear when you click to view them. Oh well!
Oh, and I don't know how to get formatting to work. I have yet to achieve italics, bolds, the dot dot dots on my trail-off sentences, oh, and large gaps, when I wish to have a time lapse or something. So yeah, it's bugging me that I can't do that. So if anyone knows how, email me at kathleen@michellebranch.ca and save my sanity!
I'm done now.
-------Jake--------- (where we left off)
Penny quickly unwraps her arms from my neck and brings them down to her side. She tries to step away, attempting to hide the situation, but my hands remain on her hips, holding her there. She gives me a look of confusion, but I shoot a look of reassurance back at her and turn my head to look at Dylan. Penny follows.
"Um, am I interrupting something?"
Penny looks a little scared. "Uh, no, I was just-"
"Yes, actually, you are".
Penny looks at me surprised.
Dylan looks very uncomfortable. "I'll just, uh, come back later then".
I nod to her and she leaves.
I look back at Penny and lean in to kiss her, but she stops me.
"Jake, what are you doing?"
"I was going to kiss you again".
"Why did you tell Dylan she was interrupting something?"
"Because she was!"
"What was she interrupting?!"
"Us!!"
She looks at me with her beautiful eyes, which are now glistening with tears. She untangles from my arms, turns around and moves away.
"I can't do this, Jake," she whispers.
"What?" I ask, surprised.
"I can't be with you."
"But, why?" I ask, moving towards her.
She turns around to face me. "Because, it just isn't right."
I'm so confused. And angry. This doesn't make any sense at all.
"Since when is it not right?" I question angrily,
"I've just realized it," she answers calmly. "We can't do this. I can't do this."
"But why not?!"
"Because of Dylan."
I can't believe this.
"Okay, you know what? Fine!" I shout. "Fine! If you feel comfortable telling me you love me, kissing me, and then turning away, then fine! If you don't care that you've totally just messed with my head and screwed up my heart, then neither do I!"
"Jake, please." She's crying now. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought that this was right, but it's really not."
"Oh, suddenly you're convinced it's wrong. That makes no sense! What the fuck does Dylan even have to do with this?!"
"Everything! Can't you see?"
"NO!!"
My eyes are burning with contempt. My body is exploding with anger. And I'm not even sure why. Of course, I'm upset, but I don't know why I'm yelling at Penny. I'm taking months of emotional hang-ups and laying them all on her. It isn't fair, but I can't help it. I'm so tired of striking out.
"Jake, please try to understand," she pleads, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. It is just now that I realize I've never seen her cry before.
But I don't care.
"You know what the problem with you is? You're too wrapped up in your own world! You pity yourself because you have problems. Yeah, well I've got problems too! And they'd be a lot less complicated if people like you didn't take it upon themselves to make them worse! Sure, you say you only blame yourself, but it's all a lie! I know who you blame! You blame everybody around you! You only care about yourself! How can you say you love me and then just take it away?! And how can you say it's because of Dylan?! SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!! This is ALL you! YOU! Not me, not her, nobody but you!! So fine. You think it's wrong? Whatever. But I know the real reason you're running away. It's because you're scared. You're scared that I told Dylan to leave so that I could kiss you. You're scared that I said she was interrupting 'us'. You are scared shitless! Because now you know, that you might actually get what you say you've wanted. All along you've figured, 'Oh, Jake will never want me. He loves Dylan, and I'm just lousy old Penny. Nobody wants Penny'. Well, now I do want lousy old Penny. And now that you know that, you've changed your mind! You say you know what you want, but it's all a lie! The truth is, you're too scared that you might get what you want. You're scared that you might have to actually deal with happiness, that you'll no longer have a reason to complain. You're scared that someone might actually want you. That's the problem with you!"
As I finish, I breathe heavily and look at Penny straight in the eyes. She is no longer crying, although she looks shocked. Her eyes are flaring with anger, and there's also a tinge of hurt lying there. She finally speaks.
"You obviously don't know me very well."
With that, she left my office, leaving me there, guilty with all I've just said.
----------------------------------
So, yeah. There's that chapter. I promise, I'll update sooner. Well, that is if I actually hear that people are interested in this story at all!
PS: Doesn't it make you mad when your reviews don't show up? Some of my reviews that I got like months ago don't appear when you click to view them. Oh well!
Oh, and I don't know how to get formatting to work. I have yet to achieve italics, bolds, the dot dot dots on my trail-off sentences, oh, and large gaps, when I wish to have a time lapse or something. So yeah, it's bugging me that I can't do that. So if anyone knows how, email me at kathleen@michellebranch.ca and save my sanity!
I'm done now.
-------Jake--------- (where we left off)
Penny quickly unwraps her arms from my neck and brings them down to her side. She tries to step away, attempting to hide the situation, but my hands remain on her hips, holding her there. She gives me a look of confusion, but I shoot a look of reassurance back at her and turn my head to look at Dylan. Penny follows.
"Um, am I interrupting something?"
Penny looks a little scared. "Uh, no, I was just-"
"Yes, actually, you are".
Penny looks at me surprised.
Dylan looks very uncomfortable. "I'll just, uh, come back later then".
I nod to her and she leaves.
I look back at Penny and lean in to kiss her, but she stops me.
"Jake, what are you doing?"
"I was going to kiss you again".
"Why did you tell Dylan she was interrupting something?"
"Because she was!"
"What was she interrupting?!"
"Us!!"
She looks at me with her beautiful eyes, which are now glistening with tears. She untangles from my arms, turns around and moves away.
"I can't do this, Jake," she whispers.
"What?" I ask, surprised.
"I can't be with you."
"But, why?" I ask, moving towards her.
She turns around to face me. "Because, it just isn't right."
I'm so confused. And angry. This doesn't make any sense at all.
"Since when is it not right?" I question angrily,
"I've just realized it," she answers calmly. "We can't do this. I can't do this."
"But why not?!"
"Because of Dylan."
I can't believe this.
"Okay, you know what? Fine!" I shout. "Fine! If you feel comfortable telling me you love me, kissing me, and then turning away, then fine! If you don't care that you've totally just messed with my head and screwed up my heart, then neither do I!"
"Jake, please." She's crying now. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought that this was right, but it's really not."
"Oh, suddenly you're convinced it's wrong. That makes no sense! What the fuck does Dylan even have to do with this?!"
"Everything! Can't you see?"
"NO!!"
My eyes are burning with contempt. My body is exploding with anger. And I'm not even sure why. Of course, I'm upset, but I don't know why I'm yelling at Penny. I'm taking months of emotional hang-ups and laying them all on her. It isn't fair, but I can't help it. I'm so tired of striking out.
"Jake, please try to understand," she pleads, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. It is just now that I realize I've never seen her cry before.
But I don't care.
"You know what the problem with you is? You're too wrapped up in your own world! You pity yourself because you have problems. Yeah, well I've got problems too! And they'd be a lot less complicated if people like you didn't take it upon themselves to make them worse! Sure, you say you only blame yourself, but it's all a lie! I know who you blame! You blame everybody around you! You only care about yourself! How can you say you love me and then just take it away?! And how can you say it's because of Dylan?! SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!! This is ALL you! YOU! Not me, not her, nobody but you!! So fine. You think it's wrong? Whatever. But I know the real reason you're running away. It's because you're scared. You're scared that I told Dylan to leave so that I could kiss you. You're scared that I said she was interrupting 'us'. You are scared shitless! Because now you know, that you might actually get what you say you've wanted. All along you've figured, 'Oh, Jake will never want me. He loves Dylan, and I'm just lousy old Penny. Nobody wants Penny'. Well, now I do want lousy old Penny. And now that you know that, you've changed your mind! You say you know what you want, but it's all a lie! The truth is, you're too scared that you might get what you want. You're scared that you might have to actually deal with happiness, that you'll no longer have a reason to complain. You're scared that someone might actually want you. That's the problem with you!"
As I finish, I breathe heavily and look at Penny straight in the eyes. She is no longer crying, although she looks shocked. Her eyes are flaring with anger, and there's also a tinge of hurt lying there. She finally speaks.
"You obviously don't know me very well."
With that, she left my office, leaving me there, guilty with all I've just said.
----------------------------------
So, yeah. There's that chapter. I promise, I'll update sooner. Well, that is if I actually hear that people are interested in this story at all!