A/N 1:
So Carina has been rebuffed, but isn't dissuaded. She is both reconnecting with her emotional self and contemplating if a settled life with Chuck is something she could truly want.
Chuck, amidst all of his changes, is thinking about if he can fully give his heart to anyone, as well as, could Carina be that someone.
A/N 2:
As always, not making money off of this, because I don't own Chuck ..
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Chuck was tinkering with his electric guitar, when Carina pops her head in the room. "You ready for lunch?"
He looks up and smiles a greeting. "I guess? What's up?"
"Oh, just that I happened to be over by Mama Renata's and brought you one of those Calzones you love." She explains, with a grin as big as her face. She hopes he is pleased since it was almost an hour each way, and the only reason for her trip was to bring him lunch.
"Oh, yesss! Her crusts are oh so perfect." He gleefully exclaims. Following her to the kitchen, he continues, "Thanks 'Rina, for thinking of this. It's a perfect lunch for today."
"Yeah, I thought so too," she happily agrees. She starts unpacking the take-out bags, while Chuck gathers the table settings. As he lays everything out on the table, Carina asks, "How about a bottle of red wine, since it's the weekend."
"Works for me. I've got no big plans for today, just restringing the Les Paul, and noodling around, pretending I know what I am doing" he answers, bouncing his eyebrows.
Carina grabs a bottle and corkscrew, and joins him at the table. She opens and pours as he plates the food, and she thinks of how comfortable this is. How calm and easy it feels. She had planned this lunch, to put their relationship back on a more positive footing, after last night. She hoped that he wasn't going to pull away, and wanted him to see the good in her. Instead she was having an epiphany. She was having sudden appreciation for calmness. After years of chasing the adrenaline rush, and always having some butterflies in her stomach, she was suddenly struck by its absence. No butterflies, no adrenaline, no stress. Instead a peaceful, calmness suffused her body. And, she liked it.
After a bit of silent dining, both enjoying the food, the company, and the moment, Carina speaks up. "I'm glad we're still good. We're still good, right? I didn't freak you out or anything, right?"
Chuck wipes his mouth, as he finishes chewing, and gives her an easy smile. "Carina, we will always be good. Why would it bother me that you are interested in me, in being with me."
His face turns serious, as he furrows his brow in concern, "I was more concerned that you would be too hurt, by me pointing out that we aren't right for each other. I never want to hurt your feelings, but I am afraid that is the reality."
Carina reaches across the table and grabs his hand. She looks into his eyes, and mustering all of the sincerity she can, she counters, "I think you are wrong."
Her eyes soften, seeking understanding in his, as she intently continues, "I know you have been caught up in your own chaos, with your mother's return. And the news about Sarah has thrown us all for a loop."
She paused, to recenter herself. "So I don't think you have noticed the changes in me."
She opened her eyes wide, seeking his and a union of spirit, so he would understand the depth of her comments, "It got me thinking about my own family, losing my brother and parents to the tornado. And I realized that I never dealt with that intense loss, running instead of facing it head on. But now I have. And I am thinking about who I am, and what I really want."
She looks away, for a moment, then looks back at him and subdued, continues, "I started thinking again of real, true relationships, of emotional intimacy, of family. And, that is who I need you to see. You may be shuffling off the Persona of Charles Carmichael, but I am also moving past the Persona of Devil May Care, Carina Miller."
She drops her eyes, the intensity of her declaration spent. Then she looks back up into his eyes, which are staring back with a look of compassion and caring. She prickles, goosebumps forming over her body, as she recognizes the power of his love. "So, that is why I think we could be right for each other. That this could work. And I want to prove it to you."
He sits back, the intensity and importance of all she is sharing, needing to be absorbed, emotionally digested, beyond just an intellectual understanding. "Wow, that is a lot for me to think about. I don't know what to say, other than I will open my mind to the possibility, and pay more attention to the changes in you."
He reaches for her hand, warmly covering it with his, and reassures her, "And like I said, no matter what, we will always be good." He squeezes her hand, one more time and they return to their meals, and a full plate of thoughts and feelings to work through.
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Later that evening, Carina finds Chuck in front of the big screen, ominous music playing as credits roll.
She pauses for a moment, and gathers herself. OK, time for Operation Chuck. And then she steps into the room.
"Are you interested in some company?" she inquires, wiggling the bottle of wine and glasses in her hands as enticement.
Chuck laughs, "Especially company that comes prepared for Chillaxing." He sits up and pats the couch next to him.
She joins him on the couch, and hands him a wine glass, mentioning, "I thought the bottle from this afternoon needed a follow up for the evening." She grins and leans into him, bumping his shoulder, then hands him the bottle and cork screw. "Would you do the honors?"
"Of course M'Lady" was his cute reply, as he happily took on the task.
"So, what are you watching?" she queried, as he poured her glass.
"Oh, an old episode of the X-Files." He took on a serious expression and knitted his eyebrows together, and intoned, "It's not paranoia, if they really are out to get you." He held a beat, then waggled his eyebrows and burst out laughing.
Carina laughs along, clueless but caught up in the moment. "So what is it about, if they are x-rated files?" She cheekily presumes.
Chuck teasingly slaps her arm, "Calm down there Carina. It's X for extraterrestrials. Think of it as the FBI chases UFO's."
"Ok, that's sort of weird." She snorts and then comments, "but we've had our share of weird, right."
Chuck, stares into the distance for a moment, reflecting, and with a wry smile, responds, " Yeah, it's been plenty weird for me sometimes."
Carina wiggles in her seat, shaking off the funk. "So, can I watch that with you?"
He turns and stares at her in mild surprise. "You want to nerd out?"
She shakes her head, giggling, "I'll go with chill out. But yeah, let's just kick back and escape from the spy life for a while."
Chuck softly smiles, looking tenderly down at her. "Yeah, We can do that".
He slaps his hands together, bringing up his energy, and stands, moving to his DVD collection. "But I think this might be too weird for you to start with. So, two big categories are Swords and Sorcery, or Sci Fi. Which do you think you would like to see?"
Carina thinks for a moment, then replies, "Let's do Sci Fi, that usually has cool gadgets."
Chuck grins broadly and turns back to his collection, "All right. Let's show you something 'Shiny'."
Several hours later, after a couple of episodes of Firefly, and a couple of Battlestar Galactica, they snuggle comfortably on the couch.
"So what did you think 'Rina?" he asks, curiously.
She looks up to the ceiling, and ponders. "Well I don't know if I fully understand the Space Cowboys, but I liked the Badass Women blowing up robots show."
He chuckles at her descriptions. "Duly noted."
He tilts his head down to look at her.
She looks up at him.
Their breath catches.
He embraces the intensity of her stare.
She loses herself in his brown eyes.
She licks her lips.
He licks his own.
Then he shakes himself, and pulls away.
He took a deep breath, as she sat up straighter, confused and wanting.
Chuck looks at her, full on, his gaze focused and unwavering. "This was nice. This. Full stop. Let's enjoy it for what it is."
He stands, trying to discreetly adjust his pants in the process. "I had fun tonight, sharing that with you. Truly a great time. Let's do more of this." He bends to kiss her cheek. "Goodnight Carina."
Carina sits back slightly stunned and confused. Then, she picks up the last of her wine and sips at it, as she puzzles over what just happened.
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A/N 3:
Really do like reviews to help me know if I am connecting. I know this is a lot of introspection and not action, but I hope some of you like that.
As always, do check out what is going on over at the Chuck Fanfiction group on Facebook.