Disclaimer: Don't own Snow White...
Snow White, The Pretty Princess
There was once a Queen. She wanted a child with skin as
white as snow, hair as black as ebony, and lips as red as
blood. In short, she wanted a child who looked exactly like
her.
Through genetics, she had the child of her dreams, and then
died of happiness.
The King married the first pretty girl he found on the
street, because hey, his daughter needed a mother. The girl
wasn't too happy about this, because, hey, she had a life.
Pretty soon, the Pretty girl killed the King in one of her
temper tantrums (although nobody suspected her of course.
One of the guardsmen got the chop.). The Pretty girl became
the Evil Queen and put her stepdaughter into a life of
slavery, or what seemed like it. (Of course, the real
slaves thought that she had it great.)
With time, the little Princess grew up, which was bound to
happen at some point. She also grew prettier, with the help
of Maybelline. (Many of the jealous slaves wondered, "Maybe
she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.")
Now the Evil Queen grew older as well. She was becoming
wrinkled, and no amount of creams or concealer could change
that. She was used to being the prettiest, the best, and
now the Princess was prettier.
So, the Queen devised a diabolical plan late one night to
kill the Pretty Princess. She cackled over it until eight
p.m. when she abruptly fell asleep because it was her
bedtime.
The next day, she sent the Pretty Princess into the woods
with a huntsman to kill her. Now the huntsman was a man
(duh) and easily won over by beauty. The Pretty Princess
offered him her body in return for her life and he
accepted.
When the Evil Queen found out about this love affair, she
gave the huntsman the chop, and locked the Pretty Princess
away in an asylum with seven crazy midgets.
The pretty Princess wasn't happy about it, so she threw a
temper tantrum that shocked all the midgets into sanity.
Late one night, the crept out of the asylum, past the
guards and into the forest, where they became outlaw
miners. They were forever known as the Merry Midgets after
that.
The Pretty Princess was pretty pissed about being left out
of the group name, so she killed the seven midgets, ate
them for supper, made gooseberry pie and tried to live
happily ever after.
Her attempt failed, so she lived miserably until the Prince
Peter came knocking at her door.
"Wolf!" He cried as she opened the door.
"What did you just say?" She asked him incredulously.
"Just joking," he said, laughing. "Would you like to marry
me?"
"Sure, why not?" The Pretty Princess skipped off into the
forest with her Prince, who unbeknownst to her, had been
bribed to the Evil Queen.
"Want an apple?" He asked her casually. Before she could
answer, he shoved the apple in her mouth and she choked to
death.
There is no reincarnation in the real world, but in the
Pretty Princess's world, you bet there is!
Instantly, she lived again, spit the piece of apple into
the Prince's
Eye, and tried to eat him. He pulled his reserve weapon
from his belt, a comb of all things, and stabbed her head
with it.
Now this was a special, poisoned comb that was especially
designed for killing snow-white maidens.
Once more, the Pretty Princess was reincarnated, although
she was not quite as pretty as before, and tried to eat him
again. The Prince was quite unnerved by now by her
cannibalistic ways. He used the last weapon he possessed, a
pretty pink ribbon, and tied her mouth shut.
He took her directly to her stepmother (without
passing 'Go', collecting $200 or anything else.) where he
announced that he would not marry the Pretty Princess. He
ran away as the Pretty Princess was unleashed upon her
stepmother.
The Evil Queen was gone in three bites. The Pretty Princess
became the Cannibalistic Queen; she ate all her subjects,
and then started on herself.
She died, and the ruler-ship of the Kingdom was given to
the relatives of the seven Midgets.
They lived happily ever after until they died.
The End.
A/N: thanks to all the people who reviewed! Wow...I feel special. Sorry this took so long..i lost the notebook where I wrote this one down. If you haven't looked at Little red Riding Hood's family and friends, you should. It's a lot like this one.
I hope you liked this one! :o)
What are some other fairy tales...and how could I mess them? Heheh
~Even*Song~
Snow White, The Pretty Princess
There was once a Queen. She wanted a child with skin as
white as snow, hair as black as ebony, and lips as red as
blood. In short, she wanted a child who looked exactly like
her.
Through genetics, she had the child of her dreams, and then
died of happiness.
The King married the first pretty girl he found on the
street, because hey, his daughter needed a mother. The girl
wasn't too happy about this, because, hey, she had a life.
Pretty soon, the Pretty girl killed the King in one of her
temper tantrums (although nobody suspected her of course.
One of the guardsmen got the chop.). The Pretty girl became
the Evil Queen and put her stepdaughter into a life of
slavery, or what seemed like it. (Of course, the real
slaves thought that she had it great.)
With time, the little Princess grew up, which was bound to
happen at some point. She also grew prettier, with the help
of Maybelline. (Many of the jealous slaves wondered, "Maybe
she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.")
Now the Evil Queen grew older as well. She was becoming
wrinkled, and no amount of creams or concealer could change
that. She was used to being the prettiest, the best, and
now the Princess was prettier.
So, the Queen devised a diabolical plan late one night to
kill the Pretty Princess. She cackled over it until eight
p.m. when she abruptly fell asleep because it was her
bedtime.
The next day, she sent the Pretty Princess into the woods
with a huntsman to kill her. Now the huntsman was a man
(duh) and easily won over by beauty. The Pretty Princess
offered him her body in return for her life and he
accepted.
When the Evil Queen found out about this love affair, she
gave the huntsman the chop, and locked the Pretty Princess
away in an asylum with seven crazy midgets.
The pretty Princess wasn't happy about it, so she threw a
temper tantrum that shocked all the midgets into sanity.
Late one night, the crept out of the asylum, past the
guards and into the forest, where they became outlaw
miners. They were forever known as the Merry Midgets after
that.
The Pretty Princess was pretty pissed about being left out
of the group name, so she killed the seven midgets, ate
them for supper, made gooseberry pie and tried to live
happily ever after.
Her attempt failed, so she lived miserably until the Prince
Peter came knocking at her door.
"Wolf!" He cried as she opened the door.
"What did you just say?" She asked him incredulously.
"Just joking," he said, laughing. "Would you like to marry
me?"
"Sure, why not?" The Pretty Princess skipped off into the
forest with her Prince, who unbeknownst to her, had been
bribed to the Evil Queen.
"Want an apple?" He asked her casually. Before she could
answer, he shoved the apple in her mouth and she choked to
death.
There is no reincarnation in the real world, but in the
Pretty Princess's world, you bet there is!
Instantly, she lived again, spit the piece of apple into
the Prince's
Eye, and tried to eat him. He pulled his reserve weapon
from his belt, a comb of all things, and stabbed her head
with it.
Now this was a special, poisoned comb that was especially
designed for killing snow-white maidens.
Once more, the Pretty Princess was reincarnated, although
she was not quite as pretty as before, and tried to eat him
again. The Prince was quite unnerved by now by her
cannibalistic ways. He used the last weapon he possessed, a
pretty pink ribbon, and tied her mouth shut.
He took her directly to her stepmother (without
passing 'Go', collecting $200 or anything else.) where he
announced that he would not marry the Pretty Princess. He
ran away as the Pretty Princess was unleashed upon her
stepmother.
The Evil Queen was gone in three bites. The Pretty Princess
became the Cannibalistic Queen; she ate all her subjects,
and then started on herself.
She died, and the ruler-ship of the Kingdom was given to
the relatives of the seven Midgets.
They lived happily ever after until they died.
The End.
A/N: thanks to all the people who reviewed! Wow...I feel special. Sorry this took so long..i lost the notebook where I wrote this one down. If you haven't looked at Little red Riding Hood's family and friends, you should. It's a lot like this one.
I hope you liked this one! :o)
What are some other fairy tales...and how could I mess them? Heheh
~Even*Song~