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Widening Gyre
A Gundam Wing FanFic by shärl-tn
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Part 6
Duo could only stare at the apparition before him, Heero was crouched on the branch before him, lit only by the reflection of the moon off the water, shifting and rippling with the small waves. He bit his lip trying to keep any more tears from falling. Not now, he chided himself, no tears, Heero will see… no tears…
He coughed in an attempt to bring his mind away from the guilt, from the sight of the soldier's face, "Heero?" he started, barely able to pronounce the name through his tears, watching as Heero turned quickly to stare directly at him, his eyes obviously not yet adjusted to the dark. There was still a chance that he hadn't seen. He sniffed, inwardly berating himself for the telltale plaintive sound. Great, now he knows for sure you've been crying. "What are you doing here, Heero?" He finally managed before retreating into silence again, shoulders shaking as he fought down his tears.
"Duo…" Heero replied, surprising Duo with the relief sounding clear in his tone, "I was… worried. I came looking for my friend."
There was a long moment between them then, Duo slowly wiping at his cheeks and Heero just balancing and waiting for some response. Duo buried his face in his knees, not wanting to be seen, growing quietly more and more annoyed at Heero. He was infuriating, so patient and calm as if he was never affected by this war, Hell, he probably didn't even really care, he was probably just bored and came to find Duo for a diversion. He had said he was worried… But did he even really know what that meant?
Duo speech was muffled as he spoke into his jeans, "Well you found me. You can leave anytime now." He bit off waspishly, hoping his tone would encourage Heero to just leave him alone.
He could feel Heero's gaze heavy on his shoulders, obviously trying to come to a decision, analysing the situation or something like that, probably deciding whether Duo was worth the trouble. Duo could almost feel him weighing his options and he peaked up through his bangs to see Heero when he opened his mouth to speak.
"Okay, I'll go," Heero started slowly, his gaze distant as he looked away from Duo and towards the water, "but only if you're honestly alright."
Shit! Duo almost growled in frustration, he hadn't thought that Heero had caught on to that particular aspect of his personality. Duo Maxwell did not lie. Duo Maxwell hid, as he was trying to do now, Duo Maxwell exaggerated the truth from time to time, Duo Maxwell kept a lot inside, but he never, ever lied. Ever. And here was his friend, asking him to outright confirm that he was okay before he would leave. And Duo Maxwell was unable to respond with a cheerful, I'll be fine, because he knew that that would be an outright lie. And Heero knew it.
"Damn him!" He muttered to himself angrily, temporarily forgetting why he was upset, eyes squinting tight with frustration.
"What was that?" Heero offered, moving a few inches closer, eyebrow raised in question.
Duo lifted his head, "I was calling you a bastard."
"Hn." Heero shrugged, "wouldn't be the first time."
"Was that supposed to be funny?"
"No, it's true, it wouldn't be the first time. They tend to shout that when I cut the propulsion system off their mobile suits."
Duo didn't respond, breaking Heero's gaze and looking down, anger fading quickly as he began to think about the OZ soldier again.
"Well, Duo, are you okay?"
Duo buried his head back into the knees of his jeans, "No, do I look okay?"
Heero squinted into the darkness, taking in his friend's dark form, curled into the smallest possible crouch on the side of the tree, face hidden, braid falling below him, "Duo what's going on?" To say that Heero was concerned at this point would be a slight understatement. Heero was officially worried again, any relief he'd gained from locating Duo quickly disappearing with every minute he spent with this strange version of his roommate. This version would barely answer him, flitting between anger, frustration and heart-wrenching sadness, this version was nothing like the character he knew who had so often filled any silence with words, serious or otherwise, and Heero was finding it increasingly harder to adapt.
"…I've never seen you like this." Heero whispered, trying to bring the old Duo back with words, as Duo had so many times in the past tried to elicit responses from him.
Still no answer.
"Hell, I've never seen anyone like this…" he muttered, half to himself this time, "What happened?"
He slowly reached a hand forward, placing it on Duo's shoulder and was silenced as he felt the sobs that he had not heard racking through his friend's small frame. What had happened didn't really matter anymore; he had to get Duo back first. He placed his free hand on the other side of Duo's shoulders, recoiling inwardly as each shudder transferred its way through his arms. He didn't know what to do; nothing he knew prepared him for finding his closest friend racked by such unexplained emotions.
He shook his head, inwardly preparing himself. He had to do something.
Slowly, carefully, he inched closer to Duo on the branch, carefully pulling his friend in towards him, cradling his small form so that his head rested on his chest. No longer able to hide his state from his friend, Duo's silent shudders quickly progressed to outright sobs as he let the grief wash over him in full.
However, unlike the night previous, where he had been left alone in his pain, this night he cried, encircled in the strong comforting arms of his only true friend. As Heero's hands slowly ran circles across his back, his head resting softly over Duo's own, Duo slowly calmed, comforted in the realization that he was not alone.
He quieted, and lifted a hand to brush at his cheeks, not moving from his position beside Heero, not quite ready to leave the safety of his embrace. With a quavering voice he began to speak quietly, "Last night I killed a man…"
Heero remained silent; listening carefully to Duo's whisper, knowing there would be more.
"I know what you probably think, I kill people," he took a long breath, "… all the time in deathscythe. Well, my mission was a manned stealth run, just steal a few new devices, and sneak out. No one was supposed to get hurt…" He shuddered slightly, fighting back another wave.
"Duo…" Heero offered, concern clear in his voice, "you don't have to…"
"Yeah, I do." He sniffed, preparing, "just listen, kay?"
Heero nodded into Duo's hair, shifting so he could hear.
"I was on my way out, when I was spotted. Before he had gotten three words out I'd already thrown my knife at his throat, he was dead before he hit the ground," Duo's voice was cold, as if delivering a report, "I walked over to check and retrieve my weapon. He had brown hair, dark eyes… He was so young," Duo paused, then continued in a voice once again full of emotion, "…not much older than us, probably fresh out of school. Heero, I saw his face! I'll probably never forget that face – that surprised look, his mouth filling with blood…" Duo choked on his words, no longer able to speak as he remembered.
"Duo." Heero grasped his friends' shoulders firmly and turned him to face him, "Duo, are you listening to me?"
Duo nodded, biting his lip, still trembling slightly.
"I understand, okay?" Heero whispered slowly, watching as a silent tear tracked its way down his friend's cheek, fiercely wanting to explain himself to him, trying to bring Duo's emotion under control. "I… I had a mission once, a long time ago, with faces that I'll never forget."
Duo remained silent, waiting, slight disbelief showing in his eyes. Heero Yuy, the perfect emotionless soldier, baring his soul was a sight to see. Heero struggled to keep his gaze, showing an anxiety Duo had never seen before.
"It was a little girl. Blond hair, wide blue-green eyes… So very very young." He breathed in, letting out a long quavering breath, "I killed her, her family, and so many other innocent people that day."
Duo gasped quietly, sitting on his own as Heero pulled his hands back from his arms to ball them into fists in his lap.
"It was a mistake. I'd over-estimated the explosives needed and I…" Heero's hands shook slightly on his legs, his gaze still remaining locked on Duo's, eyes betraying the depth of emotion he felt at the remembrance with their intensity. "I destroyed an entire housing block along with a mobile suit manufacturing plant."
Duo reached forward hesitantly to cup a hand over one of Heero's quaking fists. "Oh, Heero…"
After a long moment, Heero once again quelled his emotions, closing his eyes, and ran a shaking hand through his messy bangs turning to face Duo once more. "Do you understand?"
Duo's forehead creased in slight confusion at the question, "Heero, I don't know if I…"
"You'll never forget." Heero stated calmly.
Duo pursed his lips together, frowning slightly.
"But you have to move on."
Duo raised an eyebrow slightly, "this coming from the guy I witnessed try to commit suicide three times before I even knew his name?"
Heero sighed, frustrated, "I'm trying to make a point here."
Duo quieted, listening.
"I guess… I guess I'm trying to say that you're not alone."
Duo looked off towards the water, considering, "I understand." He nodded slowly to himself, tasting the words on his tongue, "I'm not alone." Slowly, he began to smile. Not a full-blown grin, but a soft, sad smile as he turned back to Heero.
Heero allowed himself a shy, barely perceptible half-smile. "Roger that."
Duo smiled wider at the show of a smile on Heero's usually emotionless lips and leaned over the side of the branch, landing on the ground without a sound.
Heero followed, landing beside his friend who motioned towards the residence, beginning to walk back to their room.
"Heero, I… Thanks." Duo said quietly as they walked. "And sorry about the suicide remark, kay?"
Heero nodded, but reached a hand forward to stop Duo for a moment, "Not a problem, and Duo?"
Duo tipped his head slightly to show that he was listening.
"I haven't attempted suicide since I started sharing a room with you, by the way."
Duo opened his mouth to argue, but stopped after a moment, realizing that it was true.
Heero smiled again at the reaction and started to walk. "I'm not alone." He stated quietly.
Duo smiled at the remark, laughter once again in his eyes, "Damn straight you aren't." He answered, jogging a few steps to keep up, then throwing an arm around Heero's shoulders as they walked back to the room.
END
AN: I think that feels like an ending, don't it? Thanks for your reviews, if inspiration hits I'll write another fic sometime.
If you need more this instant check out my other fic on my author page, or my livejournal (also linked off my author page)
Please Review, they always make my day, knowing that someone's reading these.
Yours,
shärl-tn
Widening Gyre
A Gundam Wing FanFic by shärl-tn
-----
Part 6
Duo could only stare at the apparition before him, Heero was crouched on the branch before him, lit only by the reflection of the moon off the water, shifting and rippling with the small waves. He bit his lip trying to keep any more tears from falling. Not now, he chided himself, no tears, Heero will see… no tears…
He coughed in an attempt to bring his mind away from the guilt, from the sight of the soldier's face, "Heero?" he started, barely able to pronounce the name through his tears, watching as Heero turned quickly to stare directly at him, his eyes obviously not yet adjusted to the dark. There was still a chance that he hadn't seen. He sniffed, inwardly berating himself for the telltale plaintive sound. Great, now he knows for sure you've been crying. "What are you doing here, Heero?" He finally managed before retreating into silence again, shoulders shaking as he fought down his tears.
"Duo…" Heero replied, surprising Duo with the relief sounding clear in his tone, "I was… worried. I came looking for my friend."
There was a long moment between them then, Duo slowly wiping at his cheeks and Heero just balancing and waiting for some response. Duo buried his face in his knees, not wanting to be seen, growing quietly more and more annoyed at Heero. He was infuriating, so patient and calm as if he was never affected by this war, Hell, he probably didn't even really care, he was probably just bored and came to find Duo for a diversion. He had said he was worried… But did he even really know what that meant?
Duo speech was muffled as he spoke into his jeans, "Well you found me. You can leave anytime now." He bit off waspishly, hoping his tone would encourage Heero to just leave him alone.
He could feel Heero's gaze heavy on his shoulders, obviously trying to come to a decision, analysing the situation or something like that, probably deciding whether Duo was worth the trouble. Duo could almost feel him weighing his options and he peaked up through his bangs to see Heero when he opened his mouth to speak.
"Okay, I'll go," Heero started slowly, his gaze distant as he looked away from Duo and towards the water, "but only if you're honestly alright."
Shit! Duo almost growled in frustration, he hadn't thought that Heero had caught on to that particular aspect of his personality. Duo Maxwell did not lie. Duo Maxwell hid, as he was trying to do now, Duo Maxwell exaggerated the truth from time to time, Duo Maxwell kept a lot inside, but he never, ever lied. Ever. And here was his friend, asking him to outright confirm that he was okay before he would leave. And Duo Maxwell was unable to respond with a cheerful, I'll be fine, because he knew that that would be an outright lie. And Heero knew it.
"Damn him!" He muttered to himself angrily, temporarily forgetting why he was upset, eyes squinting tight with frustration.
"What was that?" Heero offered, moving a few inches closer, eyebrow raised in question.
Duo lifted his head, "I was calling you a bastard."
"Hn." Heero shrugged, "wouldn't be the first time."
"Was that supposed to be funny?"
"No, it's true, it wouldn't be the first time. They tend to shout that when I cut the propulsion system off their mobile suits."
Duo didn't respond, breaking Heero's gaze and looking down, anger fading quickly as he began to think about the OZ soldier again.
"Well, Duo, are you okay?"
Duo buried his head back into the knees of his jeans, "No, do I look okay?"
Heero squinted into the darkness, taking in his friend's dark form, curled into the smallest possible crouch on the side of the tree, face hidden, braid falling below him, "Duo what's going on?" To say that Heero was concerned at this point would be a slight understatement. Heero was officially worried again, any relief he'd gained from locating Duo quickly disappearing with every minute he spent with this strange version of his roommate. This version would barely answer him, flitting between anger, frustration and heart-wrenching sadness, this version was nothing like the character he knew who had so often filled any silence with words, serious or otherwise, and Heero was finding it increasingly harder to adapt.
"…I've never seen you like this." Heero whispered, trying to bring the old Duo back with words, as Duo had so many times in the past tried to elicit responses from him.
Still no answer.
"Hell, I've never seen anyone like this…" he muttered, half to himself this time, "What happened?"
He slowly reached a hand forward, placing it on Duo's shoulder and was silenced as he felt the sobs that he had not heard racking through his friend's small frame. What had happened didn't really matter anymore; he had to get Duo back first. He placed his free hand on the other side of Duo's shoulders, recoiling inwardly as each shudder transferred its way through his arms. He didn't know what to do; nothing he knew prepared him for finding his closest friend racked by such unexplained emotions.
He shook his head, inwardly preparing himself. He had to do something.
Slowly, carefully, he inched closer to Duo on the branch, carefully pulling his friend in towards him, cradling his small form so that his head rested on his chest. No longer able to hide his state from his friend, Duo's silent shudders quickly progressed to outright sobs as he let the grief wash over him in full.
However, unlike the night previous, where he had been left alone in his pain, this night he cried, encircled in the strong comforting arms of his only true friend. As Heero's hands slowly ran circles across his back, his head resting softly over Duo's own, Duo slowly calmed, comforted in the realization that he was not alone.
He quieted, and lifted a hand to brush at his cheeks, not moving from his position beside Heero, not quite ready to leave the safety of his embrace. With a quavering voice he began to speak quietly, "Last night I killed a man…"
Heero remained silent; listening carefully to Duo's whisper, knowing there would be more.
"I know what you probably think, I kill people," he took a long breath, "… all the time in deathscythe. Well, my mission was a manned stealth run, just steal a few new devices, and sneak out. No one was supposed to get hurt…" He shuddered slightly, fighting back another wave.
"Duo…" Heero offered, concern clear in his voice, "you don't have to…"
"Yeah, I do." He sniffed, preparing, "just listen, kay?"
Heero nodded into Duo's hair, shifting so he could hear.
"I was on my way out, when I was spotted. Before he had gotten three words out I'd already thrown my knife at his throat, he was dead before he hit the ground," Duo's voice was cold, as if delivering a report, "I walked over to check and retrieve my weapon. He had brown hair, dark eyes… He was so young," Duo paused, then continued in a voice once again full of emotion, "…not much older than us, probably fresh out of school. Heero, I saw his face! I'll probably never forget that face – that surprised look, his mouth filling with blood…" Duo choked on his words, no longer able to speak as he remembered.
"Duo." Heero grasped his friends' shoulders firmly and turned him to face him, "Duo, are you listening to me?"
Duo nodded, biting his lip, still trembling slightly.
"I understand, okay?" Heero whispered slowly, watching as a silent tear tracked its way down his friend's cheek, fiercely wanting to explain himself to him, trying to bring Duo's emotion under control. "I… I had a mission once, a long time ago, with faces that I'll never forget."
Duo remained silent, waiting, slight disbelief showing in his eyes. Heero Yuy, the perfect emotionless soldier, baring his soul was a sight to see. Heero struggled to keep his gaze, showing an anxiety Duo had never seen before.
"It was a little girl. Blond hair, wide blue-green eyes… So very very young." He breathed in, letting out a long quavering breath, "I killed her, her family, and so many other innocent people that day."
Duo gasped quietly, sitting on his own as Heero pulled his hands back from his arms to ball them into fists in his lap.
"It was a mistake. I'd over-estimated the explosives needed and I…" Heero's hands shook slightly on his legs, his gaze still remaining locked on Duo's, eyes betraying the depth of emotion he felt at the remembrance with their intensity. "I destroyed an entire housing block along with a mobile suit manufacturing plant."
Duo reached forward hesitantly to cup a hand over one of Heero's quaking fists. "Oh, Heero…"
After a long moment, Heero once again quelled his emotions, closing his eyes, and ran a shaking hand through his messy bangs turning to face Duo once more. "Do you understand?"
Duo's forehead creased in slight confusion at the question, "Heero, I don't know if I…"
"You'll never forget." Heero stated calmly.
Duo pursed his lips together, frowning slightly.
"But you have to move on."
Duo raised an eyebrow slightly, "this coming from the guy I witnessed try to commit suicide three times before I even knew his name?"
Heero sighed, frustrated, "I'm trying to make a point here."
Duo quieted, listening.
"I guess… I guess I'm trying to say that you're not alone."
Duo looked off towards the water, considering, "I understand." He nodded slowly to himself, tasting the words on his tongue, "I'm not alone." Slowly, he began to smile. Not a full-blown grin, but a soft, sad smile as he turned back to Heero.
Heero allowed himself a shy, barely perceptible half-smile. "Roger that."
Duo smiled wider at the show of a smile on Heero's usually emotionless lips and leaned over the side of the branch, landing on the ground without a sound.
Heero followed, landing beside his friend who motioned towards the residence, beginning to walk back to their room.
"Heero, I… Thanks." Duo said quietly as they walked. "And sorry about the suicide remark, kay?"
Heero nodded, but reached a hand forward to stop Duo for a moment, "Not a problem, and Duo?"
Duo tipped his head slightly to show that he was listening.
"I haven't attempted suicide since I started sharing a room with you, by the way."
Duo opened his mouth to argue, but stopped after a moment, realizing that it was true.
Heero smiled again at the reaction and started to walk. "I'm not alone." He stated quietly.
Duo smiled at the remark, laughter once again in his eyes, "Damn straight you aren't." He answered, jogging a few steps to keep up, then throwing an arm around Heero's shoulders as they walked back to the room.
END
AN: I think that feels like an ending, don't it? Thanks for your reviews, if inspiration hits I'll write another fic sometime.
If you need more this instant check out my other fic on my author page, or my livejournal (also linked off my author page)
Please Review, they always make my day, knowing that someone's reading these.
Yours,
shärl-tn