The door to Torey's office opened and a young girl exited and went to where her mother was sitting.
"Same time next week?" the mother asked.
"Yes, that's right," Torey said from her doorway. The woman and her daughter left the waiting room and Torey peered over at where Rachel and Severus were sitting. "Come on back, Rachel."
Rachel got to her feet and began walking toward Torey, noticing that she was a tiny bit unsteady, but doing pretty good. She could see Torey watching her and making the same assessment.
"Do you feel comfortable coming back to my office now? Walking isn't painful for you?" Torey asked once Rachel was inside.
"It's fine, it doesn't hurt at all. I'm still a little bit unsteady and I can't go very far yet, but I'm okay coming here," Rachel said as she sat down on the sofa.
"Good, it sounds like you've made really good progress this past month in terms of walking and having control of your body," Torey said as she sat down in her office chair.
"Yeah, I wasn't sure about the new potion at first, it makes me pretty sick, but I can't argue with the results. I'm still working on flying and my hands still do this," she paused and held up her hands so Torey could see the tremor that shook her hands, "but both of those are better than they were before too."
"I'm glad. How was your week? Are you looking forward to returning to Hogwarts?"
"Mostly." She paused. "Kind of," she said, more truthfully that time.
"Is there something you're worried about in terms of going back to school?"
Rachel thought for a moment. "Not really. I just don't feel ready yet. Can I talk to you about something that's been going on?"
"Yes, of course."
She pressed her lips together as she remembered how she had rehearsed this in her mind. "This is something that's been happening for a while, but I couldn't tell you because it involved the Dark Lord, but now that he knows, it's safe to tell you."
"Severus mentioned that there were some things that we needed to wait until I was better protected before we discussed them," Torey said with a nod.
She knew Torey meant the wards and the Fidelius charm. "That too, but that was before we knew what the Dark Lord knew. Now that we know he knows, he's not going to try to look for it from another source." Shifting, she thought about what she'd written in her journal. She wanted to avoid making this confusing. "I've been having what we're calling visions. At night, while I'm asleep, I sometimes see what the Dark Lord is doing. We know he knows this, because we learned he also has the ability to send false visions, but he's only sent one of those so far."
Torey brought her hand up to her mouth and chin as she seemed to think about that. "Can you tell me how long this has been happening? How often?"
"It's been happening since the start of my fourth year at Hogwarts. The visions used to be about six months apart, but now they're closer to a month or two apart."
"What happens in these visions?" Torey asked, the corners of her mouth fighting not to frown.
Rachel looked away. "Usually it's the Dark Lord torturing people and killing them."
Torey was quiet for a moment. "And this was why Severus was working on occlumency with you in the winter, to attempt to prevent these visions. I take it that it wasn't successful?"
"No. Professor Dumbledore looked at the, well, hole I guess is the term we've been using. Inside my mental architecture. But he says it's not a hole in my shield, that my shield is fine, but that the connection is beneath my shield," Rachel explained. "We also tried wards, but they didn't help. He says he's looking into other possible solutions, but I don't really think there is one."
"I want to make sure I understand," Torey said. "There is a visible connection to the Dark Lord inside your mental architecture?"
"There's a place inside my mental architecture where instead of a wall, there's just an open black space. I think I could go inside it, but that's probably a bad idea. I'm not sure I could get past my manifestation to do so anyway. She's guarding it." She couldn't say why, but she felt that if she went into that black space, she wouldn't come back out again.
"Are the visions the only effects of this connection?" Torey asked, reaching for her notepad.
"No. My scar burns, sometimes it bleeds. I get headaches sometimes, which I think is when I would be having a vision if I was asleep. I get headaches after the visions too. I can feel the Dark Lord's emotions sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I know things that I couldn't know," she listed.
"How do you feel about all this?"
Rachel looked down at her lap and forced her hands to unball. "I want the visions to stop, but I can't do anything about them. It doesn't seem like anyone can do anything about them, and they could happen at any time. It's completely out of my control."
Torey nodded. "That sounds similar to a number of situations in your childhood, where you were being traumatized at seemingly random times with no way to control the situation."
She really didn't want to think about that, but Torey was right that the same helplessness and fear was tied up in both situations. She hated feeling that way. "I watched Professor Podmore die. It was worse, when it was someone I knew. I wish I hadn't seen it, but I feel guilty for wishing that, because at least I was there with him, even if he didn't know. Someone should have been there."
"There's no shame in not wanting to see someone die. Usually people have a lot of different, and sometimes conflicting feelings about seeing someone die, whether it was someone dying in bed from a long illness or witnessing a violent crime. You're allowed to feel about it however you feel, and however you feel is okay," Torey said. "It's okay to wish that it hadn't happened or that you hadn't seen it."
Rachel sighed. She supposed she was at the other part she needed to tell Torey. "There's something else. There was a prophecy. About me and the Dark Lord. It's why he's so fixated on me, even from when I was a baby."
"Severus mentioned that as well, though he didn't think it was safe to tell me the contents," Torey said.
"It doesn't matter now. The Dark Lord has heard the prophecy now, and that's what we were trying to prevent. You read about the attack on the Ministry?"
"Yes, I did."
"That was the Dark Lord listening to the prophecy. He destroyed a lot of the Hall of Prophecy afterward, then he killed a bunch of people on his way out. That was one of the visions I saw," Rachel explained.
"I see. Do you want to tell me about the prophecy?" Torey asked, worry creasing the corners of her mouth.
Rachel looked away again. "I won't bother with the exact wording, but the idea is that someone born at the end of July, to parents who defied the Dark Lord three times, and then was marked by the Dark Lord, which is this." She tapped the lightning bolt scar on her forehead. "That person, me, will have a special power that the Dark Lord doesn't know, and then one of them has to kill the other. Either I have to kill the Dark Lord, or he kills me."
Torey stared at her for what felt like a long time. "I trust Severus agrees with this interpretation of the prophecy?" she finally asked.
Rachel nodded. "So does Professor Dumbledore. They're supposed to help me figure out what my special power is and help train me to fight the Dark Lord. But-"
"But?" Torey prompted when she didn't finish.
"It's pretty hopeless, don't you think? I can't kill the Dark Lord. I don't even know how to begin to find my special power. The best thing I can do is let the Dark Lord kill me so that someone else can kill him. The prophecy doesn't make him immortal, it just means no one else can kill him until one of us is dead."
"Rachel. Are you intending to seek out the Dark Lord so he can kill you?" Torey asked, her tone very serious.
"No." She wasn't. Not really.
"It's important that you don't. There is no reason to throw your life away. I can understand why this situation would feel hopeless, it is a very scary situation for anyone to be in. It's okay to be scared. But if the situation was hopeless, the prophecy wouldn't be written in the way that it is. If a true prophecy says you have a special power, then somewhere in there you have a special power. If you had no chance at defeating the Dark Lord, then the prophecy would speak of his triumph, not of the possibility that either of you could be victorious," Torey said, still looking intently at Rachel.
"The Dark Lord is like seventy years old. He is about as powerful as Professor Dumbledore. I've just turned sixteen and haven't even started my NEWT classes yet. How am I supposed to fight someone like that?"
"You're not. Obviously this can't be a conventional battle. And is there anything in the prophecy saying you have to face him alone?" Torey asked.
"No."
"Then it sounds like all you need to do is to be the one who strikes the killing blow. Let Professor Dumbledore fight the Dark Lord," she said, struggling with a frown. "Rachel, I know this has to be terrifying. No one should be put into this position. How long have you known about the prophecy?"
"Since just after Christmas. I don't think Severus would have told me then, but he was worried that the Dark Lord might give me false information in the visions." She had been hoping that Torey would see how hopeless this was. She had wanted someone on her side.
"I imagine that was very difficult to hear. Do you remember how you felt about it?" Torey asked.
"It helped to understand why the Dark Lord was after me and why he tried to kill me when I was a baby. But it felt the same way as it does now, it's a death sentence."
"I can understand why you would feel that way. Is Severus helping you? And Professor Dumbledore?"
"Both of them say they will. I was supposed to do combat training this summer, but instead I relearned how to walk and how to stay awake." The summer had been rather disappointing.
Torey nodded. "What happened was a setback in a lot of ways, but you've made a very good physical recovery. How do you feel you're doing emotionally and mentally?"
Rachel thought about that. How was she? "I'm okay, I think. A little bit up and down, depending on the day. Sometimes I just feel weird."
"Can you describe what it's like to feel weird?"
"It's not…it's not really an emotion. Just sometimes something doesn't feel right and I don't know what it is."
"What is happening in your body when you feel that way?" Torey prompted.
"I feel detached, I guess. Like I'm a step outside my body." Rachel thought that was about as close to describing it as she could get.
"That sounds like mild dissociation. Do you notice if time passes oddly when you feel this way? Either it passes very quickly, or very slowly, or you're missing time?"
"It's like there's a little skip in time, and I don't know how long I've been sitting there. I thought dissociation was like my nowhere place?" Rachel asked.
"It can be. I would say that your nowhere place sounds like more severe dissociation, where you are leaving the experiences of your body entirely. This sounds like a more common and milder form of dissociation, where your mind is trying to distance yourself. It's a protective measure, your body and mind are trying to protect you from painful things. Have you noticed that you've had certain thoughts or experiences right before this happens?" Torey explained.
Rachel shook her head.
"Maybe pay attention to that and see if there is anything in common happening right before you start feeling this way," Torey suggested. "We're coming up to the end of our session and I wanted to ask you two things."
"Okay."
"Would it be alright if I consulted with some of my colleagues to see if any of them know about the sort of connection you have with the Dark Lord? I won't use any identifying information, they won't know it's about you or the Dark Lord. Most of them are in America, so they won't be aware of what is happening in Britain."
Rachel considered it. "That's fine, as long as they don't know it's me." She would do just about anything to find a solution to getting the Dark Lord out of her head.
"Thank you. I'll see what I can find out. Maybe with more of us working on the problem we'll find a solution we haven't tried yet. The other thing I'd like to ask you is if it's alright if I can talk about the prophecy with Severus. I'd like to hear from him what steps are being taken to safeguard you and what the plans are going forward."
"Okay. Severus already knows how I feel about the prophecy." She hadn't told Torey anything he didn't know about the situation.
"Thank you. Is there anything you think I should know right now?" Torey asked.
"No, I think we've covered everything." Rachel wanted to go home and hide in her room for a while with her headphones on. This hadn't really gone like she'd hoped it would.
"Alright. Severus knows how to reach me if you need me before the next time we meet. I know we're planning to skip next week so you can take the train to Hogwarts," Torey said.
"That's right." She couldn't believe that was only a week away. She got to her feet. "Thank you."
"Of course. I'm here to help you however I can," Torey said, also rising.
Rachel went to Severus' side in the waiting room and watched as he tucked away the journal he'd been reading.
"Anything we need while we're in muggle London?" he asked.
"No, let's just go home."
"Come in, Severus," Albus called as Severus raised his hand to knock on Albus' office door.
Shaking his head, Severus let himself in. "How is your recovery?" he asked, walking over to the chairs next to the far window where Albus was sitting.
"Apart from this," Albus raised his withered and blackened hand, "well enough."
"I apologize for the hand, if I had another option that wouldn't have resulted in your death, I would have taken it," Severus said as he sat.
"Quite the contrary, I ask for no apology, instead I must give my heartfelt thanks for saving my life."
Severus hesitated. "About that."
"How long?" Albus asked.
"Maybe two years. I recommend that you have the curse damage specialist take a look at it as soon as possible. I didn't recognize the curse."
Albus inclined his head. "I sent a letter this morning to Specialist Weber, but I have no expectation that he will be able to lift the curse. I don't recognize it either, but I believe it's something Voldemort himself invented or rediscovered. I am hoping that the Elixir of Life will be able to extend my lifespan for as long as necessary to win the war."
"You still have the Philosopher's Stone hidden away?" Severus asked.
"I do, in my personal effects. I indicated to everyone else that I had it destroyed with Nicolas' agreement. Fortunately Nicolas has taught me how to use it," Albus said, as though he weren't speaking of the greatest achievement in alchemy being tucked away in his sock drawer.
"I hope that it will help," Severus finally said. The idea of fighting this war without Albus at the head was a daunting prospect.
"I hope so too, my work is not yet complete. There are many things I need to do," Albus said, glancing down at the stack of parchment on the low table in front of him.
"How did you come by the ring?" Severus asked after a moment of quiet.
Albus closed his eyes for a moment. "Folly and foolishness. I think too highly of myself."
Severus waited, willing to prod for a better answer than that if he needed to.
"I have a belief about the Dark Lord that I am working to verify. This ring was but one step on the journey," Albus finally continued.
"And what belief is that?" he asked when it was clear that Albus wasn't going to say more.
"Have you ever heard of a horcrux?"
Severus turned the word over in his head. "Old English presumably, hor for evil or impure. Crux for container or jar, perhaps. I'm not familiar with the spell."
"I wouldn't expect you to be, I wouldn't expect anyone to be. It is an evil beyond speaking. I won't tell you of the ritual, but of the result. The soul is split, and a piece is placed into an object, the act of splitting the soul is the evil, the object is the container for the soul," Albus explained.
He felt a queasy horror at the idea. The soul was sacrosanct. He couldn't begin to fathom what splitting one's soul would do to a person. "That's why the Dark Lord didn't die when the Killing Curse reflected on him. Part of his soul lingered in our world."
"That is what I believe as well," Albus said.
"And the ring was the horcrux, and you discovered it," Severus reasoned. "Was the curse that affected you separate or was that the doing of the horcrux?"
"Separate. The ring was designed to curse whoever wore it, to protect the horcrux."
"And there was a compulsion charm on it, which caused you to put it on," Severus continued.
"You could say that I was compelled."
Severus looked at him. "There was no compulsion charm."
"There was not. As I said, simply the folly of an old man with many regrets," Albus said, meeting Severus' gaze.
He recognized that as Albus asking him not to press further. Severus carefully considered all of this information. He wouldn't press, not over something that had cost Albus his life. "Presumably the horcrux must be destroyed if the Dark Lord is to die."
"Yes, that is my assumption as well. However, they are very difficult to destroy. I have yet to find something that will destroy a horcrux. I suspect we may need Fiendfyre to accomplish the task," Albus said, sounding completely at ease despite what he was suggesting.
"We'd have to find somewhere we can burn out. Do you think you're strong enough to control it without it falling back on you?" Severus' eyes flickered to Albus' withered hand, he wasn't sure how much the curse had weakened him.
"I am strong enough for that. I must tell you that there is an additional problem, but I am less certain about this than I am about the horcruxes themselves."
Severus blinked. "Horcruxes? Plural?"
"Precisely. You recall the diary that Rachel brought to us three years ago?"
"I do. How many horcruxes is it possible to have?" This had suddenly become a nightmare of a problem.
"From what I've researched, no one has ever made more than one. However, I suspect Voldemort has made several. I need more time before I can confirm this." Albus shook his head slightly.
"If even one remains, we cannot kill him," Severus surmised. "How did you find the ring?"
"It was in his mother's childhood home. I visited looking for clues of Voldemort's past. Instead I found a series of traps and the ring in a golden box beneath the floorboards," Albus explained.
"How likely is it that the Dark Lord will revisit the house to check on the ring?"
"Given the state of the house, unlikely until he learns that we know about the horcruxes. Obviously we will wish to delay that knowledge for as long as possible. Once he knows that we know, he may attempt to move the other horcruxes, and I believe we stand the best chance of finding them if they are in their original hiding places."
He shook his head to himself. It wasn't bad enough that they were fighting the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters, but now they had to deduce where he may have hidden pieces of his soul. "How many do you suspect there are?"
"I don't care to guess until I have additional information. I would actually like Rachel's assistance with this-"
"No."
"Severus."
"No. I will not have her dragged into this more than she already is," he insisted.
"Consider this as part of Rachel's training, then. Rachel needs insight into Voldemort. The research I have been doing for this, the memories I have uncovered, will ultimately help her triumph over him. I must pass this information to her before I die. I must, for the sake of the war, and for the sake of her life."
He considered it. He did not want Rachel involved. But he could not deny the prophecy. And he could not deny her the tools she needed to kill the Dark Lord. "At her pace and willingness. When she's ready. I will not have you forcing this on her."
"How is she, Severus? You seem concerned beyond what you otherwise might be," Albus asked, his expression retreating from impassioned to thoughtful.
"She is struggling. She does not wish to show how badly she was hurt, or how badly she's still hurting, but it is rather clear to me. She won't speak on what happened, but given everything, that is not particularly surprising." He was rather at a loss of what to do with Rachel and intended to speak with Torey again soon to make sure they were on the same page.
"Do you believe she's ready to return to Hogwarts? Does she need additional help or care?"
"As for returning to Hogwarts, we will have to see how she responds when she gets here. She has not indicated to me that she doesn't wish to return. I'm not sure what additional help or care we could provide her with at this point. I intend to speak with her Mind Healer soon, and if she has a recommendation for additional help, I will pursue it."
Albus nodded slowly. "If there is anything I can do or arrange, just let me know and it will be done."
"Thank you. Am I to understand that you knew about Rachel's secret Defense club last year?"
"I suspected, but I did not have firm proof. Given that they were being very discreet, I decided the best thing I could do for them would be not to mention it or seem as though I was aware."
Severus frowned. "I would have liked to have been informed."
"Understandable, but as you know, the more people who know a secret, the more likely it is to get out. I would have told you if I believed they were in danger or if I believed that Dolores suspected anything. As it was, they conducted themselves very well."
"Perhaps too well, if they could carry out a club for an entire school year without causing anyone suspicion, particularly when Rachel was being followed by other students. Did you know that she recruited my prefects as spies in the Inquisitorial Squad?" Severus still couldn't believe Rachel had done that. He supposed he did not know her as well as he professed to.
"Did she?" Albus smiled proudly. "I'm glad to hear it. I trust your judgment, Severus, but I think she is more resilient than she seems. She will recover from this."
"I hope that is true. I suspect she needs more time. Hopefully having her school routine again will be helpful and not be overwhelming to her. I still intend to discourage her from taking seven classes, but I have agreed to give her a month to see that the workload will be intense."
"You know her better than I do, but I expect she will resist. She is very keen on her studies," Albus said, still smiling.
"A little too keen, if you ask me," Severus said. Both she and her friends could stand to learn to moderate their study time.
"You're planning to return to the castle tomorrow?"
"Yes, I expect we'll be here by midday. I have to prepare my classroom. I've somewhat neglected it," Severus said, getting to his feet.
"I'm sure you'll manage. Everyone else should be joining us by Tuesday at the latest. I'm going to London to pick Maureen up from the international portkey office on Monday."
"How much do you know about her?"
"I know she's a valued educator at the Western Academy of Magic. I suspect she will have a bit of a culture shock, but I think it will be a good experience for her and for our students," Albus said, reaching for his quill and stack of parchment.
"She's only planning on staying a year?" he asked.
"Yes, I specifically requested that. I wish to protect her as much as possible, considering the history of the position."
Considering the curse, he meant. "I look forward to meeting her then. I will see you tomorrow."
"Of course," Albus said, nodding and then busying himself with the work that he'd put down when Severus arrived.
Severus left, his mind busy with all of the information that he'd learned. They had a tremendous task ahead of them and not much time to do it.
Rachel's knees wobbled a little as they started up the path to Hogwarts from the gate. It was only a ten minute walk, but that was a bit further than she'd been walking in one go. She supposed she would have to get used to that quickly. She had her trunk in her pocket, her bag slung over her shoulder, and her broom in her right hand. It had been more difficult than she'd expected to leave home that morning, she really hadn't wanted to go, but she knew that they had to.
At least she'd have a week to adjust to being back in Hogwarts without the other students watching her stumble around.
They rounded the trees and Rachel came to a stop as she stared at the castle.
Severus came to a stop beside her. "It was not like this yesterday."
"Battlements, that's the right word, isn't it?" she asked, dredging up the word from one of the many fantasy novels she'd read.
"Yes."
The battlements went around the castle as far as they could see, starting on what looked like the second floor and with another set on what was maybe the fourth. Some of the windows had changed as well and were now much narrower. The area around the front doors had become recessed and there was a new addition of some sort stretched around the right side, away from the lake.
Rachel knelt down, needing a break before they continued up to the castle. The last thing she wanted to do was to fall in front of Severus.
"The castle is preparing for war to come to Hogwarts," Severus said after a long moment.
"Did this happen in the first war?" she asked.
"No. This is the first time I've seen major changes in the castle, more than just a few classrooms shifting, from the time I began here as a student," he said, frowning.
"What is the difference, do you think? The war was pretty serious last time. And you told me that the teachers were preparing for an attack on the school."
"I don't know what the difference is. Hogwarts is sensitive to the situation in magical Britain. All I know is that the castle believes that the fighting will come here this time."
Rachel bit her lip as she considered that. "Does Professor Dumbledore know how the castle works? How it thinks?"
"No one does, though there are plenty of theories. We know that the founders placed many charms and enchantments on the castle. There is the possibility that they imbued it with a certain amount of sentience in a spell or ritual that has been lost in the past thousand years. Another possibility is that the castle gained its sentience simply by being the site of so much magic being cast over a thousand years. There have been artifacts in the past that have shown rudimentary intelligence and thought processes after being subjected to a great amount of magic over a long period of time. Most of those are kept tucked away in the Department of Mysteries. And there remains the possibility that it's something else entirely and that knowledge simply doesn't exist anymore," Severus explained.
"It has to be more than just sentience though, if it can sense magical Britain. Though, I thought something had to have a soul to be considered sentient?"
"That is the general definition, yes. A magical painting isn't considered sentient, even though it speaks intelligently and has the memories of the person who was painted. Same with ghosts, they are an imprint, not the soul itself. I rather doubt Hogwarts has a soul, but like paintings and ghosts, complicated enough intelligence can mimic sentience to the point where it's difficult to distinguish."
As Rachel thought about souls she was reminded she needed to go back to practicing the animagus meditations. "Off topic, but do you think Professor McGonagall will mentor me and my friends in becoming animaguses this year?" She pushed herself back to her feet.
"Ready to walk?"
"Yes, I can do it," she said. They had returned the charmed chair to the hospital wing last week. Rachel suspected she was going to have to push herself to take longer walks if she wanted to be able to make it through Hogwarts like she used to.
They started walking again, Severus letting Rachel set the pace. "As for Minerva, I will ask her. You and your friends have mastered the preliminary work, I take it?"
"Yes, we're all pretty confident in the meditations now. I think we're ready." She hoped they were ready.
"I will let her know that and see what she says. She may have additional work for you to do before you can begin the process, if she is willing to mentor you at all. If she says no, I do not want you to attempt this on your own," he said, his tone firm.
"If she says no, maybe Sirius can mentor us over the summer. He said he would do it," she suggested, though she knew it wasn't likely he would agree.
"Let's exhaust the other possibilities first before we resort to Black. I suspect Minerva will be willing to teach you, but she may have some caveats. I also suspect she will wish for all of your friends to be of age before she teaches them."
"That's another year for some of us."
"And yet you said you would be willing to wait for Black to teach you over the summer. You will all be of age then," he pointed out.
"That's true. I just don't have-" she cut herself off.
"Don't have what?" he prompted when she didn't continue.
"I don't know how much time I have left," she said, which wasn't quite what she was going to say before.
Severus came to a stop. "Rachel, look at me. You have plenty of time. Albus and I and the others will keep you safe. We will keep the Dark Lord away from you until you are ready. There is time."
She glanced up at him and then looked away. "It's not that simple. We meant to keep the Dark Lord away from me and look what happened."
"I have yet to apologize to you for my role in all of this. I am sorry, Rachel. I am sorry I did not take more precautions and steps to protect you."
"I don't want an apology. You didn't have anything to do with this. It happened and there is nothing stopping it from happening again." She could feel her heart racing. "I don't want to talk about this."
"I think we need to talk about this."
She shook her head. "I can't. I really can't." She concentrated on taking slower breaths but it felt like she was being squeezed.
"There are lots of things to prevent it from happening again. You will be safe from abduction within the castle wards. You can summon help quickly if you need help within the castle. Minerva, Poppy, and I all have portkeys that can take you from Hogwarts if the situation becomes dangerous. You have your phoenix pendant to summon Albus if you are in danger, and he will be with you immediately. Your friends will help guard you within the school. If you wish to go to Hogsmeade, I will accompany you and I will not leave your side. You don't have to go to Hogsmeade at all if you don't want to. In summer we are safe in our home. You are protected."
Thinking about going to Hogsmeade was too much right now. "Can we go to our quarters? I need to sit down." She was going to go hide in her room under the guise of unpacking.
Severus was quiet for a moment. "We can. Do you need to sit down first?"
"No." She wanted to go home.
"Let's go then. We can stop and take a break at any time."
Rachel clung to her bag and her broom as they walked. She needed to be in better control of herself than this, and she had a week to regain that control. If only she could figure out how to do it.
"Careful to keep your fingers tucked in, even with the stabilizing charm on your knife, it won't be as steady as you remember it being," he said.
Rachel tucked her thumb in and continued to cut the daisy roots into mostly even segments. So far brewing wasn't as bad as she had anticipated. A stabilizing charm on her knife and stirring rod meant they moved mostly smoothly. She could brace her forearms against the edge of the counter while she was measuring or counting drops of something. The main thing she had to be careful of was not touching the cauldron with her shaking hands when dropping ingredients in.
After she finished with the daisy roots she began slicing the black trumpet mushrooms. This was a little harder as there wasn't a good place to hold them safely.
"How are your sessions going with Torey?" Severus asked.
"Fine." She kept her eyes on her work.
There was quiet while she worked and she reached for the scale to measure the slices of mushrooms.
"I have concerns," he said.
Knowing he couldn't see her face, she rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Severus."
"You have been withdrawn and you seem depressed."
That time she did turn to look at him. "I'm not depressed. I've been doing the exact same things I would be doing at the end of summer as I would any year. I'm brewing. I'm flying. I'm visiting the library. I'm preparing for my classes. What more do you want?"
"It's not about what I want. Or about the things you are doing. You typically either appear worried or absent. You are quiet where you used to engage me in conversation. You do not seem to be able to mention what happened or able to withstand anyone talking about it. I am concerned about what will happen when the other students return to school." He said all of this with a gentle tone, his expression concerned as she watched him.
"I'll tell them to mind their own business," she said, turning back to the scale and the mushroom slices. "I'm okay. I don't like to think about what happened, and I don't see any point in doing so. If I seem more reserved, maybe I've just grown up a bit."
"I do not think that it is you growing up. You can't simply choose not to think about traumatic things that have happened. They are a part of you and they inform your experience. It's okay to talk about them. If you don't want to talk about it to me, then Torey is available to you. If you're not comfortable talking with Torey, we can find someone else."
"I'm fine with talking with Torey, I like her. I don't want to see someone else." She still wanted to return to only seeing Torey once every other week, but she knew that was unlikely to happen while Severus was worried about her. She set aside the amount of mushrooms she needed and then moved onto the mortar and pestle. She didn't need a stabilizing charm here, it didn't matter if the pestle was shaking. Counting the puffer-fish eyes into the mortar was a little more challenging, but she finally got twelve in there and began grinding them into a fine powder.
"My goal is for you to be well, Rachel. We can't do that unless you help," he said, his tone moving more toward frustration rather than patient.
"And you don't listen to me when I tell you that I'm okay," she said, putting as much pressure as she could into the mortar. "I will tell you if something is wrong. Can you please just listen to me."
"I'm listening. What is it that you wish to say to me?"
Rachel set down the pestle and turned to look at him again. "I am mostly doing alright. I need some space to adjust to being back at Hogwarts, and will probably need to adjust again when people are back. I'm talking about things with Torey and she is helping me. It's just slow and it takes time. I will tell you if I'm worried about something or if something is wrong."
He watched her for a long moment and finally nodded slightly. "Alright. I will give you space, but know that you can talk to me about anything. I will not judge you, I only wish to help."
"Thanks," she said, hoping that would be the end of it. She went back to work, moving the powdered puffer-fish eyes into a scoop so that she could level it. This was a little more difficult, but she was able to brace her forearm against the edge of the counter to hold the scoop ready.
Now that she had all seven ingredients prepared, it was time to brew her developing solution.
Rachel could feel her entire body shaking as she made her way along the fourth floor unused classroom corridor. She'd been pushing herself to climb the stairs without stopping, but the further she went, the worse the shaking became. The muscles in her legs were complaining and she was a little bit out of breath. It seemed two months of convalescence had left her very out of shape.
She paused and consulted the Marauder's map. It had updated itself to reflect Hogwarts new features, something she intended to tell Sirius and Remus about the next time she spoke with them privately. Their map was an impressive feat of magic. According to the map, there was a door at the end of this corridor that led out onto the battlements. She had already gone out into the battlements on the second floor and she had explored the new side room on the ground floor, which seemed to be a place intended for people to prepare to go out on the grounds to fight.
Still shaking, she slipped the map back into her pocket and started walking again, counting doorways as she went. Four doorways down and past a tapestry of goblins in polished armor, she found the alcove that let out onto the battlements. She let herself out and went to one of the places where the wall was slightly lower and sat down.
She knew from various books that she'd read that the idea was archers stood behind the taller parts of the wall and then stepped out to the lower parts to shoot arrows. Obviously there were no archers at Hogwarts, but she supposed the same theory could apply for spell casters. She looked down at the grounds and the lower part of the castle spread out beneath her. Could spells even reach people on the grounds from up here? She didn't think she'd ever seen a spell cast that far before.
Resting her hand on her wand, she considered trying it, but it would be hard to know if her spell had an effect from this far unless she cast something damaging and she didn't think the staff would appreciate her aiming a Reductor curse at the school grounds anyway.
The slight wind felt good against her face even as it made her shiver. Even in trousers and a jumper, she was still a bit chilled. Hopefully that would improve because otherwise she was going to be miserable all winter.
Returning to Hogwarts hadn't been as bad as she had expected. Severus had forbid her from flying alone, which was a massive pain, but he had told her that if she fell and couldn't summon help or move, she'd likely be laying on the Quidditch pitch for at least an hour before anyone thought to come looking for her. It was a good point. She hadn't fallen from her broom yet and she didn't want to, but she was nowhere near as stable flying as she wanted to be. He was kind enough to go outside with her for a half hour a day after lunch and let her fly under his supervision.
Otherwise she'd been reading her new textbooks, browsing in the library, walking through the castle, developing her photos, and sleeping. It wasn't bad, but things would be changing again in four days once everyone was back. Ready or not, it would happen.
She turned at the sound of the door opening.
The new Defense professor stepped out onto the battlements, her gaze sharp as she looked around. She looked to be in her forties, her brown hair tied back in a plait and her horn rimmed glasses accentuated her softer features. She wore trousers and a blue blouse with no robe.
Rachel had seen Professor Nash at lunch yesterday, but hadn't said anything to her yet. "Hello, Professor Nash," she said politely.
Professor Nash moved closer. "Hello, you're the Potion Master's daughter, correct?"
"Yes." She didn't think Severus would mind her claiming to be his daughter, he had described her that way at Umbridge's trial last year.
"Remind me of your name?"
"Rachel Snow," she said, a little bit pleased that the professor didn't react with any recognition to her name.
"That's right. It's going to take me a little while before I know everyone's names. As you probably know, I'm Maureen Nash. I'll be the Defense teacher this year."
"Severus said you are a teacher in America?" Rachel asked, since the professor seemed to want to chat.
"Yes, I'm the Magical Defense teacher at the Western Academy of Magic, or WAM as our students tend to call it. I'm on sabbatical this year while two student teachers are in my position. Do you know where Arizona is?" Professor Nash asked.
Rachel thought about it, but she really had no idea. "No. West, presumably."
Professor Nash smiled. "Yes, to the southwest in the United States, right on the border of Mexico. It's quite a different school than this."
"How so?" Rachel asked, curious how she would know what sort of school Hogwarts was already.
"The school grounds, for one. WAM is a private school on the outskirts of Phoenix, which is the capital city of Arizona. We have eight classroom buildings, four dormitory buildings, and a student hall, where students eat and have recreation and have the library. I'm told that Hogwarts doesn't offer any muggle subjects?" Professor Nash asked.
Rachel shook her head. "We have a muggle studies class, but my friend who is a muggleborn and her roommate is taking it and she says it's pretty outdated."
"There's no such subject as muggle studies at WAM as it's not needed. Everyone knows how to get along in the muggle world, though that wasn't always the case when I attended Ilvermorny. But at WAM we teach most of the traditional magic subjects, as well as a few sciences, practical math, and a culture class, as well as physical defense," Professor Nash explained. "We like to make sure our students are eligible for both magical and muggle university programs, as most of them will live their lives straddling the magical and muggle worlds."
That sounded interesting, but also exhausting. Rachel didn't think she could manage any more classes than what she was already taking. "Physical defense? Do you mean like fighting?"
"Primarily our program is seated in martial arts. Our instructor teaches a mixed style, rather than sticking to a single art. Sparring only takes place at certain times, mostly it's teaching katas."
Rachel had only the vaguest idea of what that meant, and only from seeing bits of shows on the television. "That sounds useful."
"I find that the students who take physical defense are usually better equipped in magical defense. Reflexes and stamina are often overlooked when compared to spell knowledge or magical power, but they are essential to an effective defense. What grade are you in?" Professor Nash asked.
"Grade?" she repeated blankly.
"I suppose I'm still getting used to the dialect here. Age group?"
"Oh, we call them years. I'm a sixth year," Rachel explained.
"Years, then. That makes you sixteen?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she looked at Rachel.
Rachel sat a little straighter. "Yes, I just turned sixteen."
"I understand that sixth and seventh years have the option not to take Defense. Are you signed up for my class?"
"Yes, I am. May I ask how you intend to teach?" she said, deciding she might as well find out now.
"I'm afraid I don't understand the question," Professor Nash said, frowning briefly.
Rachel considered how to rephrase her question. "Last year, our primary Defense teacher had us reading out of a textbook and she didn't let us cast spells. One year our teacher reenacted the books he'd written. One year we focused solely on dark creatures. One year we mostly focused on curses and spell casting. What sort of focus will your class have?"
"I see. The Headmaster did inform me that there had been some struggle with your last Defense teacher-"
"Not last," Rachel quickly interrupted. "Professor Podmore was great. He was only here for seven weeks, but he was a good professor."
Professor Nash paused and then nodded. "Yes, I heard about that as well. I'm sure his death was a shock to everyone and that he'll be missed."
Rachel looked away. Professor Nash had no idea.
"Anyway, I generally take a two-fold approach to my class. We spend one class period learning theory and technique and the next class period on practical applications, including casting spells. I assure you I will not waste your time by having you read a textbook in class, or worse, reading it to you."
"Thank you, I'm glad to hear that." She knew her friends would be glad to hear it as well.
"I assume the inconsistent quality of Defense instruction at Hogwarts is why my upper level classes are so small?" Professor Nash asked.
"Probably. Most people don't want to take a chance on a Defense professor unless they need the class for their career or if it's a special interest for them," Rachel explained.
"That's unfortunate, but understandable I suppose." Professor Nash looked around again. "I understand that these battlements are new?"
"They appeared some time in the past week or so. Severus said they weren't here on Saturday, but they were on Sunday afternoon when we arrived. The castle does that sometimes. It will condense spaces that aren't being used or change things around when it feels it needs to."
"When it feels it needs to," Professor Nash repeated, shaking her head. "Ilvermorny doesn't do that. Of course the castle there is only around three hundred years old. I understand that Hogwarts is around a thousand years old?"
"Yes, but it didn't really look like this when it was built. If you're interested, there's a book in the library called Hogwarts: A History that describes the founding of the school and what it looked like then. Madam Pince can help you find it, if you're not sure where to look."
"I think I will have to do that. My colleagues at home are all expecting to hear what Hogwarts is like. Well, I'm sure you have plenty of things to do, as do I. It was nice meeting you and having a little chat," Professor Nash said.
"Nice to meet you too. Thanks for talking with me," Rachel said, going back to looking out over the grounds. Professor Nash seemed okay so far. Hopefully her classes would be as good as she said they were.
"You all have your finalized class schedules, though as always, expect some changes with sixth years as they may wish for a different schedule after learning their OWL results," Albus said, looking around the room at the gathered staff.
Severus sat with his own stack of parchment. This was only the second staff meeting he'd attended this summer and he was fully ready to suggest that they simply had fewer staff meetings altogether. Sybill and Firenze were next to each other and seemed to have reached some sort of accord in terms of who was teaching what. Each would take a set of students for half of the school year and then trade them in February. Severus wondered what Divination taught by a centaur was actually like and if it had been any more useful than the Divination classes he'd taken as a student. The new Defense professor, Maureen, had been quiet and attentive so far. She seemed willing to take in the general flow of the proceedings without interrupting.
"The Ministry has indicated to me that they intend to continue their curriculum review, with an eye toward updating OWL and NEWT standards, however, that project is currently on pause indefinitely due to internal conflicts within the Ministry," Albus continued.
There were a few people who shook their heads, Minerva included, and Severus just refrained from rolling his eyes. Maybe Albus needed to have Scrimgeour restructure the department of education once he took the Minister's position. The whole Ministry itself could probably use an overhaul, though at the moment the war was the more important concern. Fight the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters now, reform their government later.
"As most of you are aware, this year it is Hogwarts' turn to host the Wizarding Schools Potions Championship. We will have guests from four different schools starting the last week in January for three weeks. Guest students will be allowed to attend the classes that interest them, expect six and seventh year students," Albus said, turning over a page of his notes.
"Is this wise, Albus? Can we not postpone or ask another school to host?" Minerva asked.
Severus had the same questions, but he also knew either was unlikely. The Wizarding Schools Potions Championship had been taking place once every seven years since 1407 with a disruption during the war with Grindelwald. Schools took turns hosting according to a prescribed schedule. To ask to postpone was impossible. To ask another school to host would absolutely tarnish Hogwarts' international reputation within the potions and academic community.
"Unfortunately that is not possible, however we will be taking reasonable precautions. All people participating will arrive at the Ministry by international portkey and brought directly here. Naturally we are guarding Hogsmeade well at this time, and we will have auror and MLE patrol assistance. We will make arrangements to make sure our more vulnerable students are guarded as well," Albus said.
"More vulnerable students? Do you mean the younger students?" Maureen asked. "You believe these visitors will be a threat?"
"By more vulnerable students, I mean that we have a handful of students who are targets of Voldemort and the Death Eaters," Albus began.
There were a few flinches around the room at the name 'Voldemort' but Maureen simply looked politely puzzled.
"We have already made arrangements to safeguard these students, but we wish to take an abundance of caution with them," Albus continued. "I do not expect our guests will be a threat to them or to anyone else."
Severus watched Maureen and wondered how much Albus had told her about the war before she'd agreed to come teach at Hogwarts. If she was not already aware of the situation, she needed to be made aware soon.
"I see," Maureen said.
"We will also have our former Potions professor in residency for the year. Professor Horace Slughorn will be joining us within a few weeks to prepare our Potions team for the competition," Albus said.
Severus scowled. He wasn't pleased about that in the slightest, though he understood the necessity. They needed someone that they could trust in the castle, and as a judge, Severus couldn't be responsible for advising the Hogwarts Potions team. His intention was to avoid Slughorn as much as humanly possible.
"Any questions before we dismiss for the day?" Ablus asked.
There was no response and after a moment people began to stand and chat with each other.
Severus got to his feet and moved to where Minerva was standing. "May we speak?"
"Of course, shall we walk back toward my office?" she asked.
Severus nodded and they left the staff room together.
"Rachel seems to have recovered. I've seen her busy in the library," Minerva said as they walked.
"Her physical recovery seems to have reached a plateau. I suspect she will have tremors for the rest of her life," Severus said. "Unfortunately she is struggling a little with flying."
"That is unfortunate, she is an excellent Seeker, despite her penchant for recklessness on the pitch. Is she planning to stay on the Quidditch team?"
"As far as I'm aware. She slowly seems to be improving, particularly compared to where she was a few weeks ago. We will have to address that when the time comes." He was not looking forward to suggesting that perhaps she should acquire a reserve Seeker for the team until she was ready to play in a game.
"How is the rest of her recovery?" she asked, turning to look at him as they walked.
"She is struggling. For right now, I'm giving her support, and she has told me she simply needs some time and space to adjust." He wasn't quite sure what to do with that, but if she felt she needed time, he would give it to her.
"Sometimes time is the best medicine," Minerva said. "I will keep a close eye on her."
"Thank you," he said. The more people watching over Rachel, the better. "Rachel would like to know if you would consider teaching her and her friends to become animaguses. She says that they are well practiced at the meditations and are ready to begin the next step."
"Under most circumstances I would say no, but circumstances are never normal when Rachel is involved. I can understand why you'd wish for her to have every advantage possible," she said. "However, I wish for her to have a solid background in animate conjurations before we begin, and I wish for all of them to be of age before we can begin. Given Rachel and Mr. Longbottom's birthdays are not until summer, I could begin training for them at the start of their seventh year."
Severus nodded. He knew Rachel wouldn't be pleased, but he thought Minerva's restrictions were reasonable. "I will let her know. I presume she should still practice the meditations while she waits?"
"Yes, that would be wise. Generally when someone has had a lot of experience with the meditations they find the transition smoother. You may wish to become an animagus yourself," Minerva said.
"I think it's past that time for me." He didn't have a particular desire to run around as an animal. He was also aware that sometimes a person's Patronus form was their animagus form and he felt that he would feel particularly vulnerable as a deer.
"It's never too late to learn. The offer is open if you want it."
"Thank you," he said, though he had no intention of taking her up on that offer.
"Will you be alright with Horace back in the castle? I know you didn't always have a comfortable relationship with him," Minerva asked as they reached the staircase.
Severus fought a scowl. "I will be fine. Horace is of no consequence to me."
"If you say so. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, you or Rachel," Minerva said as she began ascending the staircase.
He nodded to her and headed toward the dungeons. He still had work to get done today.