Happy Saturday!
So sorry for the delay. My wedding anniversary was yesterday and I was gone all day and way into the night.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad people are enjoying the story :) Thanks for giving the sequel a shot. Just a quick note: I am heading out of town tomorrow and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get an update by Friday. If not, I'll update as soon as I can. Have a great rest of your weekend!
"How close did he get?"
Mother undoes the braids in my hair. She works quickly, pulling hard a few times, and when they are finally free, she rakes her fingers through, then rubs where the tight spots were.
"Everly. How close did Eric get to you?"
My name is spoken softly, but harshly. Our eyes meet in the mirror, and there is no way I can lie to her. Odds are, she already knows how close Eric was. Vincent and I returned from the Wastelands far later than planned, without what she sent us for. I fully expected her to be furious, and she was. She was waiting, and her expression was livid.
I got the worst of it.
She wasn't as mad at Vincent. I waited for her to be worried that Eric had spotted us, but she was furious that I'd drawn the attention of Dauntless. I expected some reassurance that we were fine. I expected her to hug me or offer some sort of concern. Instead, while Vincent explained what had happened, she kept looking toward me, and her only words were spoken through gritted teeth.
"Congratulations. He's seen her, and now, he won't rest until he finds her."
"He's had a year. If he's too stupid to have figured it out then, he's not going to figure it out now. What could he possibly do? Send his army to run through here? We'll leave. We'll get ahead of them." Vincent stepped in front and pushed me to the side. I blinked when he said a year, and I wonder if Eric has been after me for longer than I've known. "It's not her fault. The guy wanted more for the case than he said, and it took too long to reach an agreement. If he'd kept his word, we'd have been out of there before Eric had a chance to walk by."
"And you didn't get it?" She pressed her lips together tightly, and her displeasure was paired with a look of uncertainty. "We're running out of time. We only have enough for a few more months."
"Take it up with him."
Vincent stormed away, taking me with him. He spoke lowly for me to stay away from her, but only after he made sure I was fine. Mother was surprised at his attitude, but she didn't push it. She watched us leave with her chin jutted forward, and her eyes narrowed.
I couldn't look at her.
I was shaken up from my encounter with Eric, so much that all I could do was keep my stare straight ahead. I wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but Vincent looked pissed off, so I let it go. Once we reached the fifth floor, we parted ways. Vincent muttered that he was going to wash his face, and I went to find Leif.
He was in his room, examining a chipped cup someone had brought him. He looked relieved to see me, and once I sat beside him, he perked up. I didn't tell him about Eric; instead, I spent the night listening to him tell me about his afternoon with Dino, a riveting story about them staking out a Dauntless truck, and I fell asleep beside him. Exhausted from my run in with Eric, I slept late the next day, and even later the next. By the time three days had passed, I felt better. But not great.
Mother had made it clear there was now a target on my back, and my biggest fear was that it ruined my chances of being allowed out.
I was right.
I spent a fourth day inside, doing nothing but talking to Vincent and Monster about what happened. Both assured me I was fine. I was resilient. I had survived Eric coming after me, and I'd survive it again the next time. Dread welled up in my stomach at the thought of running into Eric in the future, but I knew he wasn't done just yet.
"You did great. You took a hit and kept going. That's what it takes. You just have to stay out of his way and make him think you don't exist."
Monster's words were meant to be supportive, but they made me feel ill.
I sat with them until my mother showed up and told me she'd help me fix my hair before I washed it. I found myself hesitant to be alone with her, purely because I didn't want to tell her he'd physically grabbed me. She didn't appear mad, but her tone was even and careful, and she insisted I take a bath despite knowing it was late, and I wouldn't have time to let my hair dry.
"Everly, I need to keep you safe. I can't do that if you don't tell me what happened. Did he touch you? Did he grab onto you? Or was he merely running in hopes of catching up?"
"He was close, but I got away. I didn't let him catch me." I tilt my head when she reaches for the brush, afraid she will insist I stay with her. I decide to offer up more information, hoping if I confide in her, she'll relax. "He knew my name. I didn't expect that."
"Of course, he did. He probably heard Vincent say it." Mother combs a section slowly, and her eyes find mine in the mirror. "I've warned you about them. They are dangerous. They don't care who you are or why you are factionless. They will kill you the minute they can. Mark my words. You're safer here, with me."
Though I knew it was coming, her words are a punch to my stomach.
"I can't stay inside. I've proven I can go outside. What kind of life is it to be trapped? I don't want to live underground or locked away. It's bad enough that this isn't even our home," I blurt my answer out before I can stop myself, and her nod is curt. "Please don't tell me you're going to try and keep me here."
"You've lived underground before. This is nothing new." She says, shaking her head just once. "I think the real issue is you don't realize how free you are. You don't have to pretend to be someone you aren't. It might not be ideal, which is why I'm working to better our lives. But if I lost my chance, and he catches you, it's all over."
"When did we live underground?" My brain fixates on this comment. I try to remember the places we have lived, but all I can come up with are the grey buildings, the crumbling staircases and broken floors. Buildings where Dauntless might poke around, never venturing higher than a few floors, and smaller buildings where we used to hide out, but never for long. I can't recall ever living in a basement because Vincent claimed it was safer up high. "He won't catch me. He's not fast enough."
"When Eric decides he wants something, he usually gets it," my mother brushes harder, and I wince when the brush catches. "Have Vincent help you wash your hair. It's matted."
Her annoyance is paramount.
She tosses the brush aside with a huff.
"I don't know how else to make this clear, but that man will kill you. He will find you and inject you with all sorts of things. He will lie and try to convince you of a reality that doesn't exist, all before he ships you off to be tested and ripped apart. If that is what you want, then you're free to tag along with Vincent. But if Eric gets his hands on you, I will not be able to save you. Leif will suffer. I will suffer. Vincent will never forgive himself. I hope you're aware of this."
"I am."
I look away from the mirror, listening as she starts to leave.
"Take your bath. Think long and hard about your next actions. If he finds you again, none of this is worth it."
Her words are a threat. They are not advice or something she hopes I'll consider. They are spoken as firmly as Eric when he announced the curfew. She intends for me to listen to her, and I intend to prove that I am worth more than being hidden away. The real threat is Eric, and maybe there's a way Vincent can help me. Maybe he can think of a plan, and the two of us will make sure we are never afraid again.
Satisfied with this idea, I wait until I hear her reach the stairs, and a door down the hallway creaks open.
Then I leave to find Vincent, knowing he'll be on my side.
"I don't know. Maybe you shouldn't go next time."
His hands are large and rough, clumsy as he helps me wash my hair. The awkwardness of the situation, myself in a cracked bathtub, in a room that isn't mine, is downplayed by the fact that he's been ordered to stay with me. He accidentally smacks my head when he tries to pull out the knot, and he swears beneath his breath.
"Fuck, sorry. Everly, this is weird. Evelyn insisted on it, but…" He trails off, and he's not wrong.
Normally, he helps me bring hot water here. Each floor has an old, sketchy looking water tank that sometimes works. I learned how to light it with a match, and each time, I would close my eyes and hope for hot water. When it wouldn't light, we'd heat the water over a fire, and carry it up. It's rarely enough to fill the tub, but I am short enough that it works. On good days, Vincent will fill the tub as high as he can before the water turns cold, then he'll sit outside the door and talk to me. Our conversations are never anything important, but it makes me feel safe. At any moment, Dauntless could come storming through, and Vincent is the lookout.
Tonight, he's been ordered to help me wash my hair like I am a child.
It's a punishment for both of us. My mother is reminding me that she is in charge, and I cannot look out for myself. She's reminding Vincent that he must listen to her, and if he doesn't, she'll take away something he has. A meal, a weapon, maybe even our time together. She's using the situation to show us how wrong we are, and I have to admit, it doesn't feel good.
"It's fine. I don't care. She's just mad Eric saw me." I lean forward, wrapping my arms around my knees and violently wishing for a normal home. A house in the woods maybe, or even an apartment somewhere. I've heard Monster talking about how he lived in Dauntless with a large group, and his biggest wish is for a space of his own. He said they could live anywhere there, but there were plenty of private apartments you could stay in. "He didn't catch me, so I know I can get away."
"He got close, though. Too close." Vincent moves away to grab a cup, and I loathe the way the water is beginning to cool. "Do you know anything about him? Did she tell you who he is?"
"No, just that he'll kill me."
My answer is glum. I hold on tightly while he rinses my hair, and when he leans over me, he smells better than usual. He must have showered earlier, taking advantage of the water. It wasn't uncommon to have none, and I'd spent plenty of time washing up in a stream, praying no one wandered by.
"He will. He can kill whoever he wants. He's…" Vincent pauses to let me swipe the water out of my eyes, and his next pour is even less skilled. "You saw him. He's got way too much power. If Evelyn can get into Dauntless, we could have that power."
"How is she going to do that?" I sit up slightly, then sink back beneath the overly sweet smelling bubbles. He'd dumped something from the Market in them, in a kind attempt to make the situation better. "I was thinking, what if we try to get rid of this Eric guy? What if we –"
"No." Vincent's answer is immediate. "Don't talk like that. He's not someone to mess around with. Evelyn is being overbearing about this but trust me. You don't want Eric to find you. He'll do things…things I don't want to talk about. Terrible things. Just trust me."
"Like what?" I watch Vincent stand up, and he shakes his head. "You can tell me. What is he going to do? Test me to prove I shouldn't be alive? She said he'd kill me and I can't think of anything worse than that."
"I'll get you a towel. Just forget about him. He's going to come looking for you, so we need to be prepared. We might want to consider moving for a few weeks. Finding somewhere else to stay. I'll talk with Evelyn later." He glances down at me, and his expression changes to something unreadable. "I'll give you a minute."
"Thanks."
I sink beneath lukewarm water, clinging to the remaining warmth. It sloshes with my movement, and I stare at the bruise on my wrist, the scrape on my knee, and the few drops of fresh blood oozing from it. It's a reminder of him, the brutal man hunting me down, and a hideous one at that.
My chest hurts when the door shuts, and the lone light above me blinks off and on. This bathroom is just as hideous. It's green, the exact color my bruise will fade to. The walls are covered in ugly tiles, the tub is leaking, and there is a single window with the glass broken and shards still on the sill. The sinks are coated in rust and grime, and the floor is slippery. But it's closest to the water supply, and not far from the kitchen. I wonder if someone once lived here, or if it has always been this way.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of tires screeching, and a clanking sound.
I sit up straighter when there is a loud, metallic crash outside. It echoes, followed by the wailing of some sort of security system. I figure I might as well see what's happening, and it's just my luck that Vincent returns with the towel.
"What was that noise?" I take it without climbing out, and he does his best to look only at my head. "Vincent?"
"One of the Dauntless trucks crashed. Monster went to look." He sounds smug, turning so I can get out of the bath. "You should stay up here. If they can salvage the truck, we'll keep it."
"I want to see it." I step out slowly, wrapping myself in a threadbare towel. It's old, so thin it barely soaks up any water, and stained with spots from being washed. I've probably washed it myself, scrubbing the blood and dirt out so I could use it later. "Is it nearby?"
"Right outside." Vincent turns, pretending he's not staring at my wet hair. "I should grab you another towel. You're about to freeze."
"I'm sure that's why she made me take a bath." I join him near the window, and both of us know my hair won't dry overnight. It means I'll be cold all night, and likely wake up feeling sick. "She's still mad about Eric."
"You should be, too. You went out once. Don't get cocky," Vincent warns. He looks down at me, then scowls. "I'm going to get you another towel. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."
"I'll try not to."
I smile when he rolls his eyes, then stand on my toes to look outside. From here, I have a good view of the mess. The oversized grey truck is smashed against a light pole, smoking and screeching. In the dark, Monster is dragging someone out of it, and I wait to see if it's the guy they talked about catching.
I don't think it is.
This soldier is young looking, scrawny and small, and not at all conscious.
I wait for the Dauntless to show up, but they don't seem to be nearby. Vincent returns with another towel, this one in worse shape, and I use it to dry my hair while Dino climbs into the truck. There's a loud bang as he bashes a pipe against something near the steering wheel, and other factionless emerge. They slink around the sides, murmuring amongst themselves, as the kid comes to. He panics when they work together to push it back from the light pole.
The truck squeals as Dino works to turn it around. But it's not in bad shape. Other than the dent in the front, and a crunched looking hood, it appears alright. When it's far enough back, Monster climbs inside with Dino, and they test it out. It appears to drive just fine, and their faces light up as they take it for a ride.
I watch with seething jealousy as they drive away, and the remaining group carries the soldier inside, despite his howls to let him go.
"It looks fun, doesn't it?" Vincent turns, taking the towel from my hands and helping me dry the back. "Want to try it tomorrow? I bet Monster will take you if you ask nicely."
"Will Mother let him?" I pull the towel tighter as the room turns cold. I can't close the window, and the warmth from earlier is gone. "Do you think she'll change her mind?"
"I just saw her. I think she's worried about you and doesn't want you to get hurt. You don't know how lucky you are to have someone who cares about you." His eyes lock on mine, blinking once. "Give it a few days and she'll forget about Eric. They'll be distracted with this new soldier. Until then, you and I will stay elsewhere. You can bring Leif if he wants. We'll go tomorrow night. I don't think they'll come by this late. Either way, the lookout will tell us."
"Okay."
I answer quickly because he's right.
Mother will be busy for a few days, and if I stay out of her way, it's likely she'll forget why she's upset. I make a silent wish that Eric stays put in Dauntless. Maybe he'll get distracted, and maybe he won't have time to come here. It'll give me the chance to live a little, and he might even forget he ever saw me.
I feel better thinking about this, until I go to bed.
The night is not kind to me.
Sleep evades me because I'm too cold to do anything other than shiver. I tried to shut the window in my room, but I was surprised to find it stuck open, like someone had jammed it up as high as it could go. I long for anything warm; the fire Leif lit, a warm jacket that would be comfortable to sleep in, another blanket, even another sheet. Unable to stop shivering, I do my best to squeeze whatever water is left out of my hair, but I am left miserable. My hands are so cold they burn, and my feet feel like ice.
I sit up with a whimper, knowing this is exactly what my mother wants. If I'm brave enough to deal with Eric, then I'm resourceful enough to get through the night. If I venture to her room, she'll have won. I'll have to admit I don't have it in me to survive without her, and she'll have proved a point.
Unfortunately, it's this or freeze to death.
With a sigh, I climb out of bed and do my best to stay quiet when my feet hit the cold floors. I slip out of my room, and into an ominously dark hallway. There's noise from a few rooms over, and the sound of someone bashing something into the wall. Some of the rooms have no doors, others are propped open. I see the one I want, and a faint glow flickers from inside. It takes no more than a minute to reach Vincent's room, but it might as well be an hour.
I don't knock.
I do pause in his doorway, and I find him awake.
He looks up at me from his bed, and his expression is amused. His room is similar to mine; it was once nice, but time has done a number on it. The curtains near the window are chewed, like rats have eaten them. His bed is on the floor, but he has more blankets and pillows. He's taken them from some of the rooms on the highest floors, claiming no one is using them. It's slightly warmer than mine, but only because his window is closed.
"Can't sleep? Or is it Leif?" Vincent sits up, dressed as warmly as he can be. His long sleeve shirt is thin but clean, and his pajama pants are ones he stole from the laundry. "Everly?"
"Leif is fine. I'm just really cold." I wait for his invitation because it's his room. We don't have much here, but everyone mostly respects each other's space. "I think he's asleep. He hasn't said anything about leaving. Or our mother. Hopefully, he's okay."
"He has been pretty quiet." Vincent gestures for me to come in, and I shut the door behind me. "Did you see him today?"
"I did earlier."
My time with Leif was starting to worry me.
It caused a sick feeling in my stomach when I looked at him. He was visibly unhappy, thinner than a week ago, and dirty. He promised he'd wash his hair another day, and his skin held the sallow pallor of someone who wasn't eating enough. He did drink some water and eat a small amount of the cookie someone had dropped off, but I could tell he was quietly protesting our existence here.
I understood.
Sometimes, in the darkest part of the night, I felt like screaming. I had long assumed it was the uneasy feeling of never knowing if the night was our last one here, or the lack of anything permanent. The closest thing I had to permanence was Vincent. He stuck by my side no matter what, even when he didn't have to.
Even that could change.
"Come here. Did she fuck with your window?" He scoots over, and I hesitate only because this feels wrong. Deep down, I do not want to lie beside him. I don't want to share his bed, despite the numerous reasons why I should. My feet are heavy and my mind demands I turn and head back to my own room. "She did it to mine once. There's a way to fix it, but it's hard. They're old and shitty."
"I think she did. I couldn't close it."
I force myself forward. Survival wins out, knowing warmth will keep me alive and pride won't. I climb into his bed gingerly, and it's much warmer than mine. A thought pricks at the back of my brain –why does he have more than I do, but I push it away. It's wrong to think like this. He's probably gathered the things himself, and when I am brave enough to take something, I'll have more, too.
"Fuck, you are cold. I'll help you with the window tomorrow." Vincent moves over, giving me plenty of space. I'm relieved when he doesn't reach for me, and even more relieved when he turns to face the wall. "If you need anything, wake me up. If you hear the alarm, wake me up."
"Okay."
I rest my head on a dense pillow and close my eyes.
My heart beats steadily, picking up when he pulls the covers up higher. They hit my face, and he snorts when I fix them. The world slows down as I warm up, but it's not pleasant.
When I close my eyes, I feel like I'm assuming Leif does. Off balance, in the worst way possible. Images of elsewhere flood my mind, taunting me with their warmth. I'm dully aware that I'm falling asleep, because I see a man who I assume is Vincent, pulling his shirt off over his head. A body built for war, with muscles carved like some sort of sculpture. Black pants, shiny shoes. A barked order to answer him, and a pressing stare. When I look up, my dream shifts, and it's not Vincent.
My lips part in protest as Eric blinks at me, and his lips turn up into a dark, malicious smirk.
"Everly..."
He says my name, drawing it out slowly, making me suffer. One hand reaches for me, closing carefully around my neck. Then he squeezes as hard as he can, and I'm left gasping for air. My body is flush against his, and when he leans in, the rough stubble of his cheek grazes mine.
"I told you I'd find you."
I wake up with a gasp, choking on absolutely nothing, in an empty bed.
The morning creeps in through destroyed curtains. I sit up in an attempt to rid my body of the feeling of his hands on me, but I can't. They stay there, firmly wrapped around my windpipe, closing in.
When I shut my eyes, I see his face inches away from mine, angular and sharp, full of violence and glee.
The image is so clear that it's almost impossible to breathe.
In the afternoon, I see the soldier they caught.
Monster and I wait for lunch, both of us quiet and cranky. He's upset over someone bugging him about the small stuffed bear in his room. I always assumed it was for one of the children here, but I quickly learned he took it to keep for himself. Everyone was forbidden from making fun of his comfort item, and the bear quickly grew ragged and filthy.
Still, he held onto it like his life depended on it.
Vincent swore he slept with it. Kenneth was especially defensive of Monster, shoving someone into the wall when they laughed at him. Monster was unbothered by the teasing, but he was bothered by the young boy who asked if he could have it. I watched him tell the kid no, but when he turned away, he looked guilty.
I knew how he felt.
We had so few things of our own, that handing over the one item that meant something was impossible.
"That's him." Monster moves over, pushing me toward the railing so I have a better view. He's always rough, but today, he means well. "I like his truck. I wonder if he got to drive it a lot."
"Are we…keeping him?" I ask, staring as Vincent marches the soldier along with Dino and Kenneth. Others surround him in case he breaks free, and he looks terrified. I don't think he's going to run, especially when Dino kicks him to make sure he keeps walking. "Where are they taking him?"
"To some room until Evelyn gets back. We shouldn't keep him. But Evelyn wants him. She'll convince him to work for her, or say she'll kill him. It'll be an easy choice." Monster answers darkly. "I think they said his name is CJ."
"He looks scared."
He should be.
It's how we feel all the time. For once, he's experiencing the horror of having someone decide if you live or die. He's probably experiencing the stomach churning feeling of knowing you don't belong, while there is little you can do about it. From up above, he appears small, only a few inches taller than me and nowhere near the size of the other soldiers. He doesn't say anything, nor does he move when Vincent tells him he should be grateful he's still alive.
"Are you going to talk to him?" I crane my head up to look at Monster. He shrugs, staring over the railing with disgust. "Did you know him? He looks really young."
"No. I never met him. I don't know how old he is, and I don't care," Monster says. "He's one of them. Between you and me, we shouldn't be fucking with them like this. We shouldn't be trying to take over their army because they won't accept us. Even if Evelyn gets her way, it won't be as seamless as she thinks. They'll always feel superior. It won't be any better there."
"What was it like?" I inch closer to the railing, and from a floor below, Vincent looks up. We make eye contact, then he looks away, pushing CJ toward my mother's office. It's a small room she sometimes meets in, and no one is allowed in there but her. "You wouldn't want to go back?"
"It's dirty. Dark. Everyone is ready to fight the second they don't get their way. I lived in a shitty room, with a hundred other people. I watched their Leaders stroll around without a care in the world. Arrogant, egotistical assholes. So no, I don't want to go back. Not unless they're all dead." His tone sharpens like the knife in his jacket pocket. "Evelyn is a smart woman, but they aren't going to welcome her with open arms. Not by a long shot. One of the Leaders has a whole group who will leave on his word. I doubt they'll stick around."
"Is it really underground?"
My mother's words flash through my mind, and I wonder if the faction truly exists beneath the Earth. I wait for Monster to answer, and when I look back at him, he smiles. It's not nice, but it's as friendly as he's capable of being.
"Yeah, most of it. Some is above ground. The guy hunting you lives on the higher levels above the compound."
"Eric?" Saying his name makes my spine hurt. "Did you ever talk to him?"
"Once. Right before I got kicked out. He agreed that my fighting was fair, but the others felt like it was too much. The one who was the trainer kept pushing the issue. Claimed it would make the others worry that I would go rogue. Piece of shit." Monster huffs. "I'm not shocked he's never out with them. He's too chicken to do anything but yell at the class."
I nod, trying to picture being there.
From what I've overheard, their initiation is brutal. Fighting one another, little sleep, and even less food. It made no sense why they'd treat them like that. It sounded like one step above being factionless.
"What was Eric like?" I ask, hoping to find out who I'm up against. "You seem to know a lot about their army. Do you think he'll find me?"
Monster remains stoic. He shrugs, but eventually his lips twist into a frown.
"Yeah, I do. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's a game of cat and mouse. Eric is something else. He's got all the advantages we don't. We might have an army, but Eric is prepared for a war we can't win. They have all the weapons, the cameras, the endless soldiers. They're well fed. They're well trained. They aren't freezing. They aren't going to willingly accept a new Leader, not when they have him. If Evelyn can pull this off, it'll be something else." His next words are bleak. "It'll take some time, but he'll find you. He'll find all of us. Once he knows your name, it's over."
"What about the woods?" I try to think logically, wondering if there is anywhere Dauntless won't go. "What about –"
"Let's go see where they took him. I want his watch." Monster interrupts, not waiting to see if I want to join him. "The woods aren't safe, either. Not unless you're way out. I'm talking so far out that no one has been there. There are only so many places to hide. I know you want them to leave us alone, but if Evelyn doesn't get her way, we're as good as dead."
"Oh."
My brain whirls with this information, and my mother's warning has never seemed more real. For a few selfish days, I've thought only of myself. What I want, how I will get it. The allure of being outside, and the thrill of going places with Vincent. I've neglected to think about what could happen to Leif if Eric does catch me. What will happen to my mother.
But if Monster is telling the truth, then Eric will find me. It's only a matter of time before I slip up. All the training in the world won't keep me away from him, especially if he has all the time in the world to look for me.
Disappointed over this realization, I head downstairs, lost in a symphony of my own frustration.
"Shit, shit, shit!"
He is young.
Smaller than Monster, and very pale. CJ's eyes are as wide as saucers. He blinks furiously when I step through the doorway. To my surprise, his wrists and legs are tied to the chair. His skin is the color of ash. His hair is matted to the side, damp with blood, and his face is darkly bruised. I imagine he hit it when he crashed, and it must hurt terribly. Just outside the door, Monster talks with Vincent, and their conversation is tense and unpleasant. Monster raises his voice to tell Vincent to fuck off, and it's the distraction I need.
I slip into the room because I am too curious to wait.
I shouldn't be in here.
I am never involved in anyone brought inside, especially a soldier from Dauntless. I step forward gingerly, and his leg shakes. When he looks up, there's recognition on his part. His mouth falls open, and his gaze is wild.
"Everly, fuck, fuck, fuck! Let me out of here! Let me go! I'll take you back. Everly, please! You're alive! I can't believe you're alive!" His words are jumbled, pouring out so fast I can barely make sense of what he's saying. "How the fuck are you here? What are you doing? Why haven't you left?"
His eyes meet mine, wild and imploring.
"Untie me and we'll leave. Please!"
"How do you know my name? Did Eric tell you?" I ask quietly, taking in his bleak appearance. "Are you alright?"
"No, I'm not alright! And what are you talking about?! We've met before. With Karl. Please. Please, just let me go. Untie me and I'll take you home." CJ begs. His skin is sweaty, and the gash on the side of his head looks much worse up close. "Please. Eric is looking for you. He's been looking for you. We thought –"
"I don't think you have the right person. I've never met you," I answer, shaking my head. "Why did you crash the truck?"
"What?" He stares wildly, looking frantically around the room. The chair moves with his furious efforts to break free, but he's stuck. "Untie me before they come back. It's not safe here. It's not safe for you to be here. Why aren't you listening to me?"
"You are safe. I don't think they're going to hurt you. They just want your help," I say, staring at his arm when something beeps. "What was that?"
"Everly," CJ howls my name, and outside, Vincent yells for him to shut up. When I step back, CJ's eyes widen further. "No, no don't leave. I'll show you. It's a wristwatch. It's got a communicator on it. You can…you can push it. It'll call the Control Room. They'll answer."
"Where is the Control Room?" I kneel beside him to reach for his arm. Despite the nagging voice in my head telling me this is a bad idea, I am intrigued. Monster said he wanted his watch, so it must be something special. "Does it really work?"
"Everly, please…let me go." He pleads again, only stopping when I push up his sleeve. I've seen watches before. Leif has one that Vincent stole for him, but it's nothing like this. This is a shiny black square, and the mirror like surface reflects my image. When I touch it, the screen lights up.
"How does it work?" I look at his face, wondering if he's alright. "What happens –"
"Touch it again." CJ is calmer now, but his stare is glued to the door. "I'll show you how it works. It's…. it's –"
"CJ, where the fuck are you?"
A familiar voice fills the room, rough and impatient. When I glance at his wrist, the screen is lit up with a name and a string of numbers, and the white letters make my heart race.
Eric Coulter.
"No!" I look up in a panic, and CJ has his eyes closed. "Did you call him? You said it was the Control Room."
"CJ, answer me. The truck lost communication last night. We've been trying to track your location. Kacie's working on it now. Have you –"
"She's here! I'm with her! I'm with Everly!" CJ yells out. I stand up, and nearly trip over my feet trying to back away. "Eric, you have to get down here. It's near the old bank. It's by…"
He stops when his eyes meet mine, and I shake my head.
"It's an old hotel. She's here and she's alive. The place is crawling with factionless. They must live here." CJ keeps talking, ignoring my look of horror. "Hurry! All the way inside. Go to the back of the building."
"What?" Eric's question is barked, followed by a flurry of noise. "CJ, hold tight. I'm working on this."
"Don't tell him anything else," I glance at the door, but Monster and Vincent have moved away. Their arguing is loud, something vile and tense over a dinner someone left outside, and they have somehow missed CJ's yelling. "Tell Eric to hang up."
"Everly…"
Eric hisses my name, and hearing it makes me jump back like I've been electrocuted. His tone is nasty. "CJ, don't let her leave. We're heading there. Kacie has a location. Don't let her go."
"I can't man. I'm fucking tied to a chair." CJ looks at me again, shaking his head frantically. "Everly, let me go. We can help. We can fix this. I promise."
"How do I hang it up?" Panic engulfs me, its grip crushing my windpipe as I hear Eric barking orders at people. The sounds of Dauntless fill the room, loud and vicious, despite coming from the tiny speaker on the watch. "CJ, hang it up!"
"I can't!" He tries to move his wrist away, but it's stuck. "Everly –"
"Are you going to let him go?"
The voice of Leif breaks my panic but seeing him makes it come right back. He looks worse than yesterday, and when he looks at CJ, his expression is pained.
"You know they're going to hurt him, don't you? If he doesn't agree with Evelyn, then he'll be dead." Leif's despondent announcement matches his expression. "We should let him go."
"Don't call her Evelyn. She's our mother. And we can't let him go." My words sound harsh, but he doesn't care. "If I untie him, Monster will go after him. Or he'll run right to Dauntless and tell them where we are."
"They already know where you are," CJ interrupts. "They traced the location. By the time you empty this place out, they'll be here. So let me go, and I'll tell them to back off. I'll tell them you're not in any danger."
"What are you talking about?" I whirl around, and my fear from earlier vanishes. "The only danger I'm in is from you guys. If you weren't constantly trying to kill us. If Eric wasn't hell bent on killing the factionless for fun, I'd be fine."
"YOU AREN'T FACTIONLESS!" CJ roars, but it's a little too loud. Vincent peeks his head into the room, and his expression is annoyed. "Look dude, let me go. Please. I wasn't on my way to hurt you. I was on my way to Candor. I swerved to avoid some guy. I wasn't after you. Just…let me go."
"Fuck you. Just let you go. Just like you let us go," Vincent spits back. "Everly, come on. We're leaving."
"He told them where we are." I move when Vincent takes hold of my arm, and CJ's eyes go right to his hand. "They're coming here."
"Who is she talking to?" Eric's voice is far away, but lethal. "CJ, who the fuck is she –"
"No more. Come on. Leave him here, and we'll head out. We weren't staying here anyway. We all know Dauntless will be through in no time. Thanks for confirming it." Vincent glares at CJ, then steps around me, undoes the watch and tosses it to Monster. "Enjoy your afternoon. You, too, Eric."
"I swear to God, I will –"
"You'll what? Kill us? Pretty sure that was your plan all along." Vincent laughs. Monster takes the watch from him, then taps the screen and hangs up. "Leif, come on. We're heading out and you're coming with us. If Dauntless comes this way, we'll be long gone."
"Do I have to?" Leif blinks, his expression turning defeated once more. "I can stay behind. They won't find me."
"Yeah, they definitely will." Vincent rolls his eyes. Even Monster snorts, laughing when CJ begs to be let go. "Monster, you guys coming?"
"Evelyn said she wants us spread out. That way, if they do find anyone, they'll think we're all in one spot," Monster says. "I'll be around."
"Fine."
Vincent and I leave, and my only hesitation is Leif. He stays in the room, watching CJ with a strange look on his face, and he doesn't follow when Monster lumbers off to find Kenneth. He's mumbling about forming a small group to surprise the soldiers who do show up, and only once does he call for Leif to come with him. I linger a few steps outside the room, and I shake my head when Leif reaches for the restraint on CJ's wrist.
I know what he's doing, but before I can stop him, Vincent instructs me to hurry.
Turns out, he's made plans for us to leave in the next hour, and now is not the time to hang around and see if Eric shows up. With a quick nod I agree, then I stop. I take one step onto a creaking staircase, then I turn to face him.
He knows why.
"You want me to go get your brother, don't you?" Vincent's shoulders rise, unhappy with this. "I know what he's doing. He's going to untie that kid and let him run. It doesn't matter if the guy stays or not. They've already called Dauntless and we have to get out before they show up."
"But Leif –"
"He's acting out. Your mother agrees that leaving him alone is best. Let me free the guy. He's hurt, it's unlikely he'll get far on foot, and if anything, he's a great distraction. Go grab whatever you can, and we'll start walking." Vincent cuts me off, and I'm reminded why he's always been in charge of me. Our small connection proves to be someone else's orders. He shakes his head when I look over his shoulder, and when he steps toward me, it's not friendly. "Everly, go."
"Okay."
I take off up the stairs, ready to collect the few belongings I have.
I don't really want to leave, but I have no doubt that staying here isn't safe. Once again, my home is ruined. The only place I have to exist is about to be ransacked by soldiers, and my only attempt at survival is to leave.
With a heavy heart, I don't look back, not even when I hear CJ begging Leif to free him, and the sound of Leif asking him how to get to Dauntless.
Less than a half hour later, I find my mother at the head of a circle of people.
I come upon the small group near the very back of the building lobby. I've shoved everything I want to take in a backpack, and with great reluctance, left behind a few pieces of clothing that would be too cold. I met Vincent in the hallway, unsurprised to find him watching the chaos unfold.
Word had spread quickly that Dauntless was on their way. In a panic, people began to gather anything that could be carried, packed away whatever they could, and hid a few items for when we would return. Anything left behind was impersonal. We all knew there was a great chance of being caught, and an even worse chance of seeing Eric. I looked for Leif, wondering if I should pack his things, but Vincent assured me he was with Monster. He told me he'd meet me downstairs, and to yell if I needed help.
I didn't.
There was something nauseating about collecting my entire life into a single bag and walking away. I took one last look at the room, the once grand wallpaper now peeling in spots paired with the single bed, and I knew we'd return at some point. But it wouldn't be the same. It would have been ransacked. Destroyed by whatever soldier was assigned to raid this room, then left to rot.
When I stepped into the hallway, the oddest feeling washed over me. My brain seemed to enjoy mocking me, chanting over and over and that this was it. I would never return here.
Knowing that was far from true, I shook the thought away and forced myself downstairs.
Now, near the group, I find Vincent watching with a curious stare, but not a great one. His brow furrows as my mother speaks, and his jaw is tight. I recognize the look as one of sheer impatience. His gaze flicks to me, and I know something is wrong.
A tiny cry slices through the air, loud and unhappy.
A few steps away, my mother recoils. She does her best to appear unbothered; she leans back, flashing a tight, unhappy smile at a woman and clasping her hands over her heart. The girl they are gathered around is maybe a few years older than me, beaming as she holds a newborn baby in her arms.
"Isn't she beautiful?" The girl, covered in what looks like sweat and blood, clutches the baby to her chest. There's a makeshift diaper on her, and a too large children's shirt over her tiny body. Dark hair curls around her head, thin and damp looking, and her face is red. "I'm going to name her Alice."
"She is beautiful," Mother answers slowly, looking up at me. Behind her, there is a burst of men and women beginning their departure. They are noisy, especially the families. "I wish you would have told me. I had no idea you were expecting such a gift."
"Is it a gift? How are you going to feed her? We don't even have enough food for dinner. We can't even stay here for dinner!" Vincent bursts the bubble of happiness by squinting at the baby and huffing. "What if it gets sick?"
"She won't. I can take care of her. I promise." The young girl leans away, like Vincent is going to rip the baby right out of her arms. "Evelyn, I swear. It'll be fine. I can take care of everything. She's all I ever wanted."
"I'm sure."
My mother's answer is terse.
A baby is quite possibly the last thing we need. While there are no rules forbidding anyone to have children or join our community with children, it's not a smart idea. It's freezing outside. What food we have is scarce, and it will only get worse. I'm not sure how she will care for the baby if she does get sick, and the thought of raising a child here, where we are always on alert and ready to leave, makes my heart hurt.
Not to mention, we need to leave before Dauntless shows up.
"It's just that it's very dangerous right now. If we let our guard down, we risk being found out." My mother keeps her voice soft, gentle as she reaches out to touch the baby's head. "You know what happens if they come close enough. We have to go, and you'll have to keep her quiet. Which isn't always possible."
"She'll be quiet." The girl promises, her fingers pressing tightly over the baby's back. She must not be able to hear her cries, or how they're growing louder. "Or we'll hide downstairs. You said we can lock the doors."
"You can. That might be the best option." Mother leans back, still not elated over the situation. Her stare skips around the room, displeased when she doesn't find what she's looking for. "Do you have everything you need?"
"Almost. Neil went to get a few things." The girl glances around the circle, pausing when she gets to me. "Is there anything special I'll need? When are they supposed to be here?"
"Now. Any second. Everly, we should go before Eric kicks down the door." Vincent interrupts, jerking his head toward the exit. "Congrats on the kid. If you can't find what you need have Neil run through Erudite after Dauntless leaves. Sometimes their hospitals throw shit out. But you better hide, now. They won't leave you alone just because you have a baby."
"I know.
The circle closes in as the focus returns to the girl and her baby. The air holds a different tension than it did earlier, one much worse. It's amplified by the bleakness of the lobby, and the smell of the cold. Behind the group, a cracked pillar is littered with graffiti, and a few dirty papers are stuck to it. There's a poster for a missing child, and another for a girl from Amity.
My stare fixes on that one, blinking when Vincent snaps at me.
"Everly, we need to go. Now. We don't have time. It's been –"
Vincent's voice is lost to the roar of the truck's engines. The grey vehicles drive down the streets, and their alerts blare, announcing they are on the search for a missing soldier. CJ's picture is broadcast onto the sides of the buildings, demanding if anyone sees him to turn him over.
Another bulletin follows, announcing they will not bargain for his return.
"Oh fuck."
A loud crack fills the room as the first soldier makes it through the door. It flies open, and they file in, one after the other. Swarms of black spill inside, and unlike our army, they move together. I catch a glimpse of several heading in our direction, and the only thing I can do is blurt out the word RUN!
"They're here! Everybody out!" Vincent yells, and his command sends everyone scattering. It also draws the attention of Dauntless. They look in our direction, weapons drawn and stares filled with rage, then scream for us to stay put. "Don't listen to them. Get your shit and go!"
The chaos of the moment is made worse by the presence of the baby. My mother yanks the girl to her feet, and the group surrounding them fumbles to get her out of their way. She groans when she tries to move quickly, and the baby cries as it gets jostled around. I blink as Vincent rushes past, yelling out for everyone to move. I start to follow him, but the baby is shoved in my arms, despite my and the mother's protest.
"Wait –"
"No! I can hold her! Give me my baby!"
"Jenna, keep going. We'll help you walk. Everly will carry Allie. We need to get out of here before they come this way." Mother throws a desperate stare in my direction, insisting that I run. "Hold her head against your chest. Whatever you do, don't let them catch you."
"I can't carry her! Why me?" My confused rebuttal is lost in the sound of the soldiers running toward us. The room grows blurry around the edges, turning dreamlike as the infant squirms. "Hey!"
"GO!"
I'm pushed forward with the group. Only my mother looks at me, taking firm hold of my arm to drag me along. The baby continues to cry, her face turning red and scrunching up in displeasure, and it's loud. She's not heavy, but not easy to run with. I understand why she's been handed off because Jenna struggles to keep up with everyone else.
When she yelps with pain, I glance around to find Vincent and Leif, but I don't see them. Only the factionless emerging from their rooms, the large doors to the underground levels slamming shut, and the commands from Monster to keep moving. He hisses at me to hurry up, and I realize the soldiers are closing in.
"Oh fuck."
Dust and dirt clouds the air as the soldiers tear through the lobby. They take no heed to the cracking foundation and endless rooms; they attack with a vengeance, taking down Kenneth before he can sprint away, and Madison as she tries to cut across the room. I stumble over a discarded footstool, then I'm herded into a hallway. It's dark and crowded, filled with the screeches of those trying to leave. I cover the baby's head as I'm shoved against a doorway, and her screams are ear piercing.
For one blinding moment, I don't see anyone I know.
I push myself back into the wave of those running, forcing my way to the middle.
"Wait! Wait, Vincent!" I yell when I see his head above the others, but he can't hear me. "Vincent!"
Having no choice, I run to catch him. He goes left when the hallway ends, but when I reach the middle, I am greeted with the sight of soldiers heading toward me. My plans to escape come crashing down. I backtrack to head right, and to my relief, there is an emergency exit. It's set off the side of a small set of stairs, flanked by a broken wall. Just outside, factionless swarm the area, trying to find who they left. I catch a glimpse of Vincent's hair, and my heart races.
"Hey! Vincent! Help me! I'll give her to you and you can pull her over. She's –" I make it two steps before I see him, and my heart sinks. "No!"
Eric saunters out of the room beside the exit, clearly in no hurry. His posture is arrogant, easy and relaxed, and his expression is cocky. He calls out for someone to head upstairs, and when he turns, the smug grin on his face intensifies.
Just for a moment.
When his eyes find mine, they are dark with delight. This is a game to him, one he plans on winning.
Until his gaze drops to my hands, and the look on his face changes. His eyes widen, his lips part, and his head tilts to the side. He blinks when I take a step back, his stare locked on the baby, and my worst fears come true when he walks forward. His boots crunch over the broken concrete, thudding as loudly as my heart, and he kicks aside shards of glass without looking.
He moves like a predator in the woods, heading right toward me without breaking eye contact.
I clutch tiny Allie tighter, and his stare remains transfixed.
"Everly…" Eric says my name quietly, much more patient than before. I hate that he knows it, even more so when he licks his lips. "Is that…is that baby yours?"
I swallow thickly as he looks up from Allie to my face.
"Everly, answer me." He pauses when I shake my head, and it's obvious he doesn't believe me. "You can tell me. Is he yours? How old is he?"
"She." I correct him without thinking, then curse myself for having said anything. He doesn't care about Allie, and while she's not mine, I can't let him take her. "Don't come any closer. Just…stay there."
A flash of defiance rips through his glare.
"I said, how old is she?" He demands, ignoring my feeble request to stay away. I take another step back, and I'm surprised that he's much taller than the other day. He towers over me, and when his body is inches away from mine, I can't breathe. "Answer me."
"Don't kill her."
I clutch Allie tighter, and she doesn't like this. Her cries are furious. She squirms, flinging her arms and legs in every direction, and I nearly drop her. Eric's stare becomes tense, annoyance crossing his face, and I know I have to think of something before he grabs her.
But I can't move.
I'm backed into a corner, with a wailing infant in my arms. Eric closes the very little distance between us, and he's huge. Intimidating and mean, and just as terrifying as the other day. His hair is perfectly smooth, clean and gelled, and his uniform is brand new. It's as black as my hair, and the fabric is rough looking. When he moves, it creaks. He smells like something strong; sterile and clean, but violent. My vision darkens when he reaches for Allie, and on his wrist is the same watch CJ had.
"Don't touch her. She's not mine. You can't take her."
"Are you lying?" For some reason, he's oddly invested in the baby. He carefully touches the back of her head, and his eyes lock on mine. I'm surprised to find his are light; the grey is the color of stone, and they flash with disbelief. "She has your hair color."
"She belongs to Jenna. She was just born." I dare to look at him, knowing he could kill me in seconds. He must be thinking the same thing because his face flashes with displeasure. "Please, let me go. Let me give her back. Jenna doesn't ever leave here or bother anyone. Please. If you let me give her back, I'll talk to you."
For a second, I think he's going to listen. Eric remains unblinking, but I can see his mind whirling. This is different than when I saw him in the Wastelands. He's calculating something, not just trying to catch me. He leans away with a funny expression, then presses something on the watch.
"No." He steps back with a sneer, and radios for backup. "She's in here. Send Rylan. There's an exit near the back. Have them go around and –"
"Eric!" The crash from the back of the room interrupts his commands. He whirls around to see who is heading in our direction, and I have mere seconds to act. I run the minute he looks away, ducking to the side and sprinting toward the door. Allie continues to wail, the sound reaching a new volume as I near the broken wall. I see Monster outside, and when we lock eyes, I nod.
With Eric on my heels, I make it to the wall, and through a jagged, rough opening, I hand Allie over to Monster. He immediately passes her to someone beside him. He reaches for my arms, and my feet hit the wall as I climb over. The hole isn't huge, but it's large enough to climb through. His grip is tight, and it tenses as Eric realizes what's happening. Eric swears, yelling for everyone to head around the back, and there is a guttural cry from somewhere inside the building.
"Oh fuck…" My leg hits the wall, and the sharpest parts cut right through the thin leggings. Monster heaves me over, and Eric is a second too late. He grabs at my leg, but misses. I'm outside in the blink of an eye, and when I stumble to my feet, I make the mistake of looking back.
"This ends now, Amity. You're coming with me. If not today, next time."
Before I can fixate on the fact that he's referred to me as something other than my name, I panic. Eric's look from before is gone, and in its place is one of rage. He kicks the door down with startling force, and he's outside before I can run. I move backward, slipping into the group in an attempt to lose him. The factionless swarm like bees. Some move to hide me, others are confused as to what's going on, and wind up in front of me as they pass Allie around.
"Fuck you, Eric!"
Someone comes to my defense. One of our own lobs a rock at his head. Eric ducks, and it hits the wall with a loud thud. Others follow suit, throwing whatever they can at him. One catches his shoulder, and another hits his chest. It does little to slow him down, but when one grazes his temple, he lets out a hiss and throws up his arms.
"Everly, knock it off! This doesn't need to continue," Eric roars. "Stop running. Stop right there!"
"Fuck." My heart beats wildly as everyone begins to run. Combined with Allie crying somewhere in the group, the shouts of everyone screaming for us to head into the city, and the sound of my boots hitting the pavement, I can barely think. I run as fast as I can, turning down whatever alley will hopefully lose Eric. I eventually crash into Vincent, and his panic is as tangible as mine.
"Here. Put this on. We're climbing up. He's a street away." Vincent shoves a hoodie at me. I yank it over my head and attempt to keep running. I know why this is important, but it's nearly impossible. My hands shake as I fix the sleeves, and he glances back to make sure I'm alright. "Okay, you're good. Put the hood up and follow my lead. If he sees us, he won't think it's you."
"What about the baby?" Numb with terror, I follow him and the others through a winding side street. "What about Leif?"
"He's gone. I think the long haired guy got him. I went back to see what he was telling CJ and the room was empty." Vincent stops at what was once an ice cream parlor. He forces the door open, and we duck into darkness. "Head behind the counters. There's a staircase to the second floor. We'll hide out here. It can be locked from the inside."
"What do you mean Leif is gone?" I gasp, but I'm thrust forward by the others. I don't recognize most of them, only Vincent, and Monster appearing with a scowl. He waits until the last few file in, then shuts the door behind him. He wordlessly heads up the stairs after locking it. It doesn't appear secure at all, but it's a start. "Monster, did you see him? Is Leif –"
"They got him. It looked like he went willingly," Monster answers. He shakes his head, and shoves past me without looking down. "Before you ask, no. We aren't going after him. Not today. Dauntless is everywhere. We already lost Kenneth and Madison."
I don't answer him.
I can't.
My heart aches at the thought of my brother willing going along with Dauntless. I can't imagine why he'd go, but I also can't do anything about it.
There isn't time.
Through the hazy, cracked windowpanes, Dauntless soldiers fill the street, triumphant at having found where we were. Unfortunately for us, they aren't satisfied. As they march, it becomes obvious they aren't stopping. I see Eric storm through the streets with a sneer, and behind him, a man with red hair walks with an older man. In the older man's arms is Allie, still screaming her head off.
I don't see Jenna.
I look for her, but eventually, slink away from the window, fear coursing through my veins. They keep glancing toward the building, but it's like every other one in this area. Dark, deserted, and full of places to hide. They could search through here, but for now, they're looking at the larger buildings.
It doesn't make me feel any better.
Eric has seen me. He has my brother. He knows we're running, and he's made sure I know he's coming back.
My mother was right about everything.
Eric will return, and it's unlikely I'll get away.
The next few nights are terrible.
I sleep beside Vincent in the small, upstairs apartment. Despite being next to him, the room is cold and loud. The building creaks and groans, and the wind hits the windows for what seems like hours. The sound of Dauntless patrolling the streets is just as loud, even louder when they drive down this street. I sleep off and on, and when I do fall asleep, it's riddled with images of Leif being hurt by Eric.
Monster spends most of the days outside, searching for food and water. I offer to help, but he shakes his head and tells me to stay put because it's not safe out there. Despite his reassurance that I did a fine job handling Eric, I'm once again, kept upstairs while they prowl through the streets.
In the mornings, I eat whatever is passed my way. I silently accept an orange, a few bites of an almost stale muffin, and I sip on watered down coffee. It tastes strangely familiar for reasons I can't figure out. Vincent catches the look on my face, and he grimaces.
"I got it at one of the stores in Erudite. Someone left it, and I dumped it out then went inside and said I spilled it. They were happy to refill it for me." Vincent collapses onto the mattress beside me, sighing when I don't say anything. "It took me a while to walk back."
"It's good. Thank you." My fingers wrap around the cup, and a sharp pain stabs through my head. For a moment, the thought of this coffee somewhere else appears, but I have no reference for it. "Can I ask you something? Have we gone there before?"
"The café?" Vincent asks. "I don't think so. I haven't taken you to Erudite. Monster goes sometimes. Why? Do you want to go?"
"No."
The thought of visiting somewhere that I don't belong is disheartening. I don't want to sit amongst people who are happily going about their day, nor do I want to feel like I am not good enough to be there. I idly wonder if I could find a job somewhere, or if they'd figure out I wasn't from that faction, or if they'd even care. They wouldn't even have to pay me what the others are getting paid. I'd need just enough to buy a few things for myself and Leif.
Once he's back.
I picture him wandering around Dauntless, swallowed whole by the cavernous ceilings and endless hallways. The thought is jarring enough that I nearly drop the drink, and Vincent scowls.
"Be careful. I'm not walking back for another one."
"Sorry." My apology is immediate, and unnecessary. The thought of Dauntless itself isn't weird. Everyone wonders about other factions, and if I really wanted, I could walk as close as I dare. But what my brain pictured was oddly specific, so clear that I would swear I've been there. "It's really good. Thanks."
He doesn't answer me. He's staring at the window, and his expression is bitter.
"Vincent –"
"I'm not mad. I'm just not…walking back there. I'm tired." Vincent snaps, and his attitude turns bitter. "I thought you'd be happier."
"I am happy. But I'm worried about Leif." I answer without looking at him. "It's hard to be excited over coffee when he might be dead."
My words are offensive. Vincent sits up, and in this moment, he's almost scarier than Eric.
"I doubt he's dead. He went along with them. Monster said he looked fine. He was talking with one of them as he climbed into the truck. Sorry to say it, but your brother is a traitor. He's going to tell them everything they want to know." Vincent spits the words at me, then stands abruptly. "Enjoy your drink. I'm going to find Evelyn."
"Vincent…"
The rest of my sentence dies before I can finish it. I find myself struggling to be sorry. I have every right to be upset about Leif, and I can't pretend I'm not worried. While I appreciate the gesture, it feels odd. Memorable. If I close my eyes tightly, I can picture holding a drink like this, surrounded by darkness.
I force my eyes open, terrified at the thought.
When I'm sure Vincent isn't coming back, I put the coffee on the broken nightstand, and I don't touch it again.
At night, I watch them.
From the window in the living room, I sit on a wobbly chair, staring at the dark. I tell myself it's for scientific purposes; I want to see where they go and what they do, attempting to figure out what I am up against. I'm not dumb enough to believe I can avoid them on my own. Their trucks drive through the streets with a roar. The soldiers who patrol on foot are broad and strong. Their weapons gleam beneath the moonlight, and their stares are unfriendly, only breaking into the barest of smiles when Eric emerges.
He walks with them, arms behind his back, like he's out on a stroll.
His gaze sweeps over the buildings, but nothing captures his interest. He moves at an unhurried pace, occasionally interacting with those walking beside him. Sometimes, he speaks to his companion with the red hair, other times to the man with long hair. For the most part, he walks with a smirk on his lips, like he owns the city.
Once, he looks up at the window, and I swear he can see me.
I hold my breath, waiting for him to storm into the ice cream parlor. There is no way out from here other than the door he'd walk through, and he'd easily corner me.
I wait for him to order the soldiers to stop walking, but he merely smirks again, then continues marching down the street. This goes on for hours. They effectively prevent anyone from being outside, and I know Vincent and Monster can't return.
They eventually stop near dawn, and only then do I breathe a sigh of relief.
By the time the week passes, I dream of never being called resilient again.
I want to never be exhausted like this again. I am worn down by Dauntless guarding the streets, but also by my own will to stay alive. To evade the soldiers, doing my best to be happy with nothing. I am exhausted by the demand to thrive under the worst of circumstances, no matter how tough things get. I don't know if I can keep existing like this; each day, another paramount of stress added atop the other, with the promise of change that will never come.
Unfortunately, this leaves me feeling terrible. My mother has never given up, and neither should I. I should continue on, refusing to let Dauntless win, especially now.
I sink into a once velvet chair, and her gaze finds mine.
It's cold.
It's also as unhappy as my own, maybe more. I know she's been told about Leif, and I have a feeling the blame will fall to me. She will tell me that I was supposed to watch him. I was supposed to stop him from speaking to CJ, and I was most certainly supposed to stop him from willingly going along with the men and women who wish to cease our existence.
But her anger doesn't come.
Only harsh disappointment, and a quick blink of concern to make sure I am alright.
"Did he hurt you this time?" Her voice is scratchy with resentment. Her eyes appear dulled by what happened, lifeless even though she looks fine. "Vincent said you handled him well. But you didn't leave unscathed. I suppose we should be grateful for that."
I look up, fully expecting more. Something softer, warmer. A support that I so desperately need, and the reassurance that this will end soon. That Leif will come back, and things will become easier. I want her to tell me things will be okay, and that she has a plan.
"He didn't hurt me. Not like you think. I tripped," I lie, wincing at the memory of Eric. His body inches from mine, and the way he smelled. His eyes raking over the baby with sheer, burning horror, and the startling moment when he touched her head. "Are you alright?"
My mother's stare becomes blank, void of any real emotion. It takes her a second to become human again, and when she looks up, a flicker of disappointment is there. "I'm fine. They took Leif, they took Jenna, the baby. The others are worried it'll be them next. I've promised it won't, but I don't really have a choice, do I?"
Her words are like a razor pressed to my throat.
"I'm sorry about Eric. I don't…know why he's after me." My voice betrays my bravery. It sounds defeated, no matter how hard I try. "Maybe he'll agree to your demands."
"He should." She pauses, and her gaze softens the slightest. "I'm glad you are alright. I heard you were impressive. He cornered you, yet you kept going."
"I didn't have a choice, either."
My stomach hurts at the memory. I toy with the sleeve of my shirt, and vehemently wish that she'd stand up and hug me. I don't want to be patted on the head for how well I took a hit, but taken care of. I want to stop running. I want to be still. But most of all, I want her to look at me like she used to, warm and hopeful and optimistic.
"You can go. I need to speak to Monster. He wants to discuss finding Leif. If there's a chance we can get to him, we'll take it. But it's not likely they'll leave him alone." She stands, not to hug me, but to stare until I look away. "He's not going to leave you alone, either. It might be time we considered dealing with them head on. It's not ideal, but we're running out of time. I suggest you stay out of sight until we have a plan in place."
"Okay."
My nod is heavy. It hurts, along with my arm, and my leg where it hit the wall. I rise from the chair without saying anything more, because I don't want to make her any angrier than she already is.
She knows.
She lets me walk out of the room in silence, and for once, she doesn't come after me.
It takes a few days for Vincent to speak to me again.
It's hard to miss his anger, especially over his attempts to find Leif. While I sit upstairs in the ice cream parlor, he and Monster stake out Dauntless. I could join them. Each day, I watch them get up and leave, glaring at one another and snarling for the other to hurry. But I can't bring myself to move. I can't bring myself to do anything other than eat whatever is left for me and attempt to wash up in the sink. The water is cold and streaky, and what comes out does not feel clean.
By the time Vincent says my name, I am so desperate for him not to be mad that I reach for him. My insides fall when he slips his arm around me, awkwardly hugging me while Monster bangs around downstairs.
"Did you find him?"
I whisper against his shirt, the thin fabric worn against my cheek. His hand hits my head in an attempt to hold on, and it's like he's never hugged anyone before. I try to remember the last time someone hugged me, but it's impossible. I have the faint recollection of my mother half hugging my side or throwing her arm around my shoulder as she pushed me toward another room. Leif has hugged me, or maybe I hugged him and he only reciprocated.
The thought stings, just as much as when Vincent lets go to step away.
"Vincent?"
"Yeah, he's there. He was with the guy Evelyn wants to get. His name is Rylan." He answers tightly. "They were walking through the woods. He looks okay. Happier than last week. Clean. It looks like he's eating. Rylan seemed to like him. They were laughing when they passed by."
"Rylan?" I repeat, and the name sounds funny. "Is he –"
"An idiot? Yeah, he is. He visits Amity a lot. He's not as bad as the others, but he's not on our side by a long shot." Vincent's hand finds mind, and it's as rough as my own. "I think we should try to find somewhere to stay before we get Leif back. Monster says this war won't go well."
"What is she planning?" I ask. "Is it happening soon?"
Vincent looks at me, miserable as ever.
"Vincent, what's wrong? What did she say?" I step toward him, and he steps back. It's the first time he's looked pissed off at me, and I can't figure out what I did. "Vincent?"
"She wants to use you to get Eric. She thinks he'll agree to her demands if he gets what he wants," Vincent's answer is bitterly acidic. "No one else agrees. Not even Jeanine. She says Evelyn knows better."
"Where is Jeanine?"
Jeanine is a mystery to me.
I've met her a few times, and our interactions have been curious. She's always reluctant to be around me, and her gaze holds contempt, like she blames me for her life. What I've heard about her is surprising; Vincent said she was some sort of scientist, while Monster says she was the Leader of Erudite. She became factionless after a blow up in Erudite, and her attitude toward the factionless is less than pleasant.
Despite being one of us, she loathes anyone around her. She speaks only to my mother, and often stays hidden away. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of who she was in what she wears. She always has blue on her, and her long blonde hair is regularly cut to her jaw with whatever she can find. A month ago, I watched my mother chop it with a pair of dull scissors, though the result was less than impressive.
"Why? Are you going to talk to her? Ask her what Evelyn's plans are?" Vincent's face is scribbled with the effort of trying to appear patient. "She's not going to tell you."
"Why not? If it involves me, wouldn't she think to tell me about it?" I sound indignant, and I am.
I don't like the sound of this at all.
The thought of being used as some sort of bait for Eric is terrifying. I've always had faith in the factionless who stand as our army, but I'm starting to doubt that we can win against them.
"No, I don't think anyone plans on telling you anything. She'll just…tell Eric that you'll be somewhere and he'll show up. You probably don't even have to be there," Vincent answers defensively. "It could work but it sounds stupid to me." He pauses, and his next words are quiet. "She thinks he'll come because he has Leif, and you'll want to see Leif."
"Yeah, I do."
My own stare is defensive. As far as I know, Vincent has no family other than Evelyn and the factionless, and it would make sense that survival trumps trying to find a kid who willingly walked away.
"Do you want to come with me to find her?" I ask, letting go of his hand. I'm struck by a jolt of this being wrong, and it makes my stomach turn over. I can't tell if it's the news of this plan, or the physicality of holding onto him. "I want to ask Jeanine about Dauntless. If she thinks I can get to Leif before Eric gets to me."
Vincent is silent for a long time. His eyes are a darker brown today, and his hair is rumpled. He looks as stressed as my mother, so it makes sense when his nod is slow.
He agrees to come along, but only for my safety.
"It's not safe for her to be out here. Are you both trying to get killed?"
Jeanine's voice is like nails on a chalk board. Seated atop a ledge on a rooftop, her feet dangle over the side. It's an odd position for her. I half expect her to jump, though the thought makes my heart leap into my chest.
I approach her slowly, and her only acknowledgement is a slow glimpse in my direction.
"Vincent –"
"She wants to ask you a few questions," he cuts her off. "About Dauntless."
"Of course, it's about Dauntless," Jeanine huffs. When she looks back at me, it's nasty. "I knew this day would come. There's nothing good that will come of asking me about them. You should stay hidden, no matter what your delusional mother says."
"Why do you think she's delusional?" I join her on the edge, climbing up carefully. To my surprise, there is a small landing beneath the ledge, enough space to walk along if one was adventurous. "I thought you were friends."
"Hardly." She laughs humorlessly. "While I can admire her dedication to trying to defeat the system, I'm not stupid. She won't win and using you shouldn't even be an option. If she's as smart as she thinks she is, she'd leave you out of this completely. He saw you, that's enough. He's going to destroy her if she's not careful."
"Why does Eric care so badly? Is it to get back at my mother?" I shift my weight as Vincent climbs up, settling beside me. "He has my brother. Why would he need me?"
Jeannine lets out a huff of laughter, and her stare is incredulous. "He has his reasons. I'm sure you'll be shocked when you find them out."
"What are they?"
Beneath my feet, the city sprawls into the distance. The buildings around us are all the same; they rise into the sky but are decomposing from the inside out. Several are full of broken windows, while others have entire walls missing. Entire floors peek out, revealing a skeletal structure of metal beams. Near the tallest building, a group of soldiers travels through the streets.
They follow a man jogging ahead, paying minimal attention to them.
His grey shirt is soaked in sweat, and he wipes his forehead despite the cold temperature.
"Eric's reasons are his own. If my calculations are correct, you'll figure them out in a few months. Which is why Evelyn is desperate to stop him. Everything will be different by then." Her answer is as cryptic as her tone. "Do you ever dream of him? Research once showed that the subconscious mind is a powerful thing."
"I dreamt he was choking me," I answer. I figure I shouldn't lie because she might trust me if I'm honest. "And something about a river. I think he was there, but I couldn't be sure."
"Mmm," Jeanine looks over at Vincent, and his mouth is a firm grimace. "Any others?"
"A small child who I didn't know. None of it made sense. Is his reason revenge? Does he want to catch me to get back at my mother?" I watch the man lead the group down the street. He stops only to make sure they are following him, then his gaze turns skyward. "Do you know him?"
"I know him very well," she responds. Her gaze snaps to the man in the street. He's far enough away that I doubt he can really see us, but he keeps looking in our direction. "He's capable of everything Evelyn thinks. More, even."
"No, he's not," Vincent interrupts. "If he was, why has it taken so long? Why hasn't he found her yet? He has every resource available, and he only just saw her."
"If you want my assumption, he was looking in the wrong places. He found factionless that weren't trying to avoid him. He looked in obvious places. Evelyn kept her inside, and that's why he hasn't seen her. The ones he found likely didn't know who she is." She side-eyes me, and her blonde hair lifts in the wind. She is as pale as Leif was, and the creasing around her eyes is deep. "If he's lucky, she'll remember who she is. It's better that he hasn't found her. Because when he does, he will kill anyone who helped keep her hidden."
"What are you talking about? What do you mean, who I am? Evelyn's daughter?" I kick my feet back flat against the wall, and the man leads the class down the street one over. "What should I remember?"
"If you're here to ask me your life story, I'm not the person you should talk to. I had little to do with your life, and up until a few years ago, you were no one to me." Her gaze sharpens, and her nails dig into the ledge. "I've told Evelyn to be careful the longer this goes on. That's all the advice I can give."
"Do you think my brother is okay?"
I don't know why I think she can help me. Jeanine doesn't like me, and her shrug is all the confirmation I need that I shouldn't have bothered her.
"Please. I have to find him." I plead, ignoring Vincent staring at his hands. "If Eric hurts him –"
"He won't. He doesn't want your brother, but he knows he's valuable to you. If you want Leif back, just give it time. I have no doubt you'll be with him soon." She tilts her head as the man runs to the end of the street, and the group trails behind him. "Vincent knows a lot about Eric. Have you asked him?"
"I've already told her what I know," Vincent snaps. "I haven't lied to her."
"Are you sure?" Her gaze is trained on the group, and I follow her stare. This must be their initiation class. Several are the size of Eric, while others are smaller. All of them run without any real effort, and only a few lag behind. "Evelyn mentioned the supply run going wrong. If you can't get what you need, she'll know the truth sooner rather than later."
"What truth?" I look at him, but he shakes his head. "Is there something I should know? Why don't you just say it?"
"No." He glares at her, then swings his legs over the railing. "Fuck you, Jeanine. We took care of you when no one else would. Evelyn hid you from everyone who was accusing you of murder. You have some nerve."
"If you're speaking of Ashley's wrongdoings, I can't be held accountable for someone else's actions. She worked on her own accord. I didn't help her." Jeanine tears her stare to me, and her next words send a shiver up my spine. "If you want your brother back, find Eric. Tell him your demands. I can guarantee he'll listen. Just don't get too close."
I stare at her expression, and it's terrifying.
Entertained, but also oddly sympathetic.
"He goes to Amity quite frequently. If you want to talk to him, without your mother knowing, meet him there. But again, I wouldn't get too close. He's desperate these days, so it should be easy for you to find him." She smiles and it's not at all nice. "I'm sure Vincent will be happy to take you."
"I won't. I'm not taking her to fucking Amity. But I will tell Evelyn what you're saying," Vincent threatens. He hops off the ledge, and his words are caustic. "Good luck staying with her much longer."
"It'll be over soon, anyway." Jeanine turns away, and the conversation comes to a grinding halt. "Good luck, Everly."
"Thanks."
I follow Vincent's lead. I carefully climb down, taking everything into consideration. Vincent walks to the fire escape, stomping ahead and glaring when I'm not right behind him. I throw him a smile and promise I'm hurrying but I'm lost in my thoughts, attempting to untangle what's going on.
It doesn't take a scientist to figure out there's something being kept from me. Eric seems to have some connection to Evelyn and myself, and he's using me to get to her. There's a time limit, and something big must happen if time runs out. My brain furiously tries to link everything together, but it stops completely when my feet hit the street.
There, in front of me, is the man in grey with an entire class behind him.